Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

No judgement, I don't give a monkeys what you feed your child as long as they're happy and fed. I made my decision to BF based on research, I thought it would offer my DS the best start.

I keep being told on this thread that BF has negligible benefits if any and I don't believe that to be true.

What an awful thread.
MN is just one big viper pit at minute.

I bought new vitamin liquid (6 month +) for DD and the instructions say to mix it into baby's usual milk. How do I do that when she's bf and never had a bottle? The manufacturer clearly assumes that babies are either ff or weaned at 6 months. We are giving her solids now so I mix it into her food, but it's an example of cultural lack of awareness around bf.

Then again I've seen what some children have in their school lunch boxes so I'm not entirely surprised thst overall a lot of parents have little awareness of healthy nutrition.

How judgemental do you sound? You really are a part of the problem.

When my kids were little one of the mums from a baby group I went to was like you. She had one child and became obsessed with breastfeeding, quoting figures at people, judging, just generally devoting herself to the breastfeeding cause. It gradually sent her into a spiral of mental health problems, she couldn’t deal with the fact that not everyone agreed with her even the mums who breastfed. Her marriage fell apart because her husband couldn’t deal with how obsessive she became, she was so obsessed with the bond between her baby and herself that she pushed everyone away. It’s very sad.

From when my children were fully weaned, no one ever asked me if they were breast or formula fed.

France has lower rates than the U.K. It’s definitely cultural. This article is lighthearted but highlights some of the attitudes. I’m not sure how their advertising laws regulate formula, that may well be something to do with it.
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/apr/01/france-breast-breastfed-baby-death

France has lower rates of obesity than the U.K. No, breastfeeding is absolutely not the be all and end all of a healthy life. There are lots of contributing factors. Breastmilk is obviously the optimum nutritionally for an infant, I find it surprising that anyone would argue otherwise. But that’s not to say formula doesn’t have benefits, they’re just not nutritional ones. The unique problem we seem to have in the U.K. though is that women are not actually choosing to ff. So many want to breastfeed and it’s not working so what’s going on? I think that’s what op is referring to when she started a thread about ‘bottle feeding culture’.

Is feeding a baby really such an arduous task? I loved the early days, not having to do any housework but sitting on the sofa with drinks and snacks, feeding my newborn and going through my favourite box sets.

Lol. I presume you just have just 1 child or lots of help or very quiet older child....maybe try having a noisy toddler and a 5 year old demanding attention and see how easy it is then. You won’t hear your box sets then, your drink will go cold and you may just find you haven’t eaten by lunchtime. You really do sound completely clueless to the real world.

@Peapod29 I agree with you completely. I actually think the MW's and Doctors pushing breastfeeding so much is only serving to make the mothers who can't or choose not to feel bad, which is never great PP.

I've posted about my experiences seeking help earlier in the thread, basically I had a lot of issues and the support in my area was non existent, I'm glad I persisted but I almost gave up many times. I could only imagine a woman suffering with PND would be have been feeling in that situation.

But people who choose to FF don't give their DC the 'best' start in life. Nutritionally they give them the second best (but in most cases still good enough) start to life. In some cases the nutritional 'second best' is outweighed by other concerns that do make it the 'overall' best. But those who choose to FF just 'because they fancy it' are choosing the second best. Absolutely your choice, but don't go around telling others it's the best, when factually it isn't.

By choosing to FF you accept a slightly higher risk of childhood cancers, infections, and health problems stemming from the gut biome. All the FF children mentioned here who are 'happy and healthy' thankfully weren't affected by these but that doesn't mean that the risks weren't there.

I'm not saying this in a smug way, just to correct PP statements that were not factually correct.

In my case I tried bf for a matter of days then switch to ff.
Reason are breastfeeding was hell physically and mentally and I wasn't willing to put myself through it any longer, the bf support in my area wasn't there.
Midwife's and Hv made no judgement and even one midwife said well she's had the colostrum so that's good enough.
I'm from a ff fed family so that's all the majority of people knew and could advise on and had no moral issue with it. I know formula is perfectly fine and babies thrive on it and of course they bond!
I liked to be able to have a routine, share night feeds, get my body back. I had a happy smiley content baby that slept through from 6 weeks and therefore have no regrets

@Leah00
Your attitude of "I'm doing the best for my baby (and you're not)" is why people feel judged.
It's just rude. Everyone is doing their best. Their best might look different from what your best is.

I don't see why pointing out the benefits of breastmilk in the context of a discussion like this should be called judgemental. It would be very different if people were offering unsolicited advice to mothers but surely we are allowed to discuss it here.

@sqirrelfriends lockdown aside (these are not normal times!), WHO guidance is clear that screen time for under 2’s should be avoided. I get how tempting it must be to throw a screen at your child when you have been up all night bf and exhausted. Just another reason why I chose to FF, and will likely do with my next baby too.

@EveryLifeHasASoundtrack if you sent your child to school with just a big bag of crisps and a jar of dipping sauce I would judge you yes. I would also judge you if you sent your young child to school without a hat and scarf on a cold winter's day.

I'm all for an easy life and convenience, but not when it comes to children's health and wellbeing, just thinking about these two examples above. It's now considered inappropriate to comment on other people's parenting even if the parenting is clearly bordering on neglect.

Those are completely different and not good analogies. Formula is not bordering on neglect, so that isn't a good comparison.

@Sipperskipper that's literally never happened (in my case) I use nursery rhymes on the tv so I can present meetings without being climbed on.

@Sipperskipper Up all night breastfeeding, is that your personal experience or an assumption? At 3 months I was usually spending a total of 1 hour on night feeds (3x 20 min). Last night DD slept 11 hours overall and woke up once for a 15 min feed. Even when she was a newborn I would often get more sleep than I used to do when I was working fulltime, yes it was broken up but bf hormones actually help mums to fall into deeper sleep faster.

Cultural expectation: Breastfeeding means you get no sleep and you'll lie on the sofa in a comatose state in your milk- stained pyjamas, not remembering when you last had a shower whilst your baby is hanging off your bleeding nipple...

It's such a shame that so many mothers opt to ff without even trying to BF. And you get shouted down for being ' judgey' if you dare to suggest that breastfeeding is better for the baby.

I have ff two babies that just would not take to breastfeeding but I tried my hardest and was very upset when I had to turn to formula. That was not due to anyone judging me - friends family even midwife was pushing me to formula - we are a very strange culture when it comes to breastfeeding/bottlefeeding. I never see mums breastfeeding out and about, it's just not normalised here. I tried my hardest to breastfeed because it's obvious it's the better option.

Why mothers would not even try is beyond me and yes I do judge those mothers

Yes my personal experience, and why I stopped! It was utterly miserable. Your description of a cultural expectation (bar the bleeding nipples) sums up my bf experience, even at 6 weeks.

@Lostvoiced I absolutely never said that formula feeding is bordering neglect. I was talking about sending your child to school with just crisps for lunch because someone said I sounded really judgemental, please read accurately.

@TeenyQueen

You were making an analogy about being judgey. I think it is a bad one. I said that quite clearly.

@Sipperskipper I also asked about this on MN (which is why it's being brought up) because I was so stressed about it and was told it was fine and to do what I needed to do to get by. I don't feel great about it but I've done what needed to be done to prevent my child from screaming and being upset.

I liked to be able to have a routine, share night feeds, get my body back.

This seems to be the expectation now - that being a mum to a baby shouldn't be to feed on demand including cluster feeding...that you shouldn't be sleep deprived or the only one that can feed your baby.

I

But OP, you ARE being judgemental. HTH