Toddler running away

[kmammamalto]

Okay, I've seen so much good advice on here that I'm looking for some myself! The title might be a bit misleading so I'll try and explain one incident that happened last night as it's a good example. DS is 2 and 10 months (three in September) and has always been a bit of a dream honestly. I think we've been able to coast, as although he's hard work in the usual 'on the go' toddler way, we have escaped any really big tantrums and stuff so far!
So now he thinks it's great craic to run away. Only it's not all the time and totally unpredictable and it's making me worry as he will run into roads when he's usually very careful. It's like a switch!

Last night we were out for dinner, he was fine, really good. There was a pond outside in the courtyard and when we were leaving we went to say goodbye to the fish in it, he picked up a cigarette butt off the side of it and I told him it was dirty and to put it down and he grinned and bolted. Back inside, through the tables, through the bar and out the door, paused at road saw me coming laughed and ran across the road to put the butt in the bin. 😨 he didn't look he just ran but his pause let me.shout and look for cars. I was a minute behind as the bar was busy and hard to navigate after him and I'm 28 weeks pregnant so getting slower!
Wise mumsnetters, sorry it's so long but I want to give a full picture. It's so random and I can trust him 90% of the time but I need strategies as I was in bits last night and it was upsetting for us both as I dragged him out of the road 😐
I'm worried that I will have to abandon the baby when she's here to leg after him if we don't crack it.
Hit me with all of your advice and (constructive) criticism!!
Thank you

SmartPlay, why don't you just start some sort of national anti-reins campaign instead of rambling on and on about your personal view point. Lots of posters use reins and you don't like them, we get it. Yawn.

@00100001 "My auntie had 18 month old twins and a 3 yo"
This is actually the only sort of situation for which I understand using reigns - if you have more small children who are walking themselves than free hands.

@Nuttyaboutnutella "How do you propose I deal with the potential of my son running onto a busy road?"
Well, 00100001 quoting me beneath your post was obviously made to ridicule, but it actually really is that simple. My child would not have the chance to run onto a busy road, because next to a busy road my toddler has to hold my hand (or sit in a buggy). Additionally next to busy roads he only walks on the side of the pavement away from the road, meaning next to the houses, so I am between him and the road. So even if he would be able to unexpectedly slip his hand from mine and run towards the street, I'd still have enough time to grab him - without letting go of a potential pram - because he's have to run around me to get to the street.

You're far too invested and you've hijacked the OP's thread.

@MmmBlowholes You can use whatever you want. I think in a public forum like this I should be able to state my opinion on a topic. If you don't like reading it, simply don't read it, noone forces you to.

You can state whatever you want, and you did, about 30 posts ago (and then on the subsequent 25)

"You can state whatever you want, and you did, about 30 posts ago (and then on the subsequent 25)"

I've answered other peoples' posts directed to me. That's called a discussion.
What exactly is your problem here? Again: If you're not interested, simply don't read it!

SmartPlay, why don't you just start some sort of national anti-reins campaign instead of rambling on and on about your personal view point. Lots of posters use reins and you don't like them, we get it. Yawn.

😂😂😂😂 love it

So what if they don't want to hold hands? You're walking along a busy road and your toddler is refusing to hold your hand. You've explained and reasoned but they are 2 and they don't particularly give a shit. Right now they don't want 'human contact'. What now? With reins I used to keep the rein bit 'slack' so they had a feeling of freedom but obviously any quick dart into a busy road was prevented.

@SmartPlay Thank you for your patronising explanation of how to parent. You really have a lot to teach the rest of us. Teaching consequences? Wow no one has ever thought of that before, you must write a book, you’ll make millions. As for contradicting myself, you do know that the world isn’t black and white right? Different scenarios within the same discussion can occur. Anyway you clearly just want everyone to agree with you and your amazing parenting skills, so I bow down to you 🙄

"Required to obey" 😂

Reins are great, both my dc's used them. And they can carry their own drink and snacks in the backpacks. and I always wanted a dog.

@smartPlay, but the Poster in question has a 2.5 year old and an 8 week old in a pram, so your approach of holding hands is not feasible when trying to manoeuvre a pram and keep a toddler in check who may bolt.

Lucky you for having only one child, (and apparently a non-bolter at that) - and lucky for you that you have never experienced the sheer terror of your well behaved child almost being knocked over by a car.

...and if reins are OK when you have more children than hands, why are they suddenly not OK if you have only 1 child?

@00100001 I do have only 1 small child, that's true, but like I said, he's not a non-bolter, he simply learns to behave - like millions of other children. I am also used to push a pram and have my toddler walking, because I often push an empty pram (at least with no child in it). And I'll probably have a baby very soon and will still not use a leash on my toddler.

The comments here sound like it's improbable to keep a toddler safe without a leash, yet in the rest of Europe (at least the parts I've visitied) leashes for children are not a thing and toddlers don't get injured or killed everywhere.

so why is it OK to use reins if kids out number hands?

Either reins are acceptable or they're not...

and to imply that fewer children get run over/injured in other countries is ridiculous...unless you have statistics to back that statement up?

so presumably your child has only ever bolted once...? Never once bolted again???

@SmartPlay because you've spoken to every parent in Europe and have looked at every documented case of children getting run over? No. You haven't. So don't make assumptions.

I’ve just been reading this whole thread and can see how invested you seem to be in parenting that involves a lot of communication and reiteration and dialogue with children in order to help them understand certain dangers and it’s commendable that you’re so able and committed to giving that time to your kids. I really hope it makes them the best adults they can be. But it seems to me that you’re getting a lot of slack off some parents here due to your original response about the whole reign idea being akin to teaching dogs to heel. Sometimes our strong feelings about certain issues can prevent us from seeing a different aspect or different circumstances... there can be thousands of parents who will need to use certain parenting aides and thousands who don’t. And it depends a lot on the individual needs of both parent and child. But it doesn’t make any parent less committed to wanting to do what’s best for their children. Perhaps you’ve come across parents who seem to use reigns as a way of just getting the job done but we shouldn’t assume that what we see is exactly what it is. I’ve used the back pack reigns with my son and STILL held his hand. It’s an added safety measure that’s all.

The comments here sound like it's improbable to keep a toddler safe without a leash, yet in the rest of Europe (at least the parts I've visitied) leashes for children are not a thing and toddlers don't get injured or killed everywhere.

Oh @SmartPlay do you really think we have our children on a 'leash' 24/7?! I think you are being deliberately goady now, I hope you are enjoying yourself!

@SmartPlay

Go and play in the traffic, you arrogant fool.

Sometimes, the consequence of running away is death.

I don’t even like dogs, but when I walk my friends dog as a favour, I put him on a lead to keep him safe. I do actually like the children I look after (childminder) and part of my job is to keep them safe, so they get to wear reins when we are out walking until I can trust that they won’t go in to the road.

One of the parents didn’t like reins, but has now come round to my way of thinking after their child bolted in to the road just after they had collected him. The car stopped in time, but it scared them enough to get some reins. A little hand can so easily slip out of yours, it’s just not worth the anguish if that were to happen at the wrong time.

Dd wears reins with my parents as they worry their reflexes are less sharp than mine. She loves the reins so much she wears them round the house

Oh right smartplay, well if you've got ONE child then you are definitely an authoritative voice on this . What do i know with my 3 kids, dozen nieces and nephews, many years of childminding and working in playgroups and childcare qualifications. I bow to your superior knowledge...

@Marvinmarvinson "So what if they don't want to hold hands?"

In that case, I'll simply have to let my child run onto the street and get itself killed. Just as you have to do if your child doesn't want to use the leash.

@Constance1234 "As for contradicting myself, you do know that the world isn’t black and white right?"

Actually in this case it is black and white. Either you do exactly the same with a leash as you'd do without (and only use the leash as an extra added safety measure), or you don't. If you use the leash to allow your child to roam about more, you certainly do not do the same as without the leash.
Teaching road safety to a small child also includes not always being able to roam about, because it's simply not safe.

@00100001 ^"so why is it OK to use reins if kids out number hands?

Either reins are acceptable or they're not..."^

Oh please, seriously? Because the circumstances are different! I also think infants should be fed on demand and I don't think it's okay if they are left crying. However, I do find it okay if you are breastfeeding triplets and they are hungry at the same time. So inconsistent, I know.

"so presumably your child has only ever bolted once...? Never once bolted again???"

I've already written about that. Read it, if you're interested.

"and to imply that fewer children get run over/injured in other countries is ridiculous...unless you have statistics to back that statement up?"

I didn't imply that fewer children get run over, I implied that not more children get run over, which should be the case, if leashes prevent accidents.
I was trying to find statistics, but I had trouble finding numbers for only younger children in the UK (did find them for other countries though). I only found pedestrian deaths from 0-14 (or sometimes older) - better age splits up only with all traffic accidents. So if you have better numbers, please link them an I'll provide the statistics for some other countries.
Ages 0-14 there seem to be more pedestrian children dying in the UK then in many other wealthy European countries. ec.europa.eu/transport/road_safety/sites/roadsafety/files/pdf/statistics/dacota/bfs20xx_pedestrians.pdf Tables 3 (page 5) and 4 (page 8)

@Mrsmummy90 " because you've spoken to every parent in Europe and have looked at every documented case of children getting run over?"

Sure, because I have to talk to every single parent in Europe in order to realise that child-leashes only are a thing in the UK.

@1larchway Nice to see someone who actually seems to be interested in a proper discussion and an exchange of ideas!

"Perhaps you’ve come across parents who seem to use reigns as a way of just getting the job done but we shouldn’t assume that what we see is exactly what it is."
Well, in the UK I do indeed see them everywhere and obviously I make assumptions. I've seen many children on leashes in places where there certainly isn't a busy street near - next to small and quiet streets with hardly a car passing and even very often in places where there are no cars at all, like museums, supermarkets and (almost empty) pedestrian zones.

@Marvinmarvinson "Oh right smartplay, well if you've got ONE child then you are definitely an authoritative voice on this grin. What do i know with my 3 kids, dozen nieces and nephews, many years of childminding and working in playgroups and childcare qualifications. I bow to your superior knowledge..."

I said I have one small child. But sure, you are the only person with several children and with childcare experience. Everyone who manages without a leash - which is basically everyone outside the UK - only has one child and has no experience with other children whatsoever.
But yes, if you think that you need "superior knowledge" in order to keep your child safe without having it on a leash, you really should bow. Or even better: Educate yourself, then you might get just as superior ;)

@smartplay

The problem people are having with you is that you seem to be implying that a) you're a better parent than others b) you are able to keep your child safe unlike others who have to resort to a "leash".

People do what works for them. The child is at no harm in reins. The child in the parents mind is safer in reins.

You're coming across as though you feel you are 'better' than those who choose to use reins.

A bit like how some parents feel they're "better" than others because they breastfeed, or use reusable nappies... And a parent that formula feeds, uses disposable nappies is somehow failing their child...

You do what works for you and leave others be. Many many people have suggested reins in order for OP to keep her child safe. And it is an option, a valid option. So stop trying to make other parents feel bad because they don't do exactly what you might.

And to suggest that they are only used in the UK is nonsensical.

They're used all over the world...