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Toddler running away

90 replies

kmammamalto · 22/07/2019 08:00

Okay, I've seen so much good advice on here that I'm looking for some myself! The title might be a bit misleading so I'll try and explain one incident that happened last night as it's a good example. DS is 2 and 10 months (three in September) and has always been a bit of a dream honestly. I think we've been able to coast, as although he's hard work in the usual 'on the go' toddler way, we have escaped any really big tantrums and stuff so far!
So now he thinks it's great craic to run away. Only it's not all the time and totally unpredictable and it's making me worry as he will run into roads when he's usually very careful. It's like a switch!

Last night we were out for dinner, he was fine, really good. There was a pond outside in the courtyard and when we were leaving we went to say goodbye to the fish in it, he picked up a cigarette butt off the side of it and I told him it was dirty and to put it down and he grinned and bolted. Back inside, through the tables, through the bar and out the door, paused at road saw me coming laughed and ran across the road to put the butt in the bin. 😨 he didn't look he just ran but his pause let me.shout and look for cars. I was a minute behind as the bar was busy and hard to navigate after him and I'm 28 weeks pregnant so getting slower!
Wise mumsnetters, sorry it's so long but I want to give a full picture. It's so random and I can trust him 90% of the time but I need strategies as I was in bits last night and it was upsetting for us both as I dragged him out of the road 😐
I'm worried that I will have to abandon the baby when she's here to leg after him if we don't crack it.
Hit me with all of your advice and (constructive) criticism!!
Thank you CakeBrew

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
kmammamalto · 23/07/2019 07:07

@smartplay
You've taken what was a lovely thread of support and advice and made it an argument. I actually was agreeing with some things you said in principle, and for what it's worth, I ABSOLUTELY have taken him home when he has dashed, spoken to him before we went out etc. And yes it had an effect.
BUT I'm now large, pregnant, knackered and looking at having a buggy with us again for the first time in months. A buggy with a tiny baby in it! And so I need a fool proof strategy as hauling him back to the car will be a lot more difficult and I'm not buying a double buggy. I'm going to use a rein for a while and hope to god I never have to experience some of the things mentioned on this thread with toddlers and roads.

Also stop talking about the rest of Europe when you've only VISITED!!! And as if your the Oracle perfect parent when you've got one kid. You sound argumentative, pretentious and just not very nice. I really hope you find another thread to argue on and make people feel small for their less superior parenting choices.

The rest of you THANK YOU!!! Loving the one whose child loves reins and wears them at home 😂 I can only hope! Wish me luck!

OP posts:
TheFatberg · 23/07/2019 07:15

Clearly reins are an acceptable short term solution for many parents and children. You don't see 8 year olds without additional needs still using reins because children learn road safety as they get older

Can't imagine why anyone would have an issue, and blaming reins on the death of a child (as in saying the parents weren't attentive enough because they were reliant on reins) like the inappropriately named SmartPlay said, is absolutely disgusting and ignorant.

Constance1234 · 23/07/2019 08:46

@SmartPlay my son spend a total of about 40 mins per week in his ‘leash’ when we are on busy roads or travelling on the tube in rush hour. The majority of the time he doesn’t wear them. You seem too pig headed and unable to comprehend that other posters on this thread are doing the best for their children in certain circumstances. You don’t like reins, we all get it. By the way I’ve lived in a few different countries and I have seen reins being used all over the world. So you are making a bit of a fool of yourself by claiming they are only used in the UK. Anyway I hope you have a good day and find another thread(s) to show off your perfect parenting skills. The world needs more people like you to show up the inadequacies of everyone else.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

SmartPlay · 23/07/2019 11:56

@00100001 "You're coming across as though you feel you are 'better' than those who choose to use reins. [...] So stop trying to make other parents feel bad because they don't do exactly what you might."

If other parents feel bad, because some stranger thinks what they are doing is shit, then that's a clear sign that they aren't convinced what they are doing is the best thing. If you are certain that what you are doing is right, then it doesn't bother you what other people think about it.
You also wouldn't say to the rest of the posters "Stop saying that reigns save lifes, you are making people, who don't use them, feel like bad parents", would you?

So if someone feels like a bad parent because of comments other people make, then you should question why that is and reevaluate.

@00100001 ^"And to suggest that they are only used in the UK is nonsensical.

They're used all over the world... "^

@Constance1234 "By the way I’ve lived in a few different countries and I have seen reins being used all over the world."

Really? Where exactly have you seen these things being common?
Btw: I never talked about the whole world, I talked about wealthy European countries.

@kmammamalto "You've taken what was a lovely thread of support and advice and made it an argument."

Lovely thread? You posted a problem, got a lot of short advices with the content "reign" and except for one person asking you how you reacted after you caught your son, that was it.
What's wrong with a discussion? This is a serious question, actually. Most people here seem to have a huge problem with discussing a topin with someone whos opinion differs from theirs. Many even got insulting. Ironically it is me who's being accused of not accepting other opinions.

"Also stop talking about the rest of Europe when you've only VISITED!"
Why is a statement about places I've only visited not relevant? The use of child-leashes is not something for which you need a deeper understanding- either they are being used, or they are not. This is a thing you can very easily see in public places. And in the places I've been to in mainland Europe they are not being used. I might have seen them 5-10 times (rather 5), that's it.

@TheFatberg "Can't imagine why anyone would have an issue, and blaming reins on the death of a child (as in saying the parents weren't attentive enough because they were reliant on reins) like the inappropriately named SmartPlay said, is absolutely disgusting and ignorant."

First of all, I did not blame it on the reigns, I suggested the very likely possibilty of lack of attention due to the parents being used to reigns. And secondly, the poster I answered basically blamed the death on the child not wearing it's leash - that's less disgusting and ignorant? If so, why?
Btw, just to be clear: I didn't find the other user's believe of the death being caused by the lack of reigns disgusting, it's just a different view on cause and effect.

@Constance1234 "You seem too pig headed and unable to comprehend that other posters on this thread are doing the best for their children in certain circumstances."

You are wrong, I do understand that perfectly. I just don't agree that it's the best and stated this using arguments and answered other people's questions about my view on it. I even answered the questions seriously, even though many were pretty snide. And contrary to many other posters who were talking to me, I did this without using abusive language like "pig headed".

Aworldofmyown · 23/07/2019 12:07

I love a good Mumsnet 'Reins' thread! It's up there with piercing children's ears and tattoos!!!!😂

Two out of three of my children were scary flight risks. I'm only just beginning to trust my four year old a little!!!
You just need to have the 'he could do anything at any moment, worst case scenario' mindset, it's exhausting so I feel for you. We didn't use Reins for the youngest but only because it didn't work for us.
We had to adopt a very strict hand holding constantly and in parks public places I had to follow him closely - he was also like the bloody flash so once he was a few steps away there was no catching him 😩

00100001 · 23/07/2019 12:54

Oh yes, you got me @SmartPlay.... I'm insecure about my decisions....

Nobody FEELS BAD because you, a stranger, are questioning their decisions, they are saying that you are coming across as someone who feels they are a morally superior holier-than-though person who makes what you deem better choices... and you are trying to make them feel bad about doing things differently to you.

It's the same as making someone feel bad about formula feeding over breastfeeding. And spouting out bullshit like "Well, maybe if you tried harder.... or breast is best.... I'd do whatever I could to BF my child" etc
Parents on this site need support and help. Not twats wandering into threads and judging them and others fora slightly different decision

TheFatberg · 23/07/2019 13:03

It's reins by the way.

SmartPlay · 23/07/2019 13:34

@00100001 I still maintain my previous comment: If you read my comments that way and are bothered by it, then you are not sure about your decision. And again: I am not the person insulting others in this thread. I wrote a few sarcastic answers, the rest was serious answers to questions. So why do you thing I am the person here trying to make others feel bad, when in fact I am the one being called names and stupid etc. by several users?

@TheFatberg "It's reins by the way."
Thank you!

TigerQuoll · 23/07/2019 13:37

I know why Smart Play is so confused. She is thinking people are putting the period of time that a king or queen rules for on their child, rather than safety devices.

Confusedandworried321 · 23/07/2019 13:50

Absolutely use reigns and don't let anyone tell you they're "cruel" etc. My DS wasn't a bolted but was unpredictable enough for me not to be able to trust him on our daily walk to nursery along a busy road, at about the same age as your DS. I was also 30 odd weeks pregnant! I hated using them as he was the only child at nursery who seemed to need them but he refused to hold my hand at that age.

I haven't had to use them since he turned 3, he's reliable enough at holding hands now.

kmammamalto · 23/07/2019 15:24

Omg child leashes 🤣🤣🤣 anyway ignoring the argumentative elephant in the room, that is spot on @confused. Good to know someone in the same position used them and then found them easy to give up again.
I brought reins we had from ages ago with us to the beach today, he didn't want them on so was told it was that or holding hands and staying with me. I attached the reins to my back pack where he could see them at all times 😁 a visible threat 😂😂

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 23/07/2019 15:30

@kmammamalto

Do get reins

Don’t get a wrist strap; they can drag your kid’s wrist and risk dislocation.

Reins much better for “hauling”.

I was EXACTLY where you are two years ago, and DD did go in front of a car... three times... and struck once. I thank god it was at 10mph on the corner of a quiet residential car park.

Only in time did she mature and grow out of this testing behaviour. I cannot tell you what clicked but she’s “got” that you hold mummy’s hand and you NEVER bolt across the last 4 months.

For now, reins, reins, reins. I’ve never had a judgey look or comment and IDGAF as I never ever want to see any of my children touching the bumper of a car that’s just emergency stopped again.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 23/07/2019 15:32

“Look darling, it’s your Robot Vest!”

www.littlelife.com/products/safe-and-seen/toddler-reins

PutOnYourDamnSocks · 23/07/2019 17:10

Definitely full reins much better for safety and saving falls. Both my children loved them. They had much more freedom and autonomy with reins.

Ash786yas · 24/07/2019 06:44

Hi, I completely understand what you are going through. My nearly 2 and a half year old is very similar. Has done exactly the same thing. In fact, once I put him to bed and I went downstairs to the kitchen. ( my kitchen is out of the way so when your in the passage you cant tell someone is in the kitchen cooking unless you go into the kitchen and check). My son woke up and must have thought I was at work so he got a stool, opened the door and started running towards his aunties house 2 roads away. Neighbours found him and called police. They bought him back. I was baffled. Had to deal with police for a few days.
Now I lock the door and hide the key away. When we go out we use one of those toddler strings. It's crazy. But yeah, it's working.
I would say be very careful. Get one of those toddler safety strings that you tie to your wrist and your childs chest. I was never keen on them, never had to use them for my three older than him.
Good luck

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