Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Bridesmaids - 3 weeks after I’m due first baby?

121 replies

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 03/01/2020 10:47

Sorry not sure if this is the right place! Just need some perspective.

I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid for a close friend 3 weeks after I’m due my first baby. I told her at the time she asked me to be bridesmaid that I could be pregnant/have a small baby she said it was fine. I told her again very early on in pregnancy and have mentioned it since. Both times she said she really wants me to be bridesmaid rather than just in the crowd.

Baby is an ivf baby so hospital have said I won’t go over my due date. So at the very least I have 21 days to sort my shit out to be able to attend the wedding.

Wedding is 2.5 hour drive away. We have a fully recline car seat rather than small pushchair one but will stop a few times enroute. Will involved staying on the Friday at one hotel. Then staying at the wedding venue on the Saturday night. So will have room on the day on Saturday to retire to as and when. I’m planning on formula feeding and so was going to take ready ready made milk and use cold water steriliser. Pram we have bought has a carry cot suitable for over night sleeping so baby can sleep in there. My husband is coming with me so can have baby when I’m doing bridesmaid duties or take him out if fussy etc. I’m worried about still bleeding after birth/nipples leaking/generally feeling shit but I feel like I need to make an effort for my friend.

Please tell me I’m not totally mad for considering it??

What else do I need to consider and prepare for to make this work? Totally clueless first time mum to be!

Thank you

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 03/01/2020 12:36

Everyone’s different. With my first I could’ve done this no problem. Second one- no.

My friend was a bridesmaid 3 days after having her first and carried him down the aisle. It was really lovely tbh.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2020 12:38

The 2.5 hour drive will probably take at least 4 because newborns shouldn't be in a car seat for more than 30 minutes at a time. Honestly, this whole thing is crazy. I'd be bowing out.

Drabarni · 03/01/2020 12:39

It took me about a month to be able to get out of the house with my first.
You can't imagine what the shock to your body it is, and the lack of sleep.
No way, would I have managed being a bridesmaid 3 weeks after birth. Nor anyone I know, come to that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Baby & toddler products Families General parenting Weddings

Sleepthiefsmum18 · 03/01/2020 12:41

I did this approx 3 weeks after giving birth to my first. It was fine. It helped that my friend was super chilled and completely understood I might not be able to make it. I was breastfeeding and ended up leaving early because I was tired (around 9pm) but again friend was super understanding.

If I didn't feel up to it I wouldn't have gone. I think it depends what your friend is like.

PrincessScarlett · 03/01/2020 12:44

It's a really hard decision because you could have an easy birth and bounce straight back or you could have a terrible birth or c section and still need a lot of support.

You will still be bleeding, worse case scenario heavily and changing pads every 1-2 hours with leakage. Boobs will be leaking. The dress you wear will need to accommodate all this.

Baby will probably be good as gold as newborns sleep a lot. Except when they are feeding which could be every hour in the first few weeks. If you want to breast feed that may seriously impact on being a bridesmaid and if baby is feeding every 1-2 hours you will not be able to spend the morning uninterrupted with bride getting ready.

Don't underestimate how exhausted you will be and that you may be feeling depressed and/or anxious. DH will also be exhausted so both your nerves may be frayed. After DC2 DH and I nearly split up as we were both so sleep deprived.

Sorry, just painting worst case scenario. Hopefully you will have the bounce back birth and have a wonderful time as a bridesmaid. But you definitely need some sort of contingency plan and your friend needs to understand that there's a possibility you will have to pull out of being bridesmaid at the last minute.

PrincessScarlett · 03/01/2020 12:48

Sorry, missed the bit that you plan to formula feed. But it's possible your boobs will still be leaking and gorged as milk won't have dried up.

hadenoughofthisall · 03/01/2020 12:49

3 weeks pp I was a crying, leaking mess who couldn't find the time to shower or eat more than a biscuit in one go. I had bad PND, was still bleeding and couldn't imagine anything worse than having to dress up. And I had a 'great' birth - in and out in 6 hours, no tearing. It was hell. I went to a wedding at 11 weeks and that still felt too early.
Also don't forget baby won't have had jabs and you'll have to stop every drunk rando breathing on her or trying to hold her. No way

Fouroutoffour · 03/01/2020 12:51

I had an ELCS with DS. He didn't properly come home from hospital for 2 weeks (there had been no indications he'd be poorly before he was born). At three weeks, any trip outside the house required military planning. My boobs were massive and none of my clothes fit. So it's a no from me, sorry

PrincessScarlett · 03/01/2020 12:55

Good point also about baby not having any vaccinations.

PotteringAlong · 03/01/2020 12:57

Don’t underestimate as well that, as well as all the physical stuff, you might not want to leave the baby with DH. It’s not because he’s not capable of doing it, but because you are biologically programmed not to and you might not want to. I cried because I couldn’t see my DH who had DS3 with him when he was about 7 day’s old. We were in the shopping centre. He’d walked into another shop. You would have thought I had got it together by DS3 but no...

Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2020 12:58

Oh goodness, I had totally forgotten about the baby having no vaccinations yet! You forget things when you had your infants more than 20 years ago!

For just that reason alone, absolutely NO WAY would I travel anywhere with a newborn.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 03/01/2020 13:01

Goodness people are so dramatic on MN.

MamaFlintstone · 03/01/2020 13:01

3 weeks out I was physically absolutely fine but mentally struggling. I probably could have slapped on a smile for photos and bridesmaid duties but I’m not sure I’d have been much help. One of my best friends was a bridesmaid at 3 or 4 weeks pp and was fine, but I’ve got other friends who had barely managed to leave the house by then so it’s really impossible to know how it will be for you. I think the bride needs to start managing her expectations now.

WhenTwoBecomeThree · 03/01/2020 13:02

I'm almost 4 weeks post baby and i'd be fine to go but I had a quick easy labour/birth, she now has a bit of colic and it's tiring so i'd need an early night. I was up and about with the help of DP 2 days after having her, it all depends on you and your experience. Everything has gone back to normal now and we're settled well as a family but each person is different

firstimemamma · 03/01/2020 13:04

I'd be amazed if you feel up to it after the birth.

We had to drop out of a wedding that was 2 hours away (driving) when baby was 1 month old.

At 3 weeks postpartum making it to a little local cafe and back with the baby was my big achievement!

Each to their own though & everyone is different.

firstimemamma · 03/01/2020 13:05

P.s I had a straightforward birth and healthy baby.

JustASmallTownCurl · 03/01/2020 13:07

I think have a friendly but frank discussion with her to see if she will be 100% understanding if at the time, you just can't do it. Even if that means pulling out at the last minute.

I think that's the crux of the matter, otherwise you might ruin the first few weeks of baby arriving worrying about this if you think she will be at all annoyed with you,

You need her to make it clear to you that there's no pressure if you simply can't make it, then it can be a wait and see scenario.

You're a lovely friend for even considering this so hopefully that's a good compromise!

Buyitinbamboo · 03/01/2020 13:26

Baby will probably be fine. You might not be. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to leave a 3 week old for the morning either. Also I was chatting to one of the mums in the hospital after having DS and she had one of those lie flat car seats but it turns out you can't drive with them flat! So I'd check that.

MustardScreams · 03/01/2020 13:31

I could have done it with dd, but I wouldn’t have wanted to. The urge to be with your baby is insanely strong. If I’d been walking up the aisle and heard dd cry there’s no way I would have been able to carry on and leave her.

That bit does get less, but hormones, no sleep etc makes you slightly bananas in the beginning. I doubt you’ll want to leave baby to get ready.

TheCraicDealer · 03/01/2020 13:33

I had an emcs but recovered pretty quickly. I dolled myself up (ie put on clothes on other than pyjamas and did my makeup) to go for a nice meal for my birthday at two weeks pp, so I definitely could've done that trip at three weeks. But I don't think I would have wanted to. When DD was three weeks we were definitely still finding our feet as parents. The first few weeks fly by and I wanted to be at home with all our own kit, trying to figure out what worked and what didn't and taking naps to cope with the broken nights' sleep. I wouldn't have wanted the disruption of a weekend away, especially as it might coincide with your DH going back to work after paternity leave.

It would have to be a sister-like friend for me to even consider it, and even then I wouldn't be up for the standard "getting ready" with the bride from 7am, photo sessions or sitting at a top table apart from my DH and (also FF) baby.

Alanna1 · 03/01/2020 13:34

Gosh so many doom sayers! I’ve had 2 DC. 3 weeks in with a new baby and you will probably be fine. Yes, you might not be; but many are, and a few aren’t. It’s true if you’ve had a c-section you’ll be post-operative, but with your husband there you’re likely to be OK. In your shoes I’d be (1) positive to your friend but (2) warn you’re probably not going to be a great “bridesmaid” but still want to come and (3) see if your mum or similar can come so that you have someone you trust 100% with your baby and then you might get some time to yourself and your friend too and (4) have a baby sling! Chances are if you really want to do it it’ll be OK if not perfect and if it isn’t - well, cross that bridge then.

Willow4987 · 03/01/2020 13:37

I’d see how you are after the birth and make a decision then...just be upfront with your friend that it may be a no depending on your recovery

My sister in law was a bridesmaid 6 days after giving birth to my nephew. I kept saying she didn’t have to do it if she didn’t want to, there was no pressure, totally her choice etc but she wanted to

I know she struggled a bit with a lot of standing around for photos etc and I’ve got massive respect for her for doing it but equally wouldn’t have been upset if she didn’t want to/couldn’t do it

TheCraicDealer · 03/01/2020 13:38

Buyitinbamboo makes a good point- if it's the Cybex Cloud you have you can only have it flat when it's out of the car. The only one that's truly lie flat when driving is the Kiddy Evoluna or those Maxi-Cosi car seat bassinets, both of which are £££.

EmbarrassingMama · 03/01/2020 13:43

Crikey. I absolutely couldn't have managed that! I was recovering from an EMCS and sweating bucket loads, not to mention cradling a baby who couldn't be put down for the first 10 weeks.

I'd politely decline but maybe offer to do something else instead. Why don't you offer to do a reading or something?

yellowallpaper · 03/01/2020 18:02

Who is more important? Your new baby or your friend? She is in the wrong to put pressure on you. No one knows what may happen. You may need a csection, you may be having difficulties with breastfeeding, or reflux or a hundred things. I would also not be happy at a tiny baby being dragged all over the country for a wedding.

If you feed fabulous 3 weeks post birth you can attend as a guest. Take the pressure off yourself. Tell friend the midwife has advised against it. She won't know it's a lie.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5