Do you make your child finish their meal?

[Rossaloony]

I've seen a lot of info lately about how to approach your kids eating in a way that doesn't give them issues around food later in life, e.g not bribing them to eat their vegetables with deserts, letting them make their own choices and being autonomous about how much and what they eat.

I personally was made to finish my meal, and my mum is still very hard on me now if I don't eat everything. She grew up when rations were still around and definitely had a poverty mentality to food.

I don't want to pass this on to the kids, but at the same time it goes against all of my instinct to tell them that they don't have to eat their greens etc. And still giving dessert if they don't.

What do you do at meal times and how do you approach your kids not eating their veggies etc? Do you 'bribe' your kids with pudding?

Wow, maybe I need to reconsider my approach. Dds get an appropriate sized portion and then they have to eat a specified amount before they're allowed pudding (always fruit) - if it's something they don't really like (by trying something new, not because I'm that awful) then the amount they have to eat is reduced and they'll get a yogurt or more substantial pudding but on the whole they have an amount they need to eat for pudding which has to be eaten in a set time but if they want to carry on to finish they can. If they don't eat enough for pudding they can still carry on past the time but no pudding and no replacements! Maybe I'm setting them up for all sorts of problems in the future!!

One child eats really well but the other although not fussy as such, will eat small amounts so I give them the half (of their already small) amount of food and leave the other half in the kitchen and if they eat that, I offer more. Most of the time they eat their second bit but if I gave the whole portion at once they would take a couple of bites and that's it. So maybe some kids get overfaced.

Mine never have to eat the carbs, but have to have a good try at the protein and veg. I will sometimes say they need to eat a bit more veg.

We don’t generally have dessert, but there are usually biscuits for snacks, plus fruit

Definitely not clear the plate if they'd had enough becasue I think it becomes very hard as adult to stop eating when you're full if it's been drilled into you that you have to eat everything as a child. I'd expect my daughter to try a bit of everything though.

They don't have to finish everything but they do have to try everything. We don't have "pudding" we have "dessert" usually fruit but often pie or cake.
As for food left on the plate -- we have three dogs who love to have a few leftovers on top of the dry food. (Just no onions or garlic.)

My dad grew up with rationing and was really weird about food, I was basically from about age eight (that's when I can remember thinking 'shut up about wasting food'). He ruined every thing I ate tbh.

Mine eat well and we have no problems or fussiness. Probably it's just luck!

Our system is:

• bread or toast always allowed if hungry or don't like something
• eat what you want off your plate
• decide for yourself how much on your plate in the first place
• puddings are not routine, maybe twice a week
• fruit after meals most of the time

If you don't want food wasted, serve small.portions with seconds. But just don't go on about it!

I remember having to sit and finish my meals too OP. It’s wrong and I think the portion size was probably too big for me & my sibling. You can surely see when your own child has had a good attempt at finishing their meal but they are just full!

It’s cruel.

We have to or DD2 would exist on air.

What did you eat from your lunch box Alice?

I only had time for half a sandwich and my mini roll! Takes her around an hour to finish a bowl of noodles.

depends how old is the kid. well, actually no....
Our kid only gets desert if he has eaten properly (quantity) and all the mandatory bits (aka veggies). If one fails, no desert. and he is a teen.

We have had to make our kids eat. Both would go all day on a packet of crisps, they are not good eaters and don't make good decisions about food. The eldest made himself quite ill not eating. Throwing lunches away at school. Hardly eating breakfast or dinner. Now he eats ok, so I'm not as strict. The youngest is now doing the same. They are both very fussy eaters. There not much they like, and they both like completely different things. Doesn't matter what I make for dinner, someone moans, especially the youngest.

I don't make them finish what they have on their plate though. If I think they have ate a decent amount, thats good enough for me. DP however, wants every scrap finished. No matter what the food is. It could be chicken nuggets and chips and he wants the lot gone. I can't stand that, and we have had quite a few arguments over it.

Mine don't have to eat their dinner, but they also can't ask for anything else if they don't eat it (if there is dessert, it is only fruit or yoghurt). I am a bit more flexible if It's a new recipe or unfamiliar food. In that scenario I encourage them to try it, and if they genuinely hate it then they can have something else.

My 6 year old is an excellent eater and always wants something else after dinner. My 2 year old is fussy and doesn't even always want to sit down at the table. To my shame, I do often end up feeding her/encouraging her to eat.

If DS is messing around and I think hoping for snacks, I will leave it on the table for an hour and it's the first thing offered if he pleads "starving..." 15 mins after dinner.

Generally food is served from the centre of the table, everyone gets a small serving and seconds is normal. I balance the first serving: seconds is whatever he feels he wants more of.

I’m going against the grain here but as toddlers I did ask them to finish. They wouldn’t get dessert unless they finished. I hate wasting food. Once we got past the fussy eating stage they carried on with this mentality and mostly finish but if they didn’t like something that’s fine as long as they’ve tried it. But we also have an ethos that even if it’s not your favourite thing to eat, it’s good and nutritious and will be giving you different vitamins to other things on your plate so try to eat it. They are teenagers now and both good eaters and will eat anything and we have clean plates mostly. One doesn’t have massive appetite and gets smaller portions and is skinny. The other likes their food more (like me!) but is weight conscious and does plenty exercise so not overweight.

I hate wasting food, especially meat. I check when I’m dishing out how hungry people are. Or put in middle of table so they can serve themselves.

I’m not judgy but when having other kids round I’m shocked at their fussiness. I can’t think of any of their friends who don’t have any fads.

No, I don’t.

Nope. Never.

No, we ask that finish the more important bits like meat or veg, if she has say a pasta dish we'll see how much she has left and decide how much more to ask her to eat (say 4 more spoonfuls)

No, we don't insist she finishes everything, but we do ask that she makes a good effort, and don't offer to replace with something else. Sometimes we get the portion sizes wrong and would hate to force her if she was full. We don't have proper pudding very often - fruit or yoghurt usually, and often nothing (she forgets to ask). She can always have fruit but as a general rule we try not to offer alternatives to her main meal. We eat together when we can and try not to make mealtimes into a drama.

She's a bit picky sometimes, but generally very good.

I don't think I ever really had to, my DS seemed to eat nearly everything but we very rarely have puddings, neither DS or DH like puddings so we just never had them much to my disappointment. Occasional yogurt when DS was younger.

Like a PP I used to be shocked at how fussy some DC are. My DF had incredibly fussy DC, however they did eventually grow out of it and are great cooks and very adventurous eaters now.

Never. I also allowed them their fruit or yoghurt after regardless of them finishing the meal or not. I now have 2 adult DC with absolutely normal eating habits and views around food. The younger DC also eat rather normally too.

I’ll encourage them to eat a bit more veg if that bit of their meal has been a bit neglected but otherwise no.

No I don't.

We all eat the same, all eat together, a healthy balanced meal which includes treats, they can eat what they like, leave what they don't. But there's not a replacement if they don't fancy something. And I don't tend to make things anyone actively dislikes.

They are told to listen to their body to know they are full (and told to remember this if they're hassled at school to finish their plate). They eat a range of things and aren't fussy about what they eat.

I think the idea of waste needs to be shifted - it's me that created the waste cooking too much, and sometimes that just happens due to unpredictability, and leftovers can be reused. Ploughing the excess into our bodies so overeating doesn't make it less wasteful. It makes it wasteful plus unhealthy and storing up more wasteful activities in future if the kids grow up with an unhealthy attitude to food.

No. I insist he eats his veg, but otherwise, no, I'm sure he's able to tell if he's still hungry.

I find this hard too. I’m ok with the pudding bit - our approach is that if there’s pudding you don’t get any less or any more of it because you didn’t (or did) eat your main course. But I really have to grit my teeth not to be always on at DS to try just a bite, particularly as he often refuses things that once he tries he likes.

Nope, never. Theyre only young, I prefer for them to listen to their own natural hunger cues. I refuse to make an issue over food. DS has sensory issues so if offered our meals every evening but never eats it.

I'd never make DP finish a meal if he wasn't hungry and I wouldn't be happy if he told me to clear my plate so won't do it to my kids.

We don't do desserts often, but they have fruit/yoghurt with evening meal regardless.