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Original poster

nrly 3yo wont potty train - doesnt even tell you when hes done a poo....ahhhh

85 replies

hertsnessex · 06/09/2007 21:40

can anyone help, my nrly 3yo (3 in nov) wont even consider a potty or toilet - yet his brother (nrly4) trained v quick. now i dont want to push him, so after trying for a cpl of days at home in patns over the holidays - and him not even noticing when hes doing a wee/poo i gave up and left it.

have bought reusable nappies - so he can feel when he is wet/dirty - but he doesnt care. even in disposables he doesnt care.

you can see/small hes done a poo, you ask him and he says no, he hasnt done one....

any ideas?

thanks,

cx

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Starbear · 06/09/2007 21:59

hertsnessex, I'm in the same boat. DS 3 in October. I just found you as I don't know what to do next. DS tells me sometimes he want to go for a wee only if he's bored. My poor mum had to change him twice yesturday afternoon. DS poo'd this morning in the toilet but this is very very rare. Then this afternoon at the swings poo'd again but didn't tell me. I have to work three days a week so it's getting difficult. Yesturday my Mum told me that the nursery threw away his pants when he poo'd (didn't used to do that, new staff)I can't afford to buy more pants!
Sorry can't give you any advice but really really look forward from advice out there.
Thanks in advance
Sxx

chankins · 06/09/2007 22:02

Me too! Need advice I mean. My dd three and four mo, been training for over a yr - used to be okay - lately getting worse - never asks for a wee or poo , always does both in her pants and doesn't tell us. I've tried everything with her ; sticker charts, reward incentives, taking stuff away, shouting, ignoring, helping her more, helping her less. She jus doesn't care if she's wet and stinks of wee! It gets everywhere tho. Funnily enough she started part time nursery yesterday and has had no accidents there.

madamez · 06/09/2007 22:05

And I'm another one with the same problem. We tried a couple of times but he didn't want to know, and now he still denies that he's done a poo even when he's stuck his hand down his pants and is bleating that his hand is dirty! Aaargh.

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Original poster
hertsnessex · 06/09/2007 22:12

i think we should start a club - i didnt think there would be any/many in the same boat.......

ive tried all the normal bribes - even powerangers toys at one point!

ive even left him in a dirty nappy for a while - he doesnt care - really doesnt even notice it it seems.

hope someone comes along soon!

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chankins · 06/09/2007 22:19

I keep waiting for someone to give me the magic answer! Thing is, dd1 was just as bad, til about 3 and a half, then I stopped shouting and making a meal of it and she suddenly stopped doing it and has been fine ever since. Obviously have tried this with dd2, not getting angry etc, but it makes no diff. If anything she is even worse cos at least dd1 used to try to get to the loo, often just told us too late which made me cross. dd2 jus wees and carries on playing!

cerys · 06/09/2007 22:19

No help, but I am in the same boat and am glad I've found some others. DS will be 3 in October and just doesn't seem interested in potty training. DD1 was 2yrs 11months but was dry within a day and no accidents. DD2 was about 2yrs 8months and again, few problems there.

Hope someone has some good advice!

Nightynight · 06/09/2007 22:19

dd is 3 and a half, and she is only just potty trained.
you have a while to go yet!!
her birthday is also nov - this time last year, she too was refusing the loo or potty. She knew perfectly wll what it was all about, she just didnt want to.

oh and btw, she poos in her night nappy and still tells you that she hasn't done one, when her nappy is full

just chill out and try not to mind, you will quickly forget when your ds eventually is potty trained.

Starbear · 06/09/2007 22:22

Madamez Have to laugh. I know it must end but whennnn!!! Maybe I give him too much fruit and he doesn't feel it as it's so easy. Did I start too early! What do I do? The trouble I'm getting constipated with worry.

madamez · 06/09/2007 22:34

I wonder if part of the problem might be that DS has inherited my, um, active bowels and can poo 3 or 4 times a day. Because I'm sure I read something about how you take The Child after breakfast and sit him/her on the potty because that's The Time when a bowel movement will occur (and then you can put them in pants for the rest of the day and not have to mop up worse than a wee).

Original poster
hertsnessex · 06/09/2007 22:58

mine poos 3/4times a day aswell! and there is no pattern to him doing it at 'x' time etc

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Original poster
hertsnessex · 07/09/2007 15:09

bump

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Fimbo · 07/09/2007 15:17

I would leave it, I honestly would. My ds will be 4 in December and has only got to grips with potty training over the last month.

Dh and I battled for months - he screamed and cried to the point of being sick because he wanted a nappy on. We tried bribes, stickers, etc. We let him choose a potty, kandoo wipes, pants but still he wasn't interested.

What eventually worked was dh showing him how to pee again for about the 40th millionth time and he sat in the bathroom with him for ages reading.

He is even dry at night too. (he went from wearing a nappy to completely dry overnight)

So to sum up, just leave it, they will do it when they are good and ready. My ds is proof of this.

Fimbo · 07/09/2007 15:19

We also took him to the toilet the first couple of days, rather than asking him. We now have a ritual where everyone goes to the loo before we leave the house!

madamez · 07/09/2007 21:48

Haven;t actually properly tried for about 4 months, was waiting for some stronger indication of interest from him. Might have another attempt next week (he is off to stay the night with GPs tomorrow... mind you part of our problem may be that I keep wanting to have a week free of outings/staying elsewhere to try it)

cerys · 09/09/2007 17:07

thanks Nightynight and Fimbo. DS is my 3rd child, I should be relaxed about these things, but it is good to hear from people who have come through it!

Genidef · 09/09/2007 19:17

We're in the same boat. DD will be 3 in Nov as well, she won't tell us when she needs to go. Sometimes she will go when we suggest it, but she's also prone to having absolute barmies, which we've just been through about five minutes ago, at other times when we bring it up. This was happening in May, we stopped, tried again, stopped, etc. But some times when she gets furious and insists she doesn't need it, two minutes later she's behind a chair pooing in her pants, or tinkling on the floor. We have also had knickers thrown out by the nursery, which is irritating. Thinking of calling a pediatrician we have seen in the US for advice, they answer questions lke this over here. I guess we could see the health visitor but we've only ever had nonsense from them about things, sadly.

TheArmadillo · 09/09/2007 19:29

My ds will be 3 in October. He ahs no interest in potty training, he won't admit to having done a poo.

He hates the idea of going without a nappy and gets really distressed if you suggest running round naked in garden (for example).

I'm leaving it well alone at mo. He's also on laxatives - which makes controlling bowel movements difficult and paed told us to leave potty training for a while.

Pre-school have agreed to take him in nappies so there is nothing urgent he has to be trained for.

I don't think it's particularly unusual for a child of 3 not to be pottytrained. Ds is not the only one I know who isn't.

I am looking forward to the day I can have a break from changing nappies though.

Starbear · 09/09/2007 20:16

Anyone tried giving rewards such as smarties when s/he poo's? A friend did this and it worked but I'm not sure and I don't know if my Mum and the nursery would do it. He has got better, the last few days, asking to wee, little damp patch sometimes in his pants which is good it shows he has some control but POO NO WAY. I blocked the little sink down stairs washing his pj'S out.

Original poster
hertsnessex · 11/09/2007 19:28

BUMP - someone else out there must have been thruogh this........

we tried again today (he wanted to), nightmare is an under statement. someone pleaseeeeeeee help

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Original poster
hertsnessex · 11/09/2007 21:02
Sad
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cluelessnchaos · 11/09/2007 21:10

dd1 trained v quickly, dd2 tried and persevered training from 2.4, she didnt train fully untuil 4.5, I didnt try to train ds until over 3, I did the usual charts, ecnouragment, bribery, he got the wees really quickly but did not understand the poos, I made up a pass the parcel and put a toy in between each layer and then a main one in the middle, it took a month to work but did in the end and I think there was a huge dose of luck in there that his body worked it out at the same time as his head, if I were you I would wait until they were over 3, well over three, it will calm you down and tell him it isnt a big deal and he can relax about it all.

Original poster
hertsnessex · 11/09/2007 21:23

thank you, am leaving him totally, even if he asks for now.

cx

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snowfallinthesahara · 11/09/2007 22:54

ah,thank godd for this thread!
have just started potty-training ds who will be 3 in oct..
recently at his nursery parents meet,was called over for a special one-to-one with the nursery manager who said he was the ONLY ONE in his section-of similarly aged children-who's still in nappies and,having zero experience, it frightened me into thinking he's pbably lagging behind..i havent been able to do it so far bcoz we've just shifted to turkey about 3 months ago.

tbh,he doesnt seem to want to.i put him on the potty every half an hour or so,to give him the idea..'show' him how to do it(which leads to Other anatomical discussions!!)...have drawn it out for him(wat fun!)..managed one pee so far and thats it.
ive asked dh to fgs get involved..and show him..i hope that helps!
this nursery putting pressure is really not helping and i think ds is starting resist when we head to the toilet for another practice.
how much longer?!!

cluelessnchaos · 11/09/2007 22:57

I would talk to the nursery and say you appreciate the concern but it is your choice to train at such and such a point, then ask them if there is a problem with changing him, he is absolutely not lagging behind, and if you leave it as long as possible he will get it so much quicker. You sound like you want to leave it but are being pressured.

snowfallinthesahara · 12/09/2007 09:26

ure right cluelessnchaos,its just that although i had planned to start him off around now,being given the 'whats the Problem with his toilet training' speech has scared me!
i had no idea there Was a problem..she even asked me if we would like to see a child psychologist etc,at which point i just let out a 'but we havent even Started yet fgs!'
bcoz of moving,i couldnt start till now.
thing is,we've moved to turkey and altho its an international nursery,i seem to get the picture most children being trained by now is a given.theyre apparently not supposed to take him in his class unless he's fully trained.

and despite atleast 25 sit-down-on-the-potty sessions yesterday,he peed on the floor this morning and has no inclination to tell me.he's been at home since fri,i wonder if he will be better at nursery with all the other kids around?
he's normally been ahead of his age-group in terms of development--but in terms of potty training,it just seems to fall on deaf ears!