How do couples organise parenting at weekends?

[Rayner82]

Currently TTC so I know this is fairly premature but I'm interested in how other couples work out their weekend childcare routine (if / when breast feeding not an issue).

DH works extremely long hours during the week and we are both aware that majority of childcare will fall to me during the week (plus childcare with me working from home p/t), and that we will obviously both be knackered the whole time.

At weekends, how do couples manage looking after the DC? We have talked about each having a bit of time off where the other parent looks after DC by themselves, but also want time together as a family. I often see dads out with babies on a Sunday morning round my area - does this work? I'm conscious of finding a structure which helps us both feel supported and also both get that little bit of headspace. Also I know how lucky I am to have this option and a supportive DH.

Would be interested in knowing your weekend structure if you are part of a couple.

We tend to stick together as a family at the weekend, and the individual down time comes during the baby’s naps. That was one of the reasons I was very invested in getting our first on a predictable nap times. I do warn you that this all goes out the window with a second child - that was the biggest struggle for me, that we no longer were able to “trade off” on parenting duties and get a breather.

We didn’t actively plan this, we just kind of fell into the habit of doing it... Saturday morning DH gets up with DS. I go back to sleep or read a book in bed and DH brings me a cup of tea (that’s my Saturday ‘me time’) In the afternoon DH plays football (that’s his ‘me time’). Sunday’s we put DS in bed with us in the morning, have a bit of a family cuddle watching tv in bed and get up together and go out and do something as a family. Sometimes DH asks for a lie in on a Sunday but he’s generally not that fussed.

We have two so do a lot of divide and conquer.

With one DH took her out on Sunday mornings come rain or shine so I could have at least a couple of hours rest/without having to engage.

It is early to be thinking of this!

Essentially for us it just depends. DH works full time often away from home and I've been a SAHM for the last 2.5 years but starting a new FT job next month so how we deal with weekends will probably soon change!

Yesterday we both got up at the same time, went to visit DH's family then when DS napped, DH did a bit of work and I pottered about then we visited my family at tea time. Today we both got up and took DS for a walk then when it was nap time DH went to the supermarket and I did some cleaning then we all watched some tv and now DH is making tea. In the past we have taken it in turns to have a long lie each weekend morning or DH will maybe go out and do something on his own or I will.

There are no hard and fast rules although it I've spent an entire week alone with DS whilst DH has been away then I am keen to encourage them to have some time the two of them whilst I have a breather!

We take 2-3 hours turns. It s like playing tag all weekends. Babies and toddlers are too boring to spend longer with them in one go!

Mine are 2 and 4. Our routine is usually that we each get a lie in one weekend day (lie in is 8/9am). Then at some point over the weekend we’ll each get a block of time (2-3 hours) to ourselves. Some of that is purely me time. Some of it is time to work on things like housework, gardening or DIY in peace. We have no set routine except DH gets a Saturday lie in and me a Sunday lie in

I always booked a sports class of some sort (Little Kickers, Swimming etc) at 9am on a Saturday. That meant that DH would get up with the children and head out for the class. Lie in for me! When they came back, I was up and ready to do family stuff - park with friends etc.

Sunday was a reverse - I got up with the smalls, took them to 10am church and DH met us afterwards and nearly always went to my parents for lunch or out to friends.

If we had work to do, we did it when children were in bed.

This only worked because we had a lovely CLEANER!

My baby is six months and breastfed, although will take a bottle so he’s not tied to me. During the week we tend to do shifts almost in that I’ll run/exercise one end of the day for an hour and then DH will do the same the other end of the day. Obviously for him it just means he’s home later than usual but it means I don’t get bitter if we both get that time. The weekends we pretty much do the same. But maybe a bit longer. We do family stuff too, but not all day both days. This week DH watched DS for about 4 hours Saturday, then went out and then today we’ve all spent the day together.

it’s not often I organise something I can’t take the baby to, but if I do I give DH forewarning. I do find it a bit frustrating when DH announces he’s doing something for himself that will occupy a whole day rather than run it by me.

DS is 3.5. DH has a lie in Saturday morning and I do Sunday morning. All day Saturday and all of Sunday morning (post lie ins) is family time and then Sunday afternoon get spilt in two so one of us takes DS while the other rests and then we swap.

We kind of tag team a bit. Sometimes the DC don't need much input so it doesn't really matter which one of us is around. If one of us wants a nap or is feeling overwhelmed or wants to get stuff done we will ask the other to step in. You can also make it more structured if you want to.

The key in my experience is to let your partner know how you're feeling well before you need a break, don't wait until you are desperate.

Often it depends on what’s going on. We both have our own time and we both have social lives with friends.
Sometimes when things would get too much for me, dh would be practically shoving me out of the door so I could just have my own time out and about.

I think you both need to look out for each other and let each other have the time you need. Neither of you should be feeling hard done by.

we each get a lie in, but only to 8.30/9. then we'll go out as a family but often get more downtime in the afternoon. sometimes I'll get a nap, sometimes I'll take the girls to the park so dh can have some time.

now and again I'll get a full morning/afternoon off, shopping, coffee whatever. generally when I start getting snappy with the girls!

We do things as a family unless someone needs to do something else. Realistically, the week is busy, so we get very little time all together. So we don’t take anymore time away on the weekends as a standing sort of thing.

But if one of us has something to do - a night away with friends, an appointment, needs a lie in, etc then we just work around it. With a new baby it’s hard to get time to yourself as it’s very full on. As they get older, it’s easier to each carve out time you need.

We each get a lie in on the weekend (not set days though) and then usually have family time at the weekend. DS goes to sleep early (7pm) so we do have most of the evening together but the big thing for me is about not being tied to the house so I do a class one evening a week and DH is always back for that and he makes dinner that evening. He normally does dinner on a Saturday too so I can do something else with my time. He runs a couple of evenings a week and often has work things in the evening.

From soon as ds could manage a couple of hours between bf my dh would take him out Saturday morning to do the supermarket shop and have a coffee & bacon roll.
They still do this and ds is 6.
I used to lie in and catch up on sleep then I started going to park run.
Sunday morning dh gets a bike ride. Both days were all together from lunch onwards.

We have a lie in each. When the kids were babies, it was a long lie in, til at least 11am. Now they are a little older it's between 9 and 10am. The other parent does whatever on their morning up - park, haircuts, swimming etc. All home for lunch then a trip out together after it, or pack a lunch and spend the rest of the day out.

My advice is to wait and see.

You have no idea what your baby will be like - they might be a 'sleeper' they might not.... they might be a 'screamer', they might not........ you might get PND, you might not..... one of you (or the other, or both of you) might find you just adjust quickly to disturbed nights and it doesn't prevent you functioning pretty much as normal, OTOH you might find you are completely knocked sideways by it and your dh isn't, or the other way round....... some parents are overwhelmed and give up other things they do for themselves, but others find it incerdibly important to 'ring fence' that bit of 'me time', however small it becomes.

Babies are unpredictable. Don't try to over plan. Just try to be kind to each other.

We each have 1 lie in on a weekend.

When my dd was breastfeeding, she was in a 4 hourly schedule during the day so easy for dp to take her out without me.

We do stuff as a family but also gym etc apart

My DH isn’t around in the week, so on weekend mornings he likes to get up early and go and do something with DS, just the two of them. I usually meet them mid-morning and we have lunch and do something together, then either we spend the afternoon together or I take DS to do something by ourselves and DH gets some time to himself. Late afternoon we switch back over and DH takes DS to the park whilst I cook dinner, then I do bathtime and bedtime, as that’s what DS is used to in the week when DH isn’t here.

Breast feeding only became not an issue for me when my little one turned one and stopped wanting milk. Before that I couldn’t really leave him at all as the feeds were so constant! Usually hourly. He refused a bottle. So it’s hard to predict.

Now that he’s three we take it in turns to take time alone for things like haircuts or shopping. But most of the weekend is spent doing things together, days out or just playing together at the park. It’s much easier when there’s two of us!

Is this an actual thing? DS is 17 months and still BF occasionally, BF to sleep and is a bad sleeper.... So no rest for me! I have to be quite ill, at work or beg OH for some 'me time'.... Which he says I get at night.... Hmmm. When DS wakes up every 2-4hours and I'm desperately tired, does that even count as me time? OH gets every evening to himself for as long as he wants from around 7pm.
Other than that we pretty much do share the childcare at weekends/evenings, but I do struggle often and feel unreasonable asking for 'alone time'

We just wing it. I go to football some weekends - DH is very vocal about how I also deserve some time away from looking after the DC and housework. He likes to go to the cinema on his own and prefers to in the evening so pops out when they've gone to bed. If something crops up like a very rare appointment or haircut etc, then we just work it out, otherwise we're mainly together with them.

When they were very small we split Saturdays...he had morning off till 1 to play golf and I had the afternoon off to go out and do my own thing

When I was on maternity leave, DH would get up with DS on both Saturday and Sunday.

When I went back to work we alternated. DS is 3.5 and now often just asks for us to put a film on and he can relax in his bedroom, we will go back to bed and go downstairs.

I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and have been poorly this week so yesterday DH had DS all day to give me some time to recover and it was awesome.

We really did just share the load when DS was young, took everything in turns and communicated if we felt we needed a break. We'd often send the other upstairs for a nap if we could see the other was flagging.

When I was on mat leave, my DH had DS for a few hours in the morning on either Saturday or Sunday. He took over the bulk of parenting evenings and weekends. He also did the night feeds at weekends. Now I'm back at work, it's 50:50. I take DS out every other Saturday morning and I go out myself every other Saturday morning. We both work full time so everything is 50:50 now