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Parenting

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Original poster

Finding School So Stressful and it's Only Reception! :(

97 replies

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 11:31

My only DC, my son, has just started reception this year and I'm finding it such a stress and worry to keep up with all the events and homework already!

He went to childcare and school nursery and as soon as nursery started there were loads of events and things to remember - cakes and money for cake sales, random non-uniform days where they have to wear items of clothing he doesn't have, bring in recycling to make a pirate boat, volunteer to help with swimming, parents evening, practise word phonics, etc.

I normally consider myself an organised person but I'm finding it such a challenge to "run his life" as well as my own now that school has added all these things! I went self-employed earlier in the year so I could work from home and have more flexibility but I still find it a challenge! In fact I slipped up this week and missed his harvest festival - the school only invited us the week before and I'd booked client work in so I couldn't go. He hasn't done harvest festival before and I didn't realise that it's almost as big a deal as nativity - a few other mums said they weren't going so I thought it would be ok. I told him I couldn't go and the next door neighbour took a video for me, but I later found out he'd got a bit upset and had to sit on the teacher's lap

Also, it's been a real challenge getting him to practice his phonics / reading as he gets upset about it because he thinks he's not good at it. Trying to do it little and often and reassure him that everyone learns and he's just at the right level!

I'm going to try and make up for missing the harvest festival by registering for my DBS so I can help with swimming and i've looked ahead in the school calendar and booked in any events I can see such as his nativity etc.

I feel really bad about the harvest festival and worry that other parents work full time or have multiple kids and seem to do a better job than me of staying on top of everything! Also - this is only his first year in school - it's only going to get harder!

Anyone got any words of advice / can cheer me up?

Thanks

OP posts:

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FamilyOfAliens · 09/10/2019 16:24

I didn't forget the Harvest Festival thank you

You’re welcome. I still think you need to be more organised though, and to accept that you can’t go to everything.

Original poster

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 16:24

@NoSquirrels you've hit the nail on the head re. not being able to attend everything... it's just that the school makes it feel as though you should attend everything and it's hard to know what to attend and what not to! Clearly the Harvest Festival was one to attend if I could have chosen to...

And of course his dad doesn't have as much angst - he would say don't bother going to anything! He only goes to the things I tell him to book off! Which I'm sure is a familiar story around the country

OP posts:

MaidenMotherCrone · 09/10/2019 16:27

@Velveteenfruitbowl well there are mothers and then there are Mothers.
Who would want you for their mum eh? Not me.

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Original poster

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 16:27

Thanks guys, feels good to vent! And thanks for the support / camaraderie!

OP posts:

greentartancheck · 09/10/2019 16:28

Some of us genuinely don’t get to attend anything former

Milkywayfan · 09/10/2019 16:29

It may eventually get easier as by year 5 they are less keen to have you around. Second the idea of being friendly with other parents who are more organised / around more (they have been so fantastic for me and for example will take videos if I can’t make something - tho am possibly v lucky as no one gets at all worked up between those who work a lot outside the home (me) work part time or who work solely looking after kids. One tip is remember not to feel so guilty you can’t do things because you work: parents with more than one child or other caring responsibilities can’t make everything too! Typically you worry and your kid will be fine if you make some things but can’t make everything so important to find your own balance - May take some time.

formerbabe · 09/10/2019 16:31

@greentartancheck

Yes and I'm not judging that. Did you read the whole comment I was responding to..it was really harsh

BarkandCheese · 09/10/2019 16:31

It is what it is. Sometimes you’ll be super organised and sometimes you’ll be scrambling around at 7.30am for something which can pass as a sheep costume. Some things you’ll make and some you won’t, and that’s fine, you won’t be the only parent who can’t make it. If you have willing family who live near by then you can field a grandparent or aunt/uncle in your place occasionally, I found that very useful.

lazylinguist · 09/10/2019 16:32

Dh and I are both teachers, so booking time off to go to our own dc's primary school events was just not ever an option. I was part time, so occasionally I could go, but it was pot luck.
I think sometimes parents of primary school children worry that the school and the teachers will judge them for not coming to things, but that's very unlikely, since the teachers themselves are probably unable to go to their own dc's events!
Velveteenfruitbowl put it a bit harshly, but yes, children of working parents need to understand their parents can't attend everything.

greentartancheck · 09/10/2019 16:32

Yes, I did. She never attends anything because she has to work and her children have to accept that. I think that’s fine, I honestly do.

stucknoue · 09/10/2019 16:34

This is only the start, you need to keep things in perspective, you won't make every performance, it's ok to send in packet cakes etc. You have many more years, I'm still being ordered to attend concerts and DD's at university!

Original poster

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 16:35

It's very true re. teachers not being able to go to their DC's events. I didn't know that and it puts things in perspective, so thank you

OP posts:

formerbabe · 09/10/2019 16:36

She said this...

No one gets to expect other people to centre their lives around them

Who on earth speaks about their children like this?

And actually I do centre my life around my children...and am fine with that.

Original poster

momofpickle · 09/10/2019 16:37

I think part of me worries about being judged by the other mums too I think I need to try and toughen up a bit / keep things in perspective.

@stucknoue - the being ordered to attend university events struck a chord! This is the long haul I must remember!

OP posts:

titchy · 09/10/2019 16:38

Gosh if you're not prepared to centre your children when they're little why have them? And if your post is anything to go by your parent's attitude has harmed you.

AlphaJura · 09/10/2019 16:39

What other people have said about putting things on the calendar. I also double make sure by putting reminders in my phone and alarms. But please don't think you have to do everything! I've got 3 dc all different ages, I'm a single parent to the older 2 and sometimes it's just not possible to do everything! If you have to miss something or forget, you can always email the teacher, text another parent for an update.

With regards homework, our primary school stopped giving it because they realised it's not beneficial at that age but before they did, my son used to get stressed. I just told them he's not doing it! For him, a day at school was tiring enough. They didn't punish him or moan at me for it. I just didn't see the point if he was going to get upset and i got stressed. My dd on the other hand, loved it and was very independent at getting it done. Try not to stress, or feel guilty. We can't all do everything.

Di11y · 09/10/2019 16:42

good you have grandparents back up and you'll know for next time. I have a small white board and fill in daily things to remember and one off stuff in a space at the bottom. eg book disco.

greentartancheck · 09/10/2019 16:42

I wasn’t reading it quite as harshly to be honest. It’s just a simple fact - sometimes the world can’t revolve around you

greentartancheck · 09/10/2019 16:44

But you are keeping your children centre.
For some people though centre means food and home and clothes. If the only way of getting these is money from work then that’s just what you have to do!

My parents never attended my events and I quickly understood that was just how it was.

drowningincustard · 09/10/2019 16:45

also don't try to second guess what's 'important' because its impossible to keep up - last year the mcmillan coffee morning was empty - this year it was full! so try not to stress. focus on the stuff you can go to and downplay the ones you can't go to...

Sron · 09/10/2019 16:46

There will be 101 things you’re ‘invited’ to by school. As a working parent you cannot attend them all - even if you freelance and are flexible. Make peace with yourself over that - it is not possible.

This, absolutely. Though, in fairness, it never occurred to me to try to go to everything, as it simply isn't sustainable with a FT job, although mine is also flexible within reason. Those are 'invitations', not summonses, to rephrase the Mn position on weddings. If you are not a single parent, someone else should be helping out with keeping track of school events, homework, surely? DH has probably made more harvest festivals than I have over the three and a half years DS has been at school.

Sron · 09/10/2019 16:49

Yes, I did. She never attends anything because she has to work and her children have to accept that. I think that’s fine, I honestly do.

I see no problem with it, either. My job isn't some little optional hobby-style extra. It puts a roof over DS's head and food on the table.

themuttsnutts · 09/10/2019 16:52

I would attend school play/concert, class assembly, Harvest Festival, Sports' Day, Parents' Evening

I wouldn't attend workshops and mums into school would be optional. My son didn't actually want me in school at first to see anything but changed his tune later when he saw his friends' mums in. He also didn't like dressing up at first. Now he will but can take it or leave it.

My daughter, conversely, wanted me to do everything and, even though I work more now, it was harder then because ds was only a baby/toddler

Snausage · 09/10/2019 16:53

@momofpickle my DS started Reception this year and I'm in the same boat. I work full time with a three hour commute each day and find the lack of notice for school events so draining. I get a ParentMail alert saying that there's a cake sale tomorrow, or Harvest Festival at the end of the week and it simply does not give me time to rearrange work or take annual leave.

The annoying thing is that I KNOW that the school knows when parents' evenings are scheduled for, when dress-up days are, when such-and-such is happening weeks (if not months!) in advance!

When I went to school, my mum was provided with a calendar for the whole of the term with all important events in it. It was brilliant. I don't understand why schools can't give parents more notice when they know that most parents don't have the luxury of staying at home.

themuttsnutts · 09/10/2019 16:56

Well, if it's a part time job, you must need the money or you wouldn't be doing it . My dh has always brought in the bulk but we still depend on my money. Let's not devalue part time work by naming them hobby jobs!

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