Do you make your child finish their meal?

[Rossaloony]

I've seen a lot of info lately about how to approach your kids eating in a way that doesn't give them issues around food later in life, e.g not bribing them to eat their vegetables with deserts, letting them make their own choices and being autonomous about how much and what they eat.

I personally was made to finish my meal, and my mum is still very hard on me now if I don't eat everything. She grew up when rations were still around and definitely had a poverty mentality to food.

I don't want to pass this on to the kids, but at the same time it goes against all of my instinct to tell them that they don't have to eat their greens etc. And still giving dessert if they don't.

What do you do at meal times and how do you approach your kids not eating their veggies etc? Do you 'bribe' your kids with pudding?

I usually ask him to eat a bit more if he hasn’t eaten much. If he absolutely refuses, I don’t force the issue. I don’t ask for a clear plate.

I am guilty of telling him to eat a bit more of his main course if he wants dessert, but again, only if he hasn’t eaten much because he’s not especially enjoying it and wants his pudding instead. He doesn’t have to clear his plate for dessert, and he doesn’t get pudding or treats regularly.

No. Never. For 3 reasons.

1. Pressure to eat by my mother caused me to have major food anxiety while followed me for about a decade, meaning I couldn't even go on a date for dinner with a man, or for food with friends.

1. I believe portion control and recognising when you are full is an important skill when fighting obesity. If you are focused on finishing everything on your plate, that becomes a problem when you dont regaulate every meals portion size.

1. Sometimes kids just arent hungry for whatever reason. Who would I force feed her? She isnt going to starve to death if she doent finish everything on her plate.

I think it’s abusive. I do think they should be encouraged to try to foods they’re reluctant to try (just one bite) and encouraged to eat fruits and veggies etc but forcing someone to finish a plate of food they don’t want is horrific. It happened to me as a child and I can still remember the anxiety in my stomach over it.

Mine have to finish the vegetables and eat a decent amount of the main to have pudding. I always put a realistic amount on the plate. My thinking is if they are too full for vegetables then they don't need pudding. Theres always fruit if they are hungry later.

Lunchtimes are the same, for dd2 (8) to have crisps in her lunchbox she has to eat her sandwich/fruit and veg the day before. (Approx 2 cherry tomatoes, 3 slices cucumber and about 7/8 grapes)

I do have to bribe dd2 with drinking as otherwise she will go all day without a drink (even during heatwaves she will not willingly drink)

@Bikinib0tt0m, that's really interesting, I think I may try that with our son, as he's not a fussy eater either but can be difficult to get going, so maybe I'm over facing him.

Never, my SD used to make me sit there and eat my dinner, honestly it made me feel sick and really upset. I hated it.

No, I didn't force DC to clear their plate when they were little. As a child, I was forced to eat everything, whether I liked it or not, and not allowed to leave the table until I had, by both my father and my primary school headteacher. I hated fatty meat, mincemeat, salad, vegetables, and lots of other things. I was forced to eat them by the teacher while "urging" because I couldn't stand the taste/smell. My mother would not allow me to take packed lunches. I longed for the day when I left primary school. Also, if I took 20 minutes longer than other kids to eat, the teacher would keep me in for another 20 minutes to punish me. None of this treatment made me suddenly able to eat foods that I couldn't stand.

So this left me with huge food issues, and as an adult, I only eat carrots and peas and no other salad or veg.

My DD used to eat school dinners and used to eat brocolli, cauliflower and green beans, but now she only eats carrots , peas and cauliflower cheese and no other veg/salad.

It would have been very very wrong of me to treat my child the way that I was treated. I am hoping that she will come round to more stuff as she gets older because she has not been forced to.

I have stopped my father treating my daughter the same way.

I never make them finish or even discuss anything about finishing. Pudding isn’t a given and sometimes might just be a banana before bed. I was never made to finish my meal as a child either.

We were taught to eat everything. Unless we genuinely didn't like it. At infant school there was no choice and we had to eat everything. I liked most things but couldn't stand chicken friccasee. The thought of it still makes me feel sick, and I still hate carrots!

I am amazed at the amount of food people leave when they go out for a meal!

Never. I expect a decent effort to eat but never force a plate to be completely clean. I have weight problems from overeating and I want my child to follow his natural hunger cues and know when to stop.

@Toddlerteaplease

I am amazed at the amount of food people leave when they go out for a meal!

I'm quite often amazed at the portion size when I go out for a meal. Although I will sometimes ask for it to be put in a container.

No absolutely not. It's an unpleasant and counter-productive thing to do imo. My dc (now 12 and 15) were fairly fussy eaters, but not dreadfully so. When they were at their most fussy stage, we tended to let them serve themselves rather than give them a set portion. Having a bit of control makes them more relaxed and willing to try things.

Trying to get kids to clear their plate or eat a specific amount creates an anxious, pressured attitude towards food and also trains them not to eat according to feelings of being hungry or full, but in order to get their parents' approval or to avoid being told off. Not helpful at all.

My kids have to eat at least half their meal and have tried every part of it or no dessert (not that we have dessert after every meal).

Nope never. I'm haunted by a childhood of sitting in front of a cold mountain of mashed potato and not being able to leave the table until it's gone. Or Christmas ruined because I wouldn't eat the sprouts.

Mine eats nearly everything and if i know he does not like something he geta one of that item on his plate to try that is all I ask ie mushrooms i don't do as they make him gag but peas he will now eat a few ie tablespoon full he hated cooked carrot now loves it he hated pasta now eats it so it worked really i also read it takes eating something 5 times before you either like it or not i also do the same to me and my h and h now eats veg that he used to hate as his mother never made him eat it

I got mine to eat their vegetables since March and maybe because we’ve had all meals together, now they generally eat everything I give them. Sometimes they may leave some potatoes or crusts etc. I can see they’re full so I don’t mind.

Tbh I was worried they weren’t eating enough fruit and vegetables and we felt with a virus going round they really needed to eat their 5 a day. We were pretty insistent and not tolerant of fussiness, which I think is them trying to play power games with their parents. They’re too old for it anyway. Now I know which foods they genuinely don’t like, I won’t serve that to them.

I used to think you should just let kids regulate their own intake, but now I’m of the opinion certain food groups are non-negotiable. And it doesn’t do kids harm to learn to eat healthy and once they’re in the habit of it you can trust them to ‘regulate’ how much they want to eat.

No.
I generally don't comment on how much has been eaten. DD and my DSC's are all good at self regulating.
Dessert is not routinely eaten after meals so it's not conditional.

Do what suits you,OP. We went through a phase when my son didn't eat his tea, then woke at 5am starving. It was later than that, but started getting earlier every day. We had to encourage him to reset his body clock for a while, until it was natural. We also asked the childminder to limit his afternoon snack (couldn't get her to cut it out completely as they had set snack time for all the children, but if they were having crackers, only 1etc). Kids do actually need to fit into the routine of the rest of the family.
I said encourage not force!
I tend to offer small portions and hold some back for seconds if needed. My son rarely opts for them, but likes the feeling of choice. It isn't wasted as I don't mind having it for lunch the next day - I would if had been on a child's plate!

No.
22 mo toddler here, she signs when she is finished with her main and will get some fruit after. Once a week or so we will have a sweet pudding that she will get regardless of how much she is eaten.

No. It’s abusive. There should be small portions offered, and then seconds of anyone wants more. If they don’t want to finish it, perhaps the portions are too big. There’s no point in forcing children to eat food they don’t want. It’s traumatic. It gives them no autonomy over their own body. Dessert should not used as a punishment or reward.

@Toddlerteaplease

I am amazed at the amount of food people leave when they go out for a meal!

Me too. Unfortunately the portions are usually just too big.

So tonight 8 yr old told me he hated his dinner which he'd half helped me cook. I took it away and gave him a toasted cheese and ham sandwich instead.

I still feel annoyed but I suppose I'll get used to it. OH was not happy at all though.

I'm not sure I got it right but it's better than forcing him to eat something he doesn't want to.

I'm feeling really unsure about the pudding thing - I didn't realise so many people didn't do pudding.

I think for me the problem is mainly that he whines. He won't simply say, I've had enough Thankyou, it's a whole song and dance about how much he hates it and how full he is etc etc and it's all done in a really whiny voice.

ARGH.

I’m not sure you should have given him a toasted cheese and ham sandwich instead, though. That’s completely different to making him eat a meal he doesn’t want.