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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Reception class

40 replies

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 09:40

My daughter is four and a half, a summer born, and is in Reception. I had been wondering whether to hold her back a year as she is very shy/small and had instead made an agreement to take her home for lunch -- just to give her a chance to check in, have a cuddle and a proper meal, and recharge. I have an older child and know the lunch times at school are chaotic with not enough time to eat and a big, shared playground. It was working perfectly and she is happy, gaining confidence in the class.

Except now the teacher has said it is time to start phasing this out and that she must stay over lunches. I really don't want to do this and, as she's only 4.5 I feel she doesn't legally even have to be at school so why should she have to stay for lunch?

I wondered if anyone had any thoughts on this ahead of the meeting I'll have to have later in the week. Thanks.

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Knittingnanny · 07/01/2020 10:37

And she may decide herself that she wants to try staying for lunch. My middle son often came home for lunch when I worked part time during his primary years. He loved it and it didn’t affect his schooling or socialising in any way.

Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 10:38

Yes, I find it weird that our school may have a policy against coming home for lunch when it is one of the options you can select when you first enroll your child

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Knittingnanny · 07/01/2020 10:39

Even in year one they are allowed to come home though, there is absolutely no legality about it.

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SoupDragon · 07/01/2020 10:39

Have you thought about gradually starting to decrease the number of lunches at home now?

Isn't that exactly what the teacher means by "phasing out" home dinners?

BonnyConnie · 07/01/2020 10:40

Year one can be very challenging. If she is dropping coming home for lunch while also adjusting to year one it will be quite overwhelming. It’s better to do it now while she is secure, it’s a good opportunity to get it done. It’s also important for developing friendships, the longer you keep her from lunch the more of an issue it’s going to become. I understand why you don’t want to do it now, you’re both happy and she seems so young but if you don’t do it soon it will become a problem. Best to avoid that.

Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 10:40

Maybe. The teacher is of the old fashioned sort who I suspect likes all the kids to 'toughen up' for the sake of it. She doesn't talk in terms of what is best for the children per se, or ask parents what they think. Which is why I (much weaker really in conversation than her) am preparing what I want to say in advance!

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Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 10:42

Bonny I agree year 1 is challening -- my older child found it the worst so far.

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DobbinOnTheLA · 07/01/2020 10:43

DS3 is Yr2, he won't eat in school (he has SN but it's a ridiculously long story how it ended up like this). But I don't collect him as a SN exception as it's allowed anyway. If that makes any sense!

Getting help with the not eating at school is a much trickier situation.

Original poster

blondieblonde · 07/01/2020 10:46

This is really so helpful, thanks everyone

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NewName54321 · 07/01/2020 11:37

The school day is measured as two sessions, with two registrations, and there is no requirement for any child to be in school over lunchtime, so in theory you could continue to do this for as long as you and she want to.

In practice, the teacher's idea of phasing in staying for lunchtimes is a good one. What you don't want is a situation where she HAS to stay at some point in the future, possibly at short notice (say you or a sibling has a medical emergency), and she isn't prepared or able to cope with it.

Devereux1 · 07/01/2020 11:53

The teacher is of the old fashioned sort who I suspect likes all the kids to 'toughen up' for the sake of it. She doesn't talk in terms of what is best for the children per se

It sounds like what is best for the children are exactly the terms in which she's talking.

Londongirl86 · 07/01/2020 13:37

She might surprise you. My DD us shy. She isn't the best socialise. I went through all the fears of her coping. One thing I was worried about was the school dinners. I didn't know whether to do pack up or the supplied meals. In the end I decided to try her. I thought it was best to do it from the start whilst everyone was new.

The first day I asked her How lunch went. Not only did she enjoy it. She was excitedly telling me how she carried her plate and scraped it. Then placed it on the tray. She's continued to enjoy school dinners.

I do totally get your fears. Having a shy child is hard. You don't want them to be sad, alone, intimidated. But honestly she won't. She will love sitting with her little friends. She will watch them and gain confidence. She will be fine. She will find it harder the older she gets if you don't let her go now. Let the school work with her. They usually are good.

For example my shy DD wouldnt go for a wee because the loud dryers scared Her. So they took her in last and gave her a paper towel.

When mine first started she was not particularly shining in any areas. The school were a tiny bit concerned and were keeping an eye on her. Anyhow today I was told she is doing amazing. Her phonics, wiring, talking and no more being silly. She just needed to adapt.

I bet you she will get used to it quickly and probably end up loving it. The staff won't be ogres with her. The head joked to me sausages fly everywhere and cucumber nearly made her slip over. They don't expect them to be amazing xx

Londongirl86 · 07/01/2020 13:49

I also feel they start to young. I think 3 days a week would be better for a child until they turn five. So many struggle with toileting in my DD class too x

Original poster

blondieblonde · 08/01/2020 20:21

Thanks everyone

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Bol87 · 08/01/2020 22:53

Pretty sure they legally don’t have to even be in school until the term after their 5th birthday! I know of one child who did half days for the full first year as he was born in August & very shy. I’m not sure I hugely see the benefit as they are now having major problems in year one but I’m sure legally, you can take your kid out for lunch!

I’m 30 & when I was at school, if you were born Sept-Dec, you started in September. Jan - March, you started in January & March-Aug, you started after Easter! It used to be a lot more phased than it is now!

You do what’s best 😊

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