Adventurous parents, talk to me

[SunshineBabies]

I know this is very common, but I've recently had a LOT of naysayers and general doom casters relishing telling me and DH all about how awful having a baby is going to be, our lives are now over etc etc. Naively perhaps, we are hoping to find a way to still have a sense of adventure about our lives, and (in and around a routine) do some varied things like travelling and eating out / taking the baby / child with us to do all of this. I do realise so many things won't be possible, and that this is a life-changing event, but all I've heard is utter negativity recently that would have me believe the next 10 years we will be stuck at home all day everyday.

Please talk to me about the exciting or adventurous things you have successfully done with newborn / baby / toddler? E.g. has anyone travelled anywhere, been on a plane, gone on holiday, long haul, shorthaul, visited new places, weekends away, restaurants??

Any positive stories and wisdom out there?

You can still do fun things just differently and with more organisation involved.

We took ds to the pub and restaurants regularly when he was a baby, he just slept after a walk around the block. I think it's easier when they are small because they can't move and are generally happy as long as they are fed, have sleep, flesh nappies and cuddles.

It got trickier whey ds started to walk as a toddler. We still went to Sardinia on holiday twice, and to France. went to restaurants- just more child friendlier ones and earlier than we would have done before. We hired a car and went out for day trips, did snorkelling etc, just took it in turns. We went to the cinema and the theatre. Go for walks.

I think it's harder and the fun is more restricted when you have a second child, depending on the age gap. For a couple of years we didn't go out as it was just not enjoyable tag teaming between a toddler and a baby. We ate as quick as possible so the other could take over. The thought of flying was daunting.

But since my second turned 2 we have done long haul three times, we have done weekends away. Last summer we went for a long weekend in London.

We took ours backpacking round the USA for 8 weeks when they were 3.5 and just turned 1. Not going to lie, it was exhausting but also amazing! As long as you set your expectations low you can do these things. We knew hiking and white water rafting were out, but we meticulously planned what we could do and then made sure there were plenty of kid friendly activities thrown in too.

I have a 4 year old and a 12 week old, we took firstborn to South Africa when he was 10 months old - 12 hour flight! Absolutely able to holiday and have adventures BUT they still need to be the centre of your world attention wise, a lot of other parents on said flight just wanted to do their own thing and ignored their children who then misbehaved, we read books and did colouring etc and he was good as gold. This is obviously very simplified. Our son also was awful when we tried to have dinner out, so we just stayed in places with a kitchen and ate dinner in but went out for lunch. You can do it you just adapt to your child!

Don't expect your dc to love sightseeing

We took ours to Pompeii when they were 3 and 4. We looked at the ancient monuments, they looked for lizards. Everyone was happy.

Climbed Ben Nevis when the youngest was 4.

Took them skiing at 1.5 and 2.5. That was hard work but fun.

I used to climb and took them when they were small. Youngest was probably 3. The guy at the reception desk put him in a harness, held him up in the air, jiggled him about a bit and said "he hasn't fallen out, he can climb".

If you want to do things you will find a way.
Ours did function better when they went to sleep at 7.30pm so nights were less interesting but there are babysitters.

You'll be fine.

We take our small children camping but due to childcare costs we don't travel abroad. Restaurants etc are easy with a small baby but gets harder once they're at an age where they get restless and bored. Our children are 5 and almost 3 and this year our holidays will be camping and Butlins but we'd be more adventurous if budget allowed.

newborn / baby / toddler? E.g. has anyone travelled anywhere, been on a plane, gone on holiday, long haul, shorthaul, visited new places, weekends away, restaurants

Yes I did all these things with both of mine. Except for long haul.

My first took his first plane trip at 8 weeks old to go to a wedding in Norfolk (we live in Scotland). And then we flew to Jersey at 4 months to visit relatives.

Both first went abroad at about 10 months. The first to Menorca and the second to Turkey. And then we've been abroad every year at least once since then.

Weekends away - all the time

Restaurants - all the time - especially on maternity leave - I was a lady who lunches

New places - all the time - again really took advantage of maternity leave

To be honest there isn't much that we didn't do. We are relaxed about routines. I breastfed so didn't have to lug bottle feeding equipment around. Weaned onto normal food so they could eat what I could so no faffing with warming up purees or anything like that.

To be fair the first weeks are hard. I had c sections so was in tons of pain. But once you get past the initial shock and physically recover - just try to chill and enjoy.

I think there are a lot of boring people out their hiding behind the excuse that they are parents! The people who said this sort of stuff to me pre-DC hadn’t actually lived thrilling lives prior to kids either.

Obviously there’s some stuff that’s physically impossible with a baby, and some stuff that’s much less fun. And you will have less time and disposable income. But babies in particular are super-portable (we went out just as much for meals when DS was

We've been to so many places, both kids travelled with us from early age. We do all the adults stuff with them- museums, site seeing, etc. The only real limitation was the need for early nights in as they need to sleep to be in the good mood in the morning. We've travelled to many places in Europe by rail and by car , Cuba, USA, did a road trip in California, so although it did change the way we travel (sometimes prefer apartments rather than hotels, etc), I would not say having kids limited us that much.
Some places I would be a bit cautious to go with a small child - access to quality medical provision is important, but in other ways it is nice- people generally love seeing families travelling.
Thing are easy when they are still in a buggy or baby carrier (our Tula was a lifesaver on the mountain walks). Then we started taking a micro scooter with us on a city break. Now we have a favourite playground in many cities.
We also bought our own car seat to flight with- it saves a lot of money when you do not pay for renting it.
What we were not prepared for is how much more expensive travelling with two children becomes - plane tickets, larger hotel rooms, etc.

My advice is get out the house when they are newborns, get them to feed and sleep on the go and I think that makes life much easier later on (if you can bf that really helps when travelling.)

We recently did an 11 hour flight with a 16 month old and she was so good, people watched on the way out and slept the way back.

The world of parenting is full of people telling you what you can’t or shouldn’t do. Learn to ignore them and life is much easier and more enjoyable!

Depends on the child.
As a newborn, DS1 was a devil, and no we didnt do much except listen to him scream and sleep in shifts around him.
Once he could walk, however, he pretty much became a delight (he still didn't sleep much). He has been round quite a lot of the world, loves new and adventurous food (a friend calls him bin, as he will literally try anything). DS2 just fitted in with things.
We moved country when they were 4 and 6.
See what child you have, and then push the boat out as far as you can.

Went climbing in Tenerife when first DD was 5 months- we went with a guide so he belayed one of us while the other sat on the rocks in the sun. Went to South Africa with a 2yo and a 6 month old. Evening were a write off with both of them, but during the day you can do a fair amount of you plan ahead. If you're going for a hike, don't do a loop, and err on the side of turning back sooner rather than later. Do stuff at a time that suits the kids. Bring lots of snacks and drinks. The only thing that we really had to put on hold was surfing.

You can do anything you want to with a baby/child in tow, you just have to plan very well and adapt some things that don't suit kids very well.

We too our twin abroad three times before they were two. Camping and abroad with four year old twins and a 6 month old. Currently planning a caravan trip to Europe on a ferry with what will be an 8 week old, a five year old and two nine year olds. Just takes planning and a belief that you'll be able to manage if things don't go quite to plan.

Eating out wise, I started eating out with newborn twins while on maternity leave and haven't stopped since. Sometimes with husband and often without. To be honest I found it easier to go out for dinner after a day of work and picking up the twins from nursery than I found going home. At home I would have to cook, lay the table and entertain the kids while at a restaurant I go to just entertain my kids! Thank goodness for Tesco boost vouchers

Some of my best adventures were during maternity leave with the twins. I was breastfeeding and bedsharjng, so I could literally just chuck a change of clothes for each of us and a pack of nappies in the car and go visit someone. I drove the length and breadth of the country that year!

This sounds great! Thank you for these inspiring tales!

I forgot to add that we live in central London and I am aiming to use a sling most of the time on an everyday basis as the baby and I will be using buses and the tube to get around. If the baby likes the sling, would this be helpful with some of these scenarios? (holidays / flights / eating out etc)?

Absolutely doable.

We traveled when DC1 was 8 weeks old for a weekend away - was BF so easiest hol ever. Likewise we went abroad when DC was 5 months, no problem.
My child wasn't an easy baby but we just went with it. He fitted in with us and our plans and has been great. With DC2 2 years later it was the same. Didn't stop us travelling although we made sure we had low expectations of what we would do. We still explored on foot with baby carriers etc.
This year they're older (6/7) and we are taking them on a proper backpacking adventure. Only difference to what I did before is that I've pre-booked accommodation! Go for it!

It really depends on the child and agree with people babies are portable it's the toddler or pre-school years that are the hardest.

My first two have gone to lots of places and are really easy travelers my third not some much since he was 2 (he's 4 in May) he has been a very fidgety active child and it's absolutely exhausting trying to stop him from killing himself when you take him anywhere although he is gradually getting better we have been restricted because quite frankly we can't deal with the stress it's a pick your battles kind of situation but we know that this stage will pass and we'll be back to going wherever.

Although because there's a big gap between mine I'm now looking at some countries and thinking do I want to take my young teenage daughters there to be sexualy harassed so the challenges just alter with the age of the child.

@WTFdidwedo

I wanted to maintain my spirit of adventure but unfortunately both of my children were clingy and screaming! It's luck of the draw the sort of baby you end up with I think

I could not agree more. I loved travelling pre-DS and always planned to just carry on, with him in a carrier. He had silent reflux and would only sleep on me, then massive separation anxiety and now is a gorgeous but very, very high needs toddler. Our first holiday (just to the east coast, we live in Glasgow) was hell. We’ve been on several trips since, but all within Scotland. I really want to go further afield, to the States ideally, but the thought of a long plane journey and jet lag with DS terrifies me. A friend has taken her 1.5 year old to Malaysia twice and told me you just need to make the effort to carry on as before. Her child is the most placid, angelic child you could meet. I could have punched her.

I personally don’t like slings but you do need one for travelling, getting on the plane from the gate and then gate to baggage on the other side. I wouldn’t write off a push chair it’s great for storing bags and getting them used to sleeping on the go. When travelling you can take a pushchair for free on flights.

It’s not to do with the parents wanting to be adventurous or not, it’s to do with what the individual baby/child can cope with. If you end up with a clingy baby you can carry on doing these things but it’s not really fair on them and won’t be enjoyable for you. DH and I were all up for carrying on as much as possible (regular city breaks, several trekking or cultural trips long haul trips a year, lots of staying at friends houses) but simply wasn’t fair on needy baby in the end. Hoping primary school age will open up more possibilities for us. I have a friend who took very chilled 1 year on a Europe tour for 3 month. Hard work but successful as the baby was able to manage.

Oh and in terms of cultural stuff, DS spent plenty of time in the British Museum in his sling as a baby (less of a fan now he’s three, just wants to play on the staircases and eat muffins). DH takes him to the Tate and then to Wagamama’s if I’m working weekends, and he loves that. Obviously loved NH museum. He’s been round every major museum and gallery in Toronto and Ottawa.

He loved the hot springs in Banff (loves swimming in general). He loved cross country skiing, towed behind us on a sled.

He eats Thai, Indian, Chinese, Mexican and Italian food. Obviously not everything on the menu, but we can take him out for it. I honestly think that if you expect stuff to be ok your kids will mostly get on with it, assuming no sensory issues/SN.

Have brought DD on a plane 3 times now to see
Family in England (we live in Ireland). We did a little 2 night trip away in a self-catering cottage here in Ireland when she was 6 weeks. We've had a lot of nice lunches out with her. It is getting slightly more difficult now she is more active and wants to be moving around more but still doable.

Having said all that I have just cancelled a planned trip to Manchester with her to see friends, partly because of worries about flying with the coronavirus at the minute but also because she is in a difficult period at the moment with teething & starting solids which is causing constipation etc so just decided it really wouldn't be fair on her.

@HappyAsASandboy and others who have taken babies out to restaurants for dinner.. do you adjust the bedtime for this or go to the restaurant really early?

Moved continents twice with a bump and toddler then pre schooler and toddler. Settled in foreign country then moved back to London. While overseas did lots of holidays. All with DH.
Eurostar to Paris with two primary kids without DH.
Honestly it's fine.
While overseas did quite adventurous hikes
But the real pleasures of having children aren't the big flash adventures, it's the building dens in the lounge and doing play doh and walking to the library on a Saturday morning and all having lunch together in a cafe. You have young children for such a short time. Don't try and shoehorn them into your life, go with the flow!

Re: restaurants, depends on the age of the child. Mostly we eat out for weekend lunch or early dinner (around 6pm). Generally quieter then as well, so less chance of somebody moaning about being in the same room as a baby. I probably wouldn’t take him to a Michelin-started restaurant. I did take him to nice places as a newborn, because I knew he would just sleep in the sling. Once they get mobile/verbal, you are a bit more restricted in where you go. But he does generally behave himself, and if he doesn’t then one of us takes him outside.

Personally I've only really done lunches out with her. We had one dinner out when friends were visiting. She had no routine to speak of at the time so we just ate a bit earlier and bedtime
was slightly later.