crying constantly

[Hopex3]

hi all,

I had my little girl 5 days ago and the last few days I cannot stop crying. I feel so overwhelmed and panicky, not too bad during the day but as night time gets closer its terrible. she doesn't settle in her cot at all so atm me and my partner are having to shift sleep - I go say 9 - 12 at night (although I dont get that solid chunk as I breastfeed so she will wake me up atleast once during this time) and then he will go 12 - 5/6 which will last him all day as he is having to do a lot atm as I had a c section. I then return to bed when he gets up for however long I can during the day. probably a mixture of everything like lack of sleep, anxiety, recovering from c section etc. but I just feel so so emotional and like I cant cope or cant keep her safe. does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? or how you got baby to settle in cot? x

Hi,

Congratulations on your baby girl. It’s totally normally to feel overwhelmed, you also sound exhausted. Can you sleep in the day to help a bit?

It’s very very common for babies not to settle in a cot, personally, I co-slept and fed lying down and found I was well rested this way. There are ways to do this more safely and I found it safer than the risk of falling asleep holding the baby!

You can try warming the cot, putting in a muslin with some expressed milk on it and of course... time! Your baby will be getting bigger all the time and a lot of babies settle better when older.

Speak to your health visitor as well if you feel you need support. You’re doing great!

Hey Congratulations for a start!
Is this your first? I had my son back in may this year and remember that feeling oh so well, when I read about the feeling of panicky at night I really can relate it is a dreadful feeling. But, dont be so hard on yourself! Speak to your health visitor offload and gather support around you, this feeling does pass. I felt so out of my depth especially as this is my first, but I promise the emotions will settle down. Take good care of yourself, and see if your LO will swaddle maybe that will settle him/her? As PP said with time comes more sleep, the first few weeks are very tiring but they soon become a distant memory. Its such a drastic change you'll bound to feel every emotion but please make sure you're talking to people about you're feeling! Best of luck OP xx

Oh sweetie. Emotionally this is the worst time as your hormones crash. You have just had emergency surgery are not able to rest and your world has been turned upside down. It does get better I promise.

I’m onto my second baby and I’ve given up trying to get her to sleep anywhere but with me and it’s so much easier.

The most important thing is to get as much sleep as you can during the day so you can cope with night. During the day if your not feeding, eating, in the shower or brushing your teeth then give the baby to your partner and sleep. Get your partner to put the baby in a sling so they can do stuff.

For evenings feed where you are most comfortable, for me that was on the sofa surrounded by cushions, snacks and with remotes near by. Don’t forget to drink lots.

How are your iron levels? Pate is incredible high in iron.

thank you - ik having such a hard time with it sobbing my heart out right now. its crazy I spent the pregnancy really quite terrified something would happen and wanting her here and now she is I miss her bring tucked up in my tummy. I really dont know what to do :'( I feel so so panicky about her even tho I know shes fine. days are a bit better than nights. it's so bad I am debating asking my mum if I can move back in with her for a little while. I am just looking forward to this overwhelming feeling going, it's so so horrid. I wasn't prepared for it at all. her delivery probably doesnt help - we were booked in for an elcs on Tuesday but my waters broke early hours of the Monday - I went into active labour so quickly I had to have an emergency one instead and it all happened so quick. thanks for sharing some tips and experiences - its nice to know not alone in some of these crazy feelings and experiences x

iron levels are quite low have been prescribed tablets x

I was the same! I’ve formula fed from birth. It is hard and so trying but you will get there in the end. My dd is 16 weeks now and I am
doing a lot better.

You know I did stay with my mum for a bit when my Dd was 5 weeks old and it helped massively.

how did you get round the sleep thing? that really doesnt help :(

You get around the sleep thing by not trying to do anything except sleep and feed baby.

You've had major abdominal surgery
You're on a hormonal rollercoaster
Of course you feel overwhelmed.

Invite your mum over to hold baby whilst you sleep (I kid you not this was the best thing ever!) granny gets cuddles and everyone's happy.

Accept any offer of help. Laundry, food, cleaning etc etc etc accept it.

Trust that this will pass.

If you feel like you want to move back with your mum even if its temporary then do it! It's really hard with a newborn I struggled too. I also found days fine and the nights I really panicked it's a horrible feeling. But I only breast fed for a week then went to formula. They say if the baby can smell the breast milk they usually wake for it. My son was only sleeping night time for roughly 1.5/2 hours at a time which is quite normal being that young. You can try swaddling, white noise, keeping the room nice and warm. I had him in a moses basket then moved him in his own room at 4 months. You'll get through this, the weeks will hi by and you'll find you're getting to know her bit by bit, eventually fall into a routine etc. As pp said, if others offer help with housework/shopping etc then let them! Just focus on you getting rest and the baby. You're doing a brilliant job x

I just rang the breastfeeding helpline in my country because my baby is up all night and it’s normal for them because that’s what they usually do in your tummy. Leave lights off as much as you can to feed through the night. And try to rest. It’ll get easier

For me, with my first, it was around 2 weeks before I stopped crying. She was a non-sleeper. I was exhausted.
Someone told me to Google the 4th Trimester and it really, really, helped me understand her and what she needed.
Sleep wise, do whatever gets everyone the most sleep would be my advice.
Good Luck, these first few weeks can be hard but you will get through it.

Hi congrats on baby. My little one has never slept well at all but that's babies for you. Mine is breast fed, it is draining but change some simple things and I promise it will get better. some things I would have changed if I had my time over again would be

1. To swaddle baby (keeps them warm and feeling secure)
2. Use a Moses basket and not a next to me crib /cot as it was too big and cold/scary for my girl and she hated it
3. Google the 4th trimester and download the wonder weeks app
4. However don't over google how to get baby to sleep it will destroy you.

Also accept any help and sleep. Sod cleaning etc, do online shopping, get your mum to come over and hold baby whilst you sleep, buy easy meals that are nutritious. Get into a small routine with yourself to make you feel you've achieved something daily for example sounds strange but as soon as I started my day I would brush my teeth and shower quickly and put in clean pjs. That's it, all done in 15 mins but made me feel so much better.

Drink plenty of water. Best thing ever.

On the subject of the cot you have up remember baby has been tucked inside you safe and warm since day dot. Now we are expecting them to sleep in the big wide open where it's colder and spacious. All they want is to feel safe and warm again. I ended up using the bassinet of the pram in the next to me crib as a substitute Moses basket and she slept much better as it was smaller/cosier.

Also a tip is to buy something called a Rock-It. It's an automatic pram rocker which attaches to the handle and gently vibrates/rocks the pram. Set the pram up in your living room, put baby in and turn that bad boy on and it will send them off to sleep which you get some on the sofa.

Eat biscuits til the cows come home. Get regular visit from your health visitor for reassurance around breastfeeding/how you're feeling. Take it easy and when you feel healed and ready look into going to a breastfeeding support group. You make friends, get valuable advice, a safe space to cry and admit that sometimes this gig is shit etc

Lots of hugs xxx

Oh OP! Lots of us have felt just like you. It does get better.

It's like how you feel starting a new school or job - you wanted it but suddenly it's all too hard and exhausting, but this is 24/7 so actually much harder!

Babies don't give much back until about 6 weeks. They look gorgeous but are basically demanding screamy little creatures. Once they show they know you and smile, it begins to feel more rewarding. This first bit is a slog with a tiny baby who often seems unhappy whatever you do.

Forget all the ads with babies who go into their cots looking angelic, this is normal. Hard but normal.

Top tips - look after yourself. Drink lots of water, wash when you can, eat well. Constipation is common after birth and it really doesn't make things better.

Go for little walks with the baby in a sling, even if it's only for 100m outside your house. It can be claustrophobic staying inside all day.

Ask for help when you need it and talk to your partner about how you both feel. You'll get ratty with each other because you're both tired and bewildered, acknowledge that.

Good luck!

thanks for the responses - it does really help just to see other people went through it as well. I feel a little bit better today but I managed to get a 3 hour nap this morning. doesnt sound like much but better than nothing. I'm still petrified at the idea of her going in her cot asleep whilst I am but I like I really need to try get over that. I panic she could somehow flip herself onto her stomach even tho I know she can't at 6 days old. I'm paranoid about everything like it's not sturdy enough or somehow put together incorrectly all of these things. the cot is right next to my bed aswell but I still super struggle with it :( I just hope I get into the swing of it soon and these awful sudden low moods pick up a bit! x

It'll calm down OP. The primitive bit of your brain is trying to work out what might be a threat to your baby, which can cause lots of stress.

You've also had surgery which your body can read as having been under attack, also causing stress and cortisol.

You're basically pumped full of stress hormones. Shoo them out by taking it easy. Stretch, breath deeply, cosy up, get fresh air. The stress will reduce. All you need to worry about is keeping your baby fed and resting yourself.

Any sleep you can just grab. I used to crash for a few hours while my sister watched dd in the mid morning for a couple of hours. I’d shower and eat and then I’d feel refreshed. When my mum was here I’d have a bath and feel better. At one point dd was up every hour at night and Dh was back at work. So it was hard and it still is hard but you are stronger than what you realise. I still cry now sometimes but it’s good to let it out.

also I'm a bit confused - looks like in America they advise not to use a blanket in crib but use a sack but over here you cant use sleep sacks until they are a certain age/weight and guidelines say to use a blanket tucked in around mattress. stuff like this really doesnt help ease my anxiety have to say :(

Ah congrats! Like most MN's said: it does get better, it really does. My mum flew over on day 3 and stayed for 6 weeks, and then things just....clicked! It will be fine. Don't forget to have fibre with your iron tablets!

When we had our first baby, my husband kept all the windows in the house closed and locked. When I noticed I asked him why and he said he was afraid he would trip whilst walking with our newborn and she would fall out. The early days are as close to madness as you can get without being sectioned. It does pass x

Why don't you buy a baby monitor that senses movement? So if the baby stops breathing it will sound an alarm to wake you up - maybe it will make you feel abit more relaxed to sleep whilst the baby does?💓

OP if you fall asleep and your baby starts crying then you will wake up. Nature has made it so new mothers don't sleep heavily this is why new mothers not fathers can safely co-sleep with their newborns.

In addition you do realise your LO can't see very well? So if you put her in a cot she can't see you, can't feel you and can't smell you.

As a PP said Google the 4th trimester. Try swaddling then co-sleeping, and also wearing a sling. In fact both you and your partner should get slings.

Also please do not get a movement/breathing monitor or place your baby in a room on their own until they are over 6 months at least. Monitors are not reliable and the entire point of the baby sleeping in the room with you is to prevent cot death.

Anyway get anyone you can to support you.

I had this.. exactly. I could have written this post. I think on reflection I had quite bad post natal anxiety but I managed it by getting into a routine as early as possible (not yet in your case but from 2 weeks ish) lots of light during the day then bath, bottle and bed at night. Also forget the evenings watching tv for now, just go to sleep when the baby does as sleep comes above everything. This is hard to reckon with when you first have them but it helps so much. By 6 months you won't feel this way at all, baby will be more predictable and you'll have it all in hand I absolutely promise. I have 2 children now who are 7 and 4, felt like it both times in the newborn phase. Hang in there

Oh and swaddle & white noise is your friend. If baby doesn't settle gently rock the crib and also... I always questioned whether my babies could 'really be hungry again?!'. They nearly always are, or wind (you can wind in the swaddle). Gro ones are good when they are tiny and use the Aden & anais muslins when they get bigger using the DUDU method (google)

What is the weight of your baby?

Hopex3 congratulations!

If you can go to your mums for help - go! I would have loved to have been able to do that. After both of my C- sections I felt like an alien. I looked like a ghost and was fucked.

I just camped out on the bed with my girls beside me. I bought a crib that fits on to the side of the bed and it was brilliant as I could have my arm in beside them.

It’s really really important that you look after yourself right now as it will take longer to get back to your old self.