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Parenting

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Original poster

Reception class

40 replies

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 09:40

My daughter is four and a half, a summer born, and is in Reception. I had been wondering whether to hold her back a year as she is very shy/small and had instead made an agreement to take her home for lunch -- just to give her a chance to check in, have a cuddle and a proper meal, and recharge. I have an older child and know the lunch times at school are chaotic with not enough time to eat and a big, shared playground. It was working perfectly and she is happy, gaining confidence in the class.

Except now the teacher has said it is time to start phasing this out and that she must stay over lunches. I really don't want to do this and, as she's only 4.5 I feel she doesn't legally even have to be at school so why should she have to stay for lunch?

I wondered if anyone had any thoughts on this ahead of the meeting I'll have to have later in the week. Thanks.

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SoupDragon · 07/01/2020 09:42

Why are you against starting to phase it out and seeing how it goes?

Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 09:43

Just because I know there is plenty of time for it and because I feel the school day is too long for her at four and a half.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 07/01/2020 09:47

They are talking about phasing it out though, not making her go full time all the time right now.

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InDubiousBattle · 07/01/2020 09:49

If she's settled in well now I can see no benefit to keeping it up all year, I would start phasing it out. Surely it was always going to be temporary whilst she got used to school?

KittenVsBox · 07/01/2020 09:52

Is she going back to school after lunch? Or are you doing half days?

Why are school wanting to phase it out? What is she missing out on? What benifit will it have for your daughter staying in school longer?

Awkward1 · 07/01/2020 09:53

I think- you can do ehat

pettswoodmumof3 · 07/01/2020 09:55

You know your child best so stick to your guns. In most European countries (including the one I grew up in) children go home for lunch to recharge and have a good diet at home. Tell the teacher you aren't ready to phase it out until the summer term when it is lighter and the days are longer. All the research shows that children become more resilient in the long run if they aren't pushed too early and grow in confidence first. Emotional wellbeing and resilience is the most important thing in the long run.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/01/2020 10:02

Have you asked your daughter? It could be the teacher is seeing her miss out on some of the social side of school, or sees her being unsettled with the drop off/pick up at lunchtime.

But if you don't think she's ready, I don't think they can force you.

Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 10:07

Thanks everyone, I do drop her back at the end of lunch (always on time for the register) so she isn't missing any actual school. I have asked her: she really loves coming home for lunch & said it had 'made it good' for her. She does now like going to school & is having a good all round time. I just think if we've got a balance then why change it. I was going to start phasing it out in the summer term, yes, when the weather is better.

OP posts:

DobbinOnTheLA · 07/01/2020 10:07

I don't think they can stop you, I looked into it a bit as I'm having to pick DS3 up and I'd rather not! It's not teaching time so long as she's back in time for PM registration it's my understanding that's fine.
Whether it creates difficult relations with school is another matter.

I'd keep it simple - it's perfectly legal and you will be carrying on with the arrangement.

Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 10:10

Yes - thank you so much. I've found it hard to locate the facts about this on the internet.

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Dandelion1993 · 07/01/2020 10:11

I think the school are right.

It's been a term now, the place isn't new or unfamiliar now and it's time to move on.

She has a sibling at the school which can also help her feel better

I think you need to let go and encourage her to stay.

Tell her how eating with her friends will be nice and the extra time to play together

thetreeisstressingmeout · 07/01/2020 10:14

Is she not missing the social side of lunch at school?

Is she making friends, the longer you keep it up the more likely it is to be noted by the other kids and she will be othered

Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 10:16

She's already got lots of friends. We live near the school and she's known all these kids for years and sees them elsewhere, so not really. Also she's very shy and so likes to socialise a bit but also needs to recharge. As I say I'm only talking about a matter of months and then she will go for lunch.

OP posts:

Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 10:17

I was posting mainly to see what the official position was as I will have a meeting with them to discuss, and I know I'd prefer her to keep coming home for lunch until she's five.

OP posts:

Devereux1 · 07/01/2020 10:18

Why are you not wanting your child to experience things in life that present even the minorest of challenges, OP?

Summer children never used to be "held back". I've never heard such nonsense.

DobbinOnTheLA · 07/01/2020 10:19

Maybe something like how it's working so well for DD so no reason to change things yet, might be better to lead with. It's easy to be categorised as combative/"That Parent" etc so I'd try and keep things neutral from the odd

DobbinOnTheLA · 07/01/2020 10:19

Not from the odd from the off!

TinyTear · 07/01/2020 10:20

I was that age and my mum took me home for lunch.

I still resent her as I was bullied by the other kids calling me mummy's girl as I was taken home and they stayed.

I hated it as I then went back for 'nap' time (EU country) and i never slept in the afternoons

DobbinOnTheLA · 07/01/2020 10:21

Summer children never used to be "held back". I've never heard such nonsense. shock

My brother was born in 1974, I was 1977. Both sumner-born both were 5 when we started school.

It used to be common for reception children to be part time until Easter in some schools.

holly40 · 07/01/2020 10:25

My child is also in reception. Most of the kids were in the nursery class last year, having packed lunches at school. At 4 / 4.5 I don't really understand how you are benefitting your dd by excluding her from the class daily routine & meal time socialising. Is it really for her benefit?

The teacher's suggestion seems sensible.

Knittingnanny · 07/01/2020 10:25

I’m a just retired infant teacher of 40 years, do whatever you think is best as you know your child better than anyone. There is absolutely no compulsion about staying for lunch.

doritosdip · 07/01/2020 10:31

My son is August born and from an era when you couldn't defer Reception entry.

His school allowed summer borns to do half days until the summer term if they wanted.

Have you thought about gradually starting to decrease the number of lunches at home now? Say 4 lunches a week for 2 weeks then 3 lunches a week for the next 2 weeks working up to every lunch at school? I think that the longer you wait, the quicker they will insist you make the transition. Year 1 is very different to Reception so it's best to get the lunch routine cracked sooner rather than later.

Hp7425 · 07/01/2020 10:32

I don't know the official stance but I also have a very shy child due to start school in September and if this was me I would be doing whatever my child wanted me to do to feel happy with going to school.

If there is no specific reason for her to be forced into staying for lunch I would carry on as you are. I never understand why people want to push children into things before they're ready

Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 10:36

That's a really useful suggestion doritosdip.

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