souvenir, you sound like a really lovely mum. I have a DD, but shes only 10 months, but Im watching this thread with interest, because I know this is going to be me a few years down the line.
My DD is a VERY intense baby. I think she is basically hyper-sensitive, and I know this trait is not going to go away. I think these kids are very creative and intelligent because of their sensitivity, but they obviously get angry more quickly because they get so overwhelmed by their emotions.
I feel the same as you in that I know Im hyper-sensitive, anxious (not sure about intelligent...) and IVe passed these traits (possibly genetically) to DD.
It stood out to me in one of your posts that your mum didnt like you. NOw, I STRONGLY believe that if a mother doesnT like her daughter it is 100% the mothers problems and issues that are being projected onto the poor child. That is not to say the child isnt naughty or bad sometimes, but that I think (daughters and firstborns especially-God help those of us who are both!) receive the brunt of their mothers neuroses and childhood issues. The mother sees herself in her daughter, and if she doesnT like herself then this inevitably gets projected onto her daughter.
I have a horrific relationship with my mother, and I donT see her at all, and of course Im terrified of repeating any of the patterns with my DD.
But WE wonT, and youre doing okay because youre asking these questions. That makes you a damn good parent by all accounts. As long as you keep searching, and looking for answers. That doesnt mean we have to doubt ourselves all the time, I mean, if we know something is off limits or against our ethics, then we wont condone it. But it means that we have the ability to say "sorry, I made a mistake that time" to our daughters, and to accept them unconditionally. Oh, this is so much rambling, Im sorry, but basically I think youre doing fine. I loveLetting Go as Children Grow`.