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Original poster

Am I lazy ??

109 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 26/10/2019 22:47

So basically DH has told me tonight I'm lazy and that I take him for granted he says he loves me but wants to change a few things in the relationship , its come as a bit of a shock to be honest but these are basically his issues

  • I am at home on maternity leave with 7 month old , I dont really make his tea for when he finishes mainly because I find it difficult with the little one , he thinks meals should be ready for his return , he has asked that I start to do this
  • night feeds- these are rarely now needed as little one is a good sleeper like her mum. Problem is I genuinely cant wake up in the night as I'm so tired so husband feeds little one despite being up for work at 6:30am. he has advised that he feels this is unfair. To be honest I never really give it much thought

Says I never make him a brew , also I wont change the bed and get him to do it as it hurts my arms changing the duvet

I do all the shopping, feed and look after baby in the day , put clothes in washing machine and also buy all the birthday cards we need for the year ,I sometimes go off to bed for an hour at night ( can often turn into 3 hours ) as I feel tired all the time * was bad anemic after the pregnancy)
Iv been crying all night about this and hubby now feels bad he says
Who is right ? Should I do more ??
I entertain our child all day and buy all her clothes , take her baby groups act

OP posts:
Stephminx · 27/10/2019 00:28

I’m currently on mat leave with a 7 month old so in the same position as you. To be fair, you sound like you have a health issue or are lazy. What do you do all day ?

I lost a lot of blood giving birth and was on medication but after a month this settled and I was back to normal.

I do all the night feeds (which aren’t many now but am BF so he’d be limited use anyway), food shopping, making dinner, washing/ironing/putting away, stripping beds, all “mental load” / house admin, we have a cleaner once a week but 2 messy dogs so I top up clean / tidy in between, do playgroups etc with baby and 3 year old etc. Hubby does dishes (as he’s a rubbish cook), bins, odd loads of laundry, odd bits of ironing, gets drinks (bit if a running joke that I never actually get my own), sorts the dogs. Basically we both chip in.

I have never heard of anyone without health issues essentially being too weak to change a bed ? That coupled with the sleeping issues you mentioned make me think there might be an underlying health issue you need to have checked out.

If not, I think you’re a DH, whilst he could have phrased it a bit better, has a valid point. Babies are portable and can be moved from room to room while you potter in with jobs. A bit every day mounts up.

Although he can make his own tea...

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 27/10/2019 00:29

I had bad anemia wen had baby and to be honest if never felt right since health wise being one thing after another with a virus , a hand injury and just feeling tired
We are gonna go on holiday we think soon I need a rest

OP posts:
MollyMorals · 27/10/2019 00:30

Hubby and me are happy with our little baby and we all love each other that's all that counts

🙄. Yeah he sounds really happy with your laziness.

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Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 27/10/2019 00:31

Dh said we can get a cleaner if needed we gonna chat about it tomorrow , takes some.of the strain off me then

OP posts:
Pandainmyporridge · 27/10/2019 00:34

Over-egging it now, hahaha

inwood · 27/10/2019 00:36

The more you say the more immature and lazy you sound tbh.

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 27/10/2019 00:37

In wood you are very mean

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/10/2019 00:37

We are gonna go on holiday we think soon I need a rest you leaving the baby at home? Otherwise it's just the same thing in a new location. Unless you're expecting him to do everything all holiday what you sleep...

SleepingStandingUp · 27/10/2019 00:38

Who poms dinner and when at the moment?

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 27/10/2019 00:39

No we not leaving baby at home a family holiday, will let me put my feet up and much needed rest

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/10/2019 00:45

Trust me, unless you're expecting your partner to run around after you, holidays with small people are rarely restorative. I guess all Inc somewhere sunny with a pool might be as you'll save on washing and cooking but otherwise it's just same work, different view 😂

mummymayhem18 · 27/10/2019 00:59

@Smilebehappy123 .. me thinks you are winding us all up 🤔. Like someone else said the more you say the worse you sound.

AllyBamma · 27/10/2019 01:00

Nah you’ve given yourself away with your follow up posts OP. Bored much? Biscuit

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 27/10/2019 01:04

No wind up some people have given helpful advise much appreciated by all

OP posts:
DishingOutDone · 27/10/2019 01:10

I still cant get over the OP not knowing what a gnat is.

SeptemberSun · 27/10/2019 01:11

Definitely a wind up, otherwise OP would be fast asleep at this hour surely according to their posts Biscuit

areyouafraidofthedark · 27/10/2019 01:30

If not a wind up but yes yes you are lazy!

AllyBamma · 27/10/2019 01:27

If it’s not a wind up (it is) then yeah you’re lazy and you’re obviously aware of it which makes it so much worse.

You’re on maternity leave, yes you should be getting up to do night feeds no matter how seldom they are and especially because they sleep so well. It would be one thing to share the load if they were up several times each night but this doesn’t seem to be the case.

If you can’t wake up then that’s a huge worry, you should be sleeping in the same room as the baby so you can hear them. Imagine if this was reversed and you were the one getting up in the morning for work and your husband on paternity leave didn’t do the night feeds. I don’t think you’d be too impressed.

Your arms and the duvet. Get a grip, pun intended. If you can look after a 7 month old all day, you can get a duvet in the cover. Or you’re doing it wrong.

Saying you’ve bought a years worth of cards is hardly an impressive addition to your resume, nor does it demonstrate how you’re pulling your weight.

You need to at least try to make dinner at least a couple of nights a week, even if it’s just chucking a frozen ready made lasagna in the oven. Again I’m sure if you were out at work all day after being up with the baby during the night and you were also expected to make dinner, words would be said.

A child can make a decent cup of tea, surely if you know how you’ve been making it previously isn’t good, you’d work out how to improve it and not just carry on making it poorly.

So there you go, since you asked.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/10/2019 08:48

Yes this sounds like it’s written by a 15 year old and I don’t believe a word of it. You go for a nap for an hour but it sometime stretches into longer, yet you’re up posting in here at 12.30am? I know the clocks have gone back but still.....as for the hurting arms while doing a duvet.....

I’m suspicious about a couple of the supportive replies (mainly at the start) too. Either that or there are some lazy people out there! The least you can do while on maternity leave (which let’s face it is a luxury for longer than the minimum 6 months these days, and subsidised by your partner) is to do the night feeds! The only time I didn’t was if I was unwell on the odd occasion.

Everything that you list in your first post, yes, you should be doing it. Except for having his meal ready for when he gets home. Many babies are very high needs. I could not put mine down for long that time of the day without them crying. Our kitchen was literally not big enough to swing a cat so nowhere to put baby to watch me really other than at my feet which would have been dangerous whilst cooking . So our agreement was that DH tidies round/cooked while I put the kids to bed and we ate together after I came down. All the other stuff I did, I think all people on maternity or paternity leave do that stuff, why would you not?

Your house doesn’t have to be a show house and there is nothing wrong with a bit of dust or piles of ironing round the place. At the weekends you can manage things like cleaning the bathroom and hoovering between you.

Cravingpies · 27/10/2019 09:30

I’m not one for competitive misery but you do a lot less than me and have a far more patient partner than I do!

CaptainTurdseye · 27/10/2019 09:43

Gnat’s piss is a pretty common expression. See also ‘Tight as a Gnat’s chuff’which is pretty much what you’re currently being with your time- not getting up in the night when you’re on mat leave, not cooking etc. And change a duvet using the burrito method, problem solved.

burritofan · 27/10/2019 09:58

will let me put my feet up and much needed rest
Rest from what? Napping, buying birthday cards and running away from the heavy duvet cover?

1/10 for wind-up effort, so yes you're lazy.

Celebelly · 27/10/2019 10:00

Sounds like you've already got your feet up! Hmm

TheNinkiestNonk · 27/10/2019 10:04

The threads on here today are Grin
Think that extra hour in bed has sent everyone crazy
Bet OP had an extra 2

30to50FeralHogs · 27/10/2019 10:12

I dont know why my arms hurts changing the bed I told my GP and he didnt have an answer for me

Could be an under active thyroid - that can make you exhausted even doing the bare minimum and can make your arms and legs ache like you’ve done a workout just from grating cheese or changing a duvet cover. Please ask your GP for full bloods to be done. If there’s nothing amiss then sorry, you are probably lazy, but it could well be the anemia still causing trouble or something else.