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Original poster

nrly 3yo wont potty train - doesnt even tell you when hes done a poo....ahhhh

85 replies

hertsnessex · 06/09/2007 21:40

can anyone help, my nrly 3yo (3 in nov) wont even consider a potty or toilet - yet his brother (nrly4) trained v quick. now i dont want to push him, so after trying for a cpl of days at home in patns over the holidays - and him not even noticing when hes doing a wee/poo i gave up and left it.

have bought reusable nappies - so he can feel when he is wet/dirty - but he doesnt care. even in disposables he doesnt care.

you can see/small hes done a poo, you ask him and he says no, he hasnt done one....

any ideas?

thanks,

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Dodaday · 09/10/2007 14:42

DS2 is 2.2 and still in nappies full time. I've had no success at potty training, he just sits on it for ages and does'nt do anything. Then he's got into the habit of doing a poo shortly after I put his nappy back on. I use terries in the hope that he can feel when he's wet or dirty, but he never tells me, even when I ask, and does'nt seem bothered. The problem is he's had several particularly dirty nappies in a row recently, and this has given him a very sore bottom. Not like nappy rash on the buttocks, but a red patch in the crease. I'm not sure what to do about it. DS1 4 next Feb. was better at this age, but is still in night nappies.

bossybritches · 10/10/2007 15:23

Dodaday you've just answered your own question- he doesn't get it therefore he's not ready!

Try again after Christmas & stop worrying, he'll be fine!

shrooms · 10/10/2007 19:20

My Ds was a bit like this, with not saying that he needed changing, or giving us any warning that he wanted a poo.
I don't know how you react, and you could be handling it better than I did at first, but I think my problem at first was that I was too pushy about changing him as soon as possible, so my frustration came accross and obviously he found it quite funny...

In the end I just had to become very matter of fact about the whole thing and put him in pants as knew he could control it. Then if he had an accident, I would ask him did he want to change his pants and when he said no, I just went 'Okay then' and let him get on with it. His problem if he wanted to smell of poo

He quickly cottoned on and would either try to get to the loo, or tell us he needed a change of pants.

Dd no problems!

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Original poster

hertsnessex · 10/10/2007 20:16

ok, so now ds2 wee's in the toilet at night b4 bath i.e when nappy free. he has been doing this for a cpl of weeks.

what shou7ld be my next step (youd think id know this after ds1!)

i was thinking pants for tomorrow.......

OP posts:

flamingtoaster · 10/10/2007 20:31

I agree with bossybritches - potty training is often turned into a competitive sport for mothers. When my DS and DD were small I refused to get involved, waited until they were ready and when they were they had one accident each - and we were able to go out without calculating when the next toilet/potty stop had to be. When they went to playschool/school the staff couldn't understand why they didn't need to go to the toilet as often as other children. I'm convinced waiting until they are ready is much better for their bladders!

I couldn't believe the amount of washing of clothes, floors and bedding some of my friends went through - another reason for waiting!

flamingtoaster · 10/10/2007 20:33

hertsnessex sorry forgot to answer you - I would ask him would he like to wear pants and pee in the toilet in the morning. If he says yes he's ready, and happy, to try. I offered pants/nappies at intervals to my two and waited until they said yes.

bossybritches · 10/10/2007 20:46

Flamingtoaster-the voice of reason!!!!

God I was begining to think I was going mad.....all these other poor Mums feeling they were being less than perfect mothers if their DC's weren't clean/dry/eating solids/reading Tolstoy before Pre-school age!

Ladies chill a little! Enjoy your little ones while you can-trust your instincts & DON'T be brow-beaten by the pushy one upmanship that seems to be prevalent amongst young Mums these days! the wonderful thing about children is they are all different & all developing at their own rate. We mums have guilt enough as it is don't beat yourself up about toilet-training

(says she who had enough catholic first-time mother guilt in her time to fill a bucket or three)

Original poster

hertsnessex · 10/10/2007 21:08

i asked him before bed and he said yes - i guess here goes!!!

OP posts:

bossybritches · 10/10/2007 21:55

Good Luck herts! try maybe JUST doing the day time nappy- free first the night time bit often is much later. (Unless he refuses in which case get some waterproof under sheets & go for it!)

Lukilu · 10/10/2007 22:09

Have been potty training my 3 year 4month since jan. Got the day time wees sorted out fine but can't overcome problem with poos on toilet/potty. Does it in morning in night time nappy. If I try to remove it before he has done it, he holds onto it for days until he becomes constipated. Says he is scared of toilet and of it hurting. Don't know how to overcome problem. Put no pressure on him for last few months, now trying again but still have same problem as before-any ideas?

bossybritches · 10/10/2007 22:35

let him have the nappy on till he does the poo lukilu or offer it to him to do it when he wants. My DD2 at the same age used to be in knickers all day then ask at a certain time for her nappy & get quite agitated if she didn't get it!

When I'd cottoned on to what she was doing I played along let her put a nappy on- she'd go in the corner & do a poo- then say happily "Nappy off now!" Didn't last long!

Rather than let him get constipated let him have the nappy so he relaxes then one day he'll be peeing & do it on the loo/potty & he'll realise it doesn't hurt & he'll be away!

cantseemyfeet · 11/10/2007 00:40

So glad I stumbled on this thread. Having same problem with Ds2, although it is just the poo situation thats the problem. He has never used the potty, I bought him a step and he has used the toilet from day one ( he has watched his older brother which I think helped) he trained great and went straight through the night without one accident. But cannot seem to get him to go on toilet for poo. He gets really cross if you ask him if he wants a poo, when he clearly does need it and he tends to sneak off and poo behind my bed when he gets the chance. If im really lucky he manages to get his hands in it so an emergency bath is needed!! I am about to put him in nursery but have been stalling because of problem.TBH I think its my mums comments that have made me push him to use the toilet, things like "hes 3 year old, you will have to do something with him" and "he should of been out of nappys at 2" have kind of made me think that he needs to be fully potty trained by now. I have a 10 year old but cant remember when he managed it but pretty sure I didnt feel so stressed about it. Thanks to this thread though I am going to bite tongue at mams comments, and go out and get some nappies for him. Pretty sure he will tell me when he needs a nappy on and will just wait till he is ready.

Dodaday · 11/10/2007 08:16

Thanks for the reassurance Bossybritches. I'm not really worried. I'm quite happy to keep him in nappies. He had another particularly dirty one this morning, and I'm not sure whats causing that. I'm more worried about his sore bottom, but he does not seem concerned.

flamingtoaster · 11/10/2007 09:42

hertsnessex - good luck today. As bossybritches says I would offer the bedtime nappy as usual (unless he has been getting up regularly with a dry nappy in the morning). It can upset them if they suddenly find themselves wet during the night!

cantseemyfeet - as bossybritches says you'll probably find he dispenses with the nappy quite quickly.

lukilu - pooing in the toilet does worry some little ones for some reason. All you can do is wait - he will eventually come round to the idea. To state the obvious this is one thing he is in control of (which is why so many Mums end up beating their heads on the wall while trying to potty train!). We can lead a child to the toilet, but we cannot make him poo!

BernieBear · 11/10/2007 09:49

Hello - I am in my 8th month of toilet training (ds is 3.7) I had the HV round as I was going out of my mind! I will write her suggestions.

Pay them. 5p a poo/wee and then take them out to "spend" there money on something they like.

Use "toilet" bubbles. Basically buy some bubbles (the kind you blow) and say they can only be used when sitting on the toilet. The idea being that they cannot "hold on" to their poo whilst blowing out.

If they do poo in their pants, make them put the poo in the toilet then get them to put the pants in a bucket of soapy water. You can always take them out later to wash/throw away.

There was some more, but have to go out now. Will be back...

BernieBear · 11/10/2007 11:58

The other one was put them on the toilet about 20 mins after each meal.

It has worked to an extent. We are averaging one poo on the toilet a day. Sadly his wees went backwards (not literally of course ) but started weeing himself all the time. (Also started weeing on the sofa but that is a whole other story) however once I adopted the same treats etc for wees he is now getting better on that too.

In fact we had our first accident free day yesterday.

I know how hard it is when pre-school/nursery are involved. Ds's pre-school got so exasperated they even phoned their helpline for advise!

Ds is also another who does 3-4 poos a day. He still never asks to go and never admits to pooing in pants, but the idea of putting them on the toilet 3 x a day is that they will (after some time) get used to the idea that they will go then and start to use that time to go for a poo.

Good luck comrades!

Starbear · 13/10/2007 16:38

Not a good day. Good first poo of the day he asked to go to toilet. I asked if there was anymore in there he said no moments later a little poo in his pants. Down hill from there we changed our Saturday routine and went for a walk waited forgot about taking him to every loo we passed. Wee in the cafe, home changed, wee in the car, home changed poo in his pants. We will be abit more on the ball tommorow. When will it end???!!

Ico · 13/10/2007 16:41

DS just turned 3 and will go to loo for a wee but won't tell me if he needs to go. Whenever I've tried leaving the pull up off and telling putting him on the loo every half hour he just holds the poo in until night time nappy goes on and does one in bed!!

Ico · 13/10/2007 16:43

Can this be a contender for quote of the week?

"We can lead a child to the toilet, but we cannot make him poo!"

Nice one flamingtoaster!

Original poster

hertsnessex · 13/10/2007 20:11

well.........today was the first day, and................hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

4 accidents - and no poos - all day. he is in a nappy for bed time. no way he is ready for that.

the 5p per poo is a great idea, think i may try that tomorrow, but will have to do it with his brother aswell, could be expensive!!!! LOL

OP posts:

Starbear · 13/10/2007 20:54

Goodluck. Don't let the washing machine breakdown. I'm sure he'll be fine as you've waited unlike me. Tommorow another day

cheeset · 13/10/2007 21:00

Hi, I havent read through the posts but everytime my dd went near the loo, I gave her a dolly mixture! It worked a treat! She didn't become dependant on them as kids forget, well mine do.

Not saying it will work for you but I never had probs potty training my kids using this method.

Saying that, I had a downstairs loo and it was easier for them to see/get to the loo. Maybe they can't be bothered to trudge upstairs? Got to make it worth their while.

Original poster

hertsnessex · 14/10/2007 20:18

we have a downstairs loo, today we went thru 6 pairs of pants and 4 pairs of trousers. done poo and wee on the loo, but also just seemed not to care and wet himself. will persevere.

OP posts:

Original poster

hertsnessex · 15/10/2007 15:01

day 3 - ds2 went to preschool today, and only had one accident from 9-2.30! so pleased, and he came in and went straight for a wee! not counting my chickens just yet, but hope things are improving and we are all getting somewhere!

OP posts:

Starbear · 17/10/2007 19:31

Hertsnessex, How's it going? On and off for us. Came home and saw that he had wet his pants as he didn't tell Nan that he wanted to go to the loo. My mother now that's another story!

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