Newborn.. feeling useless

[walnut87]

Hi,

My first baby is 3 and a bit weeks old. It’s not been an easy ride and I’ve been really up and down.

I think she now has a cold and I can’t get her to settle and feeding is not fun currently. She has been increasingly fussy the last few days and won’t settle on me often. I am so tired and want to try give my partner some sleep because he’s working. I think her fussiness is causing her latch to falter as well because I seem to be having problems with one of my nipples all of a sudden. I don’t want to give in breastfeeding as it’s gone so well so far but I am really struggling with not knowing what the hell I’m doing

She is hard to burp so our HV suggested infacol; it’s not any easier I don’t think, although to be honest I can’t remember anything anymore. I feel miserable because I hate trying to burp her and everyone says “oh sometimes they don’t need to” but she often ends up being quite sick if she doesn’t. I haven’t even done a day alone with her yet but can’t comprehend how I’ll manage with having to burp her all the time as it’s so tedious, I never know what I’m doing, and half the time it won’t even get anything out.

I have a lovely NCT group of friends and we all have our babies now, but everyone else seems to be coping and being braver about stuff. I worry about everything, I considered it a massive achievement to drive 3 mins to doctors to pick up her registration form. I’ve only been out in pram once (rural area, too muddy here atm) and I’m terrified of going to baby groups etc or anywhere tbh incase she cries and I can’t settle her.

We’ve barely done playtime, Timmy time, baths or even skin to skin because I just don’t know what I’m doing, it’s all I can do to feed and burp her. She’s been so fussy last few days. I can sometimes settle her if I sing to her. I’m not sure she’s ever alert enough for playtime unless she’s fussing and we’re calMing her.

I wanted to try do my first day alone with her today but not sure I’ll cope. It’s so hard trying to build myself up whilst trying to support the baby. There is a sling library I want to go to to try get an easier sling than. My wrap (we tried it once... she screamed) but I’m terrified she’ll start crying when we get out of the car. im so tired & not sure what to do.

She has settled now on my tummy after feed an hour and a half ago, I don’t know where the last 90 mins have gone. I can’t put her down as she was sick in her grosnug. I can’t seem to swaddle her properly otherwise. I’m so tired, I just can’t do anything and I feel so guilty.

Sorry, long rant.. not sure what I’m expecting anyone to say!!

I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm going through similar with my second, but it is slowly getting better, with the odd step back. It DOES get better, I promise.

If the cold is bothering you when co sleeping, I saw someone post on here recently about adult sleep sacs. I ended up buying one for co sleeping, and while I look and feel pretty ridiculous, it is keeping me warm without the need for blankets. It has a zip if you're breastfeeding (sorry I can't remember) and also feet, so you can still get up and do nappy changes/go to the loo/pace the floor or whatever if need be.
I also have a fluffy zip up onesie which also does the job, but is a bit of a sweatier option

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Slumbersac-Adult-Sleeping-Stars-Medium/dp/B079YT5T7X/ref=mpssa112?keywords=slumbersac+adult&qid=1583147673&sprefix=slumber+sac+ad&sr=8-2

Your words brought back so many memories I felt I had to create an account just to reply! I know your post was a while ago now and I hope things have improved. I also used to be a secondary teacher and I know how hard that would have been! Maybe childcare is easier?! My daughter is now 8 months old so I know exactly what you are going through and I can confirm it gets much better but also harder in other ways (sorry)

Number 1: self preservation. You MUST look after yourself physically and mentally. How can you look after your baby if you are on your knees. Seek help. Anyone. Get sleep, eat a good diet and drink LOTS. Stop comparing yourself to your NCT pals. I'm in a great NCT group and it's virtually impossible not to compare but every baby is so different. They are all going to be hard work at different times and I guarantee there will be a time when you are posting amazing things and the other parents are at their wits end. Enjoy the support and the suggestions from your NCT group but don't make my mistake of thinking they all have perfect kids. Tell your friends you are finding things difficult and you will bond with them and perhaps get some suggestions to try.

Number 2: GET OUT. It seems so difficult. Such a mission. Almost not worth the hassle. However, if you leave the house once a day you will feel like such a champ. The day will seem much shorter, you will see friendly faces and make new friends. Plus your baby will be experiencing new things, seeing, hearing and feeling new sensations and all of that will make them tired!

Number 3: A sling. It provides the cuddles, closeness and I found was quite a good way of getting wind out (don't put your kid in after feeding or you will get decorated) but you also have free hands to make sure you eat, drink, tidy up the house a bit.

Don't worry about your partner - they will survive on little amounts of sleep and as you say they get to go to work and reset.

Maybe a HV about the latch. But also relax, they will feed a huge amount at the moment and will quickly catch up on all the games and tummy time. Our girl hated tummy time and then all of a sudden hated being on her back at about 4 months.

Please don't stress. The best advice I got was to follow the baby's lead. If all they want to do is cuddle or be held then do it. I slept for so long with her in my arms when she was on a feeding marathon. Research co-sleeping and see if it is for you. I used to do it and now she rarely sleeps with us now.

Much love from a completely sympathetic stranger xxx