Do you make your child finish their meal?

[Rossaloony]

I've seen a lot of info lately about how to approach your kids eating in a way that doesn't give them issues around food later in life, e.g not bribing them to eat their vegetables with deserts, letting them make their own choices and being autonomous about how much and what they eat.

I personally was made to finish my meal, and my mum is still very hard on me now if I don't eat everything. She grew up when rations were still around and definitely had a poverty mentality to food.

I don't want to pass this on to the kids, but at the same time it goes against all of my instinct to tell them that they don't have to eat their greens etc. And still giving dessert if they don't.

What do you do at meal times and how do you approach your kids not eating their veggies etc? Do you 'bribe' your kids with pudding?

It depends how much they have eaten. If they have left all their veg then yes I do but if it's a bit of everything because they are full I ask them for a couple more mouthfuls and that's it.

I would never force a child to finish a plate. I think it’s incredibly damaging. I’ve always said as long as they have tried a bit of everything then it’s ok. I also don’t regularly give pudding so that it is not expected.

Absolutely not.
My husband didn’t finish his dinner just now. He just wasn’t hungry for it all today. It would be abusive to force him to finish it so there’s no way I would do that to a child.
They need to learn to listen to their own hunger cues.

I put food on the table and they serve themselves. We generally model taking a small portion then another if you liked it/are hungry rather than over facing everyone with big plates of food. That way portion size is up to them. If there is pudding it is balanced with the main meal and often put on the table with the main if that possible. For example, yesterday there was chicken, roast squash and peppers, green salad and little apricot tarts. If pudding is included it’s usually a lighter main to take that into account, not just adding empty sugar and calories. I don’t make them eat anything but if I notice that they are overloading on a single type of food or ignoring another type I remind them to balance their meals or add more colours to their plate to make sure they get their vitamins.

Pretty sure that one of them only ate chicken, pieces of cucumber and two apricot tarts yesterday but I can’t get worked up about it really.

Nope. All the evidence says not to. They can eat it or not, and if not, then there is nothing til the next meal or snack.

We don't often do pudding but if we are having it then I had planned for them to eat it anyway, IYSWIM, so they can have it regardless of what else they have eaten.

No, but I do ask them to eat their veg and if they leave a lot of their tea only the fruit bowl is available for snacks closer to bedtime, so they don't get into the habit of pushing dinner aside in favour of crisps or similar.

I choose the food that is put in front of her. She chooses what she eats.
We don't often have dessert, but if I was planning on giving it, then I would regardless- however its generally fruit or a yogurt. I refuse to cook different meals for different people, but do accommodate genuine dislikes. There is always the option of a glass of milk at bedtime, and I will assess how much has been eaten. If I feel she needs more for a good sleep I'll offer a banana.
I'm not generally harsh when it comes to parenti but this is my achilles heal!

Mine don’t eat vegetables EVER. But I do still serve a small portion every time, and I encourage them to eat it. DS is a good eater and always eats everything anyway (other than the veg), DD less so, and she does often need some very gentle encouragement to have a few more bites. She actually ate some cherry tomatoes today which was a huge event in our house!

Thankfully they do both love fruit, natural yoghurt, wholemeal bread, fish, and other healthy stuff so I don’t stress about the lack of vegetable love. DS is 6 and tried sushi last week and like it, he’ll give anything a go.

DD has to eat her veg, but not the carbohydrate (she eats the protein reliably) if she wants anything more.

The advice from dietitians is to provide two course meals (the second course can be fruit, yoghurt etc., it doesn't have to be a sweet pudding) where the child chooses how much of each course they eat, and get offered the second course however much they eat of the first.

No.

I'm similar to a PP and serve the food in the centre of the table so they can pick out what they want. I do encourage vegetables but generally always put out veg I know they like so they'll choose to eat some anyway.

No. I think it’s awful to do that! They know when they’ve had enough. Children are much better at intuitive eating than adults.

My dc (5 under 16) are served what I know they can manage.. Ime if they don't finish an hour later they are mooching the fridge..
They all eat shed loads of veg. Dessert is an occasional thing.
I have adult dc with no food issues /fussy eaters. Have just kept with what works for us.

I don’t think it’s helpful to make children finish their plate if they’re full, but I do think it’s important to encourage them to finish their protein and their vegetables if they’re starting to get full instead of eating all of their chips/rice/mash and leaving some/most of their fish and their peas.

I wasn’t allowed pudding if I didn’t eat all my main though. My mum’s way of thinking was that if you’re too full to finish your main course then you don’t need a pudding. I do agree with her, but I think that can potentially lead to children hugely over eating if they finish a main course they don’t really want in order to eat a pudding they don’t really need.

That's really interesting about pudding not being usual to some people. I think there would be mutiny in our house from my 8 year old if I stopped pudding. My 17 month old just has fruit though.

@HeyMicky if they were hungry because they didn't eat their lunch/dinner I wouldn't say that they couldn't eat until the next meal, that also seems damaging to me.

I'm finding this a really tricky one to figure out.

I never forced mine to eat what they didn't want and nobody made me (except at school). It's best not to put too much on a plate at one time and people can have more.

Never but they do have to try 1 mouthful of something new to get anything other than fruit for the rest of the evening.

I firmly believe in the division of responsibility. I am responsible for when DS eats and what goes on his plate. He is responsible for how much he wants to eat (if he wants to eat at all). That's the only rule. If he just wants to eat one component, that's fine. He is better placed than me to know what he needs. He gets fruit/yoghurt when I plan to serve it, no matter what he eats or doesn't eat. My philosophy is if I'm happy to put in front of him, I'm happy for him to eat it without restriction (other than if there's none left). That includes sweet things. It's also, thankfully, the philosophy that my nursery has.

If they leave some and say they are finished the plate is removed without comment. If they were genuinely still hungry later (meal not to their liking) I might give toast or crackers. Pudding isn't the norm here, we have pudding on very rare occasions. We do allow eating between meals as we are all grazers and struggle to eat a lot at a sitting but get hungry before the next meal. Force feeding is hideous, they need to learn to stop when they feel full. Children are much better at this than adults.

Hmm, difficult one. I would make them eat everything before getting dessert, but only give small-ish portions. Children can too easily say they don't like something without actually trying it.

No, never. This made many of my childhood meals miserable. New food must be tried but that's it.

Nope never ,

No. He knows when he's done. Often he finishes his plate, sometimes doesn't. I only encourage a bit more if he hasn't touched any vegetables. We don't really serve pudding. I will sometimes have fruit, but he usually declines - very occasionally he'll have a banana after tea.

Yes they have to finish their plate. They will eat anything I put in front of them and when they are at friends houses etc will eat whatever they are having

No. We have never done pudding/yogurt/fruit after dinner either. You do have to eat a bit of everything, and no negative comments about the food.
Don't eat your meal, there isn't anything else though