Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

Really interesting posts here. It's interesting that women who've had to ff due to medical issues or failure to establish bf feel judged, when majority of babies in the UK are ff. For the record I have a close friend who had to ff after 8 weeks because she didn't produce enough milk for both of her twins. Zero judgement from anyone, she's really proud of the fact that she was able to bf for 2 months.

Before DD was born several people told me that I probably wouldn't be able to bf and that I shouldn't plan to bf in case I got disappointed. My midwife was cautiously promoting bf until she soon realised how pro-bf I was. She made me feel really excited because I knew I would have support if I struggled.

A lot of people assume that bf is either really easy or really hard, which can put them off either way. If they think it's easy they'll be more likely to give up if it turns out to be hard work. I've seen this a lot on bf forums, mums assuming that they're doing something wrong or not producing enough milk when baby's cluster feeding for example. The initial pain can surprise people, but it usually goes away pretty quickly. We need more education around this because way too many mums give up early when they'd like to carry on, and they probably could carry on with the right support.

If people think bf is hard work they might not even give it a go. I think that's such a shame because bf is incredible convenient, environmentally friendly and it can be a really lovely experience.

Lots of thoughts here but I really disagree with the idea that bf is a burden. Is feeding a baby really such an arduous task? I loved the early days, not having to do any housework but sitting on the sofa with drinks and snacks, feeding my newborn and going through my favourite box sets.

@TeenyQueen
Lots of thoughts here but I really disagree with the idea that bf is a burden. Is feeding a baby really such an arduous task? I loved the early days, not having to do any housework but sitting on the sofa with drinks and snacks, feeding my newborn and going through my favourite box sets.

Totally agree. Bfing has been the easiest 'task' for me that comes with motherhood so far. I loved it. I didn't feel stuck, and I never wanted anyone else to feed ds.

I think one of the challenges to make our society more BF friendly is the partners and extended family who don't support the mother having this down time to focus on feeding. For example a husband who expects to come home to a tidy house and cooked dinner because his wife is on mat leave or a grandmother who expects to have the baby overnight because a lot of her friends do.

Formula is presented as a solution to problems that could be solved with support elsewhere in the house. I've seen plenty of threads here where a mum says she's exhausted and people rush to suggest that all would be solved if she stopped breastfeeding. The "he was so unsettled on breastmilk but was a different baby on formula" narrative is also strong.

I’d second that. Although I’ve had rough times establishing b/feeding at the start it will be one of my most fond memories of those early days. I think a big part of it is having supportive family and partner too. Lots of relatives think they can ‘help’ by feeding the baby, when actually they can do lots of other stuff and leave mum to do the feeding. I’ve been a peer supporter and you’d be astounded at the number of women who are pressured by family to ff. And also the number of women who simply need reassurance in those early weeks that their baby is getting enough milk, partly because of the constant comments from family and I think the assumption that breastfeeding ‘won’t work’. I fully support a woman’s choice to feed how she wants but I think the problem with the U.K. is that a large % of mums want to breastfeed but end up switching, causing a lot of trauma and bad feeling. I don’t think it’s weird to want to examine why this happens and see what could be done to help. It shouldn’t be dismissed because ‘ff and b/f are basically the same in the developed world’. It’s a women’s health issue though so of course they like to preach but don’t actually do anything constructive/research to help. I remember watching a ted talk and the lecturer highlighted how little is known about breastfeeding compared to other stuff. I can’t remember the exact figure but she compared it to the number of studies on erectile dysfunction, tomatoes, loads of random things that we know (insert number here) x more about than breastmilk and b/feeding.

Snuggybuggy x posted with you. 100% agree. I’m the 1st to admit I’m not into ‘earth mother’ hippy type parenting but I really think there is something to be said for the 4th trimester idea. There’s such a rush to get back to some kid of ‘normal’ with a newborn. It works for some but I really think this causes a lot of problems for many new mums.

Lots of thoughts here but I really disagree with the idea that bf is a burden. Is feeding a baby really such an arduous task?

I know also my mum started to whinge about “rod for your back”. The thought was if only I fed her she’d become dependent on me only, never go to anyone else, and I’d have a toddler hanging off me 24/7. I needed to train her to be independent.

The other thing was bf didn’t fit with others plans. I arranged to meet my mum for lunch and a bit of shopping. All good until I had to feed, she didn't want to sit and wait, couldn’t I wait until we’d finished, it would be easier if i bottle fed as i could feed her in the buggy...

With my first i fell for the “need a break” stuff and faffed with expressing and bottles. Such a PITA. With the second I didn’t bother at all. It’s only 6 months, once you start weaning you aren’t tied any more as they can have solids until you return.

Also I do think the nhs do themselves a disservice by not educating about formula properly. There are so many unsubstantiated claims that formula companies make and the cost of it is an issue for many. The nhs should be telling people you don’t need to buy aptamil, all infant formula are the same etc. Unfortunately many trusts break ‘the code’ for best practice by taking money from corporations. I will keep banging in about this on every breastfeeding/ff thread until more people are aware just how shit the formula industry is, because it feels like people think it’s a problem confined to the 80s. This report released yesterday is interesting.

www.bmj.com/content/369/bmj.m875.full

The UK definitely has a culture where mums are expected to want to return to 'normal' pretty much as soon as baby's born, which is ridiculous. The other thing that's missed out is the baby's needs. @Peapod29 mentioned the 4th trimester. The world is a scary place for a newborn and the mum is the only thing a baby knows. Dads, grandparents, relatives are great yes, but the baby specifically knows mum's smell, heartbeat, voice etc. We as a society assume that anyone can look after a newborn after birth, and some babies do have to be looked after by foster carers etc, but baby does need its mum above anyone else. I also felt really strongly that I needed to be close to DD, and I still do. There's nothing wrong with wanting and needing that nesting period with the baby. Having other people pushing in wanting to feed the baby would have been my worst nightmare. I thanked my lucky stars for bf when MIL visited us, I doubt I'd been able to hold DD at all if I hadn't been the only one able to feed her.

I don't think as a society we are completely comfortable with the idea that newborns want and need their mothers. People love the idea of both being "equal parents" and BF can threaten that idea.

Of course in most cases FF mums do the bulk of feeds and night feeds.

I'm pretty sure the little girl didn't give the whole bottle, it was just for the photo .
I don't see what the problem is and you seem over invested.

I FF, I spent every moment with DS through the 4th trimester, and said no to people when they asked to feed him if I wasn't comfortable with it. I am proud that despite the pressure from HCPs and others that I made the right decision for myself and my son, and that right decision will be different for everyone; and I respect everyone's choice. Breastfeeding is incredible and actually really beautiful, formula is also great, and in my opinion there's more to being a mum than how you feed. It's evident from this thread that plenty judge mine, but my bond was and is fine, and he is healthy and happy. BFing would have exasperated my PTSD and sent me to a very dark place, I have no shame in admitting that.

What a ridiculous thread. The pressure on women to breastfeed is cruel not to mention dangerous given the impact it has on women's mental health. Not every woman actually can do it just like not every woman will be able to conceive naturally. Would you expect a mother not to share a photo of her baby on social media because she had ivf? Not to mention, lots of women have to return to work and breastfeeding isn't possible because of that. Demonising bottle feeding like you are doing here op is disgusting. Both methods of feeding need to be seen as the norm because that is what they are.

I’ll never understand the obsession with infant feeding. The impact of so many other factors will greatly outweigh the very old ff/bf debate.

Feed your babies however works best for all involved.

I disagree that 'fed' is best. 'Fed' is the absolute bare minimum. Breastfed is best, there is no doubt about that. BUT we live in a society where bottle feeding is the norm and you can't blame people for going down that route. Some people have such a hard time breastfeeding that it isn't always the best thing for that family. You also don't know if it was expressed milk she was feeding the baby anyway. My 2 year old loves to help out with her baby brother. Not usually long enough to take a photo though so well done to that mother!

I’ll never understand the obsession with infant feeding. The impact of so many other factors will greatly outweigh the very old ff/bf debate.

And I’ll never understand this reaction. It’s like saying ‘I’ll never understand why people care about their labours/birth’ Or ‘I’ll never understand why people get so worked up about what primary school the kids go too’. It matters to many parents at the time. Millions of factors will affect your child’s upbringing. It doesn’t mean we can dismiss every one because the next more important thing will come along. When you’ve just had a baby how you want to feed them is kind of an important decision, considering that parent and baby spend about half their time feeding.

The OP isn’t discussing her feeding though, she’s discussing another woman, another family. Surely it should only be a concern for that family and not up for general discussion, much like delivering the baby, as per your example

I did find breastfeeding my baby an arduous task. It never hurt, she gained weight well, but she was never content unless bf. Constantly, even at 6 weeks. Yes, normal for a lot of bf babies, but utterly miserable for me. I was prepared for constant feeding for the first couple of weeks, but after 6 weeks it was contributing to my PND. Six weeks of sitting on the sofa was not in any way enjoyable.

I switched to formula and she was instantly happier, sleeping well (shock, horror!) and we were both more content.

Why is it almost taboo to want your baby to sleep well and be content, or have any sort of needs of your own when you become a mother?

Fed' is the absolute bare minimum..

But it's enough, so need for anyone to feel bad because they didn't, or for women, like the OP to judge others. You cannot tell who was FF and who was BF as a baby, you just can't.

Thanks for telling me I did the bare minimum for my dd. Cheers. That's great. So supportive.
Dickish thing to say

Well, this thread is a new low.

@Sandybval that's a silly argument, there's a lot of things you can't tell about someone's health by looking at them.

@sqirrelfriends it's not an argument, it's the truth. Are you saying that everyone who was formula fed is affected health wise for the rest of their life? Aside from potential links to obesity (which isn't conclusive anyway as it doesn't take into account other factors in someone's upbringing), there aren't any studies that show long term benefits beyond when you are actually feeding. Not po po-ing it, BFing is great, but you honestly wouldn't be able to tell who had been fed what way, even if you knew what health conditions (if any) they had.

@Sipperskipper Hit the nail in the head I don't know why it's seen as taboo either

Sandy Yes there are studies that show long term health differences. An important one is the oligosacharides (sp) that only breastmilk provides and that influence the gut biome, now understood to influence health outcomes for the rest of someone's life (eg likelihood of autoimmune diseases). Also a study I came across once that said BF babies are half as likely to die in their first x years (can't remember exact number now). Either way a miniscule risk I'm sure, but still. If you look into it there's a lot of information on the health impacts of not breastfeeding.