Who is being unreasonable - MIL at Christmas

[beth1991]

Hi all
To cut a long story short my MIL is a maternal narcissist (just to put some context around my feelings about her!) my husband also isn't her biggest fan and has purposely rota'd himself on to work some days over Christmas to have an excuse not to see her 🙈

We live about 1hr 15 away from her and have a little girl who has just turned 2. Last year we hosted Christmas, she came down for the day with other family and some of my family also came for dinner. This year we just want to spend it at home just us 3, no exceptions.

She has insisted that she see us on the 27th December and gives our daughter her presents then. I am not ungrateful at all for anything our daughter receives but this has really annoyed me as it's from her completely selfish point of view that she wants to see her open them not that it may confuse our daughters concept of Christmas. I do understand that she's want to see her open them but with my daughter maybe not fully understanding Christmas but starting to, that way she's not going to think nannas presents were delivered by Santa.

Birthdays are obviously different, I have told my husband that it's not going to happen which he agrees. Opinions on do you think we're being unreasonable especially because of my opinion of her. Or do you think I'm being a complete cow and we should allow this for one more year? X

YABVU. Your DD is not going to be confused, I've never heard anything so ridiculous 🙄why do you want her to think Santa delivers all the presents but she knows they're from Nanna etc? What a bizarre idea.

It is absolutely unreasonable to have Santa delivering all the gifts. You are complicating things which shouldn't need complicating, and you are going to confuse your poor DD. You are being massively unreasonable, and to be honest, I feel for your MIL because I sense you are gaslighting her and you (and perhaps your DH) are the self-serving narcissists. Not your MIL. I get the feeling that your MIL has to put up with a lot from you, and she has my sympathies.

Another thread that doesn’t go the way the poster thought it would so she disappears.......

It's funny how OP has taken the cowardly option of staying silent on the thread, and yet I'm sure she'll be brave enough when it comes to bullying her MIL to hand over the presents.

OP, if you have any courage in your convictions, come back to your own thread

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you're at it right? Only one cow here(to use your words) and it isn't your MIL. YABU.

This is a rare thread, where a mil is deemed to be in the right in this instance.
OP YABU, you’re the one who will be giving her a confused view on Christmas and Santa

You have to love the OP calling the MIL controlling.

Completely batshit concept of present giving. Of course your mil wants to see them being opened. You sound controlling tbh

YABU.

I dont believe in perpetuating the Santa propaganda anyway, but you're taking it to extremes.

Your MIL is doing nothing wrong and anyway, this extends Christmas further than one day.

I’m not sure it’s your our mother in law who has narcissistic tendencies. You are being both unkind and ridiculous. You are making it all about you.

TBH, I think the 'we pay for presents and order them from Santa' malarkey is just as much bollocks.

Reduces old St Nick to a glorified Argos catalogue with an admittedly impressive delivery facility.

Stockings from Santa.
One big gift under the tree from Santa.
All else labelled from recipient, ideally under tree, but handed over after during Christmas week is fine.

Bangs Gavel

You're setting yourself up for years of ballache if this is how you want to do santa. And you're taking away from your child being able to have the pleasure of giving out her presents too. Just do santa the normal way. Santa brings presents from him only. It's incredibly selfish to want to deny a grandparent seeing their grandchild open their presents just so that you get to have a bigger pile to open on Christmas morning.

I'd be having words with you DH before I had words with your MIL tbh. He has deliberately chosen work over spending time with his own DM and also by extension his DW & DD, so even if MIL is a screaming thundercunt he'll happily let you fly solo with handling her. However I think she sounds pretty normal (as far as MN MILs go) You want a family Xmas, she's respecting that by giving you Xmas Eve, Xmas Day and Boxing Day- how long do you want Xmas to go on for? She's not going to come until the 27th with gifts, of course your DD should start to grasp that she has lots of people in her life who love her and want to treat her. Btw I only know one person who let her DS believe that Santa brought everything and he was an ungrateful wee shite.

There are ways round it if you want your daughter to believe Santa brings all the presents...Silly Nana forgot to give her presents to him!

Well I doubt the OP will be back.......

But just in case:

YES you are being a complete cow.

This is batshit. It's not the MIL who is the narcissist in this story.

I suppose as you are a psychologist-I'm basing this assumption on the fact that you are able to diagnose your MIL as a maternal narcissist- then you probably know best.

My tuppence worth-and I'm not a qualified psychologist, so forgive my use of colloquial language- is that you sound like a precious, unloved, watchful, greedy, selfish cow on a stick.

You're probably completely powerless and ignored in every aspect of your life and see this as your only chance to throw your weight around.

In our house FC only brings stocking presents (and is very keen on buying socks, toiletries and fun stationery!).

Everyone is different.......... but imo you're the one being difficult.

Not aimed at the OP but I think it's even harder for less well-off families if FC brings everything - do those children wonder why they haven't been good enough for a new bike when X in their class was whereas they would probably understand a bit more that their families can't afford a large present.

YABVVVVVVU.

Your poor MIL. Why on earth would Santa deliver the presents from family members FFS? Presents under the tree can be from Santa, and others can be from family and friends.

Of course she wants to see her DGD open the presents from her. I’d be furious if I was buying presents for a child, and the credit was going to Santa.

Rethink, because you are being massively unreasonable and precious.

When I was a kid, Santa delivered all the presents on behalf of everyone so I don't think that concept is weird at all. Everyone does Christmas differently.
However, on the odd occasion I might have been given a christmas present directly from a family member I don't remember that particularly confusing me either. Presents are sent to Santa for delivery, but this person forgot, or santa had sent it to their house was probably how I justified it in my head, if I even thought about it at all. So YABU, especially as your dd is only 2!

I’m really confused. Santa delivers presents to children that are made by elves in the North Pole. This present is from Santa.

Why would he be collecting and storing other family members gifts too?

I think if you stick to this weird story then you are going to have trouble when your child’s teacher or school friend gives them a small gift at the end of the school year.

Yabu!

I used to get presents from FC, & from aunts, uncles, GPs, obvs not from parents.

I thought that FC did this for parents to give them a break!

Children understand the relatives buy, wrap and give birthday presents. There is (presumably) no birthday fairy that everyone has to send presents to, for delivery on the child’s birthday?

How are Christmas presents different? Santa brings some. And then in the days around Christmas, relatives/neighbours/friends/whoever can arrive with presents if they want to?

Santa presents are a stocking full of bits and friends and family give their own surely? Anything else is far too confusing.

Mil sounds sensible on this one. Although I can understand the need to see batshit if the rest of her actions re those of a narcissist.