Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

@Parker231 thing is none us said that Formula is better than breastmilk. As we've said all along in some cases formula can be better than BM which is what people have kicked off about.

FF is normal
BF is normal
Combi feeding is normal

None mean you don't care about your baby, none mean you've done your baby a disservice, none guarantee benefits over the other.

It is a woman's choice how she feeds and you should never ever judge a woman before you understand her motives. This is the whole point of the bloody post. OP judged another mum over one picture. It's not needed and it's nasty and rude.

I think the fact that this thread (and countless others on the matter) get so many comments just goes to show that there is not enough information or support available for mums both BF'ing or FF'ing to allow for either to be 100% confident in their decision. Some posts have air of the defensive/ self justification about them which is a shame. If all women were given all the support and a fair shot at accomplishing feeding either way (where possible) then I feel like the BF/FF argument wouldn't be so polarising. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@sqirrelfriends so in FF can be best for baby in some cases.

Yes, I never said it wasn't.

@grumpyorange - plenty of posters on this thread judging those of us who ff from the start!

That being said- I do think OP has been very judgy.

@TeenyQueen I'm confused. I don't think you understand...

I for example was highly likely to suffer from PND and I have had suicidal tendencies in the past. I knew that if I BF and had to do every feed by myself etc then I would spiral and then be no use to my baby whatsoever. I therefore made the decision to FF from the start. It was the best decision for me and my family and my baby will thrive better having a functioning mother!

Also interesting that you say successful breastfeeding limits PND. This is the point those that fail are made to feel awful. They're made to feel that they've failed their babies and can in many cases develop some sort of depression.

Until we all learn to keep our nose out of other people's business this will always occur

@sqirrelfriends so breast is not always best in every single scenario and therefore OP should not have judged another woman's feeding choices without knowing the whole story.

That has been the point of the whole post!

@Parker231 exactly.

As I said before I don't give a Damon how someone chooses to feed. I don't know what they've been through etc so they are allowed to choose what they feel is best for their babies.

It's so simple and yet people just don't understand it!

*damn

@Leah00 So a mum who is worried about PND might equally blame breast feeding even for the risk of PND, and hence decide that formula is best for her family, when then she misses out on experiencing how much breastfeeding can contribute to making her adjust to motherhood and overcome the common challenges that come with it.

Are you aware how dangerous this pushing could be.

You need to get a grip and get your nose out of other people's business!

It is this mentality that could cause someone to feel so alone and so guilty about FF that they take their own life. Your actions could cause this.

I just don’t understand why people feel so strongly about it. It’s really weird.

I’ve always found that if I’m genuinely comfortable and happy with any decisions I make in my life, I don’t feel the need to tell other people about them or try to tell others that my decision was superior to the ones they made.

Ive found that often people who go on like this aren’t quite so happy with the effect their decision has had on other aspects of their lives so they feel the need to constantly talk about it and tell others how wonderful it is to feel better. That’s quite sad but they need to deal with their issues.

I was too busy either feeling tired or having a lovely time when my children were babies to be arsed to think much about anything, especially other people’s feeding choices. You’ll never get the time again so just concentrate on enjoying your baby and your relationships with your partner and your family and friends. There’s so much more to raising children than how you choose to feed them and in the coming years this will just be completely insignificant.

Someone asked earlier on how the Scandinavian approach differs from the UK. In a little nutshell:

• There's a central service for mothers and young families so you get all your healthcare services under the same roof: Antenatal clinic, postnatal, breastfeeding support, psychology, nutritionist etc
• Most women initiate breastfeeding because it's commonly understood that breastfeeding is the gold standard
• Longer maternity leave on higher pay, plus longer paternity leave
• Childcare is so heavily subsidised it's practically free, nurseries must have qualified early years teachers
• Long, cold and dark winters which means that staying in is cool
• No national debate about breastfeeding in public, it happens and no one complains
• Children start school at the age of 7

Overall I'd say that motherhood is valued more than in the UK, there's no assumption that a new mother goes back to 'normal' immediately after birth. National policies are family friendly.

@EveryLifeHasASoundtrack totally agree.

@Leah00 - expectant parents should take professional advice about the pros and cons of both bf and ff and not from a forum of unqualified posters.

grumpy But what about another mum who might struggle with motherhood but could have felt empowered through breastfeeding? Surely its very individual what contributes to or relieves PND. You can't say in the abstract that BF or FF are better or worse for everyone at risk - it could go either way and every woman has to find whats right for her.

There is TOO MUCH 'support' for breastfeeding if anything.

So much so I think it actually does more harm than good.

TeenyQueen

Can I ask please, why are you so invested in this?

@Leah00 if you had had your heart set on breastfeeding and for whatever reason you could not do it. You were part of that 1%. You then have people constantly saying you are doing it second best, you are increasing your child's chances for xyz etc etc.
Or you were in a suicidal position, you then read what you have just written. Realistically even if you wanted to start BF you probably couldn't do it (especially if your child is much older) especially if you were part of that 1%

How would you feel.

You'd hope that people would ask a professional for help but reading your words could be enough to tip someone over the edge.

@EveryLifeHasASoundtrack

People get emotionally invested in breastfeeding because they think it confirms their superiority as a mother. Forgetting there is another 40-50 years of parenting afterwards.

I’m so glad Mn wasn’t around when I had DT’s. As a new mother I don’t think I would have wanted to read from anonymous and unqualified posters that I had made a second rate feeding decision .

Apologies. I will ask MN to remove the post then.

@Parker231 I only joined MN 3 months after DS was born. If I had read this in the first month or so I honestly feel the impact would've been so great on my MH that I would've been committed to a mother and baby unit and that is no exaggeration.

*There is TOO MUCH 'support' for breastfeeding if anything.

So much so I think it actually does more harm than good*

“Support”- you’re right to use inverted commas.

Ime bf “support” consisted of pre-natal lectures, flyers, m/w’s and hcp’s all telling us how great bf was, how it was “best”, everyone should do it, with absolute refusal to discuss formula. A nod to “it might be sore at first”, and a lot about “getting the right latch”, but that was it.

There was nothing on the practicalities. The constant feeding, the growth spurts, the differences between bf and ff- frequency, runny poo, not going 4 hours between feeds...

Once i gave birth, right from the first moment i was asked every time i tried to bf if i didn’t want to just give formula. This was back when the red books only had ff charts, and any failure to keep up with the charts was met with formula.

All fur coat and no knickers. I got through it with kellymom. Nhs support would have had me switch to formula before i left hospital.

That’s before we get to the regimes mothers who want to bf are put on- expressing, pumping, topping up, timing, waking up to feed, they still try to medicalise it. It’s an organic process and nothing will put someone off bf more than having to spend 24 hours a day pumping and feeding.

@Wolfgirrl too much support? The support I got was "oh, your doing fine" and a promised appointment to look at DS's lip and tongue tie which never appeared. My area had nothing for me at all, they even wrote on my hospital notes that they had given me support on latch and holds, which they never did.