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Original poster

nrly 3yo wont potty train - doesnt even tell you when hes done a poo....ahhhh

85 replies

hertsnessex · 06/09/2007 21:40

can anyone help, my nrly 3yo (3 in nov) wont even consider a potty or toilet - yet his brother (nrly4) trained v quick. now i dont want to push him, so after trying for a cpl of days at home in patns over the holidays - and him not even noticing when hes doing a wee/poo i gave up and left it.

have bought reusable nappies - so he can feel when he is wet/dirty - but he doesnt care. even in disposables he doesnt care.

you can see/small hes done a poo, you ask him and he says no, he hasnt done one....

any ideas?

thanks,

cx

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Original poster
hertsnessex · 12/09/2007 09:44

snowfall,

its the same with my ds2, he is way ahed in terms of development - but this is the one thing he WONT do - yesterday was a nightmare - poo and wee everywhere and as rom today i am not even thinking about starting - i will wait til after his birthday in november and go from there, with no reference to poo or wee until then!

the nursery dont sound v supportive, they must have seen this before. hope it goes well for you.

Cx

OP posts:
Starbear · 12/09/2007 21:22

Ds has got the hang of asking to go for a wee now. So we do have some progress since last week but still pooing in his pants. He was very good this morning,poo'd in the loo and I thought great a little more progress. I gave him a little box of raisins as a reward. Had a quick chat at nursery and they admitted they threw away his pants. I told them not to and I will wash them just pop them in a nappy sack. I've just got back and have been told by my DH that his bum was sore, pants thrown away. I think we have a little progress so I don't want to put him back into nappies. I'm going to chat with the nursery manager tomorrow. Ds and I are off together. Lets see what tomorrow brings. Hang on in there everyone with what every decision you've made.

micromummy · 13/09/2007 23:55

am so bored of cleaning poo off pants (ds1 2.6 will NOT poo in loo/potty) and he will refuse even to EAT if he is busy playing so no hope for going to the toilet to wee. If he is bored however it is another matter. "Better go to the toilet now" means he can't think of anything better to do...

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Starbear · 14/09/2007 08:39

So true micromummy, Everytime we go out to a resturant. He gets bored off to the loo every few mintues DH and I end up having a naff time and cold food. OH! New one, going to the loo instead of going to bed. Waking up in the night has to go to the loo. Maybe it's a good sign for the future.

Toe · 15/09/2007 00:25

Thank goodness I'm not alone!!!! My dd was 3 this month and is doing ok with wees - often even has dry nappy in the morning although still wets her knickers when engrossed in play. My problems are that she doesn't ask to go, needs to be told to and will NOT poo in potty or loo. She goes off and hides and does it in her knickers. I've tried bribes, being cross, ignoring, discussing at length but nothing works. I don't know whether it's because she wants privacy (tried leaving alone on potty)or if she just prefers to do it standing up. Has anyone else found this? any ideas? I'm feeling like a rubbish Mummy, why can't I help her with this?

Highlander · 16/09/2007 11:14

DS1 has just turned 3 and is waaaaaay off potty training. Nursery said it will be really obvious when he's ready and not to push it. They said as well that 3 is the minimum age for boys and not to be surprised if he's nearer 4 . All very reassuring!

Toe · 16/09/2007 12:13

That's good to hear, in my experience it's the friends with kids at nursery who are being pushed to train young.

Starbear · 16/09/2007 19:52

Hi, Progress so far. Smarties are working, a little too well but working. I thought 1 smartie too mean. So I've brought those mini boxes and carry them around with me. 16 smarties too many so I've reduced to eight and ask him to return the boxes. He doesn't know it but I re-fill them with eight from another box. Only problem he now goes to poo all the time and has nothing or a little poo but it is progress. Booking the denist as I type. Might work for other people OR it might not. Early days for us. BIG problem with nursery that have nothing to do with poo, us as a family but that's another story.

Starbear · 18/09/2007 21:44

Smartie bribe! update. I came home today and DS was in the same clothes as this morning. Good news. I was tired Lovely Mum chatting in one ear,I played golf with Ds then while trying to make cup of tea. Ds run up to me shouting Poonacnac (nacnac is own strange made up word when he's being cheeky) again Poonacnac. 'I said do you want to poo?' he said 'no' so I trusted him. Put shopping away made his milk. Sat down to have said tea and discovered poo in his pant. NOW when ever I hear the word poo out of his mouth I'm going to take him to the loo

matso · 19/09/2007 13:09

i have twin girls born early at 7 months now 2 and 5 months will absolutely not be without nappies tried everything got Christopher greens book even tried his suggestions nothing working!!!
will tell me when needing changed though does anyone have any advice they are both quite strongwilled girls!!! and i care for them alone are they trying to assert a little control;!!!

lemonaid · 19/09/2007 13:25

DS is 2.8, and was very similar. We just waited he started asking to use the potty or toilet (would never actually produce anything, but liked to sit on it, and then two weeks ago something just seemed to click and he started asking to use it and actually weeing when he got there, which we took as the sign to start putting him in pants. That seems to have been a very common pattern among his friends as whenever we mentioned the "asking to use it but not going" thing their parents would say "oh yes, X did that for a month or so before he/she finally got the idea". So far it's going well one or two accidents a day, but generally when he's getting tired and loses concentration.

Anna8888 · 19/09/2007 14:15

My daughter started école maternelle (French pre-school) two weeks ago. Children are legally required to be potty trained for école maternelle. My daughter absolutely isn't potty trained...

However, she is managing to wear pants to school and to do a wee on the mini-loo at school. She poos in the afternoon when she is at home (and she asks to put on a nappy for this if she hasn't got one on).

She is pretty advanced in every other area of motor development, so I think it's a psychological issue. I don't want to have battles with her, so I'm basically leaving it up to her seeing that all the other little children of her age at school wear pants and do wees on the loo.

Starbear · 23/09/2007 09:58

Smarties still working Soon I'll have to figure out how to ween him off smarties.

Piggy · 23/09/2007 10:03

Just wanted to join in here! My ds is 3 next month and isn't showing any signs of being ready at all. His brother is nearly 2 and I think he'll be potty trained first. Sigh. Will watch this thread closely. I have been having real anxiety about this but you lot have made me feel so much better.

Thanks

PurpleRabbit · 23/09/2007 20:20

I just wanted to join in too! My DS1 is 2.7 and like others on this thread is ahead of his age in some things (particularly in talking, which I thought would be an advantage with potty training) but getting absolutely no-here with toilet/potty training. He will happily sit on either the potty or the toilet if he doesn't actually need to do anything, but as soon as he does need to either pee or poo he starts to scream at even the suggestion he might use the potty and insists on having a nappy on. Haven't pushed this yet, but I'm getting worried as he seems to be the only one of his age at toddler group still in nappies, and he'll be due to start nursery in just a few more months.

Starbear · 27/09/2007 20:07

This weeks progress. Went to Legoland today on trains and buses. No poo this morning so I was a bit worried. Kept taking him to the loo. He did ask to go to the loo at the end of the day Yippie. Then 10mins before the bus was scheduled to arrive he said he wanted to poo. Then changed his mind Well the long and the short of it he didn't poo in his pants at all. 1 1/2 hour journey with two trains. He waited till he got home and Poo'd in the toilet. We may be on the road to success. Good luck everyone else but do not try the Smarties bribe early as some other have tried this already and it has not worked try everything else first as you'll have no fall back position.

limassol · 28/09/2007 15:56

I am sooo glad I have read this thread. My dd is 2yrs 10months and, like so many of you, we have tried every technique possible to encourage her to potty train. I have come to the conclusion that she does things in her own time and not before! She is this way with so many things. She was a late walker, she is an extremely fussy eater and a very sensitive child. She doesn't like to be pushed into things. In other ways she is very advanced. She is very bright and capable in many other ways. I agree it is a personality trait.I thoiught it was the way we had brought her up and constantly worried about her, but our ds who is 1 yr has a totally different personality and just dives into any situation headlong.
I will be watching this thread with baited breath though, in case there is a psychologist out there who can give me any tips. My dd can be quite exhausting at times!

FuriousGeorge · 02/10/2007 23:02

Can I join you? DD2 is 2.4 & was almost trained a few months back,but has started weeing & pooing herself.She doesn't tell us when she's done it & will happily walk about with wet/poey pants on.

It is infuriating as she knows where she should be doing it & gets a chocolate button for doing it in the right place,but just doesn't seem consistent.One day she'll be fine,the next she'll wee on the floor next to the potty & not tell us.

I've had to put her back in nappies,as she is just to erratic to rely on in pants.

kindersurprise · 02/10/2007 23:27

My DD went to my MILs for the weekend and came back potty trained when she was 2.5.

DS has just was not at all interested so I just left him be. No bribes, no sitting him on the potty, nothing. He was 3 in July and was showing no signs at all during the summer. I let him go without a nappy in the garden but he just was not able to control himself.

He started Kindergarten in August and after one week he wanted to use the toilet. We stopped putting nappies on him and within a week or so he was going to the loo himself. He still has the occasional accident but most of the time he is ok.

I think that every child is different and that it is wrong to try and force them to potty train when they are physically not ready for it. There is so much pressure to get them off nappies, it really annoys me. I used to get asked all the time if he was potty trained yet. No, FGS he is not even 3 yet, that is not at all unusual!

And I would be very unhappy with a nursery who put that kind of pressure on my child. Our Kindergarten was great, they never complained even when he had a couple of days where they had to change him 2 or 3 times.

Starbear · 04/10/2007 22:18

Ds is going strong. Asked Daddy if he could go toilet when he should of been going to bed and did a poo in the loo. Looking good. Kindersurprise, I now know that your words are true. I did not see the light. I will spread the word but, like me will they listen. I was elbow high in poo and still I did not hear. I now understand, oh! great Mummy in the sky I now hear your words. 'WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE READY' so simple but .....

Starbear · 07/10/2007 21:03

Not a good day Had his 3rd Birthday Party yesterday. When to bed late got up early everybody tired and he poo'd in his night nappy when he went downstairs with Dad. Playing after lunch poo and wee in his pants.
Again when playing in the garden. I'm going to put it down to being over tired. Gone to bed normal time. lets see what my mum says tomorrow.

bossybritches · 08/10/2007 13:07

Stop trying-stick the nappies back on.

Give up.

Relax.

Less washing.

Chilled mother.

Chilled child.

Try again in 6 months

They're still BABIES!!

I quote my dear mothers words when I was sressing about this with my DD1

"you don't see them crawling through the school-gates with their nappy-bag over their shoulder"

(((((((stressed mothers everywhere)))))))

VoluptuaGoodshag · 08/10/2007 13:38

Thank goodness for this thread. DS is 2.8 and showing no signs. DD is 4 and trained during the day but never had a dry nappy at night.

I'm a bit nervous re the nursery as he starts when he is 3 and I just can't see him being anywhere near trained by then.

I shall keep watching

bossybritches · 08/10/2007 14:20

Voluptua your nursery should not bat an eyelid about him not being dry/clean.(Don't let them fob you off with they won't take him in nappies) At my nursery we have 3.9yr olds still wearing pull-ups.

I have revised my opinion completely about toilet-training since my 2 DD's were little.(& God did I stress about it!)

Now I think the later you leave it the better. When they're ready it's SO much easier & less stressful 'cos you can grit your teeth for 3-days/a weeks worth of wet clothes & they should have cracked it.

I think it's sad that society/competitive mothers put pressure on new mums -as if we haven't got enough to worry about!!

Starbear · 08/10/2007 22:14

Back on track today came home from work as he was just about to ask Nan that he needed to go to the loo. Still in the same clothes as this morning, very small wet patch that doesn't count. I wish I was in MN ages ago instead of listening to my Mum. She is fab at everything else (drives me nuts but that's another story.)