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Parenting

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Original poster

would you bite back????

36 replies

lolliepops · 28/09/2004 12:34

help...dd is 18months and has started biting! she has been biten from other childern at nursary so she knows it hurts but carries on to do it.i told her off for eating sand at the beach on saturday and she came up to me cuddled my leg, then sunk her teeth in! she has left 3 bllod blisters and pierced the skin! it bloody hurt.everyone keeps saying bite her back its the only way, she will learn, i dont know if i could acsually do this though! out of the people that have done this has it realy worked???

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Northerner · 28/09/2004 12:35

NO! I'd never bite back. It's a phase and she'll grow out of it. Don't worry.

Twinkie · 28/09/2004 12:37

No I wouldn't, they know it hurts and are just trying to communicate their frustration - biting them achieves nothing - try and hold her at arms length and comfort her when you have reprimanded her so she can't do it to you though!!

jampot · 28/09/2004 12:37

definitely not - 2 wrongs don't make a right

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tammybear · 28/09/2004 12:37

ive never heard of biting back ur child!! i wouldnt personally do it as i think ull just b reminding her of doing it. sorry i dont really have any suggestions as dd has never biten me or anyone in front of me, but has biten my mum, sis and bro before now

Tissy · 28/09/2004 12:38

absolutely not!

Don't do it. When she bites you, put her down say, "no biting" in a stern way and walk away. If you bite her you are reinforcing the behaviour.

soapbox · 28/09/2004 12:41

How can you expect her to know it is wrong if you do it to her - sounds a bit bizarre to me TBH!

Time out worked for my 2 when they were going through this phase.

Straight out into the hallway, dumped on bottom step, no eye contact, biting is not good said in a firm tone, and then door held shut for 2 mins. Then sat on step and repeated biting is not good it hurts people.

Only took a week or so to sort out. If we were out and about it was straight into their buggy, straps on and buggy turned away from the room/other people.

Good luck sorting it out - but please don't confuse her by biting back

Beccarollover · 28/09/2004 12:41

No I wouldnt

Give her a little time out everytime she does it just put her straight down and say "no biting"

All very well for me to say - I can help but screech when DS bites me which is giving him lots of attention for it so he will probably carry on doing it!

Momof2 · 28/09/2004 12:41

DD bit me, but I just told her off, didn't bite back and after a while she stopped - its just frustration or over affection I think when their feelings get so intense that they can't express verbally what they want to say. (well that's what I think anyway)

aloha · 28/09/2004 12:45

No, never. What works IME is the very second she bites, give no reaction at all, no scream or yell, just put her away from you, say calmly, "No biting' and either walk away with no eye contact or put her outside the room for a few moments. She won't truly understand it hurts as at 18months her sense of empathy is still very underdeveloped and if it doesn't hurt her, she won't fully understand that it hurts you.

JuniperDewdrop · 28/09/2004 12:47

No way. I once heard a mother being told this by another leader of a toddler group. I went a bit mad tbh How would your reaction be if you saw someone biting a child in the street?

strawberry · 28/09/2004 12:52

ds had a biting phase - quite common it seems. The usual method of ignoring worked well although very hard when feel like screaming! Basically we put ds on the floor and moved away from him to remove our attention. Just a firm 'NO' I think is all that is needed. HTH

Thomcat · 28/09/2004 12:55

No.
My mum bit me back the first & only time I did it though.
Personally I would make such a massive fuss of the child who is bitten and totally ignore the biter.
It is just a phase, not a nice one, esp for mum, but hopefully a short lived one.

Original poster

lolliepops · 28/09/2004 13:27

thanxs for all the tips on time out ect this will be realy useful. dont get me wrong if she punched me i wouldnt punch her back! but since i have told people it is amazing how many people have said "bite her back" she will never do it again, i did it to mine!!!!i must admit she definatly got a reaction out of me when she did it i will have to remmber firm voice, no eye contact and NO REACTION!!!

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connyflower · 28/09/2004 14:43

my friend bit her daugher back , not hard but enough to know its not a nice thing to be going around doing, she never has biten again, and she knows its wrong! i agree two wrongs dont make a right but it did her no harm and she defo knows its a wrong naughty thing to do. its what you think is right x

Blu · 28/09/2004 14:50

lolliepops - I sympathise about the problem - my DS did it too. I think it's an unavoidable phase, they don't know it hurts etc.

For myself (and I agree with all the advice below re ignore etc, it worked v well with my DS) it in't a matter of 'Time Out, like a punishment as such, but of setting up a cause and effect - if you bite, I put you away from me', rather than 'if you bite, you get a very entertaining yelp'.
Just put her down or put her away from you and don't respond for a few seconds. And Good Luck.

BTW, personally, I think biting a child back is horrible - and do you then do that for every thing they experiment with? Not a good example.

Clayhead · 28/09/2004 14:56

No.

I would do exactly as aloha suggests, take her away and sit her somewhere else for a couple of minutes. I found this the most effective thing with my dd, taking her away from toys/people/where she wanted to be.

Socci · 28/09/2004 14:56

Message withdrawn

Lasvegas · 28/09/2004 15:12

I was pleased to see momof2 comments. As I have always suspected my 21 month old dd bites me (only ever me is bitten) to be over affectionate. Sometimes I don't know whether I am going to get a kiss/cuddle or a bite. Its as though its all the same to her. When she launches herself at my cheeks I have visions of Hanibal Lector form Silence of the Lambs! I have never bitten her back just do the withdrawal of eye contact and a firm biting is naughty no.

secur · 28/09/2004 15:43

Message withdrawn

kkgirl · 28/09/2004 19:01

I think the idea of biting back is to let them know how much it hurts.
I was a particularly vicious biter to my brother, who was a torment to me. My mum bit me back to let me know how much it hurt, and it worked I didn't do it again. I was a lot older though.
Not the way to go with a tiny toddler though. I agree with the suggestions of telling her firmly that it is not acceptable etc.

jasper · 28/09/2004 22:47

Yes it really worked.
I tried everything suggested on this list with my dd (she was a bit older , nearer two I think) , till one day at my mum's suggestion I did bite her back (very swiftly and not particularly hard)and she has never done it since.

essbee · 28/09/2004 22:49

Message withdrawn

Christie · 28/09/2004 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChicPea · 29/09/2004 00:10

My DD was 16mths when she first DS's toes. I was feeding DS who was 8wks and she wanted attention. I looked really shocked and separated her from DS and gave her such a look that she hated and I spoke to her sternly. She cried and cried and I told her what a naughty thing she had done. When she calmed down I told her to say sorry to DS and sorry to me and we all cuddled and that was the end of that.
Since then she has not bitten DS but has nipped me about three times. Always when I get home (punishment for going out to work and leaving her) and I have dealt with it by sending her to an adjoining room and not looking at her for 4-5 mins while she cries. She then calms down and trots out for a cuddle and that is the end of the matter. She hasn't bitten/nipped me for 6-8wks. Possibly progress.
Wouldn't want to bite her - don't think its setting a good example.

Original poster

lolliepops · 29/09/2004 11:23

at least i am not alone! i have taken all these ideas on board and i have them ready in my head for the next time battle commences! in some stupid way i want her to bite me so i can try them out, to see what works!!!only joking i hate pain.
It is obvious that the whole bite them back approach must work aswell as alot of people have posted about its sucess. i supose it all comes down to personal choice and your ideas and attitueds on parenting.i wont be biting back though thanxs x

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