Taking baby to restaurants - when does it get easier?

[atvh]

As the title says really! My four month old is a wonderful little boy, but I find it so stressful taking him out to eat. We’ve just got back from Sunday lunch at the pub. We took him out just as he was due a nap (perfect timing you’d have thought!) He fell asleep in the pram on the half-hour walk there, then almost as soon as we took our seats at the pub (which was nearly empty and not noisy at all) he woke up and was wide awake for almost all the meal.

He seems to cry a lot more when we’re out compared to when he’s at home for some reason. We take toys to distract him which works to a point, and DH sometimes puts him in the sling if he’s really crying, which does help him fall asleep but also means that DH struggles to eat (as soon as he sits down DS wakes up again!)

Is this normal for 4 months or are we just unlucky? And when does it get easier to take babies or young children out for meals? Part of me just thinks I’d rather stay home until he’s older and avoid the stress if I’m honest!

The joys of having a baby. No sleep and can't even enjoy a meal. Many times we had to rush out without finishing our meals because of DS and you just get use to it. We always eat out and as they get older, you can distract them by some screen time (low volume of course) and when they feed themselves it gets a bit easier as they get distracted with the food.

There were so many times where I made DH order the food first whilst I went to pick up a few bits from a shop close by and DH would ring me to say food had arrived. This saved time with ordering and waiting for food to be prepared as DS has a short span to sit on his high chair. We then would quickly eat and leave without causing a scene and on a good day, we might make it desserts lol

Wow I’m shocked at the amount of people saying not until age 4!!! That is really not inevitable OP. Once baby can sit up comfortably in a high chair they can be entertained with toys/ food once weaning. And as they reach toddler age it’s all about being prepared IMO, eating out with kids doesn’t have to be stressful. My eldest is 5 now and I have never even thought not to eat out because it is too much stress! When he was younger I would make sure he wasn’t starving hungry before we went and then have raisins or other little snacks available for him if the wait was longer. I’d take none noisy toys, books etc and he’d stay on one of our laps until food arrived only then going into the high chair so he wouldn’t get fed up. A good tip also is to ask them to bring out child’s food as soon as ready or with your starters etc. Now don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t advocate for taking a young kid to a fine dining type place but most restaurants that have high chairs are easily accessible. We also had a chicco collapsible portable high chair which strapped onto a normal chair and made for continuity at any meal out (plus you know it’s clean!). When I’ve been out with friends/ family and their kids I find things only get stressful when they aren’t kept entertained by the adults- you have to structure your expectations as a parent you aren’t going be having the same leisurely chat over dinner you had before kids, bored kids are going to act up no matter the age!

Your husband is talking bollocks. The baby isn't a puppy. You can't train him.

@Annist Erm, the only person who used the word “training” is you And I do think it’s important to get children used to different environments (including restaurants) from an early age personally, although 4 months is admittedly a bit young!

It sounds like 4 is the general consensus then - although I have seen very well behaved younger children happily eating out. Am hoping I will get lucky and DS will be one of those!

@Ibizababyy you're lucky your DS would be entertained by snacks, books etc. My DD (just turned 2) just isn't. She just wants to get down and explore. The other day we went out for lunch and she hadn't eaten since breakfast. She wasn't interested at all in snacks, colouring, toys, books or even her lunch (and I ordered her favourite!). I think a screen would work, but I don't want her expecting one when we go out.

Ours have always been great at eating out, and we have eaten out regularly (2-3 times monthly) until lockdown. The period you’re talking about, 4 months, is probably the worst because they can’t eat, but once you get to weaning it’s super easy provided you time it for mealtimes.

That said, we wouldn’t take them to a ‘posh’ restaurant and wouldn’t do more than one course, there is a time limit. The big chains are actually very child friendly, with wagamama being a particular favourite. In fact, when DH travels (frequently, pre-lockdown), I tend to take them out more often as I find it easier to give them full attention if someone is bringing the food to us.

PS mine are now 4 and 6 and I’ve been eating out alone with them since about 3 and 1, but as a family since day one really

@Sailingblue

My daughter is 4 and has probably been civilised in restaurants from about 21/2 as long as there is colouring. I’d say 4 months is tricky as they’re just starting to be more altert but can’t really join in in a high chair. I found 18m to 21/2 the worst as it’s harder to reason with them, they’re not quite as good with cutlery and have the attention span of a goldfish. At that age we generally had to go for a walk between courses and would never ever book lunch as trying to have a child be civilised when they want to be asleep is asking for trouble.

I misread this as your daughter has only been civilised in restaurants from about 21.

Seeing the way some teenagers eat I wasn't that surprised.

I wish we could just stay home, but DH thinks it’s important to get baby used to these environments. Does it really make any difference at 4 months though?

Circumstantial evidence only of course, but I used to work in restaurants years ago and the kids that had been taken out regularly since they were infants often seemed to be better behaved as older children than the ones for whom a restaurant meal was an entirely new experience at the age of 3/4/5.

Yes, it does depend on whether you're happy to let them sit there with a screen. That will make it happen younger, but we've always tried to avoid that.

4 at least. Although whilst eating, they were well-behaved from younger but it is not fun to be in a restaurant as a child so as soon as the food is done you can see why they get fed up.

This is one of my memories of having young kids having to rock them at restaurants in the pram and my food going cold while everyone eats, feeling stressed and I remember thinking I will never go to a restaurant until they are over 3!

I have to agree with the majority. DS is 3 and it's still difficult. We only go to very family friendly places like Brewers Fayre that have softplay to entertain him (obviously pre COVID) where other kids are just as noisy and everyone's in the same boat. Eating out with kids, especially toddlers, is not like eating out pre kids, not by a long shot.

By all means, hope you get a well behaved one but don't expect it!

There's a 1 week window at precisely 6.5mths and then it gets easier age 4.

Sorry to say but for me it only got harder and I just don’t go anymore. Until my daughter can understand and follow clear instruction it’s just not worth the stress IMO. When they start walking it’s very difficult as they often dint want to be contained in a high chair for a prolonged period of time!

@atvh I feel a bit sorry for you reading this! You can go out for a meal before your baby is 4 and I agree that the more often you do generally it will get easier as they get used to it. You just have to think of your approach. Aim for cafe's or family friendly pubs with outdoor areas to provide entertainment. Taking family too helps so you can share out the child care and relax a bit yourself. Before you get to the point you feel you have to order a meal for the child feeding the child before going so they aren't actually hungry and food is just for fun helps. And quiet toys and colouring buy you a bit of time too. Its not going to be relaxing for you both for the whole experience for a while though.

Just to add that what worked well with us once DS was weaned and into a routine, was to go out for brunch at weekends with friends. If we met at 11.15/11.30 the food would tend to arrive 11.45 which is normal brunch time for adults but perfect lunch time for him. It’s also only one course, lots of baby friendly options (egg, toast, avocado, beans, sometimes porridge or yoghurt etc), and food tends to come quickly. DS would eat his then one of us would take him for a walk round the block in the pram, he’d fall asleep for his afternoon nap and we’d get adult time with our friends. It was great.

@atvh Yew don’t worry - you won’t have to stay inside for three and a half years. Both of mine have been to pubs and restaurants for years and generally been fine; quick food at least for them and colouring is always handy. It’s just that at 4ish they became more dependably fine if you see what I mean.

My 3yo is great now. I find 1-2.5 the hardest because they just want to get up all the time but I think the biggest mistake is stopping taking them, then I think you just delay the problem... pick restaurants with lots of background noise etc

I’d also say what you do at home will have an effect on how easy restaurants are. Mine have always eaten at the table with their high chair and when we eat together they have to sit with us and not get down early. I’ve got friends whose children always eat separately, watch tv while eating or just have a wonder while picking snacks etc and then wonder why restaurants are a challenge. The difference in expectations between home and out are too big to make it easy.

Also agree with what @Sailingblue says - we have always eaten with our kids as a family (in the early days if DH was too late home I would eat with them and then we would sit with DH when he ate when he came home). My friends whose children are awful to be with in restaurants (and I know a few) are those who are not used to family mealtimes

I also think realistic expectations make a big difference. We’re going out tonight (4yo and 1yo) but are going at 5. It’s very early for me and DH but the timing should work for the 1yo. I’d always rather fit around their needs and have a nice time than plough on with an adult schedule and deal with the children imploding. Not everyone will agree with that stance but it has always worked for us and once naps are dropped you can be much more flexible.

DD is 20 months, honestly eating out with her is no fun!

I wouldn't bother. Get a babysitter or a takeout. You don't need to keep taking them to restaurants at that age to socialise and disturb everyone else. Take them when they're at an age that they understand instructions and do what they're told.

About age 10+ 😂 and even then only for a short meal unless they have something to entertain them. Kids and sitting at restaurants / pubs don’t mix unless they are stuck to a screen. I would say the non mobile baby stage you are at is one of the easier stages!

@atvh

Your husband is talking bollocks. The baby isn't a puppy. You can't train him.

@Annist Erm, the only person who used the word “training” is you And I do think it’s important to get children used to different environments (including restaurants) from an early age personally, although 4 months is admittedly a bit young!

It sounds like 4 is the general consensus then - although I have seen very well behaved younger children happily eating out. Am hoping I will get lucky and DS will be one of those!

Tbh my DD is pretty well behaved in restaurants but it’s still not a very relaxing experience for me, cos her good behaviour is based on my CONSTANT attention, producing carefully timed toys and activities, cutting up all her food, etc. It’s not like I can just chill out and enjoy my meal