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Parenting

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Original poster

Finding School So Stressful and it's Only Reception! :(

97 replies

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 11:31

My only DC, my son, has just started reception this year and I'm finding it such a stress and worry to keep up with all the events and homework already!

He went to childcare and school nursery and as soon as nursery started there were loads of events and things to remember - cakes and money for cake sales, random non-uniform days where they have to wear items of clothing he doesn't have, bring in recycling to make a pirate boat, volunteer to help with swimming, parents evening, practise word phonics, etc.

I normally consider myself an organised person but I'm finding it such a challenge to "run his life" as well as my own now that school has added all these things! I went self-employed earlier in the year so I could work from home and have more flexibility but I still find it a challenge! In fact I slipped up this week and missed his harvest festival - the school only invited us the week before and I'd booked client work in so I couldn't go. He hasn't done harvest festival before and I didn't realise that it's almost as big a deal as nativity - a few other mums said they weren't going so I thought it would be ok. I told him I couldn't go and the next door neighbour took a video for me, but I later found out he'd got a bit upset and had to sit on the teacher's lap

Also, it's been a real challenge getting him to practice his phonics / reading as he gets upset about it because he thinks he's not good at it. Trying to do it little and often and reassure him that everyone learns and he's just at the right level!

I'm going to try and make up for missing the harvest festival by registering for my DBS so I can help with swimming and i've looked ahead in the school calendar and booked in any events I can see such as his nativity etc.

I feel really bad about the harvest festival and worry that other parents work full time or have multiple kids and seem to do a better job than me of staying on top of everything! Also - this is only his first year in school - it's only going to get harder!

Anyone got any words of advice / can cheer me up?

Thanks

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RopeBrick · 09/10/2019 11:37

I'm in the exact same boat. Hugs!

I just try to tell myself that feeling guilty won't change anything, so I try not to!

Original poster

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 11:41

thanks @RopeBrick - at least i'm not the only one. I feel like school puts everyone under pressure - including teachers - and I can't see why it's necessary

OP posts:

Original poster

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 11:42

I want to let go of the guilt - I apologised to DS and booked my calendar out etc. to try and make up for it. But I can't stop thinking about it! It was only yesterday

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user1498854363 · 09/10/2019 11:44

Op it does get busier, but your ds will be ok if you don’t go to everything! Help him with that. Is there a WhatsApp group to help with remembering (my ds yr 3 all of us parents routinely forget stuff, book bag, non school uniform days etc). It will lo be ok and relax with homework. Phonics and reading is fine, he will get there

Seeline · 09/10/2019 11:45

Put everything on your calendar as soon as you find out about them

Check book bag/emails/social media frequently to find out about parties, play dates, PTA events etc

Don't fuss too much about homework at this stage- they get so tired just with school

Get in the habit of packing bags, checking calendar etc the night before

Use this time to get into good habits - once extra curricular activities and parties etc get going, the stress just increases 🙂

firelightbright · 09/10/2019 11:47

Have you been sent a list of dates of events by school, if so stick it up on your fridge. I normally get a text from school if there is an up coming event. I have two at primary school and they know I can't attend every event. Could grandparents attend if your unable to?

BendingSpoons · 09/10/2019 11:52

DD just started school nursery and I have had so many emails already! Also not mich notice for things. Luckily I am on maternity leave so more flexible but will be harder when I return to work. I have now checked the calendar on the school website and added things to our calendar plus followed the school and PTA on Facebook. I'm sure there were other parents who couldn't attend, it's tough when you are working.

FAQs · 09/10/2019 11:55

Eh, say no. And make friends with the super organised mum who pity messages you reminders, but loves organising shit, worked for a treat for me.

RopeBrick · 09/10/2019 11:58

In terms of the guilt, I have chats with my DC about how great it is that mummy works, because I'm really good at things and get pleasure from it. And that I hope they will have that from their work life when they grow up. I suppose it's pitting working mothers against SAHMs, but I'm ok with that. I want my DC to value working and not feel that it's a good idea not to work.

Original poster

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 12:20

Thanks guys! @FAQs I love that I've checked the school calendar - they don't send out a list of dates and the calendar is really not great for viewing things! I'm in the WhatsApp group - that's how I knew some other mums weren't going. One of them had said it wasn't the highlight of the year which made me think it wasn't that important but I can see it was quite important now!!! In hindsight yes I would've asked my mum / MIL to go but it just didn't occur to me at the time / I was under this illusion that it wasn't such a big deal

I thought it would get easier once they go to school but the reality is that it's much harder! @Seeline thanks for the advice about not fussing about homework and just getting into new habits and routines

@RopeBrick those are exactly the sorts of chats I have with him and I talk to him about how school is about finding out what you like and what you're good at so that you can hopefully find a job you enjoy when older.

I do try to stay relaxed but sometimes I wish there was an off-switch for worry and guilt!

OP posts:

StarlingsInSummer · 09/10/2019 12:23

DS started Reception this time round and I know how you feel! This has just reminded me to put all this stuff in my work calendar. It's really hard to juggle around working - luckily his nativity is on a day I work from home and I'll only have to finish half an hour early, but I don't know how I'll manage to get to some of the other things.

I try not to feel too much guilt for working. Nearly all the teachers at DS's school are working mothers, after all! And it's good for DS to see me fulfilled by having a career.

StarlingsInSummer · 09/10/2019 12:34

We're not doing homework either. He picks a book every day at school, and we read it together at bedtime, and we talk about letter sounds, and numbers, practicing counting and sums etc. I can do pick up 3 times a week, and then we run errands, bake, go to the park, have play dates etc. At this stage in the term, I think that's enough.

Original poster

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 14:27

That sounds similar to us @StarlingsInSummer.

I've just found out there's an hour long "reading workshop" at the school next week now and I have work booked in of course. Sigh Is a reading workshop the kind of thing you really are supposed to go to?

November is looking clearer and I'll be stricter about my hours I'm working...

OP posts:

Velveteenfruitbowl · 09/10/2019 14:32

I never attend things at the school. I simply don’t have time for that. My child gets upset sometimes but they need to understand that adults have responsibilities (as well as lives of their own). No one gets to expect other people to centre their lives around them. My parents were the same. At first it was upsetting but then I understood and became quite self sufficient. It’s served me well so I’ve decided to do the same for my children.

Mrswalliams1 · 09/10/2019 14:40

Velveteenfruitbowl that's harsh.
Poor kid.

user1498854363 · 09/10/2019 15:59

Op, see if others are going and can feedback to the group. Often there are maths, reading, literacy etc workshops, but you can work it out from the handouts! Your ds will pick up on this worry so chill! As others say make friends with an organiser!

formerbabe · 09/10/2019 16:03

Im a sahm and i find it hard. There's so much going on and so much to remember. Get a wall planner or calendar and deal with stuff as soon as you get it...ie permission slips, school trip payments etc and always have cash on you because they're bound to need to take in a pound and they're bound to tell you fine minutes before the bell goes

NoSquirrels · 09/10/2019 16:07

There will be 101 things you’re ‘invited’ to by school. As a working parent you cannot attend them all - even if you freelance and are flexible. Make peace with yourself over that - it is not possible.

Does his dad experience the same level of angst? Is he booking in future events too?

What you need to do is work out what matters to you and your DS: nativity, class assembly, sports day, etc. Book those in. Then get a proxy for as many others as you can e.g. grandparents. Try to go as a school helper on something, when you can make time for it. But let go of feeling you have to do it all.

It’s hardest when they’re small, it gets easier.

FamilyOfAliens · 09/10/2019 16:11

It sounds like you just need to organise your time better. Presumably you don’t forget work commitments - could you apply the same strategies you use for work to school?

MaidenMotherCrone · 09/10/2019 16:17

I suppose it's pitting working mothers against SAHMs, but I'm ok with that. I want my DC to value working and not feel that it's a good idea not to work.

Well if we are pitting one v the other, I thought my children were worth staying home for and I'm ok with that 😉.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 09/10/2019 16:18

If you start to worry and stress about school then it may be that your child will pick up on it.
The world will not fall in if you forget materials for junk modelling, or if you miss phonics practice, or if you're not at every event.
In my opinion it's best to find that level of sustainable engagement early on - don't set yourself up for guilt and stress about things you genuinely can't do, or are impractical to maintain.
And in my opinion homework should be minimal to none at least till Y4. There's enough for them to cope with at school. We set the bar early on with teachers - at parents evenings saying we would not be nagging our children to complete any homework task we felt was non-essential. Luckily our school has a very very light touch when it comes to pointless homework.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 09/10/2019 16:19

Yes its shit,I'm on Year 1 and we've now got pick and mix weekly homework to add to everything else

Original poster

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 16:21

@FamilyOfAliens I didn't forget the Harvest Festival thank you, I didn't have enough notice to book it into my calendar and was ill informed about how big of an event it was, otherwise I'd have sent the grandparents.

OP posts:

SoyDora · 09/10/2019 16:22

I suppose it's pitting working mothers against SAHMs, but I'm ok with that. I want my DC to value working and not feel that it's a good idea not to work

Nice. I’m a SAHM and would never pit myself against a working mother, as we’re all just doing our best. Maybe I should start though.

OP it is tough. I have one in year 1, one in reception and a 9 month old baby and am always dropping the ball somewhere!

formerbabe · 09/10/2019 16:22

Velveteenfruitbowl

That's actually heartbreaking.

Fine, you don't have to attend everything...and yes, it is extremely hard to juggle all those things with working but not to attend anything and say it like it's a badge of honour

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