Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

If you could go back, would you do this whole baby thing again??

100 replies

Marghe87 · 14/05/2019 15:22

Was reading a few threads on this forum and some made me smile and think.
We obsess so much whilst looking for a pregnancy. Tracking ovulation, measuring temperature etc and being upset by BFN at the end of the month.
Then baby finally arrives and we are utterly exhausted, in need for "me" time, sometimes depressed. They grow up and go to school and things get even more complicated with people complaining they don't have time to manage it all, have to give up several aspects of their lives, relationship with DP becomes less exciting etc...
All of this just makes me wonder. Is it possible many people over dramatize this or simply can't cope? Or is it inevitable to go through stress and some sort of anxiety at every stage of life? It just seems that regardless of the direction our lives take, we are always unhappy.
Isn't this sad? What is your experience?

I'm in the TTC stage, hence why I am wondering about this.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Mylittlepony374 · 14/05/2019 15:27

I'm still in baby/toddler stage but I would 100% do it again. Love every sleep deprived minute of it. The two of them were on the floor giggling hysterically together last night, fuck knows what at, but watching them was the best feeling.

Faster · 14/05/2019 15:29

Probably not.
I love him dearly, he was unplanned and I was in an absolutely horrid relationship with his dad. The PND almost killed me and I’m not naturally very maternal. But I try hard to be a good mum.

cantwait2bfree · 14/05/2019 15:34

Eeeer... that’s why I’ve stopped at 1. Amazing DD just want I longed for ...had her with a wrong man

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

cantwait2bfree · 14/05/2019 15:35

Meant what I longed for... a gorgeous little girl

cestlavielife · 14/05/2019 15:37

Babies and children are a challenge and a joy in equal.meaaure. hard work yes. And the you might get illness or disability along with the rest.

Depends on you how you approach and handle it....

You could go on a mindfulness or CBT course to.look at how you approach life challenges or see a life coach...

do.you really want children? Why? Answer for you and your partner ..i don't need to know....If you can know you want to go for it and will accept the challenges then great !

You don't get children or adult children without the Baby stage...unless you adopt a grown up

Original poster

Marghe87 · 14/05/2019 15:39

I think it would also be good if you shared your background and experience as it can make a big difference (Ie: having DC at very young age without having the chance to do the things you wanted to do first or having them later in life after years of trying etc)

OP posts:

Original poster

Marghe87 · 14/05/2019 15:41

From my perspective the baby stage almost seems better than the child stage ! But that's because I am only just TTC now, I don't have any experience.
It just seems so mad to me that people would do anything to have a child only to then complain about how miserable their life is after DC is born.

OP posts:

RaptorWhiskers · 14/05/2019 15:48

I wouldn’t have another. Too much of a burden! I’m 40 and had got used to selfishly enjoying my life and doing whatever I wanted. Now I’m tied and my life is over. I’ll be nearly 60 before I’m free. It’s an utterly miserable situation that I have no desire to extend by having more children.

Original poster

Marghe87 · 14/05/2019 15:49

You mean a second child @RaptorWhiskers ?

OP posts:

Callistone · 14/05/2019 15:49

God I hated the baby stage. I'm not a fan of babies. Not an enormous fan of toddlers either, though DS (2) is more entertaining than DD (7) was at that age.

DD was an unplanned pregnancy but at roughly the right time in life, so now active TTCing. I loved her and I was glad I was a mum but I didn't really get into my stride with her until she was 3-4. I've discovered I'm pretty good at parenting kids once they get to school

DS was planned but there is a reason for the big gap between them and that was while I convinced myself it was worth going through the not-liked pregnancy, baby and toddler stage to get a child. Basically, I wanted two children, I did not want another baby.
^Is it possible many people over dramatize this or simply can't cope? Or is it inevitable to go through stress and some sort of anxiety at every stage of life? It just seems that regardless of the direction our lives take, we are always unhappy.

I don't think we're always unhappy, but the grass if often greener, isn't it? So you desperately want a baby (and despite my story above, I did desperately want to be a mum one day) but then the reality is slightly different and you start desperately wanting some time alone again. And stress and anxiety, to me, is a normal part of life - not chronically, but just, surely everyone is background stressed or anxious about something most of the time? The house, their job, their kids, their pets, their parents... Life isn't a bunch of roses most of the time.

Anyway it was worth it, definitely, but it wasn't exactly enjoyable all the time!

gamerchick · 14/05/2019 15:51

No, if I could go back I wouldn't have had any.

tenbob · 14/05/2019 15:57

I'm still at pre-school stage, but have loved every minute of it once they were here
TTC was a long, painful and expensive time for us with lots of IVF and heartache, so there was a part of me which was worried whether the reality would live up to the 'hype' I had created to justify it all as being worth it.
It was a million times over

Maybe it will change when they are in school and it all gets political, but I've had everything I ever longed for

UncleMatthewsEntrenchingTool · 14/05/2019 15:58

I would do it again in a heartbeat

barryfromclareisfit · 14/05/2019 15:58

Yes.
Mine is adult and I am loving being a grandma.

Original poster

Marghe87 · 14/05/2019 16:00

@tenbob so happy your dream came true :)

I find it astonishing to see how much people talk about TTC, how wonderful parenting is, how children are everything etc... and at the same time, all I can hear about once kids come to life is how tiring and stressful it all is.

I am still TTC and am a bit scared the lovely images I have in my mind won't match the reality I will end up facing. The thing is that I don't even have friends with kids that could answer these questions, hence why I am using mumsnet.

OP posts:

theconstantinoplegardener · 14/05/2019 16:02

Well, I have three and I'm very happy. Yes, there are difficult times and stressful days but my children have enriched my life beyond measure and, if I woke up back in 2006 with the chance to steer my life in another direction, I wouldn't hesitate to take the same path and have my same children all over again. I sometimes wish I could do that actually...relive those magical baby days all over again.

Enb76 · 14/05/2019 16:02

Nope - I dislike the baby stage of children. Unfortunately, I suspect you have to do all of that to get the awesome child you have from 5 onwards.

donajimena · 14/05/2019 16:04

No, I was depressed for years I felt trapped and I developed a wine habit that was unhealthy. However I am loving having teenagers so it eventually paid off. I don't drink any more either. I'm now trying to retrain and desperately make up some sort of a pension.

Original poster

Marghe87 · 14/05/2019 16:08

To those that felt really trapped: what type of lifestyle were you leading before kids? Did you use to go out a lot, socialise and drink every weekend?
I just want to understand what is it that has so dramatically changed to the point of making you regret your choice.

OP posts:

Enb76 · 14/05/2019 16:09

My background is unexpected, unwanted pregnancy in early 30's, found out too late to do anything about it. Thankfully I was in a good place financially and started and carried on as a single parent. Have to say that being a financially secure single parent has been a fantastic experience - I only ever had to worry about me and my child.

I found the baby stage really boring but as soon as they begin to properly interact (from about 18 months with mine) they start getting better. I didn't mind the toddler stage except the constant requirement for pretend - which I hate with a passion. They become proper little people from about 3 and frankly every year gets better and better in my experience. I now have the best 10 year old anyone could wish for and I can't wait to see what she becomes.

Pinklittle · 14/05/2019 16:14

I had no expectations of what having a baby would be like and that has stood me and my husband in good stead. We were party animals out every weekend and spent money like it was going out of fashion :) we knew we wanted a family though. We were ready to give up some aspects of our lives (we are older parents) so have been happy to make the changes that come with having a baby. Our little girl is one now and is an absolute joy, we still go on holiday, out for lunch, and have a good time, just as a 3 now :)

UnaOfStormhold · 14/05/2019 16:18

When I was TTC I had a lot of similar thoughts - dread of sleepless nights, problems with eating, potty training, behaviour, all these other things. Nearly 5 years down the line most of the things I dreaded came true (many worse than I had imagined - 4.5 years of sleep deprivation are a killer!) yet I still would say that it's definitely worth it. The lows are bad but the highs are amazing! As pp have said once they start to communicate and interact there is an amazing world of discovering who this little person is and I wouldn't have missed that for anything. I'd have had another child but it seems that's not going to be possible.

Original poster

Marghe87 · 14/05/2019 16:18

@pinklittle: you make it sounds so lovely and easy :)

OP posts:

Pinklittle · 14/05/2019 16:21

Haha, we have an easy baby so I'm told by friends haha :) x

RaptorWhiskers · 14/05/2019 16:30

I had my first child at 40. Before that I had a lovely life with holidays, lie ins, nice meals, long baths, lots of free time reading and watching tv, hobbies, nights out, going to concerts, drinking, cinema, theatre, having sex...

Now I can’t have holidays. There’s no point when you have to spend the whole time supervising a child instead of relaxing, stay sober and be back in your room for 8pm to put your child to bed. No lie ins. No enjoyable meals because I’m always feeding and entertaining a child and cleaning the floor afterwards. No nights out because babysitters cost a fortune and the child won’t settle. No money to go out anyway because kids cost a fortune. No nights in either because I can’t get drunk in charge of a child and I’m constantly being interrupted. No peace to read or watch tv. DH and I barely get to talk or make eye contact, never mind have sex. Not that I want to because I’m ashamed of my ruined body. My self esteem is through the floor and my confidence has gone forever.

If I’d known parenting was this awful I wouldn’t have had my first child. I saw other parents still having lives and thought it would be easy. Now I realise you can only have a life if you have family members to regularly palm your child off on.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread