Adventurous parents, talk to me

[SunshineBabies]

I know this is very common, but I've recently had a LOT of naysayers and general doom casters relishing telling me and DH all about how awful having a baby is going to be, our lives are now over etc etc. Naively perhaps, we are hoping to find a way to still have a sense of adventure about our lives, and (in and around a routine) do some varied things like travelling and eating out / taking the baby / child with us to do all of this. I do realise so many things won't be possible, and that this is a life-changing event, but all I've heard is utter negativity recently that would have me believe the next 10 years we will be stuck at home all day everyday.

Please talk to me about the exciting or adventurous things you have successfully done with newborn / baby / toddler? E.g. has anyone travelled anywhere, been on a plane, gone on holiday, long haul, shorthaul, visited new places, weekends away, restaurants??

Any positive stories and wisdom out there?

Pitched up on the beach of a remote Thai island where my brother was running a dive school.. with my six week old and three year old .. as a surprise.
Spent that Mat leave travelling around SE Asia for a further 2 months..

''Twas fab...We all had a ball before the 15 year slog of school...

Had their first trip to Egypt at 2 weeks old, backpacked round the word for a year when they were 4.

You can do anything you want, just don't expect it to be fun!

Is it me or are some of these things not that adventurous?

Everyone's definition of adventure will be different but the Op asked -

has anyone travelled anywhere, been on a plane, gone on holiday, long haul, shorthaul, visited new places, weekends away, restaurants??

Any positive stories and wisdom out there?

And all the posts answer that.

I would say travelling abroad at 2 weeks old is pretty adventurous! Anyway, there's been loads of inspiration on this thread, thank you.

Posters seem to fall into two broad camps: those who say just go for it and if you're the sort of person to make it work you will... and those who say it's down to what type of baby you have and the baby's temperament will dictate what's possible.

It's a really interesting discussion isn't it. The old nature nurture. I've been reading Why Love Matters and the thinking (apparently) now is that temperament (which is genetic) does not determine outcomes, and that emotional security depends much more on the type of care the babies receive and on whether parents can rise to the challenge of meeting the needs of more demanding babies. I guess this links with what some PP's have said about how they couldn't face long haul travel or restaurants with their babies, but I guess it also links to the PP's who said it's about whether the parents want to go for it or not.

It's never easy, and all of this is notwithstanding any additional issues there might be such as disability, or Autism and so forth, and of course other siblings, and whether the parent is single or in a solid partnership. So many external factors at play.

Anyway it's given me food for thought x

Same as @WTFdidwedo totally depends on the baby. Hubby and I are well travelled but we had an horrendous little one! Everyone says oh newborns are portable but mine wasn’t.
Anyway once he got to 6 months he perked up and we’ve been on 2 UK holidays, plan on going abroad in April when he’s 1 and eat out all the time (not on an evening though as he goes to bed at 6.30)
He’s still quite temperamental sometimes but thankfully he loves the outdoors.

I honestly didn't change anything about my life, I just took the kids with me. For me it's normal to take babies to restaurants, travelling, days out etc.

Ages 4 and 7 d drove with them to Paris and back. Survived the ferry, despite my and DD1's seasickness and DD2's cast iron stomach and desire to explore.

A friend and her DH take their two children rock climbing. Others go sailing.

Best bit of advice I ever had was to remember that your child is a part of your family not the centre of it. We've traveled all over with DS(3) and we've all had a blast! First flight at 7 weeks old and he's a very seasoned traveller now. Go for it and instill your sense of adventure in your children

Posters seem to fall into two broad camps: those who say just go for it and if you're the sort of person to make it work you will.

Trust me, the people in this camp didn’t have babies with colic or generally difficult babies/ toddlers! If you do then even the most adventurous person would give up. It’s just not worth it!

Depends on the kind of "difficult", I'd say. I had a restless, anxious, clingy toddler/younger child, but found we could still do art galleries and churches if I was ready to turn myself into a story-teller cum entertainer. I enjoyed it, but then talking about that sort of thing is what I do for a living. The train journey from London to Berlin when she was 20 months did involve a non-stop stream of whispered entertainment (days before iPads), but by the time we got to the Ardennes I had memorised all the storybooks we had brought with us and could "read" while enjoying the view at the same time. I was working while there so her dad took her round the sights- absolutely fine by all accounts. My brother did Sweden to Italy with a 2yo, 3 days on the train, and was fine.

On the other hand, when it turned out dd's joint disorder was badly affected by exposure to cold and damp, we had to give up on camping for the time being. We did work on finding other ways of being outdoors, though; for me this is something so important that I couldn't think of it in terms of "worth it" or "not worth it". Fortunately, she was not affected by cold water, so we could and did take her and ds swimming in the sea and in rivers.

On the whole, we did find like cocodrops that life became more of an adventure: we tried new things and even relatively small outings became adventures.

I definitely found using slings and baby carriers made it much more possible to travel etc. Also we did a fair amount of co-sleeping which meant that it was very easy to stuff a child in next to me on a sleeper train or ferry bunk and they carried on as normal. (Always ask for a travel cot in the hotel though. That's where you put the suitcases to stop the baby pulling things out of them)

There are always going to be sacrifices and things you can't do, but if you are happy enough and fortunate enough to have enough things that do make you happy, then you shouldn't feel too restricted. We tended not to go out in the late evening because we quite enjoyed lunch out, picnic dinner in the hotel room or cottage.

I didn't feel confident to go abroad straight away so we went to really remote bits of Scotland instead.

I agree with other posters that you do need to engage with your children and plan things with them in mind. Which is fun in itself. We once ended up in an art gallery that seemed really unpromising from a child interest point of view (we were sheltering from rain). I told my DC to pretend this was our new house and work out where we would put all our furniture. When DH burst into a roomful of miniatures declaring "I think this can be the GARAGE" there was so much happy giggling we had loads of time to look at the art. But it's the family fun that I really remember

I grew up on the continent. I went with my mum to hairdressers’, shopping, meeting friends, weddings, it’s normal to take your kids with you, never occurred me not to.

So when I had my DD I did exactly the same, I took her with me everywhere. Never occurred to me not to, to be honest, I thought that’s normal, I mean, what are you supposed to do, I have no family here.
Including to have my smear test when she was 2, I remember the doctor and the nurse getting in a bit of a flap about a toddler being present, I had no idea what they were on about. I put my toddler in the buggy where she could see me, gave her a biscuit and some toys, hopped on the table, had my smear, off we went. It’s not that hard.
I have a congenital condition that requires annual check ups, I’ve taken DD with me to all of them till she started nursery/school. She just used to occupy herself while I was busy.
Same with hairdresser, she was just waiting for her turn to have her fringe cut.

So no, there is no difference when you have a child.

Now, looking back after being in this country for so long, I finally noticed just how odd I might have seemed. But then most of my friends were doing the same thing, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't know if it's adventurous but I've taken DS on a 4/5 hour trip across the country by myself to stay with family since he was 7 weeks old by myself which includes across London.

We've also had mini breaks with him and stayed in lovely hotels.

I think it's a mix of how you are and how your baby is. My sister has a baby of a very different temperament who would not travel very well. Me and my son are confident travellers now. I make sure I'm super organised and really calm no matter what happens. I travel light and only pack essentials. It's not relaxing travelling with him but he's never as stressful as I think it will be.

Meant to say I take my baby every 3 weeks on a big journey so we've done it now about 15 times

Mine was really easy! Used to go out to eat, on holiday, wherever - he's still lovely and chilled at 18! Never had tantrums, teenage strops, nothing!

Disagree with PerfectPeony2... my 2nd baby (the one who went travelling at 5 weeks.. had dreadful colic... I could ha d spent 6 weeks rocking him around a living room in the UK or swinging him a hammock on a Thai beach. I chose the latter.

I know that it’s not the question asked, but have you considered how your finances or financial priorities might change when you have a baby? DP and I were fairly ‘adventurous’ before kids but now finances simply don’t allow for how we used to be. My jaw drops at the amount of stuff some posters have done with kids. It’s not all pricey but some really is. We’re all different but nursery costs, perhaps changing jobs, bigger car, house etc (all not compulsory of course) can mean that there’s not much left for being at the more exciting end of ‘adventurous’. Just worth considering.

We traveled all around Australia with a 0-2 year old then back to the uk with him via a holiday in Fiji, a carribean cruise and city breaks in LA and New York.

In Australia we went camping at 3 months and 6 months (in the cold!) walked round Uluru, went scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef (he went to a day nursery), ate out in lots of posh restaurants (they didn't bat an eye). Also went to friends houses for dinner, taking the travel cot with us and driving home with him after.

He was a difficult sleeper at first but generally a really good baby. A walk in the stroller would usually send him to sleep so we could go out to eat.

A backpack carrier, a travel cot and a stroller that converts to a bed will be your best friends.

All is not lost.....(at least until you have two, which makes things a little harder)

Of course you can still do a lot of things!
We travel to Spain at least twice a year (first time when she was 3 months) and go on holiday. We went to NY for a week and another week we did a roadtrip in USA as well, staying in a different motel each night. She was 2yo when we did NY+roadtrip
We'll be going to Maldives soon.
We go to restaurants pretty much every weekend and entertain people at home too.

It depends on a lot of things. My son has a disability that, whilst it doesn't hinder mobility or anything like that, we need to be at home for very regular appointments and I needed to go part time at work for this so our finances were impacted. Plus he loved his routine, still does at almost 3 yo and will only sleep in his bed, not even in the car. So no trekking around the Himalayas for us but I don't mind, it doesn't cost me a thought in fact. Having him is so much better and more amazing than any adventure holiday.

Having said that though I find my time at home much more interesting especially in the summer. You can't keep a toddler stuck in the house all day so we make much more of an effort to go to different places and we have weekends away in our home country and that all takes you to new restaurants, new beaches, forest walks, new zoos and aquariums and so on.

I suppose I should add, on the point of my sons disability, it has also expanded my world. He's deaf and because of this I go to a sign language class in the evenings, I meet deaf people, I've learned about Deaf culture. It's a whole new language, a whole new world of people I'd never met before. Maybe a new career for me in interpreting if I get to that level. He's made me life so much better and it's been a great adventure for us together navigating a way through each other's worlds. And I didn't even have to leave the house for that

Lived in a tent with DD from when she was 5 months old until she turned 1! Not a fancy tent either, one of those pop up things from Tesco!

This was on a Mediterranean island in summer though. Awful run down campsite with no hot water or electric. We used to cook with a tiny camping gas stove and bath DD in a washing up bowl with bottles of water left in the sun.

Left my hippie days behind now and am in grey, cold UK. I plan to go back but DD is older and I have ds as well now. Don't miss being that poor though, (I'm still poor, just not THAT poor).

Just got back from a year long trip round the world with our 18 month old. Asia & Central America for the best part. The opportunity came up and it was now or never. His passport is pretty impressive for a 2 year old. We loved it and would do it again in a heartbeat. We'll look back on 2019 as the most amazing year as we spent as a family.

Haven't read the whole thread, but I'm a single parent of a 1, 3 & 5 year old and I take them anywhere on my own. We've been on flights to Spain and Ireland, camping, and we do weekend breaks away to youth hostels and stuff so frequently. We live in zone 6 and have merlin annual passes so I take the three of them into London to do the London eye and the museums loads. It's easy, and kids definitely don't have to change your sense of adventure. The only thing I NEVER do on my own with my three is eating out. Hate it. Kids under 4 just can't sit still longer than 20 mins - it's a fact. You need to bring so many little toys and do so much entertaining, and it's just not possible for one person to do with three kids. I'll eat out if I have at least one other adult though.