partner gave our 10 month old gone off food

[Cherrybalm]

hi,

hoping someone can reassure me and dampen my irritation too. our 10 month old often has one of those ella kitchen smoothies as a pudding after her dinner. DH does very little of the childcare anyway, today I asked him if he could finish our babies dinner whilst I jumped in the shower quick before he goes to the gym. he is always on his phone - today was no different. I showed him the pouch for our baby, specifically said the orange one. he had his head in his phone as per and glanced up and nodded.

I get out the shower and he has given her an old PURPLE one that has been in there weeks and weeks that is open. first of all, I am worried now as these things have a message that say they can be kept in the fridge up to 48 hours only. is she likely to get sick? secondly, this just highlights his lack of parenting and how much time he spends on his phone

it was in date but I couldnt even tell you how long it has been at the back of the fridge, long forgotten. so furious

God the way people are making out is you set him up. I had something similar happen with my ex. Infact I doubt he would have thought to change her or feed her if I hadn't of told him and even then extremely rare. Now he's an ex he's a much better father. Well from what I know. She comes back happy fed and changed once a week and that's enough for me.
Women get the raw end of the deal and half the time the people who are meant to be part of our team and in the same boat are actually just dragging us down. Maybe being a father full time is something he is not ready to do. Sorry you find yourself in this position I remember wanting my ex to see new things my daughter was doing and him just saying aww and not looking up from his phone. Your better off alone if he hasn't woken up to reality yet.

I know, I found the initial comments zoning in on that one fact quite disheartening as it was so far away from the real issue and I had come on here for reassurance. I had to double check I hadnt posted in AIBU! I have sent him a message (hes gone out in a stress) basically saying I know he wouldnt do anything deliberately to baby but the phone issue and half hearted parenting is wearing pretty thin and we need a conversation. it's not fair that I feel so worried all the time. I know its not just because I dont want to leave baby either as I dont get this fear with my own parents/grandparents/siblings when shes in their charge as they will keep a proper eye on her. I find it so rude aswell being ignored constantly whilst someone is on their phone. like I said, the fact baby has been fed gone off food really was just the cherry on top

@QuestionMarkNow

Dont shout at him for this. He wont listen, he probably thinks it's your fault form leaving the pouch there. Tell him you are exhausted. Tell him you need him to step up and not leave all the 'managing' to you.

Do men really need to be told that?
That a mum with. 9 months is knackered?
That the partner they are living with is exhausted (surely that will be visible no?)
That they need ‘to step up’ aka behave like a PARENT and take THEIR responsibility.

Do men REALLY need to be told all that because it’s so surpassing that they can’t get that all on their own???

I wrote that and I agree, nope, men shouldn't need to be told that. It's infuriating. Utterly infuriating, unattractive and deeply uncaring.

But a particular type of man needs it spelled out to them so they can't at a later date claim that they either thought you were fine, or you 'should have asked'.

I'm feeling the impotent rage I have no doubt the OP is feeling where you aren't dealing with a rational caring partner but someone who sees everything as a game, and a blame game at that where you are so tired and overwhelmed that you don't understand the rules any more.

From experience I am saying, tell him you are exhausted, tell him you are fed up of managing everything. He probably won't listen or care (Sorry but men this but like this rarely have some epiphany that makes them wonderful caring parents and partners) but at least you know you tried and gave him a chance not to totally fuck it up.

Quite shocked by some of the comments on here!

1 - I'm pretty sure you aren't the only one to have left food in the fridge and then forgotten about it..! I've found many a liquidised cucumber or tin of mouldy beans in ours over the years!

2 - I'm sure your baby will be fine My daughter ate a bit of horse poo around the same age and lived to tell the tale

thank you - she seemed okay, hasnt thrown up or anything! so hopefully will be allright.

YANBU at all, some people on here must've had a bad day and taking it out on you 😂 you do need to have a serious conversation about his parenting though, it doesn't sound as if he treats you with much respect either tbh
Good luck x

I'm glad she's fine but the fact that he's gone out isn't great. You're left being the default parent again. And he can say that you won't let him look after your daughter and just spend even more time looking at his phone.

Honestly, go out. Right now, he knows you'll step up/ step in so he doesn't have to be competent.

But I've never dealt with a bloke like this. Maybe you should repost in relationships and you might get some better advice? This isn't a parenting problem, it's a relationship one.

blimey, it was half a pouch of baby food, it doesnt have an obvious smell like open fresh food. that isnt the point at all, like pluzzie said it's quite easily done.

Well, if it’s easily done for you it’s easily done for him.

10 month olds eat mud. If she hasn’t spit it out she will be fine.

I'm worried for her again now as I read food poisioning can come on up to 48 hours after! I really dread to think how long that pouch could of been in there, I'm just glad she only had a little bit of it (I checked it afterwards, it didnt look bad just smelt a bit acidy, it was a berry smoothie type thing) so trying to put my mind at ease again.

I know, I was really torn between panicking he would be distracted and something happened to her and thinking hes got to step up otherwise I'll end up doing everything. so stressful

@PotteringAlong not the same thing at all. easily done as in, easily done accidentally leaving food in the fridge, not I'm going to constantly be on my phone instead of adequately parenting.

i would have chopped his head off with a spade and thrown his phone into the nearest river. Why are you still with this idle fool who can't parent his own child, he sounds bloody useless.

And also it sounds like OP has to do EVERYTHING so probably doesn't have time to clean the fridge out every 5 minutes.

[quote Cherrybalm]@PotteringAlong not the same thing at all. easily done as in, easily done accidentally leaving food in the fridge, not I'm going to constantly be on my phone instead of adequately parenting.[/quote]
Hi, just for a bit of perspective I don't think it's justified to blame you for having an out-of-date one in the fridge if you've specifically said to use the other one. It's his baby too, so he should be listening and clearing out the fridge as well (I'm not really sure why it's supposedly your fault, I've probably got a dodgy McDonald's ketchup sachet or two in the back of my fridge, for example).

You sound really pissed off though, probably rightfully. Are you considering leaving / getting any kind of counselling? He should be pulling his weight, imo unless he has a fabulous excuse for needing to be on his phone a ton. Good luck!

@Cherrybalm

I'm worried for her again now as I read food poisioning can come on up to 48 hours after! I really dread to think how long that pouch could of been in there, I'm just glad she only had a little bit of it (I checked it afterwards, it didnt look bad just smelt a bit acidy, it was a berry smoothie type thing) so trying to put my mind at ease again.

I know, I was really torn between panicking he would be distracted and something happened to her and thinking hes got to step up otherwise I'll end up doing everything. so stressful

Don't worry. My husband gave a gone off milk to my baby by accident. It was night feeding so easily done when tired. The baby was fine, but it had a massive green nappy. Just check the baby quite frequently over the night, as it might vomit and hopefully it will be ok.

So you’ve told him he has mistakenly fed his child something that could make her ill.
And he’s gone out in a sulk?
He’s an unutterable manchild who would rather play on his phone than be a parent.
Oh and he called you a cunt?
What exactly is he good for OP?

I am, really irritated. it's been exhausting, i adore my baby but the last few months has pretty much just been me doing everything. he was okay initially but has been pretty crap since gyms reopened and he spends every evening when he finishes work there. the fact that the one time he takes over dinner just so I can jump in the shower quick he is so absorbed in his phone he gave her the complete wrong food just about sums up the last few months. the defensiveness I can tell is because he feels bad but it's become a regular thing. we have argued about the phone use before, it leads to name calling, outright denial and further half hearted parenting. he is obsessed with the thing, cant do anything without it, when he comes in the first thing he will do if hes not had access to the internet is straight on social media before he even says hello to me and our daughter. absolutely maddening

@Cherrybalm

I am, really irritated. it's been exhausting, i adore my baby but the last few months has pretty much just been me doing everything. he was okay initially but has been pretty crap since gyms reopened and he spends every evening when he finishes work there. the fact that the one time he takes over dinner just so I can jump in the shower quick he is so absorbed in his phone he gave her the complete wrong food just about sums up the last few months. the defensiveness I can tell is because he feels bad but it's become a regular thing. we have argued about the phone use before, it leads to name calling, outright denial and further half hearted parenting. he is obsessed with the thing, cant do anything without it, when he comes in the first thing he will do if hes not had access to the internet is straight on social media before he even says hello to me and our daughter. absolutely maddening

Hi, I don't want to be too abrasive but is he definitely at the gym ...? If you're not 1000% sure, I'd be a bit worried. Always being on his phone, not paying attention to his family, being out every night. Might just be me being paranoid though!

Has your baby vomitted?
Diarroheea?
She s probavly fine.
Sh#t happens

It seems like you micro manage and dont leave him in charge?

Calling you names is another issue

yeah deffo at the gym as my friend goes to the same one and always sees him there so thankfully no worries about that side of it. he just scrolls absent mindedly through social media or reads randome stuff about football, doesnt seem to matter what it is, he just has to be on his phone.

@Embracelife hes never here to leave in charge since the gyms reopened and the few times I have, hes sat on his phone whilst she has put live wires in her mouth, sustained a head injury and now been fed gone off food. it doesnt exactly fill me with confidence and trust me, I would love it if he stepped up as the person who does alllll the night wakings

So... when do you get any down time op for your hobbies???

lol, never. I have not had a single day or night off in 10 months, I occasionally read a bit of a book in the bath. not a feel sorry for me, I love my baby and knew I wouldn't get loads of me time when I had her but it's the truth. not a single catch up lunch with friends, no hobbies, no dinners on my own, nothing. I dont know what it feels like to not be tired anymore. mmm when its written down in comparison to his, that's quite depressing

Was the pouch just fruit? Try not to worry too much, the worst she'll get is a slighlty upset stomach. It's not meat or dairy which could cause more issues with like ecoli etc. If it's been in the fridge too the bacteria growth wouldn't be as bad as left in a cupboard. I'm sure your baby will be absolutely fine but keep an eye out for sickness, bad stomach and dehydration

@Cherrybalm

lol, never. I have not had a single day or night off in 10 months, I occasionally read a bit of a book in the bath. not a feel sorry for me, I love my baby and knew I wouldn't get loads of me time when I had her but it's the truth. not a single catch up lunch with friends, no hobbies, no dinners on my own, nothing. I dont know what it feels like to not be tired anymore. mmm when its written down in comparison to his, that's quite depressing

This is really no good. Basically your live has changed irrevocably since you had your baby and his hasn't. Are you at home with the baby all day too? Do you ever get a break?

thanks @Henio yes it was just fruit thankfully!

yes, I am at home all day, nope literally never. occasionally he used to take baby on the weekend in the mornings so I could catch up on sleep but that doesnt happen anymore either