Non-Biological Father Being Unhelpful

[AmberLillyxx]

Sorry in advance for the long post...

My child's biological father hasn't been around since I first became pregnant, I looked after my son for the first 4 months by myself and have recently got in a relationship with a guy who I've known since I was a teenager (my son is now 6 months old). Obviously me and my new partner had the discussion before we got together and he said he was willing to take my son on as one of his own and wanted to help out.

The only thing I'm finding at the moment is that he doesn't help out at all but I feel terrible asking him for help because technically my son isn't his biological son.

My son wakes up either during the night or really early morning and I'm always the one that gets him, feeds him and puts him back to bed... along with this I get up with him in the morning whilst my partner stays in bed for a couple of hours, sometimes he's not even asleep, just laying on his phone even if he can hear my son crying and me struggling. My son had a really bad night last night and instead of napping when he does, my partner has now gone down for a nap just as my son has woken up and he expects me to make and put dinner on for us.

He is constantly on his Xbox even when he can hear me struggling or know stuff needs doing, he expects me to make him breakfast, lunch and dinner whilst he plays his games or watches TV and also do the housework... occasionally if I say something he will help out doing the housework but it's like he interacts with my son when it suits him!

My partner has a child of his own but she lives with her mum and he doesn't tend to see her too much. He always reminds me that he knows how to look after a child but I just don't know how to go about it as he's not my sons biological dad, should it be down to him to help out? Or should I just leave it and get on with it?

You have a 6 month old and two months ago you had a man move in, is that right?

You need to move him straight back out again, amberlily.

He not only isn’t “technically not the biological dad” he has no parental relationship with your child at all.

Whatever line he spun you about being a family was just to get into your knickers and your home.

I’m sorry to be so harsh.

You can be a parent to your baby by yourself, you don’t need this person.

You're living with a man with your tiny baby that you've been dating two months? Am I reading that correctly?

He's not your boyfriend's responsibility. Your baby is your responsibility. It's hard, I get it, but people manage through. Can you ask family to help out if you're struggling? I wouldn't want an unrelated man caring for my tiny screaming baby honestly. You hear horror stories on the news of mother's boyfriends who just snap looking after crying infants and shake or harm them when they're stressed and tired. That enough would give me a pause.

What is it you feel he should be doing really?
Sorry if this comes across as overly harsh but I have a DS, been a lone parent since day one, and I can't fathom asking a man I've only been dating a short while to tend to my baby.

The fact that he makes very little effort with his own child would be a massive red flag to me too.

After 2 months, this man is not a partner. He’s definitely not a partner from the way he behaves! Unbelievable.

What on earth were you thinking to move someone in barely two months after starting a relationship and with a 4 month old baby.

You haven't spent any time getting to know him.

Ridiculous.

he expects me to make and put dinner on for us
he expects me to make him breakfast, lunch and dinner whilst he plays his games or watches TV and also do the housework...

Why is he treating you like his slave? You’ve basically moved a man into your house who is u fairly giving you extra work and giving nothing back in return.

You’re now a mum to your own infant son and this dick of a man child.

Before you know it you’ll be pregnant.
And will be a single mother to 2 children.

Or are you so desperate to have a man that any man will do ?

In the space of 2 months you've let this guy move in?

Are you out of your mind??!

Is this a wind up?

You've been with him for only 2 months?

You can do better than this man, OP.

Do you want your boy growing up thinking that it’s normal for a man to sit on his arse all day while his (female) partner struggles and still expects her to do EVERYTHING?

Please get him to leave. He will never be a parent to your child. Fair enough if he came in 2 months ago and shared the care and worked hard to bond with your baby, then naturally as your son grew he would be a step father. In your case this hasn't happened, he will always mums boyfriend, not a parent to your child.

You moved a man in with you and your little baby after two months?
Get him moved straight back out again! This man isn’t your partner. You barely even know him.

The only plus is he’s already shown what a useless waste of space he is. Show him the door ASAP because this situation is not going to improve.

Also in the future don’t take up with men who have children they rarely see. It’s a red flag on its own!

I think some of these posts are a bit harsh- I’m going to guess that he lives with you now because of lockdown. However, it really isn’t his responsibility to be dealing with your son, but he could definitely do a bit more domestically clearly. Have a conversation.

But he's not a non-biological dad is he? He's not the dad in any way, shape or form. He's your boyfriend, an absent father for his existing child and a lazy cocklodger.

You’ve barely been together with this guy for a couple of weeks and not only have you moved him in with you and your 6 month old, you’ve essentially invited him to be your child’s new father?? Am I reading this correctly?

Just joining in with the- you've been 'dating' this guy for 2 months, he's moved in, and you're happy to hand off care of your tiny little baby to them?!

Wind up surely?

From the sounds of it this is a bigger problem then just his interaction/lack of with your son, he’s a shit partner, he doesn’t see you as his partner at all but his maid/carer. Get rid.

Get rid.

Honestly I didn't realise people could be so harsh and unkind... I thought this was a place for support and help...

I wanted to add that I've known this guy and been friends with him for 10 years, him and my son met before we got in a relationship and he is with me at the moment due to the lockdown situation as someone had mentioned... maybe I should have made this more clear but thank you for the negative comments

Did you move him in so he’d look after your baby for you? Is that something he agreed to?

Your terminology is fascinating. He’s your very new boyfriend, he’s nothing to your son at all.

X post. So now you’re living with him and he doesn’t do any housework and expects you to wait on him like a maid, are you kicking him out? What’s he contributing financially?

He thought since you already do everything for your son, you’ll do everything for him too/

And OMFG. He’a not his non-biological father. He’s your friend with benefits, benefits being only for him.