If you could go back, would you do this whole baby thing again??

[Marghe87]

Was reading a few threads on this forum and some made me smile and think.
We obsess so much whilst looking for a pregnancy. Tracking ovulation, measuring temperature etc and being upset by BFN at the end of the month.
Then baby finally arrives and we are utterly exhausted, in need for "me" time, sometimes depressed. They grow up and go to school and things get even more complicated with people complaining they don't have time to manage it all, have to give up several aspects of their lives, relationship with DP becomes less exciting etc...
All of this just makes me wonder. Is it possible many people over dramatize this or simply can't cope? Or is it inevitable to go through stress and some sort of anxiety at every stage of life? It just seems that regardless of the direction our lives take, we are always unhappy.
Isn't this sad? What is your experience?

I'm in the TTC stage, hence why I am wondering about this.

I love my two DD'S very much but if i had my life all over again no i wouldn't.

Dc1 had just got to the late teens independent age and we embarked on dc2. Best thing ever!! Dh also has dc from previous marriage who is 31.so he literally has birth to 30s age range! It keeps you young and reminds you of all the small joys in life, theres something marvellous and magical every day!

@RaptorWhiskers you sound very down and paint such a bleak picture of your life. Is there any chance you have a little PND?

DH and I hardly ever get a night out together. I can probably count on one hand the number of 'date nights' we've had since DS was born and he's 2. We do go out separately though. DH also works away a lot during the week so I am often in single parent mode. DS frustrates me no end with his constant whining but I love him to bits, would do it all again and am in the middle of a third round of IVF to try and give him a sibling.

I absolutely, definitely would do it all again (and that is typed after spending 4 hours trying to get 9 month old to sleep 🤣). Was never very maternal, didn't really like kids, very blessed to conceive very easily now ds is here he is the best best best thing ever, he constantly fills out hearts with joy, his smile makes my whole day and seeing him grow up is amazing. (But yes, sometimes it is tough, tiring etc, it's so so so worth it)

I would not only relive the baby stage again but i would have more and start younger if i had my time again.im not going to lie and say it was sailing all the way but every stage has been great.
My favourite is the teenage years where they have their own philisohical opinions, form their political views and they can join in with your activities on a more even level.

I hate it when people say about their children ' I can't wait to get my life back' I don't say it anymore but think you still have a life, it's just evolved and taken a particular direction, enjoy what you have because you don't know how much life you have left.

There's always going to be some sort of stress but it is how you manage it and how you have brought the kids up to deal with disappointment and problems that makes a difference.

Be under no illusions it's it's fecking hard and a massive life change

Would I do it again? Absolutely I'm currently trying for a 3rd eventhiugh I'm out of baby stage
I've a 7 n 4 yr old
I had pnd after my first sand thought I'd never be better to have another
But I recovered and flew it on number 2

I adore my kids but it can be very hard and emotionally draining

I thought I'd love every minute of it but then reality hits when u do bevome a parent

But yes 100% do it again

@mrsmummy90 thank you. Yes she is fantastic. She's German so had to leave her home country when she married my grandad. She's so strong and an inspiration, the matriarch of the family. It helps that we're all close. Family do's are frequent and lively! Of course there's been dramas over the years, bound to be with a family of that size and Christmas can get expensive 🙈 but I know she wouldn't change it for the world, each new baby that comes along, she want to hold and fuss over. I'd love to be like that when I'm old.

There was a thread on here a few years ago about whether people regretted their kids. And some came back and updated a few years later. In that thread those who regretted it had more than one of these things in common:

• SAHM so with a small baby/toddler all day with no respite
• extremely sleep deprived and no end in sight
• useless DH.

Or a combination of the three. Several years down the line many of the women came back and points 1 and 2 had been sorted with the passage of time. Most had gone back to work, kids were older and slept better and they felt much more positive about their parenting.

No it’s not for me

I enjoyed my 20's and early 30's enormously. Travelled, studied, was utterly selfish and basically had a great life.

Had child by mid 30's. It hit me hard, struggled hugely with all stages really! I had a very unsettled baby, who then turned into a very challenging toddler. They are now 4.5 and although there are still tough times, I cope much better now. I've always tried so hard to be a good mum and it just seems like it's a big slog without much gain at times. Although the tide does seem to be turning the older they get.

I definitely won't be having another. It's just taken too much out of me, mentally and physically. I feel guilty as they would be a great sibling but I just can't put myself through it again.

Or a combination of the three. Several years down the line many of the women came back and points 1 and 2 had been sorted with the passage of time. Most had gone back to work, kids were older and slept better and they felt much more positive about their parenting

And sometimes people just regret it. I dont have any little kids and I still, if I could go back would not have had any.

Absolutely.

So far it’s been the hardest 10 months of my life but I love being a Mum and my daughter is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Her smile is just everything. I think I was suppose to be a Mum because I really do feel more complete now (I know that’s it’s not the same for everyone though) .

I don’t think I could do it again, purely because I couldn’t cope with another baby like DD. She is a very high needs baby.

I think it’s easier if you accept limitations and that your life will be different. We still go out for meals, spend time together but it has to be family friendly. Or we plan things to do at home instead.

Some people do have it easier though, I have friends was just take their baby anywhere and she will happily sit in her pram content. I’m secretly hoping they get the terrible twos and my daughter will be an angel by then.

I wouldn't go back and do it again, but that's because I don't want any more children. Certainly, after I had my first, I definitely wanted to do it again because I wanted more children. But I never planned to have more than 2 and I'm happy with that. The baby years aren't especially fun though. I don't mean to say they are horrible and I couldn't cope, but they are pretty boring and mean a lot of other things are put on hold. But I'm quite happy with my two children and very grateful I get to parent them.

I do find things a bit challenging some days (don't we all?) because my dh and I have busy professional lives and it can be hard to find a balance. Even if we didn't have children, it would be busy and tiring and we'd need to find a balance, but having children means you have a lot of less flexibility. That said, I don't think I've had to sacrifice much for children. I have a great career, I finished a PhD between baby 1 and 2, and I have a very good, well paid job that I love. I still wish I could travel a bit more (we travelled a lot pre-kids), but once they are older, that will be easy again.

I really wish people would stop saying that enjoying their lives is ‘selfish’, I.e. they went on holidays and had lie ins and sex and worked and it was ‘selfish’. Stop. Having a kid is the most selfish thing you can do, if you need to ask why it is, have a think.

I am sure some still regret it. But regretting your children is a different kettle of fish to choosing not have children. I don’t think you can compare the two. Some people (like my brother) never ever wanted children from his early 20s and now in his 40s hasn’t changed his mind. Some people entirely legitimately do regret their children but I was referencing the last thread where many did come back and say that they felt more positive about their parenting and children. Whether they would or would not have repeated their experience I don’t know.

If I could turn back time I wouldn't have children no. I love them, I have 3. But I started at 24, in a volatile marriage, unplanned pregnancy. I had my youngest at 37. All 3 have mh problems and my life will never be mine again, I'm always on call, always worrying who will be ill next. I'm financially, mentally and physically ruined. I'm in pain every day due to problems during the births. So, no, I wouldn't.

No, having a really tough time with my 9yr old son (diagnosed ADHD, awaiting ASC assessment) and I also have a toddler of 17 months who does not sleep during the day. If I knew how hard things would be...

Pregnanc sucked.
Baby stage sucked..
Toddlerhood was a nightmare and worry of not sleeping,not eating not talking.
Once she got to 4 everything started improving slowly and now at 7 she's absolutely amazing!

And while I wouldn't have another child, I would definitely have her again ,mostly I guess because I knw there's an end in sight.

Yoursarcasmisdripping

I like your post. I hope this is how I feel once we get to 4 x

I had babies in my thirties after establishing my career and travelling and generally enjoying my twenties. I work with babies/children and have lots of friends with kids so I had a good idea what was coming. Family all far away/ too frail or dead, so no help from there.

Nothing however, prepares you for the sheer exhaustion of sleep deprivation with no respite. My first child used to wake up every 45mins, wake around 4am. They only slept through for the first time at 2 years old. I would not change them for the world, but I think it is much harder than people think. You also tend to think you have more control/ will do things differently when you hear of families whose children take 2 hours to go to sleep/ will only eat beige food/ whinegy etc etc and see friends with ' easy' babies enjoying life. Then your non sleeping colicky screamy baby comes along!!!

Also there are people I know whose gave 2 sets of willing parents on hand and leave the kids with them to.go off on childfree holidays etc. One person's mum even comes round to iron and cook for her. Life would be so much easier with that sort of help!
I'd still do it again. I even sometimes think about having another - it's a biological drive, we are designed to want to make babies!!!

Oh I would do it again! And I’ve done it 3 times

Pregnancy reasonably easy all 3 times. Baby & toddlerhood, medium, easy, earthshatteringly hard in that order. Won’t have more as only just have enough energy for the three I have but would if I were being selfish as I do love squishy babies.

Absolutely I would do it again, I’ve loved it!

I got accidentally pregnant at 24, not long after I’d stabilised after a major mental health crisis, and when I’d only been with my partner 4 months. Absolutely not ideal circumstances! But she is an absolute joy and I’ve honestly never been happier in my life.

I think it helped that I had very low expectations going in (I had a rubbish pregnancy and a lot of mental health professionals and SS involved on the assumption that her birth would trigger my mental health problems) and my partner and I are both homebodies anyway. I make sure he gets a night to play video games every now and again and he makes sure I get to have a girly night in with my friends once or twice a month, and that’s enough for us really.

I honestly feel so lucky to finally have a loving family, and the three of us have so much fun.

Also I ended up FF after failing to BF and while I was a little sad about it at the time, I do think it made my life easier and that first year happier. Which is not to say that’s the case for everyone, but it was definitely a contributing factor for me.

I have two daughters, 4 and 7 and I absolutely love the stage they are at now.... No naps or nappies ... We can very much go with the flow and have lovely days out. We won't have anymore babies as I'm very happy with the two we have. Saying that I'd love to go back in time for twenty four hours and have them back as babies and toddlers. The weight of a newborn snuggled on my chest is a feeling I'd love to recapture and the sight of the chubby legs peeking out of the vest. I love looking back at old videos of my two when they were tiny

Not sure if it's actually a thing but I think I had some sort of PTSD after DD got out of her horrific sleep stage which happened at around 14 months. I just felt so defeated. The sleepless nights are awful. I remember a neighbour that I barely knew giving me this look of such pity that I knew it must be bad!