Adventurous parents, talk to me

[SunshineBabies]

I know this is very common, but I've recently had a LOT of naysayers and general doom casters relishing telling me and DH all about how awful having a baby is going to be, our lives are now over etc etc. Naively perhaps, we are hoping to find a way to still have a sense of adventure about our lives, and (in and around a routine) do some varied things like travelling and eating out / taking the baby / child with us to do all of this. I do realise so many things won't be possible, and that this is a life-changing event, but all I've heard is utter negativity recently that would have me believe the next 10 years we will be stuck at home all day everyday.

Please talk to me about the exciting or adventurous things you have successfully done with newborn / baby / toddler? E.g. has anyone travelled anywhere, been on a plane, gone on holiday, long haul, shorthaul, visited new places, weekends away, restaurants??

Any positive stories and wisdom out there?

My husband and I often look back and laugh at our past selves proclaiming that we wouldn't let having babies change our sense of adventure

Having said that, we eat out a lot with the children and have done quite a few holidays including long haul... but it is HARD and EXHAUSTING.

In our sons 5 years he's been: camping several times, on safari, to New York, whale watching, hiking around nature reserves, to posh restaurants.... You do have to be more organised and sensible but you can still do exciting things and bring your child up with a sense of adventure!

There’s absolutely no problem as long as the number of children doesn’t exceed the number of adults!
I have 5 (19, 16, 14, twins 12), they all still want to holiday with us (which is great, although the costs are obscene). There was quite a long period when we just went on beach holidays, I vividly remember saying ‘fuck this shit’ in Venice, with babies in a sling (each- me and dh) and trying not to lose 3 under 10s in degree heat.

Don’t limit yourself, go where you want. But don’t be surprised if your children like Butlins.

I love travelling with my son! But the truth is, some kids are easier to travel with than others. Dare I say that my very alert non-sleeper travelled perfectly because being over tired just wasn't an issue for him. I remember having to catch a midnight flight from ATL, he cried because he was hungry, but after a feed he was very happy. Stresses me out at home though because a child like this offers very little opportunities to sleep, so I felt less inclined to endure the stress of traveling in the early days.

Conversely, my sleep trained, sleeps-on-schedule nephew proved a bit more difficult to travel with. He's fine during the day, as long as he can nap in the buggy. But he won't entertain sleeping anywhere but a bed at night, and it's so bad that my brother now pays for my mum to accompany him on holiday so that they can actually go out anytime after 6. Even when we are at home my brother has missed out on many family dinners because it's just not worth the screaming and over tired tantrums.

Then you have the kids who don't follow instructions, so it can be stressful taking a kid who, for example, will run without stopping into any body of water (another nephew of mine!).

I don’t think you need to fly long haul to be adventurous ( and in school holidays it’s frickin expensive) - you can look at things on your doorstep. London is packed full of entertainment that’s free or cheap. Museums and art galleries are easy with a baby in a sling / back pack ( whatever they’re called) and lots of them have family friendly activities and events that you might not otherwise be aware of. The Royal Opera House does family Sunday’s with live opera and ballet and numerous other activities. The Southbank / Royal Festival hall often has family friendly events. My DD is 7 now and is a great little companion ... she’s had a lot of opportunities to go to the Theatre starting with Stickman as a small and then working our way through different West End shows. She’s been to Sadlers wells and to Ballet Boyz too ( cheap tickets can be had). We just went to the British Museum to check out some exhibits relating to a school project and then walked down to China town and queued up to get great Chinese buns in a place I saw recommended in Time Out. Further afield we’ve stayed in air bnbs and various cottages in North Yorkshire, Northumberland & Scotland, the Lake District etc. We find them easier than hotels which are a bit limiting after bedtime. We go to Cornwall at least once a year as my in-laws are there where my BIL ( former army officer ) has been teaching DD to surf and canoe. He gave her a survival kit for Christmas so I think they’ll be off to the woods to “ survive”. I think my main thought is DD is part not the whole of the family and she’s expected to sometimes do some stuff that she doesn’t particularly want to for me or DH and we do stuff for her that we wouldn’t necessarily choose. So in San Francisco we went around the Andy Warhol exhibition for me and in Berlin we did a private tour of street art but then in turn we went to a big aquarium and playground. ( and ate copious amounts of ice cream). So a balance can be achieved. There are loads of online resources online for travel and activities with kids so get researching.

we lived in Cebtral Asia.
Came home to have the babies, and then at 5 weeks went to Holland (dh home country, and stayed in a spare room with baby (and then baby plus toddler, and then plus 2 toddlers)

At 8 weeks flew back to Central Asia.
Kids flew back and forth many times, so 3 under 5s on a plane, and then just got used to it, and how to behave.

We had some adventurous and 'odd' holidays while there, and they did things like travel on a soviet sleeper train.

We always ate out etc, my top tip is that at hoem you have meals round a table,a nd you all sit together for the length of the meal. Ours just expected to be at the table, sometimes with a toy, sometimes not, but for a quiet meal out, we get a babysitter!

but the most adventurous people I know are friends of dh.

Before kids they used to travel a lot, backpacking round India type of travel. When kids arrived, they bought a landrover with a box on top. The box opens our into a tent on top of the landrover.

They just took off every summer, 3 weeks, and they spent 2 days solid driving through the night etc to get out of Europe, and then, North Africa, Syria, Israel, Iceland. You name it, they have driven round it. Wild camping, one night in each place and drive on, sleep at might on top of the landrover, and the back of the car was set up for kids to sleep during the overnight drives.

they were/are extraordinary. Add in that their first dc has a massive serious dairy allergy, so bad that a drop pf milk makes her hand swell up, and they just did it all.

I was a mixture of jealous, astonished and shocked!

Never stopped going out to restaurants or going on holiday or days out, etc, after dc came along, just planned ahead and and carried on as before. Things take a little longer and aren't the same as pre kids but are fun in a different way. Now my 3 are well traveled and love eating out in restaurants, we go at least once every 2 weeks as a family and all enjoy it. Things will change after dc but it doesn't have to be bad changes.

wrt the 'nature' v 'nurture' thing.

You will quickly discover that all babies come with a complete personality attached. I have 3. They are all different. VERY different.
eg dc1 is very very routine based, he set the clock for feed times, and we could not budge him at all. As a toddler, lunchtime was 12 and he started to melt down by 12:15 and by 12:30 was too past it to eat.
dc2, couldn't care less about routine and you could feed her at 12, 1 or even 2. She was like that with bedtime etc too.

BUT we did have influence on them. Because of the place we were living, we made choices about bedtimes and morning times, which were different to most UK parents, and we trained them into that.
We could set the tone of many things, eg mealtimes and how to eat in a restaurant (which really applies to 3+ kids, not very little ones). But sometimes their needs and personality were the driver, and we just had to go with it.

For the things we couldn't change, we adapted. So we often ate at other people's house, and in the culture we were in, that could be a 12 o'clock lunch or you could arrive at 12 and be served at 3. We just learnt to take a packed lunch for dc1, feed him at 12 and then he would happily sample whatever food appeared at whatever time.
In restaurants if you have a fidgety very active child, then take them for a run round the block first, or choose a restaurant which has a garden, or take an ipad. And as a pp said, adjust your expectations, have the main course and then have dessert at home, or walk downtown and have an ice cream on the move (depending on where you are).

The best advice though, is do what works, and don't worry about your expectations. So eating out doesn't work with your baby? So get a take away. It won't last forever.
Mine are now 12, 14 and 17 and very nice to take out to restaurants!

Disagree with PerfectPeony2... my 2nd baby (the one who went travelling at 5 weeks.. had dreadful colic... I could ha d spent 6 weeks rocking him around a living room in the UK or swinging him a hammock on a Thai beach.

Hmm, was it actually colic though... as in 3 hours or more of hysterical crying? Or just a fussy baby. As Thailand is a 12 hour flight! My daughter would literally have screamed inconsolably on a flight for several hours no matter how much rocking we did.. same at a hotel... not much fun for me or other passengers/ holiday goers!

Even if it wasn't full blown colic, then that only lasts a few months. It might put a dent on things in the newborn period, but by 6 months or, so, then colic can't be blamed surely?

I had one child who was an early mover (as yours was), and one child who certainly met the definition for colic (though probably towards the milder end of the scale). We still ate out, traveled, went on holiday in that period. I'd much rather be pacing with a baby in a sling on a beach in the warm than at home!

I have adapted life to suit the personality of my second born more, because she's more sensitive to being out etc, but that doesn't mean we can't do things - we just have to be mindful of timings etc.

I think (baring extreme colic, disabilities etc) most people can be as adventurous as they want when they have children. The restricting factor is what the parents feel comfortable doing, rather than the children themselves in most cases.

This just arrived in my inbox, seems apt:

www.outsideonline.com/2408804/books-parents-outdoors-adventurous-kids?utm_source=sms&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=onsiteshare

Don’t recommend living off grid in Alaska with toddlers, but apparently people do it.

I think (baring extreme colic, disabilities etc) most people can be as adventurous as they want when they have children. The restricting factor is what the parents feel comfortable doing, rather than the children themselves in most cases.

Sorry but I think some people genuinely don’t understand what a difficult baby/ child means (not just colic but older babies/ toddlers) and what life can be like. Otherwise I don’t think you’d say that. But I guess it is all relative to your own experiences.

Between the ages of 5 and 12 we went to SouthAmerica, India, Cambodia and Australia. Before 5 though, we were firmly in Europe - mostly France and Italy.

All depends on what you call adventurous.

DS1 gets quite a serious level of travel anxiety so we haven't been abroad in years but they've both been up mountains, wild camping and wild swimming under the age of ten.

Slings are useful, and baby carriers, plus off road pushchairs are a lot better than they used to be.

I think (baring extreme colic, disabilities etc) most people can be as adventurous as they want when they have children. The restricting factor is what the parents feel comfortable doing, rather than the children themselves in most cases.

No I think it can often be the child. I don’t think some people understand what a difficult baby/ toddler means- not just colic but older babies that cry a lot, won’t go in pram/ car/ slings etc. or how it can affect your life. Otherwise I don’t think you’d say that. Although of course it is all going relative to your own experiences.

PerfectPeony2 just realised you were on the Parents of Criers group last year! Hope life is better these days.

My "difficult" child is now nearly 2 and is still very hard to manage in public. She grew out of the screaming at around 15 months but bolts and still hates being strapped in the car for longer than an hour. I wish I could go on adventures!

We flew to Mexico, Dubai (numerous times), Italy, Canada, Italy, Qatar, and Japan with two kids under 4.

It’s obv not the same experience as flying solo without kids but you make it work and we’ve had amazing times and memories.

Don’t let having kids stop you from your adventures.

People obviously have some much more money than me!! Or cheaper mortgages. 😩

Don’t you feel abit bad with all these numerous long haul trips?! Ok I live with a mini Greta aged 11! Be prepared for your kids to question this lifestyle and frankly when we looked into it it’s not justifiable. Interrailing it is then...

You also don’t know the reason why people need to travel to long haul destinations. Some maybe holidays others not so much. So please don’t be quick to hate and judge.

Right....not seeing the hate?! I have obviously touched a nerve with you though. I love travel as much as the next person but poster after poster reeling off lists of long haul destinations in these times seems abit well odd. Most people we know are cutting back. It’s certainly not something to boast about anymore. I wish it wasn’t so either...

Under 10 months they're pretty portable depending on their tolerance for car seats/prams.

I took DD1 on flights/road trip when she was 5 months...it was hellish as she was a loon in the car seat.

When DD2 arrived I took her and DD1 to visit family across the world by myself. DD2 is a delight and DD1 was so amazed she got her own TV she was great too.

We've been camping, music festivals. Lots of things are possible in my experience, you just need to plan and allow plenty of down time. Just give it a go! Start with small stuff and work up to more adventurous things

I've never done long haul adventures (apart from one flight to the US for work which I couldn't get out of), but find small children perfectly portable on interrail, up Welsh mountains, on ferries.

Yes, dd was the clingy, howly type but getting out and about just mattered so much to dh and me, we went for it anyway. Particularly remember a 2 hour trek down a steep hill which I got through by non-stop singing and dancing with dd in my arms (gosh, I must have been fit in those days!). Possibly more memorable than lying on a beach somewhere cradling cocktails. And at least we were less trouble to people there than we would have been at home in our semi, with a neighbour with nervous trouble who put on a very brave face and assured me through gritted teeth that I needn't apologise.

There are lots of places that would meet most people's definition of adventure and are still quite child-friendly. Lapland in summer or early autumn is just one suggestion: beautiful place and you can drink out of the streams and meet reindeer, but it's also pretty safe (and you can get there by train if you have the time).

Your kids might end up introducing you to new adventurous stuff am going to my first climate strike March next week at behest of dd2😁 if that counts as adventurous!