Second baby - what you wish you'd known!

[MrsMyreton]

Hello Mumsnetters,

Second baby due in September and after all the chaos of the last few months, it's starting to feel very close!

So, please tell me what you'd wish you'd known? Any tips? Any advice to make my life easier when she arrives?

DD is 3 if that makes a difference, and will be in nursery three days a week.

Thanks!

I got my eldest a present and then gave it to him ‘from the baby’. This put him in a good mood with her when they first met. I use the sling a lot so we can play physical games together while the baby sleeps.

Sorry, no advice, but following as I am due DC2 in november. DC1 will be 23 months. Quite worried about the whole thing.

You won't get the one on one time you had with your first because you'll be running around all the time entertaining and looking after the first. When I had my first baby I spent hours just sitting on the sofa cuddling and breastfeeding him, with the second it was feed and put in sling, bouncy seat, cot... so I could sort the older one out.

@Bumblingalong30s

I got my eldest a present and then gave it to him ‘from the baby’. This put him in a good mood with her when they first met. I use the sling a lot so we can play physical games together while the baby sleeps.

This. And my sling was the best investment ever. We used them until DS2 was about 18 months when shopping as DS1 would fiddle with him and poke him in the trolly seats (v small age gap). Honestly, second babies tend to just fit in and go with the flow. In my experience as a nursery practitioner, the siblings that come through are generally much more laid back.

I also had a 3 yr age gap and dc1 in nursery 3 days a week! 2nd child was so much easier. Dc1 happened to have awful behaviour at 3, probably due to sibling arrival... just got through it with lots of love and small trips with daddy while i was stuck feeding baby!

Do video the moment your older one meets the new baby!

The sling / carrier will save you from madness and toddler tantrums. My dd was 2 when ds born. With your second you realise how easy you had it with your first. The second has to be more portable to do nursery runs etc. And games, walks, cooking etc. Try to divide and conquer at bedtime.... this didnt work for us really as ds always needed bf at bedtime for dd who did get a bit clingy with me so be prepared- all of us ended up together at her bedtime for a while and then dh would take ds or finish bed time with dd.
Meal plan/ bulk cook . I remember DJ still at work and me trying to cook with ds in sling and dd holding on to my leg ... both crying! Sandwiches for dinner!
Get a box of activities for 3 year old for when you have to feed baby. At 3 she can help with changing etc too.

Decide on a plan with dh that 3 year old gets lots of attention from you both- tag team. Sort toddler food for the day.
You will be more relaxed with second and do things you would have with first try to enjoy it. Good luck x
Don't get me wrong having two is great, hardwork when so little but great.

"I remember DJ still at work and me trying to cook with ds in sling and dd holding on to my leg ... both crying! Sandwiches for dinner!"

Oh this brings back memories! Off the back of this tip I would say, get DH to realise how hard it is early on. The amount of times DH got home to find me stressed with two screaming children and proceeded to ask why dinner wasn't ready or why this and that hadn't been done. My best advice, as early as you can, go out for a whole day and leave the children with him, with a list of everything that needs to be done before you get back, then question him as to why it's not done when you get back. Never again did DH nag me once he'd experienced it for himself!

It'll be your 3 year old that will be the problem and will still demand all your attention.

The baby will likely be no problem at all and will just have to get on with it! So think of things to make that as easy as possible!

You'll be fine.

Trying to reassure child 1 is very hard. Talk about it a lot beforehand but DS 1 was pretty distraught

The best advice I got, from a midwife in the hospital, was “you’ve done it before but he hasn’t” - that was in relation to breast feeding, but it applies to everything. Don’t assume that something that worked with your first will work with your second.

I should have taken up the midwife’s offer of help with breast feeding by the way!

I found breastfeeding unbelievably painful and difficult with dc1, eventually it was fine and I was able to ebf. Hoped it would be better with dc2, if anything it was worse, but that time round someone suggested nipple shields which were a life saver and i bf dc2 for even longer.

Baby 2 will be very different from baby 1.

Agree with getting a present 'from' the baby and having dc1 be in nursery 3 days a week. I also taught my dc1 (same age gap) that babies love having their feet tickled. In reality I doubt the babies care, but it was a way for them to interact without the baby getting hurt!

I also looked up all the children's centres, small soft plays, museums etc where dc1 could play and I could snooze with the baby. Harder right now but some places will be more spacious if you remember to book.

Thanks so much everyone, some great tips in here. So excited and so nervous at the same time.

My second is 4 months old, eldest was 3 and 1 month even she was born. Sling and present are musts

I think it's really helped us that there is some one on one time with me and eldest in our daily routine ( I always so bedtime with her) so that she still gets her proper mum time.

Super easy food (we had lots of crackers, rice cakes, cheese ham and veggies for lunch)

I've found its a really lovely gap actually

Great thread! I am also expecting DC2 in September and have a DS aged 3. Finding it hard to get excited tbh as I know what to expect this time around in terms of the demands of birth and a newborn - plus I'm aware that it will be an adjustment for DS. He goes to nursery 3 days a week atm and I was considering reducing it to 2.5 days but might stick to 3 to begin with and see how we get on!

It’s tough, but nothing compared to the leap from 0-1. 3 years is also a really super age gap by the way, I am SO glad we waited a bit. No two babies are the same so don’t expect number two to do anything that number one did - and that can be both a blessing and a curse! Drop your standards, and if need be drop them again, as some days sh*t just doesn’t get done! That said, structuring your day to allow both for some one on one time with each child, and also, if possible, some for yourself, will benefit everyone in the long run. And delegate!!

Joining as planning on DC 2 next year!

Following with interest! Having an ELCS for DD2 2 weeks today. DD1 will be 3y3m.

Feel more anxious than excited- worried how I will manage the sleep deprivation + toddler, worried about how DD will find it all, and how I will cope in general.

If slings are a must which one would recommend? I have a baby bjorn from DC1 but im not sure if it is for newborn

Your first child will seem like a giant to you when you get home from the hospital. Just make the most of them being the littlest for the next few weeks ❤️

Get a buggy board for your 3yo. They'll look massive but little legs get very tired, esp when baby is in a pram.

Sling wise, I got a cheap liberty sling which lasted to until about 10 weeks (about £10 from eBay new) then I got an integra / connecta second hand for about £30.
They've both been life savers!

I wouldn’t recommend the Baby Bjorn if it’s the narrow based one. You want something with a nice wide base for baby to sit in, with legs in the M position. We found the Close Caboo really good for the first four or so months.

My daughter was almost 3 when my son arrived. We made sure she was completely potty trained day and night before he arrived which was so much easier. We had moved into a new house a few months before he was due and my daughter still had her nursery furniture which we wanted to use for the baby. We took her shopping and let her chose new furniture and things for her new 'big girl' room so she was more than happy to give the baby her old cotbed and dresser. She was very involved in baby shopping and used to spend ages playing in his room with her dolls before he was born, putting them in his car seat, cot etc.

I was induced which made things easier as everything was organised before hand. She stayed at my parents house the night before and they brought her round the following day to meet him, fully prepared wearing her big sister tshirt and a present she had chosen especially for him. We also had a present for her from her new brother which she loved.
She liked helping look after him, helping with bathing, feeding etc which was so cute.

I did try to make an extra effort to do things just the two of us still. When my husband was home we would occasionally go to the cinema just the two of us or go for a hot chocolate and have some girly time.

Good luck with the new baby! X

@42daystogo

If slings are a must which one would recommend? I have a baby bjorn from DC1 but im not sure if it is for newborn

Moby wraps are great for newborns. After a few months I switched to a Mei tai, which was so versatile.