Toddler running away

[kmammamalto]

Okay, I've seen so much good advice on here that I'm looking for some myself! The title might be a bit misleading so I'll try and explain one incident that happened last night as it's a good example. DS is 2 and 10 months (three in September) and has always been a bit of a dream honestly. I think we've been able to coast, as although he's hard work in the usual 'on the go' toddler way, we have escaped any really big tantrums and stuff so far!
So now he thinks it's great craic to run away. Only it's not all the time and totally unpredictable and it's making me worry as he will run into roads when he's usually very careful. It's like a switch!

Last night we were out for dinner, he was fine, really good. There was a pond outside in the courtyard and when we were leaving we went to say goodbye to the fish in it, he picked up a cigarette butt off the side of it and I told him it was dirty and to put it down and he grinned and bolted. Back inside, through the tables, through the bar and out the door, paused at road saw me coming laughed and ran across the road to put the butt in the bin. 😨 he didn't look he just ran but his pause let me.shout and look for cars. I was a minute behind as the bar was busy and hard to navigate after him and I'm 28 weeks pregnant so getting slower!
Wise mumsnetters, sorry it's so long but I want to give a full picture. It's so random and I can trust him 90% of the time but I need strategies as I was in bits last night and it was upsetting for us both as I dragged him out of the road 😐
I'm worried that I will have to abandon the baby when she's here to leg after him if we don't crack it.
Hit me with all of your advice and (constructive) criticism!!
Thank you

He needs to be on reins if he is a flight risk around roads.

Reins....

Another vote for reins, ones that do up round the back.

I think reins tbh at least for a period of time and particularly if you are on your own heavily pregnant or with the new baby

Normal behaviour for his age.
This is exactly why reins exist.
He will outgrow it, but I would get him used to them now, before you get bigger and definitely before you have a newborn.

Old fashioned reins. Hung up with ds's coat, he knew it was coat then reins or we didn't go out. Actually preferred them than him holding hands.

Reins!

If you really don’t like the idea of them, use the backpack styled ones

The example you gave sounds like he would have been safe except the door to the road was unexpectedly left open?

He "grinned" and then bolted - Now you know it's a "game" he likes to play, you can get really good at reading the tell tale signs he's about to do it! And grab him before he does.

That plus reins wherever possible and hopefully the game loses its appeal soon!

Reins...I've only just stopped using them and my little one is 3.5!

Reins and doing a scan of possible flight routes in cafes etc when you come in, you can position yourself with a view of doors or something blocking exit etc.

They work out when you're pregnant/have a newborn that they can pull stunts more easily and get attention that way so it might go on a while!

Reins for sure!

Wow I didn't expect such quick replies! Thank you all so much. It looks like reins it is 😂
I got him a back pack one ages ago but he just never ran so we let it slide. I will get some to attach to buggy as well I think when baby is here and make them a must!
My husband has been saying to get a lead so I'll pass on that he is in fact correct!
Ant recommendations for good reins also welcome. I got the last ones in Aldi but gave them to charity not ling ago.

We used the backpack style ones - brilliant invention.

Was also going to say reins but I can see enough pp's have done that lol.

We have cuggl reins. They're cheap as chips and came highly rated and have been great for us.

We also have a backpack reign but dd is a bit little for it atm.

We've got the LittleLife harness ones www.littlelife.com/products/safe-and-seen/crocodile-harness

Reins? Seriously? The child is not a dog, for fuck's sake!

Your child needs to learn that he's not allowed to run away and that it's unacceptable to do it. I'd use logical consequences for that - if he runs off, he'll have to hold you hand for the rest of the time. Or, if you use a buggy, he has to sit in it.
Close to places where it's dangerous if he bolts, he has to stay close to you or hold your hand, as long as he can't be trusted.

The child is not a dog That's all very well SmartPlay, but in the meantime, while he learns, he has to be kept safe from harm. Toddlers can move like lighning and the OP is preggo and can't hare after him. Wearing reins could stop him being killed.

Why on earth are reigns synonymous with dogs ffs?!

Reins were made to keep children safe and you’re a fool if you don’t use the tools available to you

My DS used to love his backpack reins, he'd carry a little car and a snack in it, best thing ever!

No matter what species of mammal, the ones too young to think logically or use reason or risk assessments or common sense get to use the safety equipment for their species. Some people have lives to get on with that don’t revolve around trying to reason to reason with an infant. ‘No darling you must hold mummy’s hand darling, see the road darling, that’s where the big bad cars go zoom and they can give you ouchies if you don’t hold mummy’s hand it’s very important to not let go of mummy’s hand darling do you see why?’ When, instead, you can use safety equipment to save the kids life, and others. Can’t believe people would rather have a kids life (and others) be at risk for the sake of the aesthetics of reins. Get a grip.

Ds was fairly compliant when out and knew he had to hold onto hands or trolley when out unless told otherwise, he understood when I said it was dangerous not to hold on. If he was a bolter he would have been in reins.

There is always someone who has had a very compliant, calm child, and trots out the dog/lead line.
I always mention MrsPresley, a poster on here whose child was killed because her DH was distracted for a couple of seconds and hadn't put the reins on him.
Toddlers are too young to learn road safety reliably.
My friend ran over a toddler who bolted into the road from between parked cars. She has never got over it, even though she was completely absolved of any blame.
Why take the risk?

Ignore that poster's silly dog comment and use the backpack reins.

Relying on that poster's idea of 'logical consequences' of running off isn't very logical! The logical consequence of a toddler running into the road is that they get run over by a car!!! I'd rather the reins.

Reigns are not synonymous with dogs - a child on a leash is. It is demeaning and it doesn't teach the child anything apart from "I can run whereever I want, until I'm physically pulled back." A child is not safe on a leash, a child is safe when it understands how to behave and until that time a responsible person looks out for it. The opposite is being done when putting a child on a leash - the physical barrier makes parents communicate less with their child about traffic and the expected behaviour, watch the child less and are less concerned about other safety measures like where on the pavement the child is walking.

@endofthelinefinally "I always mention MrsPresley, a poster on here whose child was killed because her DH was distracted for a couple of seconds and hadn't put the reins on him."
This is horrific! But you are wrong if you think it is a reason for reigns. On the contrary - it just aids the point I've been making above. Both the child and the parents were obviously used to the child being on a leash, which means the child didn't properly learn how to behave AND the parents were used to not always keeping an eye on their child - he was on the leash anyway, so nothing could happen.
So as soon as the leash fails or it isn't put on, it gets very dangerous. I'm not surprised that the Dad didn't look at his child the whole time - human beings are creatures of habit and due to the leash it probably wasn't his habit to constantly have an eye on his child, since it wasn't necessary.

"There is always someone who has had a very compliant, calm child, and trots out the dog/lead line."

My daughter really was like that, my son (now almost 2) however isn't.