Do you make your kids something else if they don't like dinner?

[SallyAnne89]

I try to offer lots of different foods at a meal time so there's something they already like. However, recently it feels like they are not even giving it a proper go and just expecting me to conjure up something else (yeah, just like a magic new meal because they don't fancy whatever it is) and I'm really not on for that. What do you do if they don't eat dinner? Do you offer an alternative? If so, what? Thanks

As for cooking other meals, definitely not. You are not a restaurant! Dinner on the table, no cajoling or nagging, children served themselves from about 5 or 6 so they controlled their own portion size.

Then take plates away without comment and serve plain yoghurt + fruit.

Oh, and no snacks an hour before meals!

No, eat it or go hungry. They eat it.

Nutty
No one has suggested saying that at all.
Ive never said that .
The food is offered and no comments are made .

How old is your eldest? (Sorry if I've missed it). DD was very difficult around food between about 6 and 13. It became a total battleground and it felt like she was using refusal to eat as a way to gain the upper hand in any disagreement.

Some years later, she has a diagnosis of autism and sensory processing disorder that we never saw coming. We have a list of 10 meals she will eat (and not always those! I can't batch cook or reheat, ever, it changes the texture too much). Her younger brother suffers similarly, so I just cook meals as components - protein, carb, 4 or 5 veg, sauce/gravy. Everyone must have something from each food group, sauce is optional.

This works best with meals from other countries - mexican, chinese, greek, japanese etc - because they're often served as bits and pieces anyway. It stopped the arguments cold.

Oh, and no snacks an hour before meals!

This is a big one for me. Hunger is the best sauce as they say! Hungry kids eat SO much better than

Ones that have been snacking!

Its only part of the story but the kids need to come to the table actually wanting to eat! So obvious but easily overlooked in the end of day mayhem.

I never make different meals, I'm not a cafe, but I do adapt what I make. Like keeping parts separate. And different people eat different bits sometimes.

Take a big step back OP. They're not starving are they? Take the emotion out of the whole situation. Simplify. Step back. Try and keep meal times calm. It doesn't have to be massively innovative food. It's just fuel. 💐

My ds now 14 is an amazing eater, really adventurous and loves spicy food like curries also foods like a roast, casserole, shepherds pie etc. When he was a toddler up to about the age of 4, he was fussy but we just kept trying new foods and it paid off. A child has to try a new food 10 times before they can decide whether they really like it or not.

Always made one meal here, they eat what they are given and yes you are making a rod for your own back.

Well yes but only because DS would always eat everything he was given, he was not fussy at all. If he didn't like something it was usually because it was awful and I wouldn't eat it either.
He hates peas though and still won't eat them today aged 40 but then again I hate custard and won't eat it no matter what.

No, I bloody well don't!

They like it or lump it.

Tbh, I did start getting into that habit about a year after they started school, but it just made them fussier, and one day after another battle, I thought "What the hell am I doing?" "Battling with a nearly 5 & nearly 7yo!"

From that point I just cooked 1 meal, and said if there was something they really hated eg, mushrooms or peas, they had to try one and then pick out the rest if they didn't like it, but there would be no pud, no snack and no alternative if they didn't eat it.

I didn't deliberately cook meals they hated, but one was so fussy there was often something she didn't like, and I refused to live on nuggets and beans.

I also refused to discuss or argue and went 'grey rock' with them.

It worked, although the first few weeks were difficult as they pushed hard to see if I'd cave.

They're now late teens, and although one is still fussier than the other she will generally try things, and knows she always has to eat 1 spoonful of the things (usually veg) she doesn't particularly like, and is expected to try new things several times before declaring she doesn't like it.

Re wasting food.
I would let them help themselves with food (or do the serving if they can’t but only to the amount they want. I found it better if they had a little and then had more if they wanted than piling the plate up).

If they aren’t eating, I would keep the food in the dish and propose it again when they are still starving and can’t go to bed etc....

Dc2 was very sensitive in that way, if he wasn’t hungry, he just wouldn’t eat but be STARVING 30 mins later (still like that as an older teen btw). If the dish you’ve prepared is something you know they like, then even more reason to keep it and propose that to them later.
That means that there was a no snack rule before a meal too! (Still in place as teens because they would otherwise eat a whole loaf of bread before dinner and then barely touch the meal... )

I would also consider freezing any left over and proposing that again a week later/whatever day you are short of time to cook. That was, at least, you don’t loose the time/energy used to prepare the meal as well as the cost of the ingredients.

I'd have a good look at the snacks they're getting. If I were you, I'd cut out all snacks between meals, unless it is perhaps a glass of milk and a biscuit for elevenses, and an apple mid-afternoon.

No. We have always eaten family style at lunch and dinner and everyone eats the same thing, even when the children were toddlers. No alternatives were given.

Just to echo what others have said. Park in the cold after school or swimming - very small snack at 3pm (eg: one biscuit,one piece of malt loaf, one of those small packs of mini cheddars or half a scone). Then dinner at 5:30 one bite for every year of their age as a minimum.

So I think I'm going to try unmaking my meals to see if that helps, so doing shepherds pie but as a few veg, mince in gravy and mashed potato instead of all in one dish. Also just doing away with most snacks. I said I would never cook different things, but think maybe I need to compromise and just put a bigger variety out so there's something they'll eat (eg. A bowl of grated cheese, some sliced up carrots and celery and some tear and share garlic bread with the risotto, that kind of thing). I hate the thought that they are hungry, but maybe I need to relax a bit and remember that hungrier kids have better appetites.

No. They eat it or leave it but no substitute and that's it until next scheduled meal. No toast an hour later or anything. If they're hungry they'll eat. If not then waiting until breakfast won't do them any harm (and they'll think twice next time about turning their nose up). That said I do try and offer things they should like, nothing too spicy etc.

No, they’re very easygoing with food though. Two of them won’t eat mash but do like boiled potatoes so I just have to remember to put them on their plates before I mash the rest . I do tend to make a milder version of some dishes chilli, curry, filling for stuffed peppers etc but I don’t mind doing that so much as it’s virtually the same ingredients & for most of them just involves separating some in to a different pan towards the end.

Op noooooo do not give in! Don't give options... they will take the piss with you and it'll only get worse! Also as pp's have said no snacks, treats or puddings either before or after meals.
Also regarding the food waste I NEVER throw food away.. all uneaten food/leftovers goes into Tupperware for lunch the next day for either me or DP. I can not afford to waste ANYTHING, there are always ways to make it go further, please stop just chucking it in the bin ☹️

No...not at 6 anyway. You'll make a rod for your own back. So glad I took that approach my 16 yr old eats anything I put in front of him. It's hard when they're little but worth it I promise. I've taken lots of students on residential trips at 14 or so years old who refused to eat the food they were given, expect an alternative to be offered and on some occasions have been given food by parents with the expectation that I get the hotel to heat it up for them!

Nope. I use to though! Don’t eat your tea no sweet treats afterwards and defo not making a secondary meal after I’ve cooked a family meal.