Fucking toddlers

[ParrotsForLife]

I’m at the end of my tether. DS has just turned two and is in full Toddler Dictator mode at the minute.
I know it’s normal, I’m a rational, usually calm adult, but, fuck me, it’s hard work.
Every suggestion, choice, direct telling is met with No.
Hes launched cups and bowls full of food and drink, unprompted, mid meal, across my —fucking— rented house.
We have 1-2-1 play times, we read books, get out for the day and go to the park etc, he plays by himself for short periods, he’s just a normal toddler and I’m just a normal mum and it’s fucking hard work.
I am rapidly reading ‘how to talk to little kids’ when he’s asleep.

I’m very sympathetic but your thread title is horrible.

I hear ya! My 3 year old seems to be having the terrible twos a bit late, I cannot get him to do a single thing without a battle and it's driving my crazy

Sorry for swearing eh @PantTwizzler

I’m sorry for trying so bloody hard and feeling like I’m failing him, failing me, our family.

Thread title looks fine to me😅

This is part of the job. I also think it’s ok to sharply reprimand very bad behaviour like throwing bowls at people. Remove toddler from the table with a sharp ah ah. They won’t like it but it’s all about communicating clearly now what ok and what’s not. Kids are happier when they know what’s right and wrong and what’s expected of them but you have to actually teach it first! Hang in there, there will be beautiful moments peppered throughout most days. Look after yourself as much as possible so that you are in best form to cope with toddler behaviour. It’s normal to lose your shit regularly with small kids but important to figure out how to control that temper. It’s a new thing having your buttons pushed constantly with no break. Takes some adjusting to!

OP you’re not failing anyone. You’re there, keeping your child safe and fed and comforted. That’s a major success. Lots of kids don’t get the basics let alone that. You’re just in shock at how out of control you feel. But toddlers are ‘in training’. That’s what the job is right now. Expect to spend a lot of your day training them rather than ‘living your best life’ as social media indicates you do with your children.

There’s a lot of hard graft behind every happy, healthy child.

You're not failing him! My 2 year old greets all guests by waving, saying "Bye!" And then trying to push them back out of the door he doesn't push hard and he only pushes grandparents really as he won't go that close to anyone else that quickly.

He warms up to guests pretty quick and can even be delightful with them he just doesn't much like people coming into the house. If we meet people out of the house he is fine.

Conversely trying to get him to say goodbye when someone or even if we are leaving is next to impossible. Bye is a command only apparently

I am sure you are not failing him. It's hard. Toddlers find life frustrating and can't control their emotions. They are becoming more self aware but have no control over anything..
Try to keep calm I'm sure you do all this already but . Distract as much as you can and if possible preempt a tantrum to head it off before it starts Ii he does tantrum wait until it finishes. Then give him a cuddle, and get on with your day. He probably hates feeling this way as much as you d and is scared by the strength of emotion..
If you can give him a choice of 2 eg do you want these shows or these? Shall we use the blue bowl or the red one. If he still tantrums chose for her, and try to be as matter of fact as you can. Don't give too much choice as that can be overwhelming. Show him you still love her. Are in control and will be there for him
Good luck and please do not beat yourself up. Its just a phase, it will pass then you will have the next phase to cope with! Parenting is hard, but worth it.

You're not failing! It's bloody exhausting. DS2 is already starting the temper tantrums at 10 months old god help me.

I love that book, it does help.

Do you have a partner, family around, and/or friends with similar aged kids?

Thread title is bang on I'd say! Sometimes it's the only way to describe them.

No real advice, as it's not like you're doing anything wrong... just keep repeating the mantra, 'it's a phase'. And get hooked up to an IV of coffee.

You're not failing. I have recently started fostering a child of a similar age, I had forgotten just how difficult a stage it is! Last night I had to take myself into the garden and give myself a time out. In the dim dark mists of time I remember my DS being a challenging two year old too (if he'd been my first born I am pretty sure he'd be an only child) but he grew up to be a lovely, calm, rational adult. I can remember one spectacular moment when he threw a tantrum at the checkout in Tesco over some sweets that he couldn't have and I got down and joined him! Now that probably was a parenting fail!

You arent failing OP.
"NO" is just them realising they can try to control their environment.
No to everything -give limited choices.
Dont ask if they want to...
Just do it
Teeth -happening whether they scream blue murder
Sitting at the table-you will sit down if I have to say it 3 million times.
Throw food-take it away,ignore screaming
Hitting-we go home if out/toy taken away,warning etc if at home.

Its such hard work but if you can detach a bit- they are not doing it to wind you up.

Toddlers are hard work and your thread title is fine. My DS is 2.5 and a few months ago he had me sitting on the floor in tears wondering why I had him. The guilt I felt, thinking that was so great but his actions were awful. He’s now a wonderful little boy but I’m sure it will come back.

I will ask my son to choose the plate, bowl, fruit etc that he wants and if he throws something and doesn’t pick it up after the first time of being asked. I remove the item. This is usually enough for him to want to have it back and say sorry. PP are right, toddlers need to know what’s wrong and right. Clear sharp decisions and don’t go back on things is what I’ve walked best for my DS. Good luck, ‘it’s just a phase’

Your definitely not failing him. He needs to learn to deal with these emotions and it’s better to do it at 2 than 12.

Toddlers can be a fucking nightmares.

I thought the tantrums would have stopped by now, but my just turned 4 year old is still a nightmare.

My 2.7 year old is a nightmare st the minute. Constant whinging, tantrums over nothing, clinginess. I’m finding him really difficult and like I don’t want to spend time with him as he is being so horrible.

Best thing I've realised with DS2 - with DS1 I used to find it such a stress and would feel my blood pressure/anxiety rising if he started to scream about anything. I am so much more relaxed and calm with DS2 and I think it's because with the benefit of hindsight, I know:

He is safe
His distress is temporary
I have good reason for making the decision I've made
Just because he is loud it doesn't mean it is an emergency

I don't feel the wave of "I must fix this" that I did with DS1.

You’re not failing him 🌷or anyone ☕️🍰

& there’s nothing wrong with your thread title, I don’t think PantTwizzler is a very nice user name, but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Toddlers can try the patience of a saint and sometimes just how angry they can make us is quite scary.

I used to think it would be great to have an assistant octopus & a parrot! And gaffa tape (lots of gaffs tape) i was on wine o’clock countdown (sometimes before breakfast!) - it’s a bloody miracle I didn’t become an alcoholic!

You need friends who are in the same situation that you can moan with & not be judged because you’ve said DS is being a right little shit this morning!

But even in this age of raising snowflakes there’s still nothing wrong with being very firm you know what’s just him being an active curious toddler and you know when he knows it naughty. They’re little, not stupid!

Use your tone of voice (quieter & deeper generally has a better affect)

And remember if you’re both alive at the end of the day/ you’ve succeeded! Fed is a bonus point as are any naps etc

The key thing here is that you are NOT letting him down and you need to be kinder to yourself

If you need a break can you look st nursery for a couple of mornings a week?

Don’t give too many choices. Only two.

Don’t expect too much because he’s only 2. Even if he has good speech, it doesn’t mean he’s mature yet. Hell my 9 year old still gets over emotional etc.

Take shortcuts when you need to.

Thanks for the kind words. It’s nice to just feel validated.
I think I’m probably a bit isolated, we’ve moved for our jobs and I don’t know anyone round here, no family locally. I work three days a week so on my days off it’s just me and DS. DP is a good dad, he can be a bit lazy sometimes, but so can we all, but he pulls his weight with housework and is an excellent emotional support for me. I love him dearly. He gets up on the weekends so I can have an extra hour in bed, will make me my breakfast, generally demonstrate that he loves me.
We’ve been to a couple of stay and plays, I should probably make the effort to go weekly really.
I do give him limited choices but he’s not really there for understanding just yet, it sometimes works, sometimes he’s just a bit ‘wtf mum’.

I think I need to learn to be less quick to being irritated by toddler irrationality, lowering my expectations maybe. You struck a chord @IncrediblySadToo, I think my annoyance/anger has scared me and that’s why I think I’m failing him. Almost like a good parent shouldn’t get angry, I literally cried over spilt milk this morning!
Thanks again, it’s given me food for thought

Thank you for posting this- I'm a first time mum to a 21 month old and oh man I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

The changes in him started subtly, from the dropping/throwing/refusing food, hitting me, pulling my hair and laughing, suddenly not wanting to share etc. Now he bursts into tears when I tell him "No" firmly enough and this week both of the playgroups I took him to he screamed and did not want to be there. A few months ago he was the sweet-tempered, happy go lucky child I'd dreamed of.

Now I'm the embarrassed mum in the shopping centre trying to prize a screaming toddler from one of those ride on cars that he's been playing in for about 10 minutes.

I also have a very anal DP to worry about who thinks the reason our son has tantrums is that I let him get away with murder and don't discipline him- none of which is true. He pulls his weight with child care but not with housework or giving me lie ins etc so you're lucky on that part. I'm a patient person and ride it all out but my god it's soul destroying at times.

Anyways good luck to you!!

Thread title is fine.

I have a 17mo dd who is both adorable af and a complete nightmare at times. She's constantly screaming at me, hitting things (and me), throwing herself on the floor etc
Her new favourite thing is to throw something and then just stare at me, waiting for my reaction so I don't give her one. I just look at her with a blank expression and it really pisses her off.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant so staying calm and patient is really challenging.

Yep I hear you OP. Every little thing is a battle. I know this is no use to you now but it won’t always be like this. I’m only a year or so on from this phase with my youngest. I much prefer her these days, Christ it was hard. So just a solidarity post really!

Mine is a month shy of 2 and this week has been a week from hell. His default setting seems to be screaming full on tantrumming. I have no idea why. This morning he woke up having a tantrum. I don’t know what triggered it. He wanted to get out of his cot so I got him out of his cot... melt down. You are not alone!!

I saw your title and thought yes this is the thread for me. It's ducking awful. I thought pre kids I was a super chilled and patient person. Seems only to a certain degree. Loved the baby stage. Like yourself finding toddler stage very testing. Wake up every morning planning to do better