Advice: Husband accidentally let him cry for 30 minutes and he won't settle now.

[Firstimemam]

Just a bit of a back story, I never let my child cry, I don't believe in it and don't like it, so he knows when he cries or calls for us, we're there. He's 15 months, clever, beautiful - god don't we love our children??

It took me a long time to do gentle sleep training but eventually, he now puts himself to sleep by himself at nap time and in the evening. Yesterday, my DH put our child to sleep, came downstairs, we had dinner (the monitor was right next to him), plugged in but he never turned it on. Dinner was done, I walked up the stairs and my child was wailing, I've never seen him in a state like this, so distraught, he kept making that breathing sound for ages after he had calmed down. It took me another 2 hours to settle him to go to sleep and I knew when I went downstairs that my OH has destroyed all the hard work I have put in for months and months, so it nap time today came, the same routine as every day and he screamed his head off when I left the room, I tried for 2h to get him to sleep but ended up giving up. It's almost 4pm and my 15 months old has not had a nap.

I have to do it all over again and I'm so distraught over it, I'm now taking the next three days off work because I'm so upset over it all and I can't help but resent my OH For doing this even though it was an honest mistake.

& please don't try telling me this is not the reason why he didn't settle for his nap today, I know it is the reason. No point in even posting this but had to let it all out.

Welldone for listening to reason Op.

At 15 month my DS sleep pattern changed for the worse for a few years so be prepared for glitches along the way.

You sound exhausted, take some time off and relax.

is your home really so big you can’t hear your child cry? And your monitor has no lights to show it’s on? And turned up? And can detect your child breathing?

Maybe you need a better monitor?

Jeez oh OP how they hell are you going to cope if something really awful happens in your life ? FFS get a grip

Your house must be massive!

I’m not sure I’d be putting my child for a nap on the third floor whilst I’m in the bottom, that seems a long way,

Anyway, I do think you should get a better monitor. My daughter is 22 and even hers all those years ago lit up with her breathing, it would be impossible to think it was on when it wasn’t. You’d both have seen immediately it was off.

I think if you’re going to be putting your child down for naps on the third floor and switching a ventilator on, the least you should get is a decent monitor.

You're taking three days off work because your child cried for half an hour?

It's going to be a LONG LONG 18 years 🙇🏻‍♀️

Ahhh, you're not awful at all. But you sound so tightly wound, with children, toddlers especially it's so difficult to control every aspect of the day, both you and your son will benefit massively from some more flexibility. I do fully get where you're coming from though I like to have a routine but my little girl isn't such a fan 😂 so it goes against every nerve in my body but it does help the mood in the house

Babies have cried since time began.

You’re taking three days off work because your child cried.....

You do realise you’re making a rod for your own back. Good luck with that.

There are some really helpful responses in here but also a lot of nasty comments. This isn’t AIBU. The OP posted in Parenting, looking for, you know, support and advice about parenting.

Well done for wading through this thread, that can't have been easy. Much less taking it on board. Your baby is still in the cute innocent baby stage. Wait a few months and he'll figure out that all he has to do to get his own way is to whine a bit/cry. It's natural to respond to your baby when they cry. It's also healthy to learn to recognise when he's in distress, and when he's having a tantrum. (I don't mean the thing about him crying in bed) it is hard to leave them to cry when if it is a tantrum. I tend to ask mine (3yo twins) if they need a hug if theyre really beside themselves but i don't pander/change my decision to make them stop crying. Crying is fine, it's how young children express themselves. You've got to work out with dh how you want to go about discipline and tantrums so you can be a United front in the future. And you don't need to apologise for not getting to your child before he fell over. He needs to fall over and hurt himself to learn not to do it again. I'm not saying neglect him lol. Just ... Give him the space to make mistakes and fall down.

I'm sorry my earlier posts to you weren't as nice as they could have been.

Fucking hell #bekind didn’t last long did it?

Ignore all the twats OP. If you want to take 3 days off to sort your DC’s sleep routine that’s up to you, and it’ll probably make you feel less stressed about things.
I also never left my DC alone to cry, although I would sit with them and let them cry if they were annoyed I wouldn’t let them go to sleep in my arms or on my bed etc. When I was sleep training them to get them to go to sleep in their cot.
Enjoy your break from work!

If you want to take 3 days off to sort your DC’s sleep routine that’s up to you

To be fair to the posters, she said she was taking three days off because she was so distraught about it and resented her husband for it 🤷‍♀️

Op, I’m glad you’ve accepted the comments and can see this isn’t right. My comment was to buy a better baby monitor, iyou’ve got a real shit one that you both can’t tell immediately if it’s on or not.

You can get a fairly basic one that lights up, or if you can afford it, you can even get a video one, they cost about 90 quid, which means you can see your baby since they are on the top floor, it might be good, especially as your child is getting older, it won’t be long before they can climb out.

Ok OP - you didn’t say you were looking at taking a holiday. You just said you were taking time off work. In my world that means time off as a ‘parent day’ or somesuch. And the rest of us have to pick up the slack. It is infuriating to watch a colleague play the system on the nice days/at the end of their holidays/festive season - Christmas Eve/day/Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve was a beauty when the rest of us who had applied got our days denied because two took parent time.

I should say that no one minds when it is necessary. It is just that two people take the absolute mick when it seems hellish convenient.

So apologies - you aren’t sounding as though you are in that category and I was venting unfairly.

Still glad to read you know you are stressing yourself out needlessly. Enjoy your holiday, your toddler and let loose a little if you can. Life is short and moments shouldn’t be fretted over.

whatever it takes.

I’d leave the bastard.
Harsh? Not as ridiculous as taking 3 days off work!

I think you've massively overreacted. Also, you didn't notice the monitor wasn't switched on either. Let it go. In a couple of days max your LO will be back to normal.

I think you need to speak to someone too. In the nicest possible way.. 3 days off work is a massive overreaction.

Over reaction yes but you sound like a loving mum- I hope tonight goes better for you OP.

And I can’t believe people vilify mother’s who make mistakes, over react, etc yet it’s clear they are doing their best, they love their children.

You need to save you arsey attitudes for the mother’s who don’t care at all and their children live in such a horrible home with no cares given.

Enjoy your 3 days off with your son ❤️

Read the updates!

Op was upset after finding her child upset, and panicking about her child’s sleep regression.
She has acknowledged she overreacted, her and her husband are fine.
She’s taking time off that is she owed anyway.

@Firstimemam the ventilator was on. Do you mean the extract fan or is your toddler on a vent when asleep? If they are I can understand your distress at the situation.

Take a week off work (it's holiday time which you should have clarified, so your entitled to do this). Relax a little and slowly and gently reintroduce your sleep routine. I'm sure your baby was upset by being left, but babies forget very quickly. I'm sure he'll revert to his previous sleep routine.

We all make mistakes and are anxious around first children, but no one needs to be perfect. Cut yourself some slack and lose the resentment.

To be fair to the posters, she said she was taking three days off because she was so distraught about it and resented her husband for it 🤷‍♀️

Fair enough, as she started that sentence with “I have to do it all over again” I interpreted that as meaning that was the reason for the time off. Either way, it’s not for anyone else to decide what’s a reasonable reason for wanting to take annual leave, none of us can know what someone else’s state of mind is. So I think most of the comments were unnecessarily harsh.

Ok I take back my previous comment I think this might actually be real