Newborn.. feeling useless

[walnut87]

Hi,

My first baby is 3 and a bit weeks old. It’s not been an easy ride and I’ve been really up and down.

I think she now has a cold and I can’t get her to settle and feeding is not fun currently. She has been increasingly fussy the last few days and won’t settle on me often. I am so tired and want to try give my partner some sleep because he’s working. I think her fussiness is causing her latch to falter as well because I seem to be having problems with one of my nipples all of a sudden. I don’t want to give in breastfeeding as it’s gone so well so far but I am really struggling with not knowing what the hell I’m doing

She is hard to burp so our HV suggested infacol; it’s not any easier I don’t think, although to be honest I can’t remember anything anymore. I feel miserable because I hate trying to burp her and everyone says “oh sometimes they don’t need to” but she often ends up being quite sick if she doesn’t. I haven’t even done a day alone with her yet but can’t comprehend how I’ll manage with having to burp her all the time as it’s so tedious, I never know what I’m doing, and half the time it won’t even get anything out.

I have a lovely NCT group of friends and we all have our babies now, but everyone else seems to be coping and being braver about stuff. I worry about everything, I considered it a massive achievement to drive 3 mins to doctors to pick up her registration form. I’ve only been out in pram once (rural area, too muddy here atm) and I’m terrified of going to baby groups etc or anywhere tbh incase she cries and I can’t settle her.

We’ve barely done playtime, Timmy time, baths or even skin to skin because I just don’t know what I’m doing, it’s all I can do to feed and burp her. She’s been so fussy last few days. I can sometimes settle her if I sing to her. I’m not sure she’s ever alert enough for playtime unless she’s fussing and we’re calMing her.

I wanted to try do my first day alone with her today but not sure I’ll cope. It’s so hard trying to build myself up whilst trying to support the baby. There is a sling library I want to go to to try get an easier sling than. My wrap (we tried it once... she screamed) but I’m terrified she’ll start crying when we get out of the car. im so tired & not sure what to do.

She has settled now on my tummy after feed an hour and a half ago, I don’t know where the last 90 mins have gone. I can’t put her down as she was sick in her grosnug. I can’t seem to swaddle her properly otherwise. I’m so tired, I just can’t do anything and I feel so guilty.

Sorry, long rant.. not sure what I’m expecting anyone to say!!

Oh you poor love. Dont worry, every new Mum gets like this. Can you just give her to your partner for a couple of hours and get your head down for some sleep. It will feel much better if you can and you will be able to think more clearly. All you need to do right now is keep LO fed and cozy. Tummy time and playing are for 6 weeks plus.

For burping, try lying her flat on her back on your thighs (if you are sitting in a chair she is lying on your lap with her feet in your tummy and her head on your knees). Leave her like that for 2 mins, literally set a timer on your phone, then sit her bolt upright with your hand supporting under her chin. Its kind of like tipping a bottle up after it has been laid down, the bubbles just float to the top.

Keep posting, there is lots of support here. We can help you through these tough few weeks

Sympathy and

You’re in one of the very worst bits. Any pre pregnancy energy reserves (!) have worn off, the novelty adrenaline is gone, and you’re so, so tired.

The good news is: you won’t always feel like this. I promise.3

Also I guarantee to you that some-if not all - of your NCT folk will be feeling the same.

Unless your partner has the sort of job where anything less than 100% awareness is vital (I’m thinking train or lorry driving, operating other heavy machinery, or surgeon), he can?take some of the tiredness load from you.

I well remember the achievement of “a day by myself”. That gets easier too, I promise. A for fed baby and cleanish nappies throughput the day - anything else (shower/clean clothes/food other than biscuits) is a bonus.

The sling library will probably be a great idea..as your baby may be much happier held close and upright to you. You won’t be the first mum to get there in tears, so don’t let that put you off.

Are there any breastfeeding support groups you can get to? You may well be right on the latch/sleepiness/winding thing, and having someone take a look at your latch might well help that. Again, turning up and bursting into tears you’ll be in good company.

Finally, don’t beat yourself up on “playtime”. Your daughter wants you. Anything else is a bonus.

It’s so so hard those early days. Give yourself a break though, you’re learning.

You’ll get to baby groups eventually, but don’t worry if that’s not for a while yet.
You will manage on your own with her, Maybe think about it sooner rather than later as the longer you leave it the more daunting it will be.

you’re doing your best and that’s what matters. As long as she’s fed, clean and loved she will be fine. I hated the first 8 weeks and I mean hated them. I was a mess but I got through it. And you will too.

Hi walnut.

This is totally normal. Your baby is so small and just needs you. Have you read about the 4th trimester or the wonder years? These are brilliant at explaining why your baby displays these new behaviours.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to get out and about. Do an online shop, get your visitors to help out. If people ask to come round let them but insist they bring food etc. Or ask them to do a job in the house, put a wash on, watch baby while you pee or shower, or whatever you need doing.

Do you have a local breastfeeding group like Home-start or Bambis. They can come to the house and help with your latch and explain some feeding stuff.

Some days I spend the morning in bed with baby, even now. I take my top of and strip her off to the nappy to have the skin on skin.

I would try and get to your local sling library, this was a game changer for us.

Most importantly, don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's such early days. This new journey is a complete life change. It's OK to be in your pj's all day, to not make it out of the house, and to feel like you never have your boobs covered up! Don't compare yourself to others, take things slow.

You're doing great 👍

I'm glad you posted op. It's so hard in those early weeks.

It probably won't be of any consolation now but it gets easier , they learn to manage their own wind eventually. In the meantime, keep trying things like infacol etc. You may not solve the problem but it's good to feel like you're being proactive I find.

Go easy on yourself , you and your baby are both new to this.

Agree with the PP that lots of Mums feel this when their partner goes back to work, if they’re faced with the prospect of looking after the baby on their own for whole days for the first time. Don’t worry, you will build your confidence, and things will soon get easier. Walking out with the pram is a good way to get out of the house - if it’s too muddy near yours, can you drive somewhere with pavements and have a good walk?

Don’t let the worry that you won’t be able to settle her stop you from going out - if she cries a bit, it’s fine. Don’t feel under pressure to always keep her completely quiet. Are you meeting up with your NCT group? My NCT group used to like having lunch in quiet pubs - with me stood outside with a crying baby while theirs all slept in car seats. We then started meeting up in each other’s houses, and if DD wouldn’t stop crying, the others took a turn while I sipped my tea. It’s not that they’re coping better than you, their babies might just be easier....

The whole burping thing is hard, if you’ve given it a go and you can’t get any wind up, don’t worry about it. She’s not necessarily being sick because you haven’t got the wind out - it’s just one of those things. Can you pick up a couple of spare grosnugs so you can get some space at night if she’s happy to be put down?

It sounds like you’re doing really well with the breastfeeding. Have you tried Lansinoh for the sore nipple? If she’s stopped latching properly that side, see if you can get her back doing it again. Maybe get some help from an NCT breastfeeding person if you can’t get her sorted with it in a few days.

Thinking of you OP. I remember feeling how you do now. Once you’re looking after her on your own more, your confidence will build. On the days your partner’s not working, can he take her for a couple of hours so you can unwind and get some headspace? And in the evenings when he gets in? It’s hard, take care of yourself, but it will soon feel easier

Please don't be too hard on yourself - 3 weeks old is tiny still and you're learning on the job. If only they came with an instruction manual! Carry on celebrating the small wins - even getting dressed was an achievement for me at that stage so your trip to the doctors was great it's totally normal to be a bit weepy - your hormones are all over the shop and you're exhausted. It should get better, but don't be afraid to ask for help if you're not feeling better.

Don't worry about getting anything done or tummy time or anything else - all she needs is feeding, changing and snuggles with mum (look up the 4th trimester). Get the Netflix on, snacks you can eat one-handed and a big bottle of water within reach, get both your tops off (dressing gown or big cardigan to keep you warm and blanket over baby) and hunker down on the sofa for as long as you and baby want - I had a hard time in the early weeks but just doing this really helped.

Definitely try the sling library - they can help you with your current wrap or find something more suitable, and you can hire things to try at home. Also second the breastfeeding support group - we have something run by the health visiting team called baby cafe and they really helped me with a difficult start to breastfeeding.

Finally, call in the troops - 'it takes a village...' and all that. Do you have family or friends nearby who could drop by with lunch and maybe throw some clothes in the washing machine or hold the baby while you shower or sleep? I hope you feel better soon, and just remember you're not alone even if it feels like others are coping better than you - what people say isn't always the full picture.

Not much advice to offer as I myself have been feeding a fussy 2-week old for the last two hours, but just wanted to offer a bit of sympathy and a hand hold! It looks like you have soon good advice on here too. I am struggling to burp my little one sometimes as well, and I haven’t been alone with them for a full day either, sort of dreading it but DP is back at work on Tuesday so not long to go.
For burping, make sure their back is straight as possible whether they are on your chest or sitting up. Sitting up with their chin in your hand is easier, if a bit messier when they do spit up! A mixture of patting and rubbing the back in a steady rhythm seems to help mine.

I will say it does feels better getting out and about, most babies do settle well in a pram so I would brave the mud and go for it, or drive to a park or somewhere with a short walk. You can feed/change in the parked car if necessary, if you don’t want to go to a cafe or baby group yet.

you’re doing brilliantly, don’t forget that.

The first few weeks are always a blur. I'v recently had DC3 (hence the late night browsing) and everyone has said how calm etc I look. But even though I look like I have my shit together the first few weeks are still a blur of feeding, not being able to put the baby down etc. So even though your friends may look as though they're coping better than you they're probably going through exactly what you're going through so use them for in real life support.
Secondly it annoys me when people say a breastfed baby doesn't need winding, in my experience they need more winding (I guess due to length of time a feed takes, comfort sucking etc). DC3 often cries when being winded but I just have to ignore that. If no wind is coming up I do exactly as a pp said and lie them on my knee then try again.
It does get a lot easier.

The early days are so fucking hard. I promise you, other than the odd lucky git that gets a sleeper, what you are doing through is completely normal.

Be easy on yourself.

It does get better.

I feel your pain. My baby had terrible colic for the first 4-5 weeks and would scream and cry no matter what I did. It was very disheartening and exhaustion was very real.

If you don't feel like you can swaddle her properly have you got any sleep sacks you can just zip her into. When I switched to a "love to dream" arms up sack my baby seemed much happier and slept better and as she's gotten a bit bigger she sucks her hand through it and will sometimes (RARELY! But sometimes) settle herself.

Honestly the first month or two it's really just feed and sleep and not much time for play time because by the time you've fed them their awake period is almost up and they need to go back down for a sleep.

Something that has really helped me is just accepting "this is how my baby is at the moment" instead of looking and thinking I need to fix certain behaviours. Almost all the things that I have struggled with have passed or changed on their own after a couple of weeks, and then there are new challenges.

Good luck. 3-4 weeks in is so hard, it will get better (and worse and then better). I've found the wonderweeks app helpful, (though not entirely accurate for my bubba as she gets bigger)

The first weeks / months are always hard as you try to recover physically and also try and figure out what you are doing!

But here are a few things:

• the baby is going to cry when you go out. They all do. No body cares (except the mummy of course) What are you worried about? That you wont be able to settle her out? That people will say something? A few lapse in the pram usually gets baby to sleep or a little feed. If anybody says anything about a crying baby they are idiots!

• 3 week old baby does not need to play. They need food, cuddles and sleep. Dont worry, there is plenty of time to play with your baby (when they get to 2 and a half years old and you have to play the same game over and over again you will miss those early days!)

• the baby will go through fussy periods, either they are ill (if they have a cold like you said) or they are trying to get your supply up for an upcoming growth spur. Babies breastfeed for food but also for comfort. Just go with the flow. Re the burping, it is tedious but some babies need it more than others. As they get bigger they might need it less.

• lack if sleep makes everything seem hard but you'll get use to it. In the meantime, try and get as much sleep as you can. It's also normal for babies to not like sleeping on their own. They need to be reassured that someone is with them. As they get old, they will get use to being by themselves a bit more.

• i was shit scared the first time i had to look after the baby by myself. Was waiting by the window for my husband to come back from work. Totally normal.

Basically, everything you are feeling is normal and you just need some time to get use to your new life and get to know your baby. If you are concerned about her feeding you could try calling the midwife or going to see a breastfeeding consultant. Otherwise you could ask your GP.

And try not to worry too much about going out with the baby. Its normal to be scared. Try going for a walk round the block and build up to that. But the baby will cry at some point (guaranteed) and nothing bad will happen (also guaranteex).

Good luck. X

If you can get out of the house it's great for your own sanity. A coffee at a friend's house or an hour at a baby group so you can have some adult conversation can do wonders. Dont worry about baby crying, they all do and other people wont be nearly as bothered by it as you are.

Dont beat yourself up about playtime, tummy time etc. She is too young to benefit from that yet anyway and there will be plenty of time for it when she's a bit older and more settled. It really does get easier and, although it feels like an eternity at the time, it's only a few weeks that they're like this. You're doing really well

Hey OP 👋
My DD is 11 weeks old today, and also currently asleep on my chest as I settle her after my night feed (thank God for MN to entertain us!)
You are 100% feeling the way I did at that stage. Except I also cried continuously over everything. I was so scared to be alone with DD. To be solely responsible and to be the one who had to meet all her needs all day.
The first week or two we literally just made it through the day - eat, nap, burp (she also needs a lot of burping!). Nothing got done, I watched endless daytime tv. I put so much pressure on myself to bounce back faster and cried that I wasn't taking her out, that she was just stuck with me at home and we had no interaction with other adults - it was all a miserable time

But once I started, once I got through the day a few times I started to believe I could, then I took her out in the pram to the shop (across the road) and felt elated that we had left the house! We went to the BF clinic because my in laws took us and I sat next to a Mum who related to everything I was going through and it was such a massive relief to know I wasn't completely failing just like you're not failing either. Once I started doing stuff around the house I felt like house wife of the year - because I'd put on a load of washing and run the vacuum around!

And I absolutely bet you that my friends who visited all think I was fine, so don't worry if everyone else seems to be coping. I did all my crying at night while my husband fed her and I sobbed in bed - he even got the HV involved because he was concerned about PND but in the end it was just the adjustment.

Everything is hard but you 100% got this - this bit is incredibly hard with no sleep and the constant fear you're doing something wrong but you are absolutely rocking it and if you literally sit at home in front of the TV for a few weeks then enjoy - I watched back fo black crime detective shows to entertain me.

Good luck OP - this too will pass. And I also recommend opening up to your HV - I did and she was so supportive and such a god send.

I remember this time, it was bloody hard but we get through it, as will you. I wouldn't even be giving baby groups a second thought yet let alone feeling guilty, plenty of time for those. Tummy time doesn't have to be lying them on the floor, I found combining it with skin to skin was good- in bed, baby on chest, lovely and relaxing, good for helping supply too. Remember you are likely still healing which makes everything harder, and I know he works but you need rest too, remember that. I didn't take DS out for a walk for a few weeks, it's okay. Any family or friends that can pop over and help tidy, meal prep etc? Or come with you on a walk?

Do you have someone who can take her for a couple of hours after a good feed to let you get a bit of sleep? I always found a good hot shower was almost as good as a decent stretch of sleep.

If she likes the grosnug (mine hated his and would only sleep on us. Normal, but it made it a very long first 6 weeks!!) then you can probably pick some up on eBay quite cheaply. They're barely used before they're outgrown.

If you can get out, I'd encourage you to. A little walk (maybe when the weather is a little less volatile!) can help baby settle and really breaks up the day. As far as the car is concerned, the majority of babies will settle quite well in the car (and often stay asleep a but after if you have one of the infant carrier car seats).

I'd encourage you to try and get to a local breastfeeding group or sling library (sometimes these two things are combined) because everyone there will either be doing, or have done the newborn phase and will know exactly what you're going through. It can really help to know you're not alone.

Could you open up a bit to your NCT group? Have you met up at all post birth yet? I've been very lucky with my group in that we've all always been very open and honest. I guarantee if you say you're finding XYZ difficult, others will follow your lead.

Finally, just be kind to yourself. Lower your expectations to the bare minimum. If you're worked up, baby will get worked up. Relax, be comfortable, just concentrate on feeding and cuddling baby. That's all she needs right now. Make sure you have grab and go food ready before your husband goes to work (easy to eat snacks, a sandwich made and ready to eat in the fridge for lunchtime, bottles of water etc). Then just sit, feed and cuddle your baby whilst working your way through Netflix. Everything else can wait.

It's really normal and doesn't last forever (as many told me, it's so true) but it feels that it does.

Go to the bf clinic, get your nipple checked if it doesn't feel right. You really don't want plugged ducts or something.

Celebrate the tiny things: getting dressed, a quicker burp, good feed, then the things like popping to shops will come

RE the wrap, did you walk around a bit in it, see if she will settle? My newborn screamed until i started moving.

YouTube has great videos on alternate burping ways do may be worth a look.

Baby groups are more for you now not her and a coffee works as well. Maybe invite a friend over?

Wow thank you guys. My partner took her for a couple of hours so I could sleep. Now he’s asleep again. I kind of resent that he doesn’t have to think about her all day as well as all night, I know he loves her and he’s amazing with her but he has the chance to have some detachment and I have none. I read up on fourth trimester and how we need to look after ourselves and it just doesn’t seem to have happened..I had so many grand plans and it all got blown out of the water for various reasons. Even when he takes her I just end up doing housework because it’s the only way I can feel a little bit of brain space. And I am not someone that likes housework.

I don’t think it helps that I have a rotten cold, it’s like the water is literally being drained from my skin and I feel so guilty that baby seems to have this too now, snuffling away on me. Not sure all my coughing and nose blowing are helping her settle either.

Question.. how are you meant to sleep if the baby only sleeps on you? I keep falling asleep when she’s on me in bed and I know that’s not ok and I wake up terrified. Last night I couldn’t even stay awake breastfeeding.

I will try to have some days of just cuddling on sofa. That would be nice, if I can just get her to settle on me instead of fussing the entire time. She’s asleep on my belly with her vest open atm so we are doing some skin to skin.

My mum helped me out loads last week, she was amazing, but that has sort of meant her cuddling bubs while I sleep or sit on my phone, I don’t really end up having much time with me and baby. And then I feel guilty as I definitely haven’t been the main person cuddling her.

Why is it all just guilt and anxiety? I thought I was meant to be happy having a baby but this has really only compounded my sense that I’m maybe not the most maternal person in the world. But I desperately just want to be the perfect mum for her. At the moment it’s like I’m just a milk machine. My birth experience wasn’t traumatic, i know how lucky I am for that, but there does seem to be nerve damage and it’s a long wait before getting it checked out by the hospital. But then I feel guilty that even with the best possible start I still can’t seem to be happy. I was really weak/faint straight after birth tho and lost quite a bit of blood, and then the week after was rubbish because my partner was so busy (unavoidably so sadly) so I feel like it just wasn’t the start I wanted.

I will try go to the sling library today then.and have a look at a breastfeeding clinic, I think there is one my HV mentioned yes. My nipple keeps going white but like not during or straight after a feed, later on. And when it does it’s agony.

I don’t know why I am terrified of her screaming, I could just go home. Maybe I will try go for a walk with her today after the library, it’s a good idea to drive somewhere to do that, thank you for suggestion, don’t know why my brain doesn’t think of these things itself.

My NCT group are doing meet ups yeah, I haven’t been because everything is a hurdle for me atm. I’m one of the first so baby is older. Eg driving, getting pram out of boot while baby is in car, getting her into pram.. it all feels like these massive obstacles to surmount. Silly. They have been a bit of a lifesaver for me so far because I don’t really have any friends and family is tiny. We are all honest, i think I’m just a bit ahead of everyone else so feel like I should be coping better? It’s all just a bit much, last year was insane, I had major surgery a year before she was born, have spent two years not being able to eat properly, my partner had a crazy amount of work on, three grandparents died, work was awful (secondary teacher) ..I think my batteries are just flat :(

If you want to sleep with baby look up safe co-sleeping from the lullaby trust. It can be done. Lots of women do it even though it's not talked about.

The nipple issue - it is called nipple blanching and happens when LO has a lazy latch which compresses your nipple during feeding and restricts blood flow. Then when then blood flow does return it's extremely painful and can make the nipples quite tender. I've been there. The only thing for it is to get help with the latch or persevere. My Lo's latch got better on it's own.

My little one hates the sling and screams everytime I try to put him in it. He hates being restricted. This may be the same for your little one. You could always try just using a blanket. Make sure her arms are over the top and its tucked in around the side and bottoms of whatever she is sleeping in.

When your partner gets in give him your little one and go for a bath...no housework. Just relax and recharge. Have you heard of a hakka? It's a silicone breast pump and works on the opposite boob to the one baby is on. You could try expressing in the day when feeding go allow your partner to give her a bottle or sippy cup of expressed milk in an evening while you relax. Also we have a rule where my partner helps until 11.30pm or midnight ish then goes to sleep. Means I get a little more rest.

You are doing great and it will get easier. When the weather is like this just cuddle on ths sofa with netflix. I didn't go to any baby groups until he was 8 weeks old. Just pottered about at my own pace. Take each day as it comes.

Three weeks is a big time for cluster feeding. She is working hard to increase your supply of future needs.

I’m not so confident taking the kids far but I find setting my self goals and achieving them makes me more confident. So for you go to baby group, it’s doesn’t matter if you are late or if your babies cry.

If the baby only sleeps on you, look up safe co-sleeping. One way or abother, you need to sleep. Co sleeping is ok if you follow the advice. It's much safer than you falling asleep on the sofa with baby on you (not saying you have done that; just an example).

Getting a cold is "good" for baby. It builds there immune system. And your breastmilk will help the baby fight the cold. I think they get like 10 colds in their first year!!!

Good luck going out. It will be great!

Ps: everybody has grand plans about mat leave and being a mum. Reality is we're all milk machines trying not to drown under laundry and dirty dishes. X

Just want to say you are not alone. I was the same when my DD was born (nearly 3 years ago now!). It was not how I expected - everything revolved around trying to get her to feed, burp and sleep. In all honesty it was miserable. I was anxious, depressed and exhausted. I was also terrified of her crying - it used to make me feel like I couldn’t breathe. It did (and does!) get better though, things gradually seem easier, and nicer. I’m pregnant again now, so going in for round 2!

I didn’t go to any baby groups until she was about 4 months old. It just felt too much, and I needed to build my confidence up. It’s fine - all they really need when this small is cuddles, feeding and sleep. Baby groups are for parents to get out and chat - babies don’t need them, so don’t worry.

Things that helped me to get her to sleep not on me were:

• dummy (didn’t cause any problems bf, she just needed to suck all the time)
• swaddle - we used a miracle blanket as she wriggled out of anything else. It was tight & probably felt like she was being cuddled

-sleepyhead

• white noise
• sidecar cot (we had a snuzzpod) so I could easily rest my hand / pat / comfort her in the night. Also for naps and I would lay next to her and try and doze too.
• patting her chest like a heartbeat rhythm to try and settle her

Before you know it, you will be out and about with her with NCT friends, baby groups etc — it just takes a while to build up your confidence.

I would keep a close eye on your feelings and mention to your HV - just in case this turns into PND - it did for me (not trying to worry you!) but getting it identified quickly meant I was treated quickly, and felt better very, very quickly.

Sending you lots of love & hope things get easier for you soon.

Your mum cuddling the baby is fine - there can’t be too many people to love her as long as you’re getting the chance for a rest/sleep as well and any visitors or helpers are also doing the shitwork like taking the bins out, wiping surfaces and hoovering! I honestly found that doing small amounts of housework in the early days made me feel more normal - just 5 minutes to make my own cuppa or empty the dishwasher was some really good headspace, sad as that sounds.

I have the same stress about the pram too - live in a first floor flat so it’s not as easy as shoving the baby in the pram and setting off! I am determined to try the 15-minute walk to our local shops/library on my own as soon as I can, as well as getting on a bus and going further afield. The build up will be much worse than the reality, though. Don’t try and do too much in one day, like PPs have said, all the baby needs is feeding and cuddles and sleep at the moment.

Have you tried warming the crib with a hot water bottle? I have done this a few times in case it’s the contrast of going from my warm skin to a cool crib that wakes my DS up when he’s put down. Might be worth a try - it only needs a minute or so, then you can enjoy the hot water bottle afterwards!

Your post sounds so familiar. Was so jealous of NCT friends whose DCs slept in car seats and carrycots, or could moved during sleep... I felt like I was doing everything wrong, was making DC miserable, feeling housebound and victim to a cat nap schedule. I never made a DC that didn’t need to be carried or held to sleep so eventually resigned myself to the situation and stopped the emotional/physical torture of ‘training’ a tiny being (that has such basic needs) to be any different. I walked around w DCs on my shoulder like a sack of potatoes... DC1 had colic/reflux, difficult to wind, and was helped by gripe water, being upright in a sling, and mummy w/o cow dairy, caffeine, and drinking lots of fennel tea...3 months of mummy hell figuring it out. Had tons of mastitis & regular plugged ducts from the stress of not sleeping and making myself go out w DC. DC2 wouldn’t sleep without physical contact. Not helped by a refusal to sleep on his back and my psychological inability to put a tiny baby tummy down in a cot....I just followed his lead by learning the hard way in the early days. If you’re feeling frazzled/exhausted/ill, a daily carrier/sofa nap w baby whilst listening to a guided meditation, deep breathing exercises, chill music etc will help w mum angst and challenging moments. IMO it’s fine to break all the rules and expectations for mummy’s health and mental health.

OP, nobody will tell you this but you’re doing everything right! You’re paying attention to your DC and learning more about them in the early days. You’re using your intuition for problem solving and asking for help. That makes you a caring, attentive and sensitive mum! Don’t worry about the outcome of your action or thinking that what you are doing is the main reason DC is difficult to settle. Newborn care is F*ing hard, soul destroying and draining.

...and be kind to yourself and look after yourself. Honour your limits. It will be difficult at times and one day whatever baby thing you’re wrestling with/or hanging on to will be gone.

...I did not mean fall sleep on the sofa with the baby on your chest!