Newborn.. feeling useless

[walnut87]

Hi,

My first baby is 3 and a bit weeks old. It’s not been an easy ride and I’ve been really up and down.

I think she now has a cold and I can’t get her to settle and feeding is not fun currently. She has been increasingly fussy the last few days and won’t settle on me often. I am so tired and want to try give my partner some sleep because he’s working. I think her fussiness is causing her latch to falter as well because I seem to be having problems with one of my nipples all of a sudden. I don’t want to give in breastfeeding as it’s gone so well so far but I am really struggling with not knowing what the hell I’m doing

She is hard to burp so our HV suggested infacol; it’s not any easier I don’t think, although to be honest I can’t remember anything anymore. I feel miserable because I hate trying to burp her and everyone says “oh sometimes they don’t need to” but she often ends up being quite sick if she doesn’t. I haven’t even done a day alone with her yet but can’t comprehend how I’ll manage with having to burp her all the time as it’s so tedious, I never know what I’m doing, and half the time it won’t even get anything out.

I have a lovely NCT group of friends and we all have our babies now, but everyone else seems to be coping and being braver about stuff. I worry about everything, I considered it a massive achievement to drive 3 mins to doctors to pick up her registration form. I’ve only been out in pram once (rural area, too muddy here atm) and I’m terrified of going to baby groups etc or anywhere tbh incase she cries and I can’t settle her.

We’ve barely done playtime, Timmy time, baths or even skin to skin because I just don’t know what I’m doing, it’s all I can do to feed and burp her. She’s been so fussy last few days. I can sometimes settle her if I sing to her. I’m not sure she’s ever alert enough for playtime unless she’s fussing and we’re calMing her.

I wanted to try do my first day alone with her today but not sure I’ll cope. It’s so hard trying to build myself up whilst trying to support the baby. There is a sling library I want to go to to try get an easier sling than. My wrap (we tried it once... she screamed) but I’m terrified she’ll start crying when we get out of the car. im so tired & not sure what to do.

She has settled now on my tummy after feed an hour and a half ago, I don’t know where the last 90 mins have gone. I can’t put her down as she was sick in her grosnug. I can’t seem to swaddle her properly otherwise. I’m so tired, I just can’t do anything and I feel so guilty.

Sorry, long rant.. not sure what I’m expecting anyone to say!!

Thank you all so much for your lovely messages, I’m sat here crying at them and covering baby who keeps wriggling in protest gah. Don’t know how she’s meant to rest with all my coughing/blowing my nose/sobbing. Ridiculous.

@OnlyLittleMissOrganised thank you For all the practical info, I will look into it. I have a Hakka so will try express some, altho she’s feeding so much my breasts feel drained. I’m sure that can’t actually be it.

@Monkeymilkshake So I just phoned drs and he said it does sound like she has a cold, and I was welcome to go in if I wanted. I said I’d wait to try keep my anxiety under check. Her feeding is really on/off because she is all bunged up. He said if it hasn’t gone in two weeks let them know.... two weeks of this omg I’ll have gone insane. She’s due her first “leap” this week two

@Sipperskipper I am trying a lot of those things and we were having some success before she went downhill the last few days. She was sleeping for longer stretches at night which was amazing. It’s the constant up and down that makes me doubt myself I think.. it’s so hard. I will have a look at miracle blanket as she seems to get the grosnug all caught up around her neck as she wriggles. I mentioned everything to one of the midwives who came to see me as she showed up at my door and I just sobbed at this poor lady I’ve never met. I told my HV last week and she got em to do an assessment. I think she is going to come again this week if I want her too. It’s a bit weird as I told my main midwife at 20 weeks I was struggling and she never asked how I was again so feel a bit jaded about the system.

@OccasionalNachos oh you sound just like me... good luck with getting out the flat and to the shops :) Why are all prams etc so heavy? It’s like a cruel joke that they warn you against lifting stuff when you’re pregnant, I’m so weak now and I thought I was getting a light pram but clearly not!

@Itsmommy what you say about dc1 is interesting, is fennel tea meant to help? I bought some before pregnant for some reason. I will try to get her upright in a sling. She likes dancing with me when I’m standing up and sitting up against my legs so maybe that will help her wind. I honestly dont understand this whole burping thing. I am trying so many different things but I’m too tired to piece together the info to work out what works! I just can’t retain Any info. I will try start doing my hypnobirthing stuff again..

Thank you again everyone xx

We had good luck w fennel tea (any tummy/digestion tea for mum) and neuners (maybe that’s wrong name?) baby tummy tea (light green box w baby face) cooled slightly in a dropper after feeds. Mommy’s bliss gripe worked best from us (and was on amazon prime!)
Also the winding position. We had luck with baby sitting and mum holding the head and rubbing the back after a feed. Then a quick tummy time and huge burp would come when being picked up.
Also read your post about the latch/possible blanching. Maybe baby’s position when feeding on one side isn’t ideal or she’s a bit stiff from pregnancy/birth and therefore struggling w the latch on one side? Baby cranial osteopaths can help ease baby neck tension and also tummy pains if you suspect there is some unhappiness/tension that lasts after you’ve tried the positioning/winding changes.
Hang in there!

I haven't read all posts thoroughly but I read OP completely. I am pretty sure that this might be down to reflux.
I went through exactly the same with DS one. Couldn't understand how other mums were able to burp/wind their LO without the entire feed coming back up, scared to go out to groups etc as DS was constantly screeching in pain and wouldn't settle like all the other babies. It was grim and had me doubting my own ability as everyone else's LO seemed to just do what they were supposed to. Everything I tried made no difference. HV just shrugged and told me that DS was a "lively baby". Helpful.

I spent most days covered in sick and watching the world go by outside the window, wondering why noone else had told me it would be this awful.
I somehow got through the first 8 weeks and went to GP for my post natal check up; GP asked how I was and I ended up crying and snotting all over him as I was so tired (embarassing as he was lovely!).

He said he'd look at DS as well as me and when I described what was happening with the constant throwing up/unsettled sleeps etc he just said "reflux".

He prescribed baby gaviscon to put in formula. I said I was BF and didn't want to feel guilty about bottle feeding. He was just what I needed, asked me how I felt the BF was going, I said "blinking awful" and he said "there's your answer then."

Honestly that one GP appointment was a turning point for me and DS. I slowly noticed a change in DS and as he was more able to keep milk down he started putting on weight etc and gradually things got easier.

That DS is now 11 and sat next to me on sofa. I hated it when ppl told me "it gets easier" so I won't say that but do try and get to your GP rather than just HV as they don't always know best, and at least a GP can check you over at the same time as your LO. Hugs xxx

Oh love, it is so hard. And you are being so hard on yourself! I barely left the house for the first month because my baby hated the pram and the carseat. Baby didn’t sleep unless he was on me...
Look up the guidance about safe co-sleeping, if you need to boot your husband out of the bed temporarily then do so, as long as you both get sleep!
I agree with what other posters have said about just taking it easy on the sofa, accepting you are temporarily a milk machine, making sure you have water, snacks, phone etc in close proximity. Accept as much help as you can. Don’t worry about any baby groups or playing!
It does get better, you are not failing. For me it got easier after 6-8 weeks. You are doing great.

Oh you sound so much like I felt in those early weeks. I went from being a really confident professional to an absolute mess overnight- I suddenly felt like I knew nothing and that everyone else was coming apart from me.

Firstly, most of your NCT friends are probably also struggling and maybe even posting on mumsnet! I didn't realise that about my NCT pals until our babies were almost a year old but soooo many of us struggled! And now that I think about it, I also only shared the good bits so maybe they also thought I was finding life easy (I wasn't- I was drowning and it was the worst and hardest period of my life ever!).

Secondly, some babies are tougher than others. My son stopped napping at 8 days old and cried loads from exhaustion. I was so worried about him crying inconsolable I didn't take him to baby classes for ages. I remember him screaming at my local slings library. My attempt at baby swimming was a nightmare. But I've learned over time that that's okay. Go at a pace thst suits you and your daughter. You dont hsve to prove anything to anyone. Also ive learned now that it really doesn't matter if they cry in public. Nobody cares and to be honest hardly anyone but you will notice. My son has the loudest banshee wail ever but people didn't bat an eyelid when he cried- it was only really me that noticed it.

Thirdly, the sleep when the baby sleeps thing is really really tough. My son would only nap in his pram while being pushed st high speed in a quiet place. Even bloody birds tweeting woke him up! I became irrationally angry at anyone who made a sound or closed a car door etc within his earshot while he napped. I get how frustrating it is. Have you tried a dummy? I was so snobby about dummies until I had a child and I found it a lifesaver!! I wish there was an easy answer to this one! Like you I also had no family around. I wish now that I'd paid for someone to come and give me a hand for a couple of hours a day, even just to hold the baby while I napped a little. I'm expecting my second and might actually do this next time round. Might this be an option?

Please don't put pressure on yourself... literally all you need to worry about at the moment is keeping baby safe and fed.... and trying to find ways to look after yourself. You sound lovely and things are going to be SO great but I know j ow hars it is to see past the super tough newborn days!

Oh my god I could have written this post!!

Our baby is 4 weeks on wednesday and exactly the same! Especially frustrating as he was amazing up until week three then became a different baby.

Had a big chat with the health visitor and apparently growth spurts at this age turn them into little mini satans. I havent been able to put ours down the past couple of days and have resorted to having him in the sling to keep him calm but I can have a cup of tea and go for a wee 🙈🤣.

Tips I have learned:
Feeding is a pain - eating loads- just have to go with it :(
If bottle feeding like we are infacol is working better if we add it to the bottle.
I have been taking baby in the shower (walk in) and he loves it.
Skin to skin helps most things and has become my go to..... especially awks when the window cleaner shows up unannounced.
Your mood will change massively when baby starts smiling as you are finally getting some reassurance they are actually happy.

Good luck!!!

Oh also - I slept on the sofa with baby in the sling as he wouldn't settle in pram or anywhere other than my chest - sure it's not correct practice but stopped me worrying about him falling off when I was asleep and health visitor wasnt too concerned when I mentioned it

So... first day on my own. 40 mins of naps maybe? But achievements: registered bubs at GP, made it to sling library, hired new sling and tried it at home, went for short walk in pram with NCT friend, sucked loads of snot out of baby’s nose with nosefrida

Bubs spontaneously burping a bit this afternoon, think maybe because she is eating slower? I keep forgetting to give her infacol as so tired. Or burp her myself. Ugh. Now doing night shift after DP had her for a bit, fed her at 12.30, she fed really quickly initially, kept wanting more, and then spent an hour & a half with her fussing and being sick everywhere. Worried about getting enough fluids into her if she’s being sick. Always happens at night, is this what reflux is??? Not like she’s horizontal atm cause of the cold.. can’t remember if infacol helped stop this at night, maybe it did. Lost track of everything.

Finally swaddled her in blanket and she’s asleep in my arms. Gotta go til 8am when mum arrives so I can sleep.

I just feel like everything’s a cruel joke. 9 months of pregnancy insomnia and sickness and horrid indigestion, and then SIDS exists which makes you to terrified to relax with baby in arms incase they die. I’m so drained.

This will sound silly but I don’t really get co-sleeping, is it just where baby lies on your mattress with you? Does that really make a difference? Tbh the issue atm is that when we put her down she has all the mucus run down her throat and sounds all gaggy and then wakes herself up. So literally can’t go more than about twenty mins before she gets distressed.

I felt so guilty at sling library as this lovely lady started asking about bubs and I could barely string sentences together. She kept talking about how amazing it is despite being hard and then she said “oh those first weeks go so quickly and then you realise you’ve missed it” and I just thought fuck why aren’t I appreciating this more? Like I’m going to look back on the first few weeks and just think how much of a wreck I was and how it just feels like such a burden and I felt even worse. I know she didn’t mean it like that or could anticipate what my brain turns these comments into but just... blergh.

I messaged HV to update about GPS advice and said I was pretty overwhelmed atm. A was she asked if there was anything more she could do to support us. What am I meant to say? Yes please? I have no idea what would support me that a HV could provide. Why do I have to be proactive here? I have no brain left.

My head is a stupid wreck. I’m trying to keep it contained as don’t want baby suffering with being anxious or anything due to how I am right now, I worked so hard during pregnancy to manage it all with yoga/massages/hypnobirthing. Now I just look in the mirror and I’m ugly crying and then I panic that I’m not smiling at baby enough and that all my misery is going to be absorbed by her little developing brain. I don’t want her to be fucked up like me. Mum thinks I’m anxious because stuff was really tough for her and she worried a lot when she was pregnant with me. Maybe that’s true? As I’ve got older I’ve noticed her negative self talk more and desperately don’t want my children to take on board mine. But everything’s going out the window currently, what with the stupid ugly crying and the constant self-doubt.

Sorry this is so long I just can’t explain it to anyone.

@Itsmommy thank you for the ideas I will try them out :)

@toetheline20 and @SRK16 thank you, it really helps to know it’s not just me x

@surreygirl1987 yes you sound like me too ha. I’m a teacher and used to dealing with teenagers all day & yet one tiny baby has done me in. We have a dummy yes, she won’t always take it? Definitely not when she’s happy. She’s a stressed out sucker bless her, sucks when she’s sad I think. Working on it when I’m awake enough to remember. Trying to do reverse psychology so she’ll hold onto it better but not sure I’m doing it right... def can’t afford to pay someone to help tho :( wish I had saved

@Cherry85 how are you taking baby into shower? I would love to do that. Don’t they get cold?? We don’t have a bath, just a baby bath so it’s an extra faff to bathe her. We could both be clean then If could avower. I have got her in her bouncy chair when I go in but have realised I do this when she’s asleep and you’re not meant to have them asleep in one? Ugh. But combo of vibrations & then extractor fan and shower noise keeps her asleep for long enough for me to have a decent shower. The sling thing.. I feel like I’d smother her! But that sounds so tempting. Did your HV say anything about SIDS with it?

Well done on surviving the day.

More hugs.

Co sleeping - yes it’s about having baby on the mattress next to you. They often get comfort for being close to you. This website gives pictures of safe sleeping positions (in fact the whole of the Basis website is worth a read): www.basisonline.org.uk/co-sleeping-image-archive/

Ah, the tripe about “missing” the newborn stage. I’ve done it three times now and I can assure you the thing which makes it easier subsequent tines is the knowledge that it passes. Sure they’re amazing and beautiful and cute and squishy but it is relentlessly hard work. Once they smile, it starts getting a tiny bit easier. By the time they’re walking, then talking it’s amazing (in my opinion). And yes I’d love a newborn again... for about an hour.

It does sound refluxy, possibly exacerbated by a cold ( which she has to get, her immune system needs building up...). My middle child was so refluxy my sheet was permanently soaked. It’s also a classic time for cluster feeding. That feed-puke-feed loop is so dispiriting.

Sending you so much love. It used to really upset me when people said how wonderful it all is, and how quick it all goes etc. It made me feel really guilty, and reminded me I would never get that time back. I felt awful for not loving every second and ‘making the most of it.’ But you know what? It was shit!

I look back, and I don’t feel that I wasted those weeks - I acknowledge how hard it was, and am proud I got through it all. I was very anxious and low, but I promise you, it did not affect DD - she happiest, most confident toddler you will ever meet! I’m pregnant again and now when I think of the newborn bit, I know it is just going to be a gruelling few weeks we need to get through to get to the ‘good bits’.

I coslept with all the of mine. Sometimes in bed with us, but we also took one side off the cot and had it right up against the bed which made grabbing the baby for night feeds easier.

If you're both a bit snuffly, could you have the window open a crack? Fresh air can help clear snotty noses and makes feeding easier.

I'm amazed at how much you achieved yesterday! But remember sitting on the sofa with a sleeping baby in your arms is not wasted time at this stage. Please don't be hard on yourself, you're dealing with a newborn and the realisation that this is it for the foreseeable, it's a massive change and pretty relentless. I remember feeling resentful at this stage, almost mourning the loss of my old life.

It's your baby's job to control you - you're her food source, her comfort, her means of survival. Try to relax, I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're winning

Well done for surviving the day! To be honest for the first 4 months at least I felt like I was in survival mode and just learned to take each day as it comes.

I'm a teacher too, ha. I'd take a surly year 9 class any day over a newborn baby - at least you have some sort of authority and control (kinda) with year 9! A newborn is way harder!

Don't worry about 'missing' the newborn stage. I spent the first 6 months to a year of my son's life looking forward to him getting older and although I felt guilty early on, I've made my leave with it and am okay with that now. To be honest I'm still looking forward to him growing up a bit now... 16 month toddlers who still aren't walking are hard work!
But yeh those early days are awful. Don't feel bad about wanting them to be over. You WILL feel feel like yourself again I promise. As proof, I chose to have a second, despite my first being absolutely horrific in the early weeks/months. It eventually gets so great (still hard but wonderful in its own way)... but I thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life at the time and actually regretted having him sometimes. I was so ashamed at the time to feel like that but now looking back I can understand those feelings - the newborn phase is so shit!! But it will end! Take some photos of your baby and you can gush about her later on when things are easier. Now is a time for just getting through each day. If you need to 'ugly cry' all day long, just do it. I cried all the time in the early weeks bur baby is the most cheerful little boy ever now. Seriously she won't notice what's going on yet. But I do think I had post partum depression and anxiety though I never spoke to anyone about it at the time - in some ways the idea of dealing with that made me feel worse. But just be aware that this is very common and that there is help available if you want it.

We're all here for you so do keep posting. You're not alone - so many of us have been where you are right now and have felt exactly the same. Youve got this!

I'v had to co sleep with DC3, coming up to 4 months and I'm not sure she's ready yet to go in her Moses basket. Obviously I know it's not ideal but the alternative is falling asleep with her in my arms which is far worse. If you do want to try it just make sure there are no pillows near her head etc. We both get a decent nights sleep by doing this.
DC3 is also very sicky but also very happy. I think it's a combo of quick let down and just one of those things. For us it just means more washing and waiting for her to grow out of it.

Poor you the cold will have you feeling a hundred times worse so hopefully it shifts soon. I agree with a sling it works brilliantly when DD doesn’t want me to put her down I can still get housework/tea/and generally relax whilst she gets some sleep when she was really upset I would do skin to skin using the sling too (although I’m lucky never to have the window cleaner come round). You shouldn’t stay away from baby groups because you are worried about her crying all the other mums there wouldn’t judge you they’ve all probably dealt with at least one bad day infact you might make even more new mummy friends who you can go to for advice or even a break. My friend also has a baby a couple of weeks younger than mine and if one of us is having a bad day the other will take both baby’s and just to give each other a couple of hours respite.

Just remember you are doing an amazing job and it will all get easier

So mum came over today so I managed to get some sleep. Went to boots as website said they had snufflebabe vapour oil and then they didn’t and I almost broke down in tears there and then.

I am feeling so angry at my partner and it scares me because I know how amazing he is but I really resent how much freedom he has & how much he’s giving himself. I just cried in anger/sadness all the way home from my mums. I think I will phone GP tomorrow, Altho not sure what they can do. Have told my HV.

DP sent me to bed at 8.30, couldn’t sleep, then bubs needed feeding at 9.30, then she screamed the house down for an hour. I ended up taking over cause DP was looking pretty fed up. Got her settled. Up still now. Just did a nappy change, feed, she poked so had to do another nappy change and now trying to get her to settle again. She is very screamy atm, think we are maybe in first leap.

Doubting we’ll ever be able to put her down again. She’s had so many cuddles and she was getting so good at sleeping before this cold :( fuck fuck fuck :( please someone tell me that it’s possible.

Thank you for explaining cosleeping everyone. We have a snuzpod w/side down and she sleeps in that in a sleepyhead when she does. But maybe in the bed would be better next time this happens and isn’t cold related. She’s just fallen asleep in my arms as I’ve put her on her side (+swaddle + blasting white noise +dummy) but can’t then put her down like that obv :( but she is so snotty she can’t cope on her back.

Also thank you for all the reassurance about newborn stage... and the reassurance about your lovely bubbly toddlers. This is what I have to aim for. Honestly tho, I had a pretty shit year last year, recovered from major op to then get pregnant v quick (my choice) but pregnancy felt like my body had an invader in it, and now it’s worse.

@franke the control thing, you’re right, but omg it’s hard. I will try opening window.. this is why I wanted to try go out in pram and stuff but it was hard work, so much faffing from car seat into pram. Gah. Need to make that easier somehow.

@surreygirl1987 I miss my bottom set year 9s... they were mad but lovely, all 24 of them 😭 that sounds like how I feel tho. I feel guilty about everything, that I can’t remember to take photos, that I don’t have the energy to do baths and she needs one, that I forget to do nappy changes before feeds so she goes too long :( I am literally barely functioning as a mother apparently. And this is with my mum here today to help.

Did anyone stop breastfeeding because of this? I have always said I would do it as long as my mental health could manage it but I feel so lonely/overwhelmed by being the sole provider of food for her. Especially with her cold and not knowing if she’s really getting enough. I was keeping track of how long feeds were and when but that’s all gone out of the window too. But I should maybe stick at it? It’s fine otherwise generally when I can get her latch correct. And all the other benefits. Why do I feel so conflicted about this?

Sigh. I was gonna hand her over to partner but seem to have had a second wind. Hours literally fly by now. Thank you again everyone for listening to me witter on incoherently it is helping the nights go faster and helping me process stuff xx

Have you tried putting a pillow or similar under the head end of where she is sleeping. They do it in hospitals for newborns who are sick my HV and doctor told me to try it and the elevation helped don’t know if it would help with a cold but maybe worth trying.

BF is 100% your choice there is nothing wrong with switching to formula or even just the odd bottle of formula so you can get a break. I did both from 2 weeks until 10 weeks where one or two feeds were formula so I could get some sleep. If you are super keen to exclusively BF then hang on in there it could just be the cold. Hope today is better for you

I don’t mean under her head I mean on the floor under the bed 😄

I stopped bf at 6 weeks. She fed well and was putting on weight perfectly, but I just found it exhausting (which is normal, but I hated it!). Switching to formula was the best thing for us. I had some initial sadness, but she settled and slept so much better, and we were able to get into a routine, which was beneficial for us all. I also found it reassuring that other people (DH) could feed her, so I could rest etc.

It’s not a magic fix, but I’m so happy we switched. With this baby, I will give bf a go, but with no pressure at all. If it’s too much I will switch much earlier.

Hope today is a little calmer for you all.

@NickyLou8 her snuzpod is tilted a little anyway as she gets sicky in her back.. I will ask HV tomorrow if it is ok to tilt it more. Maybe that could help yes :)

How did you introduce the formula? Do you always give those bottles at same time everyday or is it flexible? Did you have to also express to keep your supply up? I think a combo could work well for us, we have a Tommee Tippee perfect prep some friends have us so could be good in middle of night etc. The idea of being able to give her a bottle when I’m out is also kinda reassuring.

@Sipperskipper that sounds like me. It is so exhausting. I find that when me and DP are doing night shifts I’m trying to give him more sleep because he has no opportunity to nap during day at work & is pants at napping on weekends too. But then my body is producing food for our baby, that is stupidly exhausting, like a jobs level of exhaustion. I need sleep to do it. Why do you think she settled and slept better with formula? X

Oh you poor thing!!! You're doing so well, you need to believe that. It's not easy.

I'm 3 months in and was very like you to begin with but things just get easier. You get used to slinging the pram in the car and pulling the car seat out. You get used to baby screaming in marks and Spencer. You get used to them crying for what seems like no reason!
Soon you will learn her behaviour and her patterns, and for now you can just feed, change, soothe, cuddle, burp and repeat over and over until she settles.

I combo feed. It works really, really well for us. I get way more sleep than my friends who EBF and therefore I feel better and baby feels better I'm sure.

For now, maybe you could get your mum over, express some milk for baby and then get some more sleep as it'll make you feel better!!

Sending hugs to you x

I breastfed my son for 7 months exclusively but actually... as soon as he went onto formula I found life (and him) much much easier. Although I do believe that breastmilk is great, I've learned that formula would probably have been a better choice for us and would have led to a happier mother and baby. I'm expecting number 2 and I'll try breastfeeding at the beginning but I won't have any qualms about moving over to formula as soon as I feel like that might be a better option and save my sanity! Combo feeding sounds like a great option. There is too much judgement over feeding choices (and everything!) and you need to make decisions based on what might work best for you and your baby... if that's formula, or combo, great. I've hears perfect prep is amazing!

I've also been there with the resenting husband thing. Man, I was SO jealous of my husband getting to go to work and felt like I hated him - the poor guy, he did his best but it was never enough! Do speak to your GP about the regular crying. I didn't realise this until recently but a couple of my friends went through postnatal depression (as did I, I realise now) and one of them was prescribed some tablets and she said it made a world of difference and made her feel like she could actually function and really improved her day to day moods. I certainly didn't feel like I was functioning and felt like suxmch a failure in life and a terribke mother so in hindsight I should have spoken up. At the very least I guess it's worth the conversation? Those newborn days are such a fog!

Is there any way your mum could help out more by the way?

@walnut87 we just started giving the odd bottle here and there, and then moved over when I knew she was OK with it. Swollen hard boobs for a few days, which soon settled!

I think she settled better as she was fuller - she was a big, hungry baby- and because I knew how much she had taken - if she’d just guzzled 7oz and was unsettled soon after, I could be pretty sure it wasn’t hunger, so would settle her without feeding. It also meant we could get into a decent routine, which really helped her nap and sleep better. In all honesty, she went from waking pretty much hourly all night, and not settling for day sleeps, to sleeping 10-7 within 2 weeks of moving to formula! I’m not sure if it was coincidence, luck or a bit of everything, but it certainly worked well for us.

This is purely anecdotal, but DD thrived on formula, we were all happier and more relaxed, and as I say, she is a brilliant, confident and hardy little nearly 3 year old!

My 2nd day is 3 weeks old and caught the snuggles off my partner at 2weeks, it led to problems you are going through fussiness feeding, leading to more feeding, catnapping as couldn’t settle for long.

Our midwife said, although not recommended by health visitors, to raise up the head end of the Moses basket with a Muslin cloth under the mattress, olbas oil in boiling water in the bedroom before bed with the door closed so vapours are kept in and then saline nose spray before feeds and bed. The spray made him feed much better which in turn lead to him sleeping better after a feed.

Just a word of caution about introducing formula, I did with my first ds as everyone said he would settle better, sleep for longer, partner could take him etc etc but it made no difference just made him more sicky, don’t want to put you off just want to be realistic that it’s not a miracle worker.

Good luck

Sorry bout all the typos!!

No set timings for the formula it Changed depending on how I was feeling I didn’t notice a change in my milk supply at all. It really helped as my partner could give her a feed at midnight ish I would go to bed at 10 and then would manage to sleep until around 3 which made a massive difference.

I was lucky she took to the bottle very easily because I had to use nipple shields. I did see there was some bottles which are similar to nipples to help babies adjust maybe someone else knows a bit more about them or your HV. Or my mum is a HV so I can ask her later if you would like?