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Original poster

2 week holiday without baby

97 replies

Bambam60 · 08/05/2019 11:19

Hi all, I'm interested in getting your views on this.

DH and I planned (and partly booked) a 2 week holiday whilst I was pregnant with DS. It's a once in a lifetime sort of trip, and unfortunately one that wouldn't be safe for a baby. We're due to go away next year when DS is 16 months old.

When we were planning it, I honestly thought I'd be okay leaving my DS. My parents have said they'd be happy to take him and we're a really close family. I trust them implicitly and I know they wouldn't do anything I wouldn't want them to. We spend so much time there I'd be happy that DS would feel comfortable and safe in their company.

Problem is, now he's here, I can't bare the thought of leaving him for that long...especially given I can't really explain to him why we won't be there. At the end of the day he probably will be fine...but it breaks my heart at the thought of him crying for me or being inconsolable. Might he even forget me?!

We haven't booked the whole trip yet, only part of it because the place we're staying in for the first week gets booked up years in advance usually. This means that week 2 of the holiday hasn't yet been booked.

My DH doesn't feel the way I do and is incredibly keen to get away just us 2. He has acknowledged that we won't be having any other solo holidays for a very long time, but I think because of that he feels he needs one more trip for just us. In some ways, I feel like to be the best parent you need to be the best version of yourself; and sometimes getting away and focusing on you and your relationship can really help with that. I also need my DH to feel like his feelings matter too, but I'm really struggling with the thought of leaving DS - and findings ways to vocalise that to DH because he just doesn't get it.

I had a thought that maybe we could do the 1st week together alone, but then spend the 2nd week away somewhere family friendly so DS could join us. That way, my DH gets his 2 week break and time alone, and I hopefully feel far less anxious...

I'm interested in people's view on this? Has anyone gone away for 2 weeks before without their child? Do you think it would really affect him at that age if I did?

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 08/05/2019 11:21

Your compromise sounds the best option. Two weeks is far too long, sorry. And your husband wouldn’t be getting the best of you as you would be upset and stressed week 2 anyway. This way is the best of both worlds.

BowiesJumper · 08/05/2019 11:24

I wouldn't have been able to do it no, but I'm sure lots will come on to say they would have. If you think you'll be ok with the one week, and then your son joins you for week 2, then do that.

Would your parents be ok with flying with him though?? Might be pretty daunting for them? Is it long haul?

fitzbilly · 08/05/2019 11:28

Anything other then one night away without the other parent there is too long in my opinion.

Your child will be very upset and confused even if left for one week. That is too long without either parent there.

No way would I do this until they were at least six or seven.

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Confusedbeetle · 08/05/2019 11:30

I was encouraged to do this for ten days when my son was a year old. I hated it , missed him terribly and am still miffed I was talked into it 42 years later. Having said that he was fine and my parents loved having him. My OH hadnt the first idea it might be/was a problem.

workerbeeinaction · 08/05/2019 11:34

I went away for 6 nights when my DS was that age, he was fine and so was I (my mum stayed at our house with him). However, I do think a fortnight is stretching it so if you can compromise and go with your plan it will work better.

TillyTheTiger · 08/05/2019 11:39

I think it's a very individual thing, but I still haven't managed to leave my almost 3yo overnight yet as I wouldn't enjoy being away from him that long, so I'm probably at the extreme end of the scale. Surely your DH is able to understand that YOU wouldn't enjoy a fortnight away, even before you consider the effect on your 16m DS. I definitely think a week is the absolute longest you should consider spending away from him, but if it was me I'd be tempted to postpone the whole trip until he's 7 or 8 and would love spending a fortnight at Grandma's house. He's only little for a very short time.

thinkingaboutthinking19 · 08/05/2019 11:40

Personally I wouldn't have left my DD. She is nearly 18months now and I still couldn't leave her now but then she is very much a mummy's girl and I would hate to think of her looking for and missing me. Honestly I'm not sure when I will be ready to leave her for any length of time without my DH being around to look after her. If have I to stay away with work my DH is always home to look after her and I'm around if he has to go away for work.

I agree with others that you're compromise of 1 week would be better than 2weeks away - though it wouldn't work for me personally. You will need to check that the airline etc are happy that your DS is allowed to fly with grandparents (some countries won't let children in unless they are with their parents or have written consent...).

Bringbackthestripes · 08/05/2019 11:42

I couldn’t leave mine for even a week at that age, I would be beside myself missing my DC.

NabooThatsWho · 08/05/2019 11:42

One week yes, two weeks no, in my opinion. It’s just too long for a toddler who won’t understand what is going on.

pumpkinpie01 · 08/05/2019 11:47

I think its too long, you will literally be aching to see him after the first week, I think your compromise is a brilliant idea.DH needs to realise everything changes after becoming a parent he wouldn't enjoy the 2nd week because you wouldn't be enjoying it.

PaddyF0dder · 08/05/2019 11:49

2 weeks away from such a young child feels far too long.

As far as they’re concerned you may never come back.

I appreciate how desperate your husband is to get some time away. But tough shit, you know? It wouldn’t be right for the little one.

ReturnofSaturn · 08/05/2019 11:51

My son is just shy of 16 months. There's no way I could leave him for 2 weeks. I think 2 days would be the maximum for me I think.

EssentialHummus · 08/05/2019 11:53

How old is he now? And how often does he see your parents, does he sleep over or similar?

I'll be honest, DH occasionally takes 20 month old DD away for a few days and I love it. But a huge part of that is that I know DD is having a blast with dad and granny.

ZenNudist · 08/05/2019 12:08

I couldn't do it. Also not good for ds to be away from both parents for so long. Really traumatic. Id be worried id come back to a clingy anxious child. He wont be old enough to be able to see you on FaceTime and understand why you arent there to cuddle him.

How will ds get to you for a second week? Sounds unworkable.

troppibambini · 08/05/2019 12:08

A week is fine. I would struggle with two. You are entitled to a break and as long his with someone he loves and trusts will be fine.
I think your compromise sounds good.

troppibambini · 08/05/2019 12:09

Oh and we do this every year for a week and have four children they have all been absolutely fine when we've come back just happy with the presents we've bought them.

Mummyshark2018 · 08/05/2019 14:22

My dc is older and I regularly go away for weekends with friends and dh and leave her but a week would be really pushing it so personally I wouldn't leave an 18 month old for 2 weeks. I get that your parents have said they're happy but 2 weeks with a baby is very tough!

bourbonbiccy · 08/05/2019 17:13

Personally I wouldn't want to leave my DS for a full weekend never mind 2 weeks.

I do however understand everyone is different, but I do think at that age it would seem like such a long time and probably quite distressing no matter how close the bond with the people they were left with.

I think if you are happy, leave him for the week as you say and then go somewhere with all 3 together. I think It's the best compromise in your situation.

Chippychipsforme · 08/05/2019 18:22

I know a few couples who do it but personally it's not for me. For me, by having a baby we agreed to change our lifestyle. However, we've been together for a hundred years and had multiple "trips of a lifetime" so don't really feel that we're missing out at this stage. It's much more fun being with our little guy! If you want to go, I think your compromise sounds great.

Hollowvictory · 08/05/2019 18:27

Where is it? With some tweaks would it work with a baby?

Drum2018 · 08/05/2019 18:30

We went away for 2 weeks when ds was 19 months. He asked for us once and my mum said we were at work. He was perfectly fine with that, didn't ask again and had a great time with family. The holiday was not a place where we'd have brought him and it was an opportunity we wouldn't have had again. Once your Ds is used to being around your parents and you known they will be well able to look after him then I see no issue with going.

Yogagirl123 · 08/05/2019 18:32

I couldn’t leave my baby for that length of time, what seems doable before baby arrive, may not be so. The love and feeling of protection is overwhelming, and no one can look after that baby like you! An overnighter is max for me.

BrightOink · 08/05/2019 18:33

It's probably too long at that age imo- you will most likely miss / yearn for him which is a bit of a waste of time and money spent on your holiday. Your LO could be really disrupted by the big change in routine too - but, having said that, if you had to go away for work / medical emergency, you would find a way to make it work. If this holiday is majorly important for your marriage / mental health etc then maybe you need to prioritise it.

Bluerussian · 08/05/2019 18:35

Two weeks is too long. Have a long weekend instead.

Aragog · 08/05/2019 18:36

Its an individual choice, and you shouldn't be railroaded into it by your DH.

FWIW I couldn't have done a week, let alone two when dd was small. 1 or 2 nights was enough when dd was young. She's an older teen now and the longest she's been away is just over a week. We've never had a holiday without her - our (and her) choice, just the odd weekends. Maybe when she gets to university in a year or sos time we can - will most far less for us then! She'll still complain we went without her though, lol!

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