Do you make your kids something else if they don't like dinner?

[SallyAnne89]

I try to offer lots of different foods at a meal time so there's something they already like. However, recently it feels like they are not even giving it a proper go and just expecting me to conjure up something else (yeah, just like a magic new meal because they don't fancy whatever it is) and I'm really not on for that. What do you do if they don't eat dinner? Do you offer an alternative? If so, what? Thanks

It doesn't matter what I cook if they refuse to even try it. I don't want to have a battle at every meal time, but then if I don't give my eldest (6) something else then she wont go to bed because she's too hungry. I'm sick of it honestly and seems like I'm having battles whether I like it or not.

We’re half and half in our family.

Dh and I like spicy foods like curries, and dds don’t like them. The other half the week is what we eat together, but I get hot lunches at work mainly, so dds get different stuff on different days.

Yes. But hasn't happened since they were very small because they always like it as I ask them what they want and we decide together what we'd all like.

No

Allergies aside, no.

Everyone gets a choice during the week when I meal plan and teens now have to shop & cook for the family one night each which hopefully reinforces the effort and cost of a meal - and how disrespectful it is to not eat it.

Dont offer an alternative. Stop fussy eating in its tracks.

I never did, your choice, eat it or not.
I'd never have served her most hated foods, but other than that, nope.

Pffft. If DD doesn't like dinner she gets offered porridge (which she actually hates) but its that alternative or nothing.

I generally only serve things they like - with a small portion of something I know they aren't keen on - anything green generally

If they don't eat it then it gets warmed up when they get hungry.

Although if your child is prepared to refuse to go to sleep because of hunger then I'd offer fruit before bed as a last resort.

I'd never offer bread. Mine would live on that and nothing else!

No, absolutely not. They didn't get dessert either unless they had either cleared their plate or pretty much so (making allowances for a new food that might have been a bit challenging).

It is a while ago now, but I do remember the frustration you feel. One thing I did was write out a list of meals I knew everyone would eat. It was actually longer than I expected, and I grouped meals according to the main component in it, e.g. chicken, fish, veggie, beef, etc, and tried to rotate round so that they had a variety of foods. It might help you to see that they are not as fussy as you think, or give you ideas for providing variety.

Yes. Toast. I have one child who eats most everything and one child who is fussy and has control issues anyway, although will reliably eat a small range of cooked vegetables. I don’t want mealtimes to be a battle or have a child go hungry. Brown toast and marmite is an adequate if sub-optimal substitute for other carbs on the table in my view.

@Avihoot

I thought I had a 7 day menu based on food they liked and not one single dinner was eaten properly last week. Not one.

No. My DS has poor appetite due to his medication so what works for us is:
All four of us pick a meal each week so that's a couple of things they really like (the two DCs have similar taste), the other days are going out, leftovers, takeaway, sandwich tea if the DCs have a hot school dinner).
Most days we have a tasting plate - a tiny bit before the main meal - it's from the book Calmer Happier Easier Parenting. About pea sized or less for each food. They have to taste all them.
Then they can eat what they want of all the foods offered. If it's a new food I try to have one thing they generally eat as well.
Because of DS poor appetite he doesn't always eat much even if it's a favourite.
Then after tea/pyjamas/TV DS can have supper and then it's usually a sandwich and yoghurt or something like that. He usually has a fair bit even if he's had a good go at his tea so I don't think he's refusing tea because he'll get something more later.

Oh and we only have fruit for pudding in the week and only if you've tried everything. You don't have to finish it.

DD often has some toast or cereal before bed so if she hasn't had much dinner she doesn't go to bed hungry. I would definitely not make her a whole new meal!

I generally try and introduce new or unpopular food alongside one she likes. For eg she won't eat salmon but I still put some on her plate with pasta and veggies she will eat.

No battles here
You eat it or you dont 🤷‍♂️
No cajoling/threats /running around making alternatives etc

The other things to try are, as others have said, get each child to choose a meal. They take ownership of a meal if they have chosen it. And the other thing I did when mine were fussy (mainly around vegetables) was that I cooked 2 vegetables and they could choose which one they would have. It might not sound like that would work if they hate all vegetables, but again, allowing them to choose gives them ownership of the vegetable. I found mine would then eat the veg they had chosen to have on their plate. Of course, that is only relevant if it is veggies you are struggling with. And I justified it because I would always eat both the vegetables anyway. I would never cook something specially for them.

Dd often eats just one food I have prepared or I make her something completely different if I know none of the foods appeal. This is because after 10 years of dealing with her food issues, she was formally diagnosed with food issues. She isn’t being picky. She really can’t help gagging and choking on things she doesn’t want to eat.

If DP & I are trying something new that we don't think DC will like (spicy or most recently that springs to mind, mushroom risotto) we might do them something like fish fingers & chips & put a small dish of the new food on their plate for them to try. But if it's something that they've had before or is similar to something they eat regularly then they are expected to eat it. The only exception is if they are ill then they will be offered a cup of milk at bedtime & maybe a biscuit (depending on what else they've eaten throughout the day)

When I was a kid there was always bread and butter on the table for everyone to help themselves to, and fruit and yoghurt afterwards. We had to try everything but there wasn't a massive fuss about it - have to have at least a couple of mouthfuls/ eat the bits you like, then you could just help yourself to bread and butter. So I try and do the same. I think offering the food reheated later is a waste of time and just making a bit deal of it. I also let mine have supper before bed (toast / porridge/ cereal ) if they're hungry then.

A bit of both e.g if we are having roast pork,mash,Yorkshire's and veg and ds wants no mash I will prob so him a form of potato he will eat but give him everything else we are having.

I only cook one meal and I expect them to crack on. Don't mind too much if they dislike part of it, it can be left on the side of the plate. They eat very well actually. Usually clean plates all round!

Nope. I am not a restaurant

Yes, I don’t believe in forcing children to eat food that they’re not keen on or do like but are struggling to get down them, neither do I believe in leaving children to go hungry to prove a point or go on some insane power trip.

Being autonomous of you’re on food intake is vital to a healthy attitude toward food, lack of such is why the uk has increasing numbers of obesity related diseases, at much younger ages.

I just find it so wasteful and depressing when 50% of the food goes in the bin (sometimes more!) and I just would love to be able to spend that time, money and effort on days out and things instead of it all going into black bags.

Nope - three kids here and there isn’t a single meal both the older two love! So I put it from my mind whether they’ll like it. I ensure there’s something they’re ok with for every meal (eg one likes meatballs and spaghetti and another really doesn’t so they get crudités with it, another likes curry but the other doesn’t but I know they’ll both eat rice). Dessert isn’t dependent on eating dinner but I won’t give something delicious for pud if they’ve not eaten - they just get yoghurt (which they like anyway) and fruit.
We do have the option of supper on nights where they’re hungry however it’s only plain weetabix (aka not exciting) so they only have it if they’re genuinely hungry as it’s not their favourite thing.
With five people in the family I spend enough time prepping meals as it is so I don’t want to add in the complexities of different likes and dislikes. We stick to three meals a day, plus two small snacks (mid morning for preschooler and post school), plus supper as and when needed if somebody is starving before bed. We don’t push anybody to eat (sometimes we encourage a little bit but generally the intake is up to them) but because they know they can’t graze they tend to be good at realising it’s that or nothing.

There’s a fine line I think between being too mean (eat it or get nothing) or being too soft (you can’t go hungry do have something else) and it’s hard to find how best to play it