did having a 2nd child enrich the lives of your children & make parenting easier in certain ways?

[LulabelleH]

did having a 2nd child enrich the lives of your children & make parenting easier in certain ways?

... 👆🏼these are the primary drivers for me to have a 2nd baby.

I have in my mind siblings 👶🏼👧🏼 would:

• be a play mate (day-to-day, Christmas Day, on holiday, family events, etc)
• aid each other with learning to interact, share, be more social
• be there from the early days through life as a companion 👭

I’m an only child & always thought I’d be happy with one child, however I observe & feel potential benefits a sibling would have for my little boy each day, please share your honest thoughts 💭

I found having a second much less of a shock to the system . She is a lot more independent and plays alone better because she isn’t always centre of attention . I have a 4 year age gap and they do clash sometimes but also play together well at other times . Difficult parts are trying to fit in all their activities etc .

I wouldn’t have a second child with your first one in mind. The relationship is so individual and they may grow up to hate each other.

I do find mine genuinely love each other and have fun together (when they aren’t fighting!). But it didn’t make parenting easier. It’s definitely harder with 2 than with 1 as there is just more work, more feeling, more shuttling around, more expense. I did find that my 2nd was easier than my first but I think that’s just because you know what you’re doing.

Have a child because you want to parent another child. Your dc will be fine either way. I’m an only child and I don’t feel I missed out not having a sibling. I don’t think my dc would have either, but I would have felt I was missing out if I hadn’t had two.

My niece and nephew are total opposites, one is more extrovert and the other introvert, one loves to colour and play with dolls the other only wants to be active outside- but come dinner times or family events they stick to one another like glue, out and about they have each other to play with. I think a second child takes that pressure of always needing to entertain your child, sit with them at meal times etc

Yes.

My children are 7,5&3. Parenting is so much easier when they’re together. They run off to the playroom together or the garden for hours. They giggle in the bath, snuggle on the sofa, have little jokes and games together. On holiday they entertain each other.

We probably should have had 2 not 3 as it’s harder to give individual attention but from their point of view they’re thick as thieves and being so much joy to each other’s lives.

To start with no it was 100x harder but I had pnd with the second and other ongoing family issues so I may not be the best person!

My eldest 2 soon became firm friends though and by the time they were 2 and 4 they did everything together which really helped me!!

My 3rd came 5 years later and sometimes I forget I'm supposed to parent her!! She effectively has 4 parents lol

She is very precocious though!!

I have a four and a half year old and a four month old. It's really bloody hard. I know it will get better as they get older but I totally underestimated how tough it would be.

I love how mine interact and play. I hate how stressed and overwhelmed I often feel. I wanted a third but absolutely decided against it.

Watching with interest as have started getting incredibly jealous of people with little babies (DS 15months, built like a brick shithouse, rowdy)

In my experience, no

DD sort of loves her little brother, but the vast majority of the time she resents his existence and talks about how she would have loved to be an only child. I believe her too! They very rarely play together, or if they do, is usually comes to blows. I feel like I’m always trying to referee their petty fights and disagreements (they’re 7 and 4).

But it didn’t make parenting easier. It’s definitely harder with 2 than with 1 as there is just more work, more feeling, more shuttling around, more expense

Totally agree with this. The little one is constantly being dragged to drop off/collect the big one from after school activities whether he likes it or not. It was also incredibly wearing when they were younger and wanted 100% of me 100% of the time. That’s improved a little, but it’s still a struggle some days.

I have a nearly five year age gap between my boys. At first it was hard, but then, despite the age gap and being very different in character, they always stuck together and played/fought. Now DS1 is nearly 16, he keeps to himself and his mates/girlfriend, but DS2 is 11 so can go out to play with his own mates.
I did think I would only have one, and there is nothing wrong with just having one; I was the playmate/organised play dates until DS2 came along. I am very glad so had DS2 for purely selfish reasons, ie, school was about to take DS1, my little best friend, off me...
You are definitely more “in the zone” with the second, so it’s much easier mentally.

I found it really hard to adjust to having 2. All the work and unpredictableness of a baby plus a toddler to look after. I enjoyed day to day parenting more with just one tbh. Now I've been a mum of 2 longer than I was a mum of 1 and I'm used to it. I'm glad they have each other and that I had 2, they do entertain each other quite well. But they also fight a lot, and there's 2 lots of washing, 2 kids to make mess etc.. Have a 2nd if you want to, but it won't be easier than 1!

harder at first as the toddler got very unsettled and tried to hurt her little brother, so constant vigilance required

but very sweet to see them fond of each other and looking out for each other later

wouldn't say easier- but certainly more fun

Have a baby because you want another child.not because your existing child needs a play mate

@wendz86 thank you, yes - my organisation skills would have to step up a gear or two!

@mindutopia thank you, I too was a happy only child & felt I didn’t miss out 😊 when I see other family set-ups it certainly tugs at my heartstrings sometimes 😩

@OnlyFoolsnMothers thank you, your last sentence hits the nail on the head of my thinking sometimes which I know is v.narrow minded - hence my post for a reality check 😁

@Onatreebyariver & @motortroll thank you, these are the lovely visions I have in my head 💭 but ones I know I can’t guarantee!

@Camsie30 thank you for your honesty 😊

@Waiting1987 thank you, for your honesty 💛 I don’t under estimate the pressure of having 2, I sometimes feel this way with one - when there is little/no me time.

@toottootchuggachugga ah 😁 the broody days make this decision ‘simple’ 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Haworthia thank you for your honesty 💛 this is a real-life perspective to appreciate & yes - the clingy/cuddly days must be extremely tiring/testing with 2 😬

@HotSauceCommittee thank you for your honesty & sometimes I think my own thoughts are selfish or narrow minded - I’m posting for a reality check 🤦🏼‍♀️

@NotTheQueensBirthday thank you, yes - on the clingy/cuddly days it must be v.hard & ....oh the washing 👕👚👖😵

@corythatwas thank you, v.good point about the vigilance! 👀

@Feelingwalkedover thank you, these are just a couple of key points, not my only reasons 😊

I adore having 2. Ds was 2.8 yrs when dd was born. After pnd with ds I found dd birth and first year a breeze in comparison.

Dd adores her brother and he her but they do squabble and get on each other’s nerves too.

Overall I have no regrets having a second. It’s not easier but def more fun and lovely to see them grow together.

I find having two easier even though there is a 4 year gap and very different needs.

When my second child was born it made parenting my first much less intense and stressful as my attention just had to be divided. I always felt bad when I wasn't doing stuff with dc1 but when dc2 came along there was just a general busyness, it was less boring (i was a sahm then).

Mine have a love/hate relationship but i think overall i love seeing there innate bond.

They are so different and its been such a different experience with each of them. If I'd only had dc1 i think i would still be bogged down in how hard and intense it is (he has additional needs) but ds2 is a fairly laid back child that has made me more relaxed too. Its made me see its ok to not try to meet 100% of their needs 100% of the time.

I think a second child takes that pressure of always needing to entertain your child, sit with them at meal times etc

Wasn’t the case here at all because DS2 was so different to DS1, so don’t assume that’s a given.

DS1 (7yo) is frighteningly clever, well-behaved, endlessly self-entertaining and very independent. He’s a pleasure to spend time with.

DS2 (almost 5yo) is a house-wrecking, exhausting, ball of unpredictable terror who you can’t let out of sight for a minute as you’ll find him gluing egg cartons to his hair (they make great horns, apparently ) or ‘practicing’ his letters on the conservatory windows in crayon. I cannot leave the two of them to play together for very long as DS2 starts grooming DS1 into his terrorist cell. Spending 1:1 time with him is like a trip into the surreal. He’s a hoot, but he’s wearing.

Parenting is not easier with two, it is exponentially harder and it doesn’t get easier (sorry to the PP who is under that misapprehension) it just gets hard in different ways with each stage.

The only two positives from my two:

• the amount they truly, passionately and besottedly adore each other is the highlight of my life
• DS2 means I’m not in the slightest bit smug about DS1’s many exceptional qualities as DS2’s appalling behaviour and slightly unhinged personality traits make me realise that DCs are 99% good luck, not good management!

Elphaba
Reading with interest as am 10 weeks pg with dc2

I have three. They have a love/hate relationship in that they sometimes play together really well and other times they fight. I think on balance they have enriched each other's lives. It's not a given though!

Not at all. My second child is severely disabled - he was born premature and is deaf, visually impaired, has epilepsy and severe learning difficulties. My third pregnancy was twins who were also premature, one of my twins has cerebral palsy and a lot of health complications. My eldest DD (nearly 6yo) will play with the twins (2.5) but my daughters are scared of 4yo my son because his behaviour is so unpredictable and his outbursts are so aggressive - they can’t understand him at all. It’s very hard to parent taking into accounts all of their needs because they’re so different and I don’t think their lives are enriched by their siblings.

I don't think having a second child, or any child, should really be a case of weighing up tangible pros and cons to such an extent. It's important to consider the potential negative impact having another child would have on members of the family but really the only "pro" that really matters is because YOU (and DP) really want one.

After the first 6 months which were hard work (mainly the guilt at DD no longer having my full attention!) I much prefered having 2 kids. I was lucky that they got on and were best buddies until DD started secondary school and became all teenagery . They are both at secondary now and starting to get on better although DD still finds DS incredibly embarrassing . They have absolutely enriched each others lives but I have friends whose kids don't get on so it's a lottery I guess.