Second baby - what you wish you'd known!

[MrsMyreton]

Hello Mumsnetters,

Second baby due in September and after all the chaos of the last few months, it's starting to feel very close!

So, please tell me what you'd wish you'd known? Any tips? Any advice to make my life easier when she arrives?

DD is 3 if that makes a difference, and will be in nursery three days a week.

Thanks!

Watching with interest. DS will be 3 almost 4 when DC2 is born in Feb.
Good luck everyone.

Same age gap here - DS2 is 7 weeks old.
Buggy board is genius- means DS1 is always under control and I don’t need to hold his hand while pushing buggy. We called it a skateboard so he thinks it’s super cool
Also agree with PP saying second babies just fit in around you managing the first one! And biggest bit of advice is lower your expectations about what you can achieve in a day. BF takes up most of the day in the first few weeks so I made myself not feel guilty about lots of TV time for the older one and having the freezer stocked with ready meals (from Cook if you can afford it - they are fab- a friend bought us a load as a new baby present).
I didn’t expect DS1 to love the baby quite so much. It is gorgeous to see. We also bought a present from the baby so that may be part of it!
Enjoy!

My son was 3.5 years old when second baby came along and what I wasn’t prepared for was the jealousy and rejection

For the first two months everything was fine but when when the baby was going longer periods between sleeps and wanting more attention my oldest son really struggled with having to compete for my attention.

It was so hard emotionally when my oldest son rejected me, he kept telling me he didn’t want me and that he only wanted his daddy and Katie - who was his childminder.

I remember many occasions where I just cried because it felt like by having a second baby I had completely destroyed my relationship with my first son. It was as though he thought I had replaced him and it broke my heart.

However, as a family we came up with strategies to try and address the issue and by the time my youngest was about 4 months old things started to improve and by the time the baby was 6 months old they were the best of friends.

I don’t mean to be all doom and gloom but I wish I had been warned about how jealously/rejection can occur and how it can present and the emotions it could cause.

As my 3 year old was pushing me away, telling me he didn’t want me anymore, as I had tears rolling down my face, I honestly felt like the worst mother in the world.

If I had known that it was completely normal and not just something that was happening because of something I had personally done, I think I would have found it easier to cope with.

Thanks so much for all the advice everyone.

We set up DD's 'big girl room' at the start of the year, moving her out of the nursery, into a bigger room with a single bed (chosen by her etc.). She's been brilliant at helping to set up the nursery for the new baby over the last couple of months.

Any recommendations on which gift to get from the baby to DD? We had considered a tablet (to help keep her amused if I'm caught up doing something with baby)?

My little girl is obsessed with clothes so she got a dress - she's barely when it though so I wish I'd got her something else like toy she'd play with as independent play becomes super important

Following this with interest! I'm only 14 weeks with no. 2 and tbh I'm a lot more scared than I am excited at this point...

We didn’t do the gift from the baby as my son was old enough to understand that a baby who had been in mummy’s tummy had not been out to the shops to buy a present for him

We did the opposite and instead, as the due date got nearer we got DS1 all excited and told him he was soon going to be a big brother and asked if he wanted to get a present for the baby - which he did.

I will never forget the first time DS1 came to the hospital to meet the new baby, and he came running up all excitedly with his gift wrapped present in his hands. He started chatting away to the baby, said he’d bought the baby a present to say hello and then unwrapped it. He had bought about five Hot Wheels cars and spent about 15 minutes explaining to the baby what a Hot Wheel car was and what all their names were

😍

My DD was almost 3 and obsessed with disney and at the time the film tangled so we got her the rapunzel dress and put it in a gift bag next to the Moses basket and explained it was from her little brother.

I have heard that it's best to introduce them to the baby without mum holding it (possibly to avoid any jealousy) so we had the baby in the Moses basket when she first met him and we let her sit on the sofa and hold him herself (with help)

How old was everyone's DC when number 2 was born?