did having a 2nd child enrich the lives of your children & make parenting easier in certain ways?

[LulabelleH]

did having a 2nd child enrich the lives of your children & make parenting easier in certain ways?

... 👆🏼these are the primary drivers for me to have a 2nd baby.

I have in my mind siblings 👶🏼👧🏼 would:

• be a play mate (day-to-day, Christmas Day, on holiday, family events, etc)
• aid each other with learning to interact, share, be more social
• be there from the early days through life as a companion 👭

I’m an only child & always thought I’d be happy with one child, however I observe & feel potential benefits a sibling would have for my little boy each day, please share your honest thoughts 💭

My experience has been that DS2 has been the best thing that ever happened to DS1. It was very hard in the beginning as I had zero support and was raising them alone but once the first 18 months was out of the way it got so much easier and now at 2 and 4 they play together constantly with occasional (but not major) spats.

- the amount they truly, passionately and besottedly adore each other is the highlight of my life

This. 100 times this. Mine are 6 and 3 and despite very different personalities they generally play together brilliantly, but the love between them is absolutely heart melting. They squabble with one another but the second you tell either one off, the other is there defending him. They're incredibly loyal to one another. Watching the relationship between the two is the greatest of joys.

I have DD(5) and DS(nearly 1). The first couple of weeks I thought I'd never be able to look after them both, let alone do anything in the house! DS was born just as the summer holidays were starting so there was no respite for six long weeks, but it wasn't terrible. Then DD started school last Sept and that made it easier as well. Did mean we had to be organised in the mornings but that was a small price to pay!

I find the days pass much quicker with 2 DC. I'm always watching the clock for DS's nap, snack/food times, and picking up DD. When she's home I've got someone to talk to who can talk back (not always nicely, but still!) and as DS is getting older they're starting to interact and play quite a lot. DD is desperate for DS to walk and play "properly"!

It's not all perfect: they're both quite clingy at the moment, which is unusual for DD, and that can be hard. DH and I try to split our time evenly between them but sometimes they both want me, which is frustrating. But we do try to have one on one with both, especially DD, and that helps. And DD and DS absolutely adore one another - his face lights up when he sees her, and she always proudly introduces him as "my lovely little baby brother"...

Overall I'm very glad we decided to have a second. I'm an only child as well, with no cousins my age, and I could get very lonely growing up. I didn't want that for DD, and so far it's been fine. They might not always get on so well, I know!

@Vanannabananna thank you 💛

@mollyblack thank you. yes you are right - I’ve been told by friends before that you just have to divide attention/time 🕰

@ElphabaTheGreen thank you for your honesty, you’ve made me lol 😂

@Pearlfish thank you 😊

@sarahg216 congratulations 🤰

Mine are 16 and 13. I've been really lucky. They never argue and they really enjoy each others company. My friend on the other hand has two similar age and they are at each others throats.

I am an only, married to an only.

Yes, we absolutely had our second child 'for' DS1 - I couldn't bear the thought of him having no family when we were gone. I wanted there to be a chance that he'd have someone around.

So far it's been wonderful, they're best friends, they play & miss each other and while they bicker like an old married couple, they're fiercely loyal. We can only hope it continues.
Parenting is much easier now they're out of the toddler years, because they mooch off by themselves and make up games that I have zero interest in! But the bickering can be relentless some days & they're LOUD.

DC2 was also very much wanted by us, and we knew within days of our first baby arriving we'd be having a second.
I always think my first DC changed my life, and my second DC made my life complete.

The love my two boys have for each other is amazing to see and I love them both so much but it is so much harder having two! It's not double the hard work of one it's not even comparable it's exhausting. my boys are 3 and 6 now and it's just starting to get a bit easier!
I don't think I would ever have not had two and I would probably never have believed how hard it would be having two. But I do sometimes look at the lives of people with one child and think how easy it must be! No arguing, less financial worries. Less guilt at not giving each child enough attention etc.
Knowing what I know now I would still have two but my goodness I will definitely not be having more!

I second everyone talking about how phenomenal it is to see the love they have for each other and what a joy it is to see them play. The little one can’t say the big one’s name and he woke me up the other day saying “where’s my best fwend, mama?”. His big brother had woken up first and gone to play upstairs and he was worried when he couldn’t find him. Not worried something had happened but just looking for his friend and missing his play-mate. I hope they will be a support for each other long after their parents are gone.

After the first 6 or 7 months having 2 was easier than having one - it depends on both personality and age gaps I think. I have a barely 2 year age gap from 1-2 and fairly soon they could do things together. I'd been a childminder pre dc2 so dc1 was never a full time only, and I sah aside from teaching evening classes (and later a 1 day per week job in a school) after they were in bed and treated parenting as childminding until dc2 was 3. It was brilliant. Such a fantastic 3 years.

I found it about a million times harder, totally unexpectedly, having dc3 as the older 2 had moved on and it was like having 2 + an entirely seperate only until dc3 was about 4.

Dc1 and 2 were devoted to one another and interested in similar activities, stories, activities etc and in a similar schedule - it was so hard slotting dc3 in.

However once dc1 was 9 or 10 and dc2 7 or 8, dc1 "outgrew" dc2 to an extent and wanted to spend more time with her friends, so dc2 turned to dc3 and now they're inseparable and dc1 far more grown up (dc1 is a teen now).

Small age gaps work better IMO - or rather they pay off quicker.

However it totally depends on personality - I have a sister 2 years younger who's entire reason for being appeared to be to torment me and who believed I'd been put on earth to entertain her - we played together as small children but my parents wouldn't let me stop and insisted that I always be available to play with her and put down my book, go out in my bike with her, do whatever she wanted, say it didn't matter when she destroyed my belongings ou[ of spite, allow her to sleep in my room too and tag along all the time if I had a friend over, because she was small and I should understand and be kind... That kind of sibling relationship where a sibling is pushed to keep a sibling out of parents' hair is shitty.

Be careful about why you have a child as others say. Having another child to entertain your first, or expecting your first to do most of the work keeping your second happy, is absolutely terrible parenting. You have to actually want each individual child separately!

I find having two easier even though there is a 4 year gap and very different needs.

When my second child was born it made parenting my first much less intense and stressful as my attention just had to be divided. I always felt bad when I wasn't doing stuff with dc1 but when dc2 came along there was just a general busyness, it was less boring (i was a sahm then).

*Mine have a love/hate relationship but i think overall i love seeing there innate bond.

They are so different and its been such a different experience with each of them. If I'd only had dc1 i think i would still be bogged down in how hard and intense it is (he has additional needs) but ds2 is a fairly laid back child that has made me more relaxed too. Its made me see its ok to not try to meet 100% of their needs 100% of the time*

Sorry to copy so much from another post. I just really agree!

I found having a second baby made my life easier than just with one (see reasons above) it might have helped having a 4 year gap. Anyway, bring an only child with both parents also only children I really didn't get the need for siblings.

Totally different feelings right now.

Reading with interest as I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant with DC2, having ummed and ahhhed for ages about whether to have a second. DS is 3 and will be nearly 4 by the time DC2 arrives so quite a big gap but some people on this thread seem to say it works ok which is good!

Me and DH hasn't originally only agreed to one child but I remember the exact moment that my thoughts changed.

When my son was about 20 months I had taken him to a park and there was another family there who had 3 children (aged between 18 months to 4 years at a guess) and they were playing, laughing, chasing each other round etc and when I looked at my son he was standing at the top of the side and just staring at these children. He wasn't smiling or laughing or anything like that, but he couldn't take his eyes off them. I remember thinking how alone he looked and it made me feel very sad.

Anyway - due to a few reasons the second baby didn't come along until my first son was 3.5 years old and it was undoubtedly the best decision we ever made.

They are 5 and 2 now and they adore each other. The love they have for each other is indescribable and it is such a special relationship. It's like they've got their own secret world together and it's amazing to see them grow together and play together. I often walk in on them and they will be sitting on the sofa together holding hands and it melts my heart. Seeing the relationship between them develop is so incredibly special.

They are little play mates, they are best friends and they absolutely enrich each other's lives.

I grew up with a sister who was only 12 months older than me and we were so incredibly close. Every happy memory of my childhood involves her and even as grown adults she is still one of my best friends.

It can be a gamble as to whether the sibling relationship works out, but when it does it is a very, very special relationship.

One of mine is on a school residential right now and life is so much easier and quieter.
They don’t particularly get along but there are moments when they both really appreciate each other.
I heard them awkwardly tell each other that they will miss one another just before my eldest left for her trip while giving her sister very in depth instructions for looking after her hamster.
Moments like that are few and far between but makes the chaos and constant refereeing worthwhile.
It’s a nice feeling holding two hands too.

It’s a nice feeling holding two hands too.

I feel like that too!!!

I love walking with my 5 year olds hand in one hand and my 2 year olds in the other!

But at the same time, it's even better when I'm holding the hand of my 5 year old and he's holding the hand of the 2 year old

For some reason, seeing the two of them holding hands for any reason makes my heart ache. There's just something so loving and intimate about it.

The fighting though.
The fighting most days makes me want to get into my car and drive far far away. (Unless it is actually IN the car which of course it is on every single car journey anywhere)

It’s relentless, it’s so so loud, it’s every day and it’s draining having to referee all the fucking time.

The juggling of clubs, hobbies, two different school pick ups, drop offs, parents evenings etc is really stressful.
The expense of breakfast clubs, after school clubs, nursery fees, school trip fees can add up to a tonne of money.

The mess and noise doubles as does the mountains of washing.

In adult life, I have no contact with my siblings because they are not nice people and we don’t get on, so to say that they will always have someone in adult life is not necessarily correct.

I don’t know, I just think it’s not all it’s cracked up to be unless the personalities of the kids are matching and they click and get along well. The rest you can deal with.

Just to add... I’m not your natural parenting type, good job dh is! I struggle with the whole milarky.

What a great thread, thanks for the collective wisdom everyone!
I'm trying to make this decision too, if we do it it will be a big gap, 4 years if all goes to plan. Interesting to read good reviews of big gaps!

Yes my two girls wouldn't be without each other. There is a 4.5y age gap though so I haven't had to cope with two very young together. They entertain each other, look out for each other. Yes sometimes they squabble but nothing major!

I have a nearly 4 year gap (was hoping for 1 year...) but it works really well - ds was old enough to understand 'wait a minute' but not old enough to really remember time before the baby. And all his friends at nursery had a baby sibling so he was chuffed when he could say 'we've got a baby at our house too!'

They get on very well a lot of the time, but ds needs his alone time and I insist that he doesn't have to play with dd all the time. I have a stepson a year older than ds and they get on very very well and leave dd out, which is tough all round (dss has severe ASD and can't play with two people at a time, so he doesn't really know dd very well - though sometimes they get on).

When they are all winding each other up, I console ds with the fact that no-one in life can ever be as annoying as siblings, and it will make annoying housemates or colleagues a doddle in comparison.

I had this idea that having a baby and a toddler would be much harder work but less intensely boring than being at home with a baby - is that total delusion?!

@DinoGreen congratulations 🤰

@fudgefeet thank you, that’s a lovely thought 💛🤝

@QueenofmyPrinces thank you, your little ones sound like a dream 💛
your experience at the park is exactly what I see / hear in some form pretty much everyday & it’s unbelievable how heavy that feeling can weigh on your heart ❤️ despite others perhaps thinking it is a flippant way of thinking 💭

@crosser62 thank you for your honesty 💛 it’s what I need to hear

@Gummybear11 thank you, that’s lovely 💛

@jackparlabane thank you 😊 very wise words 👌🏼

@donajimena thank you, after all this overthinking I’d probably end up with frenemies 🤦🏼‍♀️

@GroggyLegs thank you, you’ve summed up much of my thinking in your post 💛 lovely to hear your story

@Cotswoldmama 😊 thank you, yes - my organisation skills would have to step up a gear or two! & I’d need to get myself to bed earlier 😴

@anothernotherone thank you for sharing your experience 😊

@HelloCheeky thank you, I would be hoping for this reality 😊

@MyNewBearTotoro thank you for sharing your story 💛

@DCIRozHuntley thank you 😊

@Titsywoo thank you, ah yes, the guilt! I have irrational thoughts about whether I’d be able to love another child as much as my little boy 💔

@FurryGiraffe thank you, that’s lovely to hear 💛

@PicnicAtHangingRock go mumma 💪🏼 so lovely to hear your experience & bond of your little ones 💛

@CoodleMoodle thank you for sharing your story 💛

hopefully my original post doesn’t read to some / allude to the fact I’m looking to go down the lazy parenting route 🤔
that’s not my intention 🙅🏼‍♀️
these are just a couple of my thoughts 💭
not my only reasons 😊

I knew when I was pregnant with dd1 that I would want a sibling for her so she didn't grow up alone. Dh is an only child and he said he didn't want that for dd so 2 and a half years later her dsis was born. Their best friends and when dd1 is at school dd2 can't wait for her to get home so they can play.. it's the cutest thing ever 💜

5 year age gap and i don't think parenting has got any easier or much more difficult. They play ok together sometimes but mostly we still get the older ones whining about being bored and younger one just doing her own thing.