Advice: Husband accidentally let him cry for 30 minutes and he won't settle now.

[Firstimemam]

Just a bit of a back story, I never let my child cry, I don't believe in it and don't like it, so he knows when he cries or calls for us, we're there. He's 15 months, clever, beautiful - god don't we love our children??

It took me a long time to do gentle sleep training but eventually, he now puts himself to sleep by himself at nap time and in the evening. Yesterday, my DH put our child to sleep, came downstairs, we had dinner (the monitor was right next to him), plugged in but he never turned it on. Dinner was done, I walked up the stairs and my child was wailing, I've never seen him in a state like this, so distraught, he kept making that breathing sound for ages after he had calmed down. It took me another 2 hours to settle him to go to sleep and I knew when I went downstairs that my OH has destroyed all the hard work I have put in for months and months, so it nap time today came, the same routine as every day and he screamed his head off when I left the room, I tried for 2h to get him to sleep but ended up giving up. It's almost 4pm and my 15 months old has not had a nap.

I have to do it all over again and I'm so distraught over it, I'm now taking the next three days off work because I'm so upset over it all and I can't help but resent my OH For doing this even though it was an honest mistake.

& please don't try telling me this is not the reason why he didn't settle for his nap today, I know it is the reason. No point in even posting this but had to let it all out.

Hopefully he'll go back to his normal sleep routine. It's been a one time disruption. Maybe an overreaction? Especially taking 3 days off work?

Glad you can use this forum to offload but be kind to yourself and your hubby - being a parent during these rough times is hard enough.

Stay safe and all the best xxx

It was an accident. Lots of reassurance for the next few days and your DC will be fine.

You seem to have lost all sense of proportion op. Three days off work because you’re upset that nap time went wrong? It honestly isn’t the end of the world. Could you take him for a walk in his pushchair and get him to sleep that way instead for today? Try the cot again tomorrow?

You sound pretty stressed out about baby's sleep routine. My advice is take a few steps back. Sleep goes all over the shop for all sorts of reasons. You actually can't control it so stop stressing out trying to.

Yes that was a horrible mistake. No it hasn't damaged your child for life.

Sleep is a marathon not a sprint!

Wow, ok, I know it can be upsetting but take a deep breath, it was an honest mistake, anyone could have done it; and while distressing it won’t have ruined anything. If anything, your DC may pick up on your distress and that will upset him more!

Automatically taking 3 days off work is a massive overreaction; do you have a history of anxiety?

3 days off work? You need to look at this is the context of life OP, this is upsetting but minor. Your DC will be fine

You're taking 3 days off work because sleep time took a bit of a stumble?
Wow I sure feel sorry for your OH.

I think you need to seek help. This is so over controlling

I know this must have been very upsetting for you, but you're massively overreacting and i would put money on your baby picking up on your stress being why he's so unsettled. If you're still very upset and panicky about this, I'd let your husband do naptime for the next few days.

I also think you should have a think about your reaction here - being so upset that you need 3 days off work seems to me like a sign that there's something going on with you. Could you talk to your HV or GP?

You need to calm down, I never left my dc to cry but this was an unintentional one time mistake and it is hardly catastrophic, your dc may have only been crying for 5 minutes for all you know as you couldn’t hear him.

If your bedtime routine was solid then he will go back to it easily enough, one mishap shouldn’t knock it off course for long.

Wait......... you're honestly taking three days off work for this? Omg.

I have to do it all over again and I'm so distraught over it, I'm now taking the next three days off work because I'm so upset over it all and I can't help but resent my OH For doing this even though it was an honest mistake.*

Honestly, are you okay? That isn't proportionate. If you made an honest mistake such as not properly switching the monitor on, would your DH be as harsh to you?

As PP mentioned. You can't possibly know baby was crying for the full 30min.
Please go easy on your husband it seems like it was an honest mistake.

Yikes I feel so sorry for your husband. I honestly don't see how you think your actions are at all logical or reasonable. I would be looking to get counselling you're reaction to a simple mistake is not normal.

Also god forbid if you have a second child, babies cry there's sometimes no rhyme or reason to it. Plus it's also not normal to never let a child cry. How are they meant to learn its ok to cry sometimes if you've never shown them it's normal??

Not the point I know, but how big is your house that you can't hear a screaming child for half an hour?

Your DH is copping a lot of blame here, neither of you turned the monitor on and neither of you heard your child crying.

It’s annoying when sleep routines get disrupted but it happens for all sorts of reasons, it’s part of life and you have to adapt to that.

I mean this kindly, but you’re overreacting and it’ll only make it worse.

You really really need to get some perspective. It was a mistake - obviously neither of you noticed the monitor wasn't making that quiet bussing noise they make etc. Your son will be feeding off your stress. Calm down, please get perspective because honestly parenting is a very very long road and being this uptight about schedules will make life one thousand times harder for all of you.

How come you didn't hear if he was crying?
Anyway, 3 days off work is a total over-reaction. Is there something else worrying you?

@DaanSaaf my thoughts exactly! We have a three storey terrace and can still hear the little blighters from top to bottom

You sound very anxious about it. If you're convinced that your hard work has been ruined your baby is probably picking up on this...it will become a self fulfilling prophecy iyswim

3 days off work?

Are you normally overly anxious?

Really?

I think lockdown is getting some people's creative writing juices flowing...

3 days off work?! Are you deliberately trying to make your dh feel awful?
Over reaction doesn't even begin to describe it

3 days off work?

I’ll not lie, you lost my sympathy at that. I work alongside someone who goes off work like this. And I have to pick up their work.

I’m not a mother so I’ll never know this type of worry, but I have different worries. And it doesn’t mean 3 days off work when my world goes a tiny bit squint.

It’ll be ok I’m sure OP. As others more qualified have said, you have a long road ahead of yourself if this knocks you off your stot. And there are far worse things to be distraught over

OP I’m sorry you’re so stressed.
These things happen and you need to try and be more resilient and roll with the punches.
Also reading your post you don’t seem to see you and your OH as equal partner in parenting.