Would you let a 3 month old nap upstairs with baby monitor?

[Gettingonabitnow]

Hi

No haters thanks.

So no nursery now for my 3 year old, like most people. But DC2 will only really nap when it is reasonably quiet, and when DC1 is around screaming and just being a toddler, she really struggles to nap and gets fraught and upset.

I’m contemplating putting her upstairs when she needs a nap nap with the baby monitor on, checking her every 15 mins or so. What do you think? I want to do it for my own sanity, and also so that DC2 can get a proper nap in bless her.

Thanks x

Yes I definitely would do this and not even think about it for a second

What age would be seen as acceptable with a baby monitor?

According to the guidance, 6 months.

Iggi999
My second dc has a disability so he was with me but that advice was not given to me by anyone for my 3rd dc. Perhaps by the time you have your third people expect you to trust your intuition a bit more.

Intuition tells you nothing about the latest understanding of preventing SIDS, how a baby's stomach responds to food, what's best to do regarding first tastes of honey or peanuts. We got a sort of "bible" from the midwife called Ready Steady Baby which give current advice and on top of that I did research - car seats in particular had moved on between my dc1 and 2. Of course intuition counts for some things but there is plenty where we need to turn to solid research instead.

I do remember avoiding peanuts when pg with dc1 and that advice had changed by dc2. It can certainly all be a bit overwhelming but I think if I was to ignore anything, it wouldn't be the safe sleeping advice!

Genuine question- are parents now meant to watch babies 24/7 ?
How do you actually sleep?

You don't. I spent the first 3 months of DS's life an exhausted, anxious mess. I slept about 3 or 4 hours each night while DH held the baby; the rest of the day and night I was just desperately trying to stay awake so that I'd see if he stopped breathing. In the end I fell asleep at a red light (thankfully no harm done, I just got woken up by the driver behind honking their horn) and figured the risk of SIDS is something like 0.2% but the risk of a fatal accident due to exhaustion was probably much higher. So I stopped following the guidance so religiously - it just wasn't feasible.

The guidance nowhere suggests that a parent needs to be watching the baby all night. Being in the same room - you can be asleep!
I can see why someone would want to watch them but don't put that forward as being "the guidance" it isn't.

Sorry, I didn't mean to misrepresent the guidance. In our case he would only sleep while being held, usually upright, and the guidance does caution against parents sleeping while holding the baby. But for a couple months that was the only way I could sleep so in the end I had to give in and do it. It's about balancing risk IMO.

We put out DD down to ‘bed’ in her next to me at 6pm-10pm from 8 weeks 🤷🏼‍♀️ I never even considered this unsafe.. we went to bed at 10pm after that feed..

I bop my newborn down in the Moses when snoozing & go off and make lunch/tidy the kitchen/hoover etc .. I’m not always in the room. I’m only in the next room & probs no longer than 10 minutes but it’s the only chance I get to do jobs etc!

@sestra are you happy with the owlet. Expensive but sounds amazing!

I wasn’t able to myself . I suffered from postpartum anxiety though and was constantly worried about sids, plus it’s not recommended. I know lots of people who do though and I actually dont think it’s that unsafe . I just couldn’t do it myself .

My baby slept wherever I was and got use to noise . At 6.5 months I moved him to his own room and from there onwards he slept and napped on his own .

I don't see anything wrong with it. Go ahead.

Posted too early... Go ahead if you really think she'll be ok.

Read the thread maybe

@Watertorture Oops, have done now.

Sorry OP, didn't read properly.

Just wanted to say, I used a baby monitor with dd when she was 2 months. Everything was fine. We do own an Owlet (for anyone interested) , but it wouldn't connect to the app.

HTH

Mine always napped upstairs after first few weeks. Turn the monitor up loud.

I did and would again. The SIDS risk is negligible if you're not a smoker, etc. A baby in another room with a monitor if the temperature is correct etc and is sleeping in a safe bed on its back is fine.

I have a 5.5 month old and have let her sleep on in the morning on her own upstairs when I'm getting my toddler up and fed if the baby is not awake yet. I never thought it would be a SIDS risk but now I might take her down with me

Although she goes to sleep when I do at night and we don't cosleep, no smokers, she sleeps feet to foot and on her back so the risk must be tiny??

Also if she is sleeping in her pram in the garden during the day when I'm outside with her and the toddler....what does that count as??

I don't think it's a problem at all - both mine were in their own room throughout the night by three months but only you can make the decision. A couple of things I heard about SIDS (but worth investigating rather than taking my word for it as the newborn days are well behind me and all a blur haha) - dummies reduce the likelihood and a ticking clock has the same effect as another person sleeping in the room like at nightime - just enough back ground noise I guess so maybe if you do brave it you could try that as extra reassurance

Am I the only one going 'huh? What?' My 2 are 7 and 5 and I certainly didn't keep them sleeping in the same room as me for 6 months!
I understand safe sleep messages and the good they've done but I guess you must balance that with your own mental health and good rest for the child.

If you're going "huh? What?" that sounds more like you were not well acquainted with the guidelines, or did not feel them particularly important, rather than you gave careful consideration to your mental health or the baby's excessive tiredness.

Mine napped in her buggy (still does at 16mo) as she is rubbish at daytime sleep, so she had to be in the next room with loud white noise on in order to keep her asleep for long than 10 minutes. I checked on her regularly.

My ds is 4 months and in the day he naps in his moses basket downstairs. I'll have a quick tidy up/make a sandwich etc but personally wouldn't leave him in another room the whole time.

At night once he is down in his next to me, I stay upstairs with him and have a bit of 'quiet time' to read, scroll through phone or have an early night if sleep has been bad. Will do this until he's 6 months.

However I do fully realise I'm at the more extreme end of the caution scale when it comes to sleeping arrangements! With most stuff I'm pretty relaxed, but there was a case of sids in my family years ago so it's always at the back of my mind. I also understand that as he's our first (pfb probably!) we don't have older kids to see to etc so can easily have one of us in the room while he sleeps.

I think people just need to do their research and find what works / what they're comfortable with really.

Hope you find a system that works for you op xxx

Yes

I don’t understand this. Why is leaving a baby upstairs with a monitor any worse than sleeping in the bed next to them? Our 10 week old sleeps 6 hours overnight and I wouldn’t hear him stop breathing while I’m asleep. He cannot hear us breathing because he was born with hearing loss. How would the risk of SIDS be any greater if I’m asleep next to him vs downstairs listening over a monitor?

Really I want to understand. Ours will not sleep downstairs unless held, he will in the next to me crib upstairs though.