No time to read this whole thread but I gather some harsh opinions have been expressed. Just wanted to say that when ds1 was 8, we had planned to take him and best friend to the cinema (with ds2 and his friend who is ds1's friend's brother - following so far?!). Shortly before the birthday however, the four boys played with a cigarette lighter in my sons' bedroom and singed the carpet quite badly so we decided to cancel the planned trip to the cinema. In all conscience, it wasn't so much my boys I wanted to punish as the lighter, paper, idea, etc had not come from them (this was freely admitted by the other boys) but I couldn't bring myself to treat my sons' friends. The birthday itself wasn't cancelled -ds1 still got presents and cake etc and we went out as a family for the day, but the treat they had looked forward to never happened. I don't feel I was cruel doing that. I think a child deserves to celebrate their birthday no matter what they have done, but special treats should be cancelled if their behaviour has been bad enough to warrant it.