Adventurous parents, talk to me

[SunshineBabies]

I know this is very common, but I've recently had a LOT of naysayers and general doom casters relishing telling me and DH all about how awful having a baby is going to be, our lives are now over etc etc. Naively perhaps, we are hoping to find a way to still have a sense of adventure about our lives, and (in and around a routine) do some varied things like travelling and eating out / taking the baby / child with us to do all of this. I do realise so many things won't be possible, and that this is a life-changing event, but all I've heard is utter negativity recently that would have me believe the next 10 years we will be stuck at home all day everyday.

Please talk to me about the exciting or adventurous things you have successfully done with newborn / baby / toddler? E.g. has anyone travelled anywhere, been on a plane, gone on holiday, long haul, shorthaul, visited new places, weekends away, restaurants??

Any positive stories and wisdom out there?

Pre-feeding toddlers is also super-helpful if you are taking them out somewhere you think they may not like. We used to give DS a sandwich before we went for Thai food, because we know he might only pick at it. No hunger tantrums, no whinging for different food. More interest in experimenting. Also meant we could have lunch a bit later than 12pm.

Hmm all very well with babies and toddlers but try justifying your “adventurous” long haul flight habit to an 11 and 13 year old who have been taught all about the affects of flying and follow Greta. We interrailing now and long haul flights are definitely out...

We usually do early dinner at 6. The dcs dinner is at that time too so it made sense. They started joining us to eat as they started to eat.
We did take a few snacks when they were really young as it was boring for them to wait. Things like a bit of bread, raisins or a rice cake.
I always had a pencil case and a colouring book/paper in their bag too.

Ignore them!!

From age 6 months we went travelling for 5 months in our campervan in France, Spain and Portugal. DS came on numerous mountain walks (in his sling) and bike rides up mountains (in his trailer). We ate out a lot, did lots of sightseeing/ museum visits, beaches... he either slept or cooed and giggled.

DS is now 3. We’ve been travelling several times since in our campervan... he just LOVES it. I worked out he’s spent a year of his life in the van. We did this a lot before he came along and our travels haven’t really changed. We still walk and cycle, he just comes along too. The only difference is we take things at a slower pace, so rather than stopping somewhere a night and moving on, we’ll stay four. It’s actually a lot more relaxing now. If we want to get out walking/ cycling or running alone, DP has the morning ‘slot’ and I have the afternoon ‘slot.’

Both DP and I are very keen cyclists - road and mountain bike. We have a fab child trailer (I spent ages researching and spent a small fortune on it but it’s been worth every penny) so DS comes out with me once or twice a week for a 3ish hour ride. He’s been doing that since 6 months. I mix road and trail riding. He loves it! We make a day of it with cafe stops in the winter and park/ picnic stops in the summer. DP (a fair weather cyclist) will come along with us if it’s dry. I’ve towed DS over numerous French, Spanish, German and Italian mountain passes.

Now DS is in childcare (2.5 days a week), I use the time when I’m not working to ride alone. I get more cycling in now than pre-DS.

We do a lot of walking (we live in a national park)... DS walks/ gets in his sling when he’s tired. We’ve walked up a fair few mountains with him in tow. We don’t cover the distance we used to BUT who cares as we’re all out together for the day.

I can honestly say we have just as many adventures now as pre-DS. It’s a delight having him in tow.

Life is more hectic and requires more organisation, but having DS has hugely enhanced it. He brings us so much pleasure and joy. There’s nothing like the magic of seeing things through a child’s eyes.

It depends on two things - what type of child(ren) you have and what type of person you are. I think if you love travelling, and are open to slowing down to the pace of your children and doing mainly stuff that suits them, you will have a great time. If you're the type that gets stressed about everything, then travelling with kids won't help! When I was a child/teen I never went anywhere on hols with my parents and siblings and I was determined to try to go somewhere abroad every year - we only had/have the budget for European holidays but if I had more money, we would have gone further. First holidays were within a few hours drive 2-3 hours. Then we starting going to France fly/drive or ferry. (Kids were 1 & 3) We did the usual Eurocamp type hols in France, Spain, Italy but varied between mobile/chalet and tents depending on budget that year. Not exactly adventurous but we always had a car and went exploring. We went to caves, castles etc and also the really kid friendly things. We stayed in off the beaten track places, kayaked, hired bikes, even when very small. We booked Air BnB type places in Rome, Obidos in Portugal, Austria, Germany. We stood on glaciers and tobogganed in the summer; did Disneyland etc. To our surprise, we actually loved the kids things and did stuff we never got an opportunity to do as kids. Now they are mid-teens, they are more involved in the decisions of where to go but they are up for going places that are less-touristy eg parts of Spain. But if we had the $$ they'd like to go to places like Japan etc!

We walked up Snowdon with our 1st at 8 week old? I think she 1st camped at 6 weeks. Eldest two did Snowdon under their own steam at 7 and 9.

Small babies are sleep depriving but easy to actually look after. Once they are mobile, awake longer and eating real food it gets harder.

Until they are about 4 then it starts getting easier again, they are toilet trained, can dress themselves mostly, tell you what the problem is etc

Once they hit 7 or 8, there isn't much you can't do if they are adventurous too. Ours are now 12,10 and 7, they can all do 10 miles walking in a day, mountain biking, can ski, have climbed, kayaked, paddle boarded, sea swimming etc. The eldest 2 went cycle camping with DH and all kit in paniers last year etc etc.

DS had his first flight when he was 6 weeks old - just to another part of the country as his nan lived there. We used to do the flight three times a year as travelling 12 hours by car with a baby was a pain in the neck.

We went on our first foreign holiday when DS was 6 months old and travelled to New Zealand when he was 3 years old - not a murmur from him as he'd flown a lot by then so it didn't faze him.

He's now 12 years old and I think we've been to 12 countries if you include the four home nations as separate ones.

As for eating out, when he was a baby we'd just pop him on our laps or in his pram after his feed. As a toddler we'd always make sure his pushchair was with us so he could sleep in that if we wanted to have a later night - he'd sleep through anything so we were lucky.

Children don't have to stop you - they may slow you down a bit and you sometimes feel like you're organising a military campaign but it's usually fine. We tend to still go self catering as it means we can come and go as we want and eat when we want. At 12 years old DS may have stopped the early dinner thing you have with toddlers but he's now on the late night snacking as he's gaining muscle and height. Self catering means we have some control over what he snacks on rather than relying on hotel or shop bought packets.

Oh ignore people who tell you how it is. You will love your baby and will all get together nicely. A nice mix mash of life before and after baby.
To answer your question, our baby is fine to take to restaurants; yes she makes a mess but we just see it as part of the deal and tidy it up. We've also been on hols and had a brill time, just takes a bit of planning so she has what she needs. Good luck with it all

Mine has been everywhere with me since I’ve had him (just shy of two), Japan, sun holidays, Sweden, Glastonbury, pride. They’re really more portable and robust than you’d think.

My dd is 1, in the last year we’ve had 4 U.K. holidays, and a trip to LA. The flight was 10hours and she was 9 months old, she was crawling too. Honestly it was fine, she was great on both flights And while we were there too.
Becoming parents does not mean you life is over, everything takes a lot more planning and preparationthough.

I used to take my babies out to restaurants in the evening. I am in London too. Timed it, breast fed and slept. Managed a very posh restaurant in the city too. We went to tobago when we had two DC and the youngest was 8mths and travelled around using a guide, in the reefs, rain forest...it was great. Driven from London to spain with a 4 mth old and was fine, went out to restaurants with no issue at all. Drove to italy with 4 DC one who was 1.....great holiday.....its all doable,

You may not have a child who can adapt their bedtime. And the other patrons may not appreciate a grumpy baby/child as the evening wears on.

Our #1 and #2 were super easy, and now at 9 and 7 still are. However#3 is a different kettle of fish, easy as a baby and a tough toddler! We do still go out for meals etc, but have to go a bit more 'family friendly' than before. We tend to holiday in the UK, because we have a dog, but have a whopping great horse truck/motorhome so have a lot of fun. All of the kids have camped from about 6 months so are well adjusted to it.

Some kids like predictability and routine, not much you can do about that.

It does help if you can streamline the amount of shit you cart about with you - slings definitely help with this (go to a sling library and try a few on, a well-fitting one will last until they are in Reception - DS is 3, I am 5’1, I can still carry him easily on my back all day long, up hills etc). If you can breastfeed you don’t have to carry bottles or take sterilisers on holiday etc. You don’t need ninety million snacks and toys for a day trip.

When DS was a baby I would take him out in the sling with a tote bag with some nappies and wipes, and that was it.

Now he’s a toddler, I take a foldable toilet seat/potty, a change of trousers, and his water bottle. Sandwiches if we’ll be out all day, or maybe a bit of cheese or box of raisins. Either the sling or his scooter, or nothing, depending on how far he’ll have to walk and the terrain. We get the bus a lot more than than i would otherwise.

Drove from France to Greece when my eldest (now 12) was 8 weeks old! Lived in a ski resort at the time.

Took my youngest (now 8 weeks old) to the theatre early January as my middle child was in a panto.

I can only dream of going on holiday/travelling with them all if only finances would allow it.

A family with a child in my daughters year at school (yr 4) have recently just got back from travelling the world for a year, along with their toddler! I believe they had the most amazing time.

Don't listen to the naysayers and enjoy your adventures

We carried on our lives as before, we just amended the timings of what we do. We still like to go out for dinner but now we’ll go out and eat at 6 as opposed to 8. We still go abroad 4/5 times a year, we just find a place to stay thats child friendly (but that also has a spa / adults only pool so we can take it in turns to chill out a bit each day). We have a separate group of friends which makes socialising easier as we tend to go out separately and the other stays home (we don’t have gp’s nearby and have struggled to find a babysitter). Having a life is definitely doable, you’ll just need to make a few compromises . Good luck OP.

We've cut back on holidays, but purely to dagger money. We've been abroad with them since they were newborns and it was absolutely fine.

Eating out was easy upto 6 months, fine from 6-12m and manageable from 12-36m. As a toddler, my eldest has managed to happily sit through (and fully participate) in a lateish family meal for a couple of hours at a decent restaurant.

We've camped, airbnbd and generally done whatever we fancied. Usually with a baby or toddler strapped to our backs. With two it's more logistically difficult, but generally o think the only restrictions are ones you out on yourselves.

We go to restaurants for a late lunch/ early dinner.

Some babies are easier than others. I've never had one that will just fall asleep in a restaurant. I've had screamers and placid ones (I've had many babies!). I've had allergic and autistic and angry. It's ok!

I think that thing that would stop you taking them is you, not them. If you are anxious or don't like dirt or mess or being tired, or lack of routine, or whatever, then you won't like it. My view was that we liked doing all this stuff before we had babies, why would we suddenly want to sit in every evening, or go on nice villa holidays to Spain? My character didn't change just because I had a baby.

I am a slack parent though.

Our dc have visited 16 countries, the oldest is 7. Been on about 30 holidays including travelling trips. We eat out but mainly lunch, do lots of day trips and generally still enjoy life.

Of course lots has changed and our holidays aren't exactly what they were. The first years are a learning curve and it does depend on what personality your dc has to how much your life will change.

@ThatThereWoman I’m a slack parent too. It’s less effort to go out and about with dcs then try to entertain them at home

I was recently on a train with a (professional) string quartet who had a baby (about 1ish) with them. I was impressed that the parents could manage a sling worn baby, viola and cello. They had recently returned from Canada and travel all over.
I think the secret is, it was ONE child. I've known loads of parents do loads of fun stuff with one child. 2 or more and you are just too tired for adventure and want them to have fun so you can rest. There are ways around it, mainly involving having a supportive partner and both of you seeing the children as both of yours responsibility.
Good luck!

Honestly if you get a more difficult/ challenging baby or toddler no amount of planning or ‘relaxed’ parenting style will change that. It’s a baby lottery.

My DD is 19 months and I admit we have no life, can barely go anywhere. Went to Portugal when she was 10 months. Hated it! Tried to eat out loads when she was a baby too, so stressful and ended up leaving early many times. She was a crier and was very active from the start. Literally crawling at 6 months, never still and refused any kind of car seat/ pram/ carrier!

I know many parents who can take their kids/ babies anywhere though, which I’m pretty envious of. I’m hoping DD will calm down age two!

Whilst I think it’s great you’re optimistic- my advice would be to expect the worst and hope for the best. It can be very depressing if you are expecting to do all of these things then the reality sets in and I know I wasn’t far off PND.

We're a lot more mundane than a lot of those posting here but I'd say we're considered pretty outdoorsy by most. We've not been long haul for financial reasons but we've explored loads of the uk as a family!

DC1 & 2 are both v capable cyclists and we do a cycling holiday/break each year based around family friendly cycle routes in the uk. DC3 is the laziest child imaginable but small enough to go in the trailer and not hold us back! We've camped loads, have a day van for day hikes and bike rides, have stayed in yurts, youth hostels, shepherds huts and bunkhouses... we've explored Scottish Islands, Cornish beaches and had loads of city breaks...

We've also done some short haul trips to air bnbs in lovely places like Malaga and explored museums, beaches, islands abroad too.

The options are endless. I love how having kids has re energised our sense of discovery and interest. I love exploring and experiencing stuff together!

We had a totally crap holiday to Turkey with a toddler when we attempted to do what we had pre kids. It was too hot we couldn’t enjoy eating out as had to eat so early and bolt our food toddler hated heat and became worryingly listless. We gave up the next few summers and holidayed in devon and Wales when they were tiny. Such a relief. Plus we could go in June as neither were at school lovely weather and less busy

We drove our 4 month old to France - 3 nights in Paris and 11 days in the Loire. It was a great time to go - she slept most of the time in the car and was ebf so we didn't need to worry about bottles etc (but it's totally possible to do it with bottles too!)

It's her first birthday tomorrow 🥳 we take her out to restaurants allllll the time & will do tomorrow, she's a great date 😂

We do Park Run as a family every most some weeks 🤣

We're taking her on a plane for the first time in September (she'll be 20 months) I think we'll all have a great time.

My friend took her 6yo and 10mo to frickin Brazil over Xmas and new year (with her DH too). Just book it and go!

DD has a solid daytime routine and we plan our activities around this BUT if we don't get back in time for nap or we've planned a longer day out it's NO BIG DEAL she copes fine and we go back to normal the next day.

Overall I think our lives have expanded since having her. We're so much more connected to our local community through attending lots of baby groups and classes, we do 'family' activities we wouldn't have thought of before like swimming and play farms. Other things we can't do any more like going to the gym together we've just adapted. We're definitely not missing out!