Do you make your kids something else if they don't like dinner?

[SallyAnne89]

I try to offer lots of different foods at a meal time so there's something they already like. However, recently it feels like they are not even giving it a proper go and just expecting me to conjure up something else (yeah, just like a magic new meal because they don't fancy whatever it is) and I'm really not on for that. What do you do if they don't eat dinner? Do you offer an alternative? If so, what? Thanks

It depends...sometimes my son will say he doesn’t like something and I feel he haven’t given it a proper go or is just being fussy, so in that case - I don’t prepare something else. He will get what his given.

If he has tried and genuinely can’t eat it because he really doesn’t like it then I have to look for an alternative. I have to say though, it will usually be something quick and random like; a fry up, or a quick pasta, a jacket potato (done in microwave) or something else quick and filling

I think maybe it's just another way to be defiant with eldest. Everything is a battle at the moment. I get no enjoyment from meals at all. It's making me swing between skipping meals because I don't want the beige stuff, and eating all the leftovers because I can't bare the waste. Either way I end up wanting to cry. I just feel like I can't get it right whatever.

Theres a middle ground.

We had creamy chicken and bacon pasta tonight, dd doesn't like anything with cream so she had a chicken breast cooked in the oven with pasta before it was mixed in the sauce (and veg with sweet chilli sauce).

DC do have to eat vegetables but I don't make them eat the veg they really don't like like cauliflower. They both have to eat a sprout though whenever I cook them and now dd finally likes them!

When dc were small and primary aged I didn't force them to eat food they didn't like, but I did expect them to eat small portions or try it unless they really didn't like it. Only you know if your DC are blagging you or really don't like something.

I choose what they eat they choose how much they eat. I don't make anything else but I always make sure the meal includes something they like so they're not going to starve

Oh the other thing the book I mentioned recommends is not talking about the food at the table. It does make it more pleasant.

dd2 is 2 and usually eats anything, dd1 is 5 and really fussy lately. but I offer bread as an alternative. but she has to sit at the table with us and engage in conversation and only get the bread at the end of the meal. this usually means she'll try what's in front of her while she's waiting and 9/10 have a decent portion and no bread.

I generally make my kids food that they like so it doesn't descend into a battle.

But like others have said, there is a middle ground. Tonight I made meetball pasta bake for DH and I. The DC couldn't cope with the concept of it all being mixed together with cheese and sauce. So theirs got dished up before the sauce and baking stage.

My DH has always been a fussy eater and I'm used to making separate meals, tweaks etc. If anything, the DC are easier than him. At least they eat fruit and veg. I think the experience with DH has made it easier with the DC. I'm pretty laid back with it all now. Every child is different and it's not fair to force something on them if they don't like it. My DC have totally different appetites and eating habits. DS1 wolfs down 3 huge meals a day and rarely snacks. DS2 has always been 'little and often'. Even as a baby, he would have small feeds every two hours. I make him smaller meals and have plenty healthy snacks for him.

My line is and always has been that I'm not running a cafe and I'm not prepared to cook a variety of different dishes for the same meal. Usually I provide food that I know they like and that they have eaten many times before so I say to them, "You don't have to finish it, or indeed eat any of it, but this is your meal and there's nothing else."

If I'm serving them something new they get the chance to try it to see if they like it and if not then they can have some toast.

We don't always eat at the same time so quite often my dc get something different from what dh & I have for tea though so if we want something I know they won't eat we save it for then.

DH was brought up with very rigid rules about food. I was expected to eat what I was given, but I don't remember any extremes. DH would be given his dinner for breakfast if he didn't eat it.

I have explained to DH that the way I see things, as adults we have control. If I don't like something, I don't cook it, or I cook an alternative that I do like. E.g. FIL came for dinner today and requested bread and butter pudding. No problem, but I can't stand the texture, I want to vomit. So, I did the pudding and a fruit salad as an alternative. Children don't have that control. They don't buy the food, decide the menu or cook it.

Are children being 'fussy' if they decline to eat something they don't like and have had no input into the menu? I don't think so. They are just exercising choice in a very late stage of proceedings, because that's when they get an input.

It does get easier as they get older. I can now say to DD3 (10) "I'm going to put mushrooms in this dinner, but you can always pick them out'. However, despite loving it myself, I wouldn't make a beef stroganoff as a family dinner. I do make a lovely vegetable strudel - DD2 waxes lyrical at the feta cheese, as DD3 picks it out. Meanwhile, DD3 raves about the vegetables as DD2 is carefully extracting the courgette and aubergine but they all like some aspect of it, so it stays on the menu.

Dear god no. I expect them to have a go at eating it even if it’s something I know they don’t like (DD, 7, avocado and once lemongrass but she’ll eat that now and DS, 2, prawns). If they have a good go at trying it there will be a piece of bread and butter or slightly more substantial pudding (rice pudding rather than fruit, say). Otherwise - eat nothing and you go hungry. I’m not cooking lots of things - I’m not a restaurant.

OP
Can you serve less and portion up the leftovers for the freezer?
It sounds very miserable and if you think its her just being defiant adopt the "shrug" approach.
Ignore and eat your own.
I insisted on manners though, absolutely no rudeness,yuk ,criticising the cook at mealtimes.

No, I didn't.
I tried to always have something they liked on the plate and anything new they had to try. I never minded if they didn't like something but they had to try it first.
They could have something different if they could get/make it themselves.

I’m all for trying new things and having a good variety but I can’t believe the amount of people who are saying no they won’t give anything else if children don’t like their food.
Being fussy is different but if I don’t like something on my plate I’m not going to eat it so I don’t see why my children should be forced into eating food they don’t like

Can you start doing family style service? So each evening meal 3 different veggies in bowls on the table which can have spoons of taken out by the diners and any left9ver are clingfilmed and reheated next dinner?

Then a meat or fish option again, a share of taken and the rest used at lunch next day.

harrypotter
The OP has stated her elder DD is refusing everything, even food she usually eats.
So probably as she describes a defiant phase which will pass.
I dont force my DC to eat anything but also Im not a short order chef,so no Im not running around offering different things.

I dont cook horrible food , Im a good cook.
There is always something they can eat rice,potatoes,veg,chips,wedges,salad ,pitta. .
So I insist they sit quietly ,no rudeness and eat what they can manage.
No comments,no forcing .
Guess what?
No drama

I dont want my DC to have issues with food, its their choice but conversely they cannot expect to control meal times either.

Nope... if they don't eat the dinner I have made them they get toast or cereal

I only cook one meal and my son has to help me cook it everyday. If he doesn’t eat what we make that’s fine, I don’t make a fuss, I don’t force him to have a few mouthfuls. But apart from our after dinner orange/banana he won’t get anything else.

He generally has a good appetite and likes most things, he always gets to choose his own portion size (unless he tries to put way too much in his bowl) and he isn’t expected to eat everything on his plate. He also knows it takes 10-15 minutes for his stomach to know if it’s full, so he knows he has to wait a little while for seconds.

He genuinely doesn’t like aubergine or olives, I do still use them but I just make sure they’re big enough for him to easily pick out.

Mine aren’t fussy. If they try something and genuinely don’t like it, they could have a sandwich or toastie or something. I take their preferences into consideration when meal planning so they usually like what I make.

Food seems to be used as a way to force and control by a lot of people on here. Their DC aren’t allowed to have likes or dislikes ffs.

I think mealtimes should be relaxed and enjoyable.

I have a 3 year old who is obsessed with wraps so I usually give him that if he refuses to eat dinner. He is at nursery full time and eats everything there so I don't mind doing this.

We will enforce more when he's older but I will be the first to say that I have a very relaxed parenting style that I will probably regret when I'm older lol

I'd make something else, not for everyone I know but my choice. I grew up in an eat it/try it family and it was awful for me.

No, but I always make sure there's at least one thing on his plate that he will eat.

Its clear that this isnt really about disliking food the OP is providing but about the DC testing boundaries and about learning to control their own environment/food/choices.
Thats ok ,its actually quite normal.

How the OP responds though is key.
Severe control "you will sit here until you eat it" or pandering "I will give you anything you want" wont help.
A mid way approach of maintaining a healthy boundary and respect for the cook works by respecting the DC choice about what they eat and respecting the OP.
Otherwise it spirals into food refusal or constant whining/ rudeness no matter what the OP cooks.

Slightly different here as my eldest is only 2.5 and possible ASD/S&L delay. Telling him 'you have to eat this, there's nothing else', wouldn't work with him. He can be quite fussy so I work around it. If I'm making a dinner which he won't eat, then he's offered some toast if he hasn't eaten much else that day (if he's been unwell or something). If I'm making a sausage and mash, I'll serve it up as normal but make homemade chips to give alongside. If it's soup, he has cheese toastie. He always has fruit ajd yoghurt no matter what. I only make one proper meal as the family meal in the evening. Lunch is typically something I know he'll eat (cheese sandwich or pasta with fruit, etc) so I don't worry as he's had something that day. If I offer a wide variety of food, it's up to him what and how to eat of it. I don't want to make food a battle so just go with the flow.

It might change as he gets older.

No

We've always eaten the same meal as a family, from weaning onwards. I'm very lucky to blessed with 2 brilliant eaters. Littlest is on a soft diet due to additional needs and we still manage to eat the same

My aunt used to make 3 different dinners every day, including 3 separate roasts on a Sunday.

I think it is really important not to overload their plates. My MIL would present adult sized portions to my DC which I think they found overwhelming and then she was miffed that they didn’t eat her food. Next time I plated up for them, gave them slightly less than I thought they’d want and, hey presto, demands for ‘seconds’ and everyone is happy.