Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

@sqirrelfriends the same way some children may develop dodgy nappies from FF. what are you not understanding. Both have limitations which can happen to one baby and not another.

E.g baby 1 may develop asthma and be BF
Baby 2 might not and is BF

Baby 1 might get a dodgy tummy due to FF
Baby 2 might not get a dodgy tummy due to FF

It is all relative to the individual baby and should be treated as such.

What is good for one baby might not be good for another. What is good for one mum might not be good for another

The chances of a FF baby dying in this country because of the Formula itself is negligible, the chances of a BF baby in this country dying due to being allergic to something the mother ate is negligible. Both can happen but the chances are so slim. Both BF and FF babies can die of SIDS and it has happened very sadly to both.

What you should be doing is acknowledging that it is a mothers choice how she feeds her baby and she should be supported whatever she chooses. Why can you not agree with that and move on.

@grumpyorange I do agree that it's the mothers choice but I object to the spread of anti-breastfeeding misinformation that prevents those same mothers from making a truly informed decision.

I did my research when I got pregnant, I’m sure others do the same. I spoke to DH (a GP), midwives, two friends who are nurses, my DM, DMil, DSis and DSil and read numerous mother/baby books and articles. I decided to ff.

So what was your reasoning, Parker?

I agree that breast milk is best for baby but sometimes formula is better in the situation. Breastfeeding wasn't a lovely bonding experience for me. I tried and tried for 3 months, sought the help of multiple professionals, and still couldn't make it work. I ended up in such distress (undiagnosed at the time postpartum depression) that I genuinely considered throwing my baby out of my window to stop the stress of it all.

After this I was put on Sertraline and started pumping and eventually supplementing with formula. Next time if it doesn't work out I will switch to formula without a second thought. A newborn and mother bond far more when the mother is mentally stable.

@sqirrelfriends the same way I feel like misinformation about FF shouldn't be spread 🤷🏼‍♀️ we clearly aren't going to agree

@TheVeryHungryTortoise your kind of situation is exactly why formula is so great, you have a backup when it's needed for your health or the baby's.

@grumpyorange it's not misinformation when it's science backed up by studies.

Honestly I think what it comes down to is that breastfeeding can be hard- mother who breastfeed feels proud of doing it anyway, this in turn upsets those who didn't do it and they get defensive as they feel judged even though literally no one (on this thread) has told them they made the wrong choice.

@grumpyorange I said wayyy down the thread that mums do make informed choices, they really do. But apparently they don't...

It's not internet randoms on MN that make women feel like shit failures, it's actual real life midwives and health visitors that you are unlucky enough to meet and put your trust in when you are at your most vulnerable.

But why do you think that a lot more women in other countries manage to breast feed?

My 6 month old is bottle fed. He also wont sleep unless I am holding him (dad isnt good enough for him it seems) so plenty of bonding, his sister helping with the odd bottle makes no difference to that.

I agree on your point about breast feeding not being allowed on social media, it's ridiculous.

Oh you aren't breastfeeding, why aren't you breastfeeding, only 1% of women can't breastfeed so I doubt you were one of those, you're not giving you baby the best start in life, you'll never bond with your baby, did you even try and breastfeed, your baby will never have a high IQ with that milk, you're damaging your baby, you're baby will always be behind, you're so selfish that you didn't breastfeed, do you not care that your baby has a greater chance of SIDS

Heard ALL of these when i FF dd
From so called friends, family, our GP at time and random strangers who felt their 2 cents was valid or even wanted, like literally everyone had an opinion and it all boiled down to i was the failure

We're only calling out misinformation, so that every new mum can make an informed choice.

Informed choice also include
In grand scheme, BF dont mean much, look at a playground, can you tell how kids were fed? No
Yet women are never told that straight up.

@squeekums just because you've seen FF kids who are fine it doesn't mean that "BF don't mean much".

I'm all for breastfeeding, and was adamant no bottle is going to be used when my daughter was born. The reality was I was struggling - both physically and (as a result of the physical struggle to do it properly) mentally. After about a week when I was in agony, had mastitis, cracked nipples, 20+ stitches you know where, so couldn't really sit down properly too..... I was a mess!!! So a friend who is also a social worker said - don't beat yourself up, try bottle. You can still breastfeed, but try mixing it up. It just gave me my sanity back. Oh, I felt so guilty, so judged (even though I don't think anyone did judge tbh). I felt awful, like i was letting my child down.
4 years on, I don't worry about it at all! And what my experience has taught me - you just don't know what mental state the mother is. It's all smiles and "oh I wouldn't have it any other way", but underneath the person might be struggling really bad. Just be kind people, there is no need for lecturing or being horrible about this. I was bottle fed myself when I was a baby, after an emergency c-section my mum just didn't have any milk. Nearly 40 years on- I'm in good health, never had any health problems as a child, had top grades at school, I'm a qualified professional, and all together, none of the crap they spout about to be the result of formula feeding your baby! And I imagine formula milk has moved on and is a better version of what I had in the 80's!! Breast is best, yes I still agree - but please don't judge mothers who don't do it, as you simply don't know the reasons why they don't!

@sqirrelfriends

What does it mean? What guarantees are there from breastfeeding?

@Abbccc because they cant afford formula or dont have access to facilities to make it safely. The breastfeeding 'rate' doesnt mean those babies are healthy and well nourished, I would be interested to see the stats on failing to thrive in those countries.

@Wolfgirrl I suggest you RTFT, there are no guarantees but studies have shown that breastfeeding does provide a number of benefits. This not to say that formula is necessarily unhealthy but it's never going to perfectly replicate breastmilk and it's health benefits, that's impossible.

Most European countries have much higher BF rates than the UK though and most mums in those countries can afford formula and are able to makemit safely Wolfgirrl.

@Bobsandbitz that sounds like a horrible experience, of course you would use formula in the case, no one in their right mind would judge you for it.

The OP's original post did come off a bit judgey but I don't think it was meant the way it came across tbh, the point myself and other BF mums have tried to get across is that breastmilk has benefits as some people on here have been disputing that. It's very frustrating to have all the evidence laid out for someone to come along and say that they can't tell the difference looking at a child if they've had formula or not- of course you couldn't.

@Abbccc because they cant afford formula or dont have access to facilities to make it safely. The breastfeeding 'rate' doesnt mean those babies are healthy and well nourished, I would be interested to see the stats on failing to thrive in those countries

Sweden and other scandinavian countries have very high breastfeeding rates. You think those countries are so backward the bf because they can’t afford formula, have no safe water and that the babies are all FTT?

Heard ALL of these when i FF dd
From so called friends, family, our GP at time and random strangers who felt their 2 cents was valid or even wanted, like literally everyone had an opinion and it all boiled down to i was the failure

Interestingly i bf exclusively. After a couple of weeks everyone started telling me that I’d “done enough now”, and that i should stop so other people could feed, i should stop being a martyr, if i gave formula i’d make it much easier on myself, the baby would start sleeping through. Lots of pressure from family because they wanted to give the baby a bottle..

Even the m/w on the post natal ward would see me feeding and offer to fetch formula so I could “have a break”. One gave me an enormous telling off for not bringing my own formula and bottles- when I was sat breastfeeding and had had no issues with bf.

My mother thought it was disgusting and unhygienic and hated me feeding in public. She’d make me go to the toilet.

Everyone had an opinion. The GP who said I should stop as bf was too difficult (routine appt, i didn’t have any issues) and didn’t i want to get my life back.

It wasn’t dissimilar to when people find out I’m teetotal, tbh. As if i’m some boring anti-social git who just wants to stay at home feeding the baby and not being any fun.

Damned if you do.

I'm on the fence. I imagine it was a dead cute moment for the toddler and their baby sibling, and I have no issue with bottles being given by other members of the family and I can't get worked up over other people's feeding choices

However, there is a weird perception around bf in the uk. I have 4 children and have bf two and ff two (through choice) so completely neutral. However I've never had any judgement for ff but plenty for ff and it is sad that ff is seen as the default. When my baby cries people ask me if she needs a bottle - that she's breastfed doesn't even cross their mind. My own children when they play mums and dads with dolls automatically bf their 'babies'. Here, in our house , breast is normal and bottles are the alternative, which whether we like it or not is how it should be in society.

Fed is not best. Fed is the bare minimum. Breastfeeding is biologically normal.

Also, to add to that, I've posted (tasteful) photos of me breastfeeding on social media because no one would bat an eyelid if I posted a photo of my bottle feeding so why not bf?

I think that asking if baby needs a boob is too risky as it sounds like judgement if you ff. My ex didn't like using the phrase "feed" as it sounded like feeding an animal so "milk " would be the only neutral alternative