partner gave our 10 month old gone off food

[Cherrybalm]

hi,

hoping someone can reassure me and dampen my irritation too. our 10 month old often has one of those ella kitchen smoothies as a pudding after her dinner. DH does very little of the childcare anyway, today I asked him if he could finish our babies dinner whilst I jumped in the shower quick before he goes to the gym. he is always on his phone - today was no different. I showed him the pouch for our baby, specifically said the orange one. he had his head in his phone as per and glanced up and nodded.

I get out the shower and he has given her an old PURPLE one that has been in there weeks and weeks that is open. first of all, I am worried now as these things have a message that say they can be kept in the fridge up to 48 hours only. is she likely to get sick? secondly, this just highlights his lack of parenting and how much time he spends on his phone

it was in date but I couldnt even tell you how long it has been at the back of the fridge, long forgotten. so furious

@Missh07

Yeah sorry I'd have to say YABU. He may well be a shit parent but presumably you're the one that left the PURPLE one in there for weeks on end?

Because cleaning out the fridge is soley the responsibility of women? Because a man cannot be expected to listen to simple instructions and feed his child appropriate food?

Gosh the internalised misogyny is strong here.

@momoftwo76

I feel for your partner, what a nag, he made a mistake but why was it in the fridge if out of date.

Presumably because he didn't clean out the fridge. Or is having a vagina a requirement for that job as well as effective parenting in your world?

@rottiemum88

I didnt see the purple one. i have no idea how he has even managed to find it

the purple one was right at the back

So which is it, was it right at the back and you chose to leave it there rather than throwing it out, or did you not see it, in which case you wouldn’t know where he got it from?

Why is it the OP's responsibility to clean out the fridge? Why are you on a parenting forum berating an anxious mother who is worried about her child and saddled with a feckless partner? Just so you can show how superior you are? It hasn't worked

There are some cuntish responses on this thread 

Try not to worry @Cherrybalm a fruit pouch is unlikely to cause food poisoning or any other issues even if left a while

It sounds like the main issues get are around your relationship and him being an equal partner. Can you have a frank discussion with him? Write him a letter/email?

@Veterinari thank you for your posts! the initial comments made me feel a lot worse. yes, I think it's his lack of parenting that is the real issue. I feel like I've taken on so much of it myself. I'm not sure he sees it like that because he works but I'm going back to work soon too and that's another thing that's playing on my mind, that I'll be working then doing all the parenting too! I have told him we need a frank conversation as the balance in our relationship has become really unhealthy

But if the arrival of your child hasn’t changed his behaviour then I’m not sure a conversation will.
And a man who can call you a cunt? Not exactly sounding like someone who’s capable of rational and joint decision making processes.

@momoftwo76

I feel for your partner, what a nag, he made a mistake but why was it in the fridge if out of date.

What a horrible comment. How exactly is the OP a nag for expecting her husband to feed his own child before he goes off for some me-time in the gym?

No sure why everyone is finding it incredulous that half a pouch of baby food could get lost down the back of the fridge.

Also, why is this all OP's responsibility? Surely her DH can clean a fridge or double check food before feeding his child

I’m torn about the incident. To be honest if I was feeding a baby (and yes, have had several), and someone said use the orange packet, but I saw another packet that had already been opened I would tend to use my initiative and think best to finish off that one first and probably would have used it. To be honest I would never have thought to double check dates on half used baby stuff in the fridge as I would have assumed very recent as we didn’t leave things there that should not have been (not having a go at all, just explaining why I would have used an open item to finish it off without a second thought and thinking maybe your DH is similar)?

The rest all sounds like rubbish though, wouldn’t put up with that.

I agree with you OP, the problem is that he isn’t engaged in caring for your Dd and he doesn’t pay attention, to you or your Dd. He needs to cop on and take proper responsibility .

Meanwhile ‘in date’ status of any good is irrelevant once it has been opened. He might have checked the date and assumed it was OK.

I’m no doctor or expert but I’m pretty sure your kid will be ok. If it was bad - as in growing skanky bacteria - it is likely your baby would have rejected it or, if it ate it fine, you might get a dodgy nappy or two.

I see it all the time with foods where they say once opened eat within a day or two and I leave them for a week or more and I’m here typing this.

As for the phone and other half issues, that’s a different dilemma altogether.

Op. If you knew there was an open baby food pouch in the fridge and he didn't, then there were several avenues open to you;
1: remove the pouch that you clearly knew was in there
2: tell him not to use the pouch
3: have a serious conversation with him because you don't feel he's pulling his weight
4: make sure you don't do any of the above because you are (understandably) pissed off with him, and then berate him for not paying attention, then post on MN to validate your understandable irritation.

You knew the pouch shouldn't have been used. That's on you. I also understand exhaustion. I am a single parent of three and there were times I wondered if I might die of exhaustion. However, just as you know to write down doses of medicine given every 4 hours, when in a state of abject exhaustion, you also know how to make sure you don't give DC food that is off.

He also sounds pretty useless as a partner/father to your dc.

You and your partner are clearly not on the same page.

Was married for years to a man who claimed not to know/didn't realise/forgot etc etc.

You may not have set this up but this is not new territory.

If he's not pulling his weight then changes need to happen. It looks like you're going to have to be the first to blink.

I'm sorry you got a dud. But his ineptitude is not your responsibility.

Tell him straight to shape up or ship out.

He sounds completely disinterested in both you and the baby. It must be just awful being at home all day and night on your own. He doesn't want to be there, that's for sure. What an absolute nightmare.

I'm sure you've tried to talk to him and I can see from the message you sent that you desperately want to make things better. Unfortunately he's the only one that can do that - it's completely unacceptable to be going to the gym more than once or twice a week leaving you all on your own. Sadly some men just don't enjoy family life. Being married to them when you have children is always just a big struggle when all you want is someone who takes joy in being with their child and loves their wife.

I'm afraid you need to start acting like a single mum for your own sanity (plus it's the only hope things will change). Take the baby out and meet (socially distanced) friends. Look at getting back into work, setting up childcare etc yourself. Arrange some nights out if you can and book a babysitter. Go and see your parents with the baby, if you can. Go and see his too if you get on with them - if anyone asks he's 'busy'. Don't invite him, don't ask him, don't tell him. And don't do any of his ironing, cooking or washing. Just 'forget'. Be perfectly pleasant, but 'busy'.

'Oh sorry I've been so busy I haven't had a chance!' can be your new favourite saying! At some point he will either decide to stop being an utter prick. Or he won't. But at least he won't get to make you miserable in the mean time.

Why are people so keen to be such utter dicks on this site? It's so depressing - we should be supporting each other. Calling someone a nag - a misogynist term if ever there was. What is wrong with you?

Sounds like some thinking is needed OP. He sounds like a selfish, self-absorbed partner and a shit dad.

I really enjoy it when the perfect Stepford wives make an appearance. The first half of this thread made me smile. OP I get it. I have a 6 month old. Im pretty confident at any one time theres at least 2 vegetables wilting and going black in the back of my fridge.

I get the phone thing. Its infuriating. Your baby will likely be ok though. I caught my baby literally licking the floor last week and he's fine.

How hard would it have been for you to throw out some weeks old, opened baby food from the fridge?

You're deflecting onto him because you didn't chuck it in the bin.

I really feel for you and some of the early posts were rude and unsupportive.
I wonder if he's on his phone because he feels useless with the baby? It could be a vicious circle: the less he does the worse he is at it and the less rewarding it is for him and so it goes on. I agree with others that he needs to be in sole charge and you need to go out and enjoy yourself and try not to pick him up on not doing things your way. He might feel shut out. You said he was ok at first? What changed? Maybe he went to work and you got better at parenting than him and now he thinks he's not needed anyway?

@Letsallscreamatthesistene "I have a 6 month old. Im pretty confident at any one time theres at least 2 vegetables wilting and going black in the back of my fridge."

My children are about 8 years older than yours and I still have wilting food/old heels of cheese in the fridge. I have a feeling that a lot of MN would strongly disapprove of me.

@MitziK please dont talk nonsense. I am not deflecting onto anyone, I didnt even know the food was still in there. the issues surrounding this are primarily the fact that he doesnt listen or engage with care for our child because he is either on his phone or at the gym which you would know had you bothered to read the full thread.

I would love not to be involved when he looks after her. the reality is he either asks me how long I'm going to be or something has happened to her. what has changed is that the gyms reopened.

some of the replies on here are really unhelpful and tbh it's not surprising to see how men get away with this kind of crap because it's always on the mum. I'm not going to take responsibility for his complete lack of engagement. he should of been listening, he should of been paying attention rather than being on his phone like he always is. it's not hard

@CandyLeBonBon

Op. If you knew there was an open baby food pouch in the fridge and he didn't, then there were several avenues open to you; 1: remove the pouch that you clearly knew was in there 2: tell him not to use the pouch 3: have a serious conversation with him because you don't feel he's pulling his weight 4: make sure you don't do any of the above because you are (understandably) pissed off with him, and then berate him for not paying attention, then post on MN to validate your understandable irritation.

You knew the pouch shouldn't have been used. That's on you. I also understand exhaustion. I am a single parent of three and there were times I wondered if I might die of exhaustion. However, just as you know to write down doses of medicine given every 4 hours, when in a state of abject exhaustion, you also know how to make sure you don't give DC food that is off.

He also sounds pretty useless as a partner/father to your dc.

You and your partner are clearly not on the same page.

Was married for years to a man who claimed not to know/didn't realise/forgot etc etc.

You may not have set this up but this is not new territory.

If he's not pulling his weight then changes need to happen. It looks like you're going to have to be the first to blink.

I'm sorry you got a dud. But his ineptitude is not your responsibility.

Tell him straight to shape up or ship out.

@CandyLeBonBon

If you'd bothered to read the thread you could have saved us all the tedium of reading your judgemental opinion founded on incorrect assumptions.
Suspect you were too keen to stick the boot in to bother though.

If it helps the second half of your post is at least accurate. Just a shame you felt you had to have a go at an anxious new mum based on your own incorrect assumptions, as well.

I dont know why some people are still commenting like I knew this food was in there - he said he found it at the back of the fridge. the pouch I had put in there ready for her was in the draws at the front. I hadnt seen the old pouch and left it there, I didnt realise it was still in there, I've explained how that could of happened ie. thinking I would give her the rest later on in the day/following morning. I clearly didnt for whatever reason and completely forgot about it. again, I ahouldnt have to parent my partner on looking after our baby but in this situation I actually did. i showed him which one, I said the name and the bloody colour but because he was on his phone I was completely ignored and he gave her a gone off pouch that was hidden at the back of the fridge. okay. yes it obviously shouldnt still be there but it was. which btw isnt just up to me to get rid of. I'm assuming I left it in there because I do pretty much everything but there is a chance it could of been him shock horror! maybe i should of framed it like that then some of you wouldnt of been so intent on focusing on that particular detail. ridiculous.

Wow mum shaming much everyone. The OP wants to know her her kid will be ok not to be told it's her fault her DP have gone off food . And I think her post clearly shows lack of interest from her DP - there are 2 parents here not just the one.

I’m with you OP. You came here saying you wanted reassurance and all people are doing is assigning blame. All you need to hear is yes what an idiot, but it is probably harmless. Personally I only don’t eat open stuff in the fridge if there’s mould on it and even your useless dh would have presumably noticed that. So it’s probably fine.
It’s sickening how everyone on here is so keen for you to experience some guilt over this. It’s not AIBU and does everyone have an up to date itinerary if the contents and use-by dates of everything in the fridge?

@Queenoftheashes thank you. it's a shame because it does put you off posting in future which is sad as I found this site invaluable when I was pregnant and worrying about everything. ditto her early months. she seems fine today, albeit a bit whingy but she has another tooth coming through so imagine its that lol!

You lot should be ashamed of yourselves! Such fucking nasty comments.

Op, he sounds like an absolute waste of space to be honest with you. Did her come home/reply to your message?

Could you afford some relationship counselling?